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Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 1:40:10 PM

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In the vanilla world there is a lot of discrimination against larger size people, especially women. As someone who has been what would be considered height/weight proportionate by most and also gained weight for various reasons, I know personally what it is like to be treated differently because of my body size (and made to feel like a second class human being because of it).

I have got to really admire the many lovely, larger sized ladies (BBW's if you like) who post their photographs publicly on this site and while I am sure there are some who still give them a hard time, I wonder if BDSM folk in general, especially male Dominants, are more accepting of BBW's than the population at large?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences? Thanks!

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 1:42:29 PM

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Nope. Stick around and watch the forums. Kinky people are just as .....insert human quality here......as the rest of the human population.

We are not special.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 1:44:52 PM

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Short and simple answer: no.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 1:45:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmelineRose
I have got to really admire the many lovely, larger sized ladies (BBW's if you like) who post their photographs publicly on this site and while I am sure there are some who still give them a hard time, I wonder if BDSM folk in general, especially male Dominants, are more accepting of BBW's than the population at large?

"BDSM folk in general" aren't any "more accepting of" anything than anyone else. In fact, I find there's even less tolerance in some cases than would be found in the "vanilla" world. There's ignorance, intolerance, prejudice and all other sorts of ills within the "BDSM folks" just as in the rest of the world sadly................luci

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 1:46:08 PM

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I agree nope. A So called Domme on here went out of her wayt o insult me and my daddy a few weeks ago with how fat and disgusting we were.

I have been shot down a few times by kinky doms for my weight, and that's fine. I am free to shoot down a potential for any reason I like, so why shouldn't they be allowed to shoot me down for what ever reason they like.

I seriously don't know where people get the idea that kinky means better behaved or kinder or what ever than vanilla counter parts.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 5/14/2009 1:55:24 PM >

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 1:57:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Nope. Stick around and watch the forums. Kinky people are just as .....insert human quality here......as the rest of the human population.

We are not special.

Absolutely agree-P/people into BDSM are just people so are as likely to be influenced positively and negatively as everyne else.

< Message edited by HalloweenWhite -- 5/14/2009 1:58:40 PM >

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 2:07:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Nope. Stick around and watch the forums. Kinky people are just as .....insert human quality here......as the rest of the human population.

We are not special.

I'm so glad this is the first post in the thread so i can just agree with it rather than crafting my own, less eloquent, more sarcastic one.

It's amazing to me how many of these posts there are on these forums. Are kinky folk smarter? more emotionally intelligent? size accepting? more likely to be voted most likely to suceed? fast in the 40m? more blah blah blah? Anything to make one feel better I guess.

Regarding the initial topic, why should a group be more accepting to size? obesity is by far the most dangerous thing in this country right now and shouldn't be applauded or accepted.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 2:16:51 PM

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i think the difference may be in how many kinky BBW's view themselves, and not necessarily how they are received by others. In my experience, it's all about confidence and self-love. People rarely treat me like a "second-class" anything.

Just as one can accept their Dominant or submissive nature, one can accept one's size, looks etc, and truly appreciate their individuality, others will usually respect and appreciate that person as they are. If you think you are hot...someone else will too. i speak from experience.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 2:18:37 PM

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I agree with tulip. I get many insults from people about my size but i still look fucking amazing ^_^ no matter what they say i know who and what i am, which is one great girl with one hell of an awesome behind.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 2:22:10 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

"BDSM folk in general" aren't any "more accepting of" anything than anyone else. In fact, I find there's even less tolerance in some cases than would be found in the "vanilla" world. There's ignorance, intolerance, prejudice and all other sorts of ills within the "BDSM folks" just as in the rest of the world sadly................luci

I'd have to agree with slaveluci on this one. There does in fact seem to be less tolerance here for being overweight. From what I have seen as a woman s type looking for a male Dom, the profiles I looked over are fairly open about not wanting a BBW -which is their perogative of course. Better to find out from the start what someone is looking for.

Most of my life I was proportionate but gained a lot of weight with the breakup of my marriage and have now lost most of it again. But subsequently when I was on vanilla sites as a BBW it was difficult to find men who were interested. The only success I had back then was trying sites specifically for BBW's. Of course you don't get the D/s element right up front on those sites but you are accepted right off the bat for being the size you are. One thing I have to say here though, many of the men I met on the BBW dating sites were into being submissive. MANY of them. It used to make me laugh. Somehow size must mean dominance to these men. It didn't fit me however and I responded to those emails with a note saying I was not interested.
As a side note...I did however find a great man once on a BBW site who was a body builder - he was just more comfortable with bigger women. The acceptance he gave me and just having him be able to literally throw me around on the bed (as a big girl) was awesome lol....
Later on I discovered that it bothered me that I couldn't really talk to the guy much but it was fun while it lasted and it gave me a great boost to the self esteem

< Message edited by lizi -- 5/14/2009 2:25:41 PM >

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 2:25:17 PM

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I'd have to say it's no better than anywhere else.

