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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 11:59:59 AM

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Well, I guess you might want to clarify your married statement, if your wife is OK with you exploring this without her, you might have a lot more luck, a lot of dommes here don't want to be involved in something the wife would see as betrayal. Also maybe qualify what you could give her, instead of "anything she wants" - that phrase is a bit tired and most of the people who use it mean "anything that gives me pleasure"

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 2:46:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: awomansman

and i understand it is not about me but ALL about Her. Can anyone give me any help?

I'm sorry but I don't share your understanding. Any dynamic is about unity and teamwork, about working together to fulfill each other's needs, wants and desires on either side of the kneel.

It's about give and take, having something to offer, of being there and sharing the experience, of compromising, and of empowering her when she feels she needs to fly or go somewhere else.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 2:52:01 PM

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It's all about ME?

I've been doing it wrong, as usual...

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 3:58:35 PM

MoGa

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I met my Pup (pupofMoGa) here. In fact not long after joining, I met him. We had close to three years together. I met my Koko (youngsubgeoff) here too, we had 8 months together. It is possible to meet someone here and have more than just a lunch with them. Of course I have had many lunches too. But those are the two that I have met on cm and had a relationship with. Would I do it again? Yes. I learned alot from knowing both of them.

I have also met a whole slew of friends from here. I can't possibly name them all, but most of them I met at the Wedding Of The Century <s>. I met Francine when I went for my Orientation/Mobility training. Leader Dogs is right near where she lives in Michigan. We spent my 51st birthday together. I imagine Fran will find someone TO corrupt at my weekend bash in June, while she is here <s>

I FINALLY got to meet and spend quality time with Sage (Deb) in March, along with the long-overdue time spent with PoenKitten and BlkPhoenix.

MoGa

Editted to fix the TO..unless of course she could find someone corrupt here..not hard to do I suppose lol

< Message edited by MoGa -- 5/13/2009 4:04:39 PM >

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 4:11:42 PM

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Stella,

In the 'Slave Psyche' thread you said, "In my book if you are motivated to do anything by the anticipation of a reward you are a mercenary, nothing else". Here, you talk about dominant and submissive fulfilling each others' needs, wants and desires. That second statement would imply that a sub does, or should, get a reward (albeit in a widely-defined sense of that word).

I'm not out eagerly to jump on you or anyone else - but I do think that these sorts of arguments can become overly black and white. Neither am I directing the following criticism at you personally (far from it): but I'd say the search shouldn't be about categorising people one way or another so much as about how to drag fantasy into reality, if at all possible. I think that the OP hasn't grasped how much his fantasy (like most fantasies) is actually more self-centred than he's aware.

Without wanting to be patronising: he may be able to learn.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 4:15:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

It's all about ME?

I've been doing it wrong, as usual...

Like I keep saying, Lady Hib: if only you'd just follow my orders about how to be dominant, everything would be fine. It does so tire me when you refuse to comply.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 4:18:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Stella,

In the 'Slave Psyche' thread you said, "In my book if you are motivated to do anything by the anticipation of a reward you are a mercenary, nothing else". Here, you talk about dominant and submissive fulfilling each others' needs, wants and desires. That second statement would imply that a sub does, or should, get a reward (albeit in a widely-defined sense of that word).

I'm not out eagerly to jump on you or anyone else - but I do think that these sorts of arguments can become overly black and white. Neither am I directing the following criticism at you personally (far from it): but I'd say the search shouldn't be about categorising people one way or another so much as about how to drag fantasy into reality, if at all possible. I think that the OP hasn't grasped how much his fantasy (like most fantasies) is actually more self-centred than he's aware.

Without wanting to be patronising: he may be able to learn.

Okay, point taken. I think the differences lie in whether you have expectations or not and what those expectations are.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 5:16:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Okay, point taken. I think the differences lie in whether you have expectations or not and what those expectations are.

For me, it isn't so much this - I don't mind the quid pro quo aspects - it's just that with most of the men I've met or corresponded with lately, the discussions centre on what I can do for them, but I get no sense at all of getting anything in return. As I've often said, I'm happy to stay home alone with the cat, a good book, and a drink. If someone isn't going to enhance my life in some way, why should I allow him to be a part of it? A lot of subs talk about the services they'll provide, but when it comes right down to it, they provide sod bloody all.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 5:19:14 PM

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i have met about 40 people from CM in real life. Of the 40, i have dated only 3 and most importantly, i met The TDHO

here.

Some of those i've met here, i now count as family. i can't imagine what life would be without them. There are still many i look forward to meeting. (RedMagic, we're like sis And Bro....how could You meet the fabulous LaT sans moi????)

It's been such a blessing finding the great friends i've found here...and finding HIM was just about the biggest surprise of all.

~tulip, definately female, and thanks to this site, my heart is so

it's not even funny!

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 5:19:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
It's all about ME?

Of course. You're the secret ingredient!

