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Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 7:36:33 AM

bindedbythelight

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This may seem an odd question..but would You allow a submissive back after she has walked away? Knowing the reasons she needed to? The reason i ask is that i did feel i needed to walk away from One and have not been in contact for a few months. i am not sure if i should initiate contact, or leave things as they are.

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 7:41:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

This may seem an odd question..but would You allow a submissive back after she has walked away? Knowing the reasons she needed to? The reason i ask is that i did feel i needed to walk away from One and have not been in contact for a few months. i am not sure if i should initiate contact, or leave things as they are.

Sorry. Can't help you with this one. Only you can decide what is right or wrong.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 7:58:56 AM

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Personally I would take into consideration the reasons for leaving. Family problems? Illness? Job they couldn't pass up to better their life? School?

I wouldn't take someone back if they left because of alcohol or drug abuse, mental illness, or if we fought more than what is normal (constant bickering and they left before I could give them a boot up the ass).

Edited to add that this isn't my regular screen name, but it will be kept private

< Message edited by itsmybirthday -- 5/8/2009 7:59:39 AM >

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:10:01 AM

bindedbythelight

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If it were as simple as those situtations seem to be in comparision, no, it wasn't any of those reasons. i felt as though my concerns and needs, when brought up, we being dismissed in the end, it left me feeling as if i didn't matter, it was not a temper tantrum that caused me to walk away, it was out of necessity that i did. It had begun to feel as though i was hounding for answers, because i did ask more than once with no response to them. It is a bit more complicated than this, but this was the major issue.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:16:32 AM

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Honestly, it would depend not on why you left, but how you left. You walked away, did you talk about it with your D first? Was it discussed or was it an out of the blue "I am leaving"? Did you even do that much? While I know there are some reasons that can come up that justify leaving, how you handle the exit is as important as your reason for going.

And you have not bothered with contact since you left? That right there would tell me no, you are no longer welcome with me. If you can walk away from a relationship of however long it was and sever ties completely then I have no use for you. You never called to see how he/she was doing? Let them know you were still alive? This would be my dealbreaker, mainly because even if I took you back Id never trust how important you say things were if you could be without contact at all for however long and then come back and say you needed me. I have no assurance this wont happen again every time theres a problem.

DV

< Message edited by VampiresLair -- 5/8/2009 8:18:35 AM >

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:17:30 AM

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I'm going to respond to this as though it were a slave who either begged release or just left. After all slaves are a subset of submissives). Depending on the reasons for leaving and not discussing it with me, and depending on how she approached me, I may take a chance and give her another try on the conditions that any further issues which may make her need time out temporarily or even permanently, she talk to me first. This would also apply in a modifies sense if she had begged release. However if I was not satisfied, I probably not even discuss taking her back.

On the other side ass to the OP making contact or leaving things be would I imagine, depend on her feelings towards the Dominant . In all cases, this will vary from person to person and I for one am nowhere wise enough to place her head or the head of her ex "One" on my shoulders, see their thoughts and emotions or walk a country mile in their moccasins. Mayhap I am just wise enough to understand this and not try.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:19:12 AM

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Really.. what makes you think things might have changed and that your concerns/needs/wants will all of the sudden be taken care of if that is the case..??

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:21:12 AM

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Do you want to go back? If you do then contact him, if not then move on.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:22:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

If it were as simple as those situtations seem to be in comparision, no, it wasn't any of those reasons. i felt as though my concerns and needs, when brought up, we being dismissed in the end, it left me feeling as if i didn't matter, it was not a temper tantrum that caused me to walk away, it was out of necessity that i did. It had begun to feel as though i was hounding for answers, because i did ask more than once with no response to them. It is a bit more complicated than this, but this was the major issue.

Do you think if you go back things will be different? Has either one of you changed in any major ways? Do you feel your concerns and needs will be met this time and how important is that to you?

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:28:11 AM

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History has a way of repeating itself. You felt the need to leave once. It'll happen again if you go back.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 9:19:45 AM

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I dont do reruns nuff said

I didnt like this movie the first time ...lets watch it again ...
The def of "insanity" doing the same thing over again and expecting different results

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< Message edited by SailingBum -- 5/8/2009 9:23:10 AM >

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 9:32:31 AM

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It all depends. I once had a lovely sub who had to move back home (far away) to care for a dying parent. Would I take her back? Sure I would as the circumstances were very understandable.

However, in this thread it seems that there is a fundamental compatibility problem. That is not going to fix itself, so based on what has been posted above I would say move along.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 9:56:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

i felt as though my concerns and needs, when brought up, we being dismissed in the end, it left me feeling as if i didn't matter, it was not a temper tantrum that caused me to walk away, it was out of necessity that i did. It had begun to feel as though i was hounding for answers, because i did ask more than once with no response to them. It is a bit more complicated than this, but this was the major issue.

And what's going to be different the next time around? Do you think he will not dismiss your concerns and needs again like he did in the past? Do you feel that something has changed that will now cause him to respond to your questions in the future, rather than ignore them?

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 10:18:00 AM

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I have accepted a couple of girls back who chose to walk away and realised they made an error... However I have never taken back one I have dismissed and that is one of the errors, if repeated that would lead Me to do so.

Each situation is different, each Master is different but if you don't know the answer then ask Him, He can say either yes or no and you won't know which till you ask.

However do you WANT to ask? Really? what has changed? If nothing then are you not going back into the same situation. If you think He will change because you walked away you are being foolish.... and would you respect Him as a Master if YOU could control the situation like that anyhow?

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 5/8/2009 10:21:04 AM >

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 10:25:05 AM

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Going on the information you have furnished, i would advise not going back.But thats just my.....

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 11:04:21 AM

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The person who walks out should be the first one to try and walk back in

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 11:17:09 AM

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As far as getting back with exes goes, I have said "no" in the past, but I could imagine situations in which I might say "yes".

As far as the whole "unanswered questions" thing goes; sometimes it's hard to provide adequate rationale beyond "That's simply what I would prefer" and other such statements that indicate personal choice, but don't have a lot of solid reasoning built up behind them like sticks in a beaver damn.

Also; I am familiar with the phenomenon of somebody suddenly "getting it" - putting it together in their mind in such a way that what they didn't understand before suddenly becomes no longer threatening (or whatever the problem might have been.)

So - it is a case by case decision and the devil is in the details about whether to revisit a past relationship or not.

quote:

...i am not sure if i should initiate contact, or leave things as they are.

Why the hell wouldn't you go for it? You've nothing to lose, for one thing, and everything to gain ~ if, as other's have mentioned, you feel there would somehow be an improvement this time around.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 11:26:50 AM

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It would really depend on what happened to cause the split in the first place, and if you think it'll happen again, in which case would it be worth taking her/him back.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 11:39:57 AM

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The short answer to this question is: "an ex is an ex for a reason."

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 11:55:48 AM

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if you feel the need to go back then try it. The worst that could happen is that you still arent compatible. Just make sure you dont stick around once you find out you arent compatible.
As far as your opinion counting or being heard when you voice something, I dont recommend staying in a situation where you feel you arent valued or your thoughts arent valued.
I do believe that people change and you never know unless you try. Just know that the chances of them not accepting you back are just as great as the chances of them accepting you.

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