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 6:02:24 PM

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editing

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 5/13/2009 6:03:48 PM >

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 6:27:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Okay, point taken. I think the differences lie in whether you have expectations or not and what those expectations are.

For me, it isn't so much this - I don't mind the quid pro quo aspects - it's just that with most of the men I've met or corresponded with lately, the discussions centre on what I can do for them, but I get no sense at all of getting anything in return. As I've often said, I'm happy to stay home alone with the cat, a good book, and a drink. If someone isn't going to enhance my life in some way, why should I allow him to be a part of it? A lot of subs talk about the services they'll provide, but when it comes right down to it, they provide sod bloody all.

Doesn't the following work - at least as a way of sorting the men from the boys? :

Listen patiently to all his fantasies about foot-worship, ear-lobe adoration, being sawn into quarters by you with chainsaw, being kicked up the arse repeatedly by a woman wearing jackboots . . . whatever . . . then sweep them all away. Just reply, "That's very interesting, but I don't care. I'm the dominant, you're the sub, this is my life-long fantasy. Will you do it for me?" Then, if he says 'yes - because, though it's nothing I've fantasised about before, it's about pleasing you'

. . . Isn't that a quick way of finding out if you've got roughly the right sort of man?

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 7:16:45 PM

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PforH, I have to say that trying to make a silk sub out of a sow's male is not something most dominant women will bother with. Plus, my experience tells me once a boor, always a boor. I don't expect someone to come fully trained, but I do expect to see some promising raw material with which to work. The worst part is these guys really do spoil it for the decent ones, because a lot of women go for months at a time without a date, just because the work of trying to weed the wankers from the wonderful is so wearing. I've just run out of alliteration.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 7:31:20 PM

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PforH, I have to say that trying to make a silk sub out of a sow's male is not something most dominant women will bother with.

I wasn't thinking about turning lead into gold - I was thinking about the possibility of quick and decisive tests. Some way of working out whether he'd do something that you really want to do, but which he didn't want to do . . .

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 7:35:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

PforH, I have to say that trying to make a silk sub out of a sow's male is not something most dominant women will bother with.

I wasn't thinking about turning lead into gold - I was thinking about the possibility of quick and decisive tests. Some way of working out whether he'd do something that you really want to do, but which he didn't want to do . . .

Oh, I've already tried that. That's at least one reason why I'm not on speaking terms with someone I once thought very promising.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 7:48:42 PM

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That's a shame. It must have been a real disappointment to you if what you wanted him to do had been a fantasy for you for a long time.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 7:57:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

That's a shame. It must have been a real disappointment to you if what you wanted him to do had been a fantasy for you for a long time.

No, I'm not at all disappointed. In fact, I'm glad that it kept me from spending more time on something that would, ultimately, have proved unworkable. Always better to find out these things sooner rather than later. In any case, I deal in reality, not fantasy, which probably explains why I'm having so much trouble finding someone compatible.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/13/2009 8:14:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

That's a shame. It must have been a real disappointment to you if what you wanted him to do had been a fantasy for you for a long time.

No, I'm not at all disappointed. In fact, I'm glad that it kept me from spending more time on something that would, ultimately, have proved unworkable. Always better to find out these things sooner rather than later. In any case, I deal in reality, not fantasy, which probably explains why I'm having so much trouble finding someone compatible.

I continue to be full of fail...

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/14/2009 12:38:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Doesn't the following work - at least as a way of sorting the men from the boys? :
...Just reply, "That's very interesting, but I don't care. I'm the dominant, you're the sub, this is my life-long fantasy. Will you do it for me?" Then, if he says 'yes - because, though it's nothing I've fantasised about before, it's about pleasing you'

. . . Isn't that a quick way of finding out if you've got roughly the right sort of man?

Not at all! I don't have one consuming fantasy that if the right man comes along, he can fill. I want to get to know someone, have them fit into my life, get to know each other's friends, enjoy talking with them, have a compatible sense of humour, have a lot of sexual chemistry (D/s chemistry as well would be great, but not necessary), have reasonably compatible playstyles, and generally have fun together! Even if he was able to meet all of my fantasies (and some fantasies I don't even *want* to actually carry out), he's worthless to me if that's the only area we match in.

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RE: Meeting people from CM - 5/14/2009 2:01:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

That's a shame. It must have been a real disappointment to you if what you wanted him to do had been a fantasy for you for a long time.

No, I'm not at all disappointed. In fact, I'm glad that it kept me from spending more time on something that would, ultimately, have proved unworkable. Always better to find out these things sooner rather than later. In any case, I deal in reality, not fantasy, which probably explains why I'm having so much trouble finding someone compatible.

Yes, I see that. The main thing that one would need to know about the 'potential', I suppose, is that he or she can live in one's real-life world, assuming that the aim is a partnership with that particular person.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 5/14/2009 2:35:02 AM >

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