My local munch is very size-accepting, but just yesterday within an hour I had two drive-by attempts to fat-shame me, because I'm honest about my proportions on my profile. (shrugs) I have a curvaceous build, anyway, and even if I dropped eighty or so pounds and went into normal sizes, I'd still have fitting issues with standard pattern cuts. I have too much bust, too much hip and ass, and too long of a leg. And that's a genetic thing.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 2:51:36 PM

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I think that SlaveBlutarsky makes the extremely important point about health. I've been both underweight and overweight (Luckily, and knock-on-wood, neither extremely so) in my life and it's just not good for a person to diverge beyond a certain point. Luckily and, again, knock-on-wood, I am within the 'acceptable' range for weight at my height.
Lest there begin arguments about big bonedness, genetics predisposing us in a direction or another, etc., I'm going to say: come on, excuses aside, we all know.
While I won't venerate people choosing to be any size in particular (And, just because someone's big doesn't make them a bb whatever), I generally don't make comment on people (Unless I'm taking a cheap shot at someone who's affronted me personally, though I can usually snipe more creatively than about weight but it's always a good low blow if the person's got an issue) but I also know what I find acceptable in terms of partnership material. A partner need not be perfect and, truly, I'd prefer a few extra pounds than a few too few but there's attractive and there's not and I know what it is for me.
And no, I don't think bdsm-ers are more tolerant of extremities of weight than any other group.
Davan

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 2:55:52 PM

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In a nutshell no.

People come in all shapes and sizes, shades, colours, gender permutations and sexual orientations and it doesn't matter where you are in society or in the community there is no brotherhood of man.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 3:01:23 PM

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No...there's no more acceptance of anyone's differences in the BDSM community than anywhere else. When I first came onto these boards I was surprised at how much of the "my kink is better than your kink" banter I saw here.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 3:16:19 PM

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That does not give any body the right to try to shame others for their bodies, or their weight. And if it does, then by the same mind set, we fat ones have equal right to try to attempt to shame others for being unhealthy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

Regarding the initial topic, why should a group be more accepting to size? obesity is by far the most dangerous thing in this country right now and shouldn't be applauded or accepted.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 3:29:55 PM

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Thanks for the answers so far.

In terms of judging the obese, I kind of sigh at what I call the "matrix" group who have been brainwashed by the diet and fashion industries in particular to think of obesity in simplistic terms. To quote one of the world's foremost obesity researchers "obesity is a complex and difficult disease". I suggest anyone truly interested in learning more about it do some IN DEPTH scientific research.

One other thought I have to offer at this time - it is amazing to me how many men will tell me (and also other fuller figured women I know) that they actually PREFER larger ladies to their slimmer counterparts, but they daren't be seen with one/date one/whatever because of the societal pressure to partner/date only slim women. I must admit my first thoughts on this one are, well I wouldn't want to date a man with so little testicular fortitude anyway. I mean, fair enough if a man prefers slim women and that is their personal preference, but the aforementioned seems to me just a little cowardly.

I have also spoken to quite a few male Dominants who have told me they absolutely prefer larger-figured submissive women to slim vanilla women, so I think some male Dominants MAY indeed have a different attitude when it comes to body shape and size.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 3:33:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

Regarding the initial topic, why should a group be more accepting to size? obesity is by far the most dangerous thing in this country right now and shouldn't be applauded or accepted.

Quite a few people do have medical issues and they feel bad enough about themselves, even if you don't find it attractive, still no point to be insulting about somebody's body type. A lot of anti-depressants make people gain weight, they don't really need somebody to make them feel bad about themselves, thyroid issues, hormonal issues in general can cause problems. From looking at a person you can't tell if they're eating too much or if there might be a medical issue.

For a brief period of my life I gained weight due to a medical issue, I was still "size hight proportional" but I went from very slim to slightly chubby, I never felt so rotten in my whole life and comments like "Hey what happened? Ate all the pies" which were meant humorous from friends just had me in tears. I was literally afraid to leave the house and thought everybody would stare at me because I ballooned. Luckily it was sorted out within a few months but those months were hell, a few years later I suffered from anemia, guess what? A few comments (mostly from females) about me being a bag of bones, but most just wanted to know what diet I'm on, how nice and thin, I was almost too weak to climb stairs and size 0 is not normal for my body type, being underweight is just as dangerous as being overweight, but we are so programmed to associate thin with sexy, it's absurd!

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 3:34:25 PM

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Forget nukes, global warming, apathy as our civil rights are taken way, the dumbing down of our youth, or the Global economic crisis....it's the obesity that will do us in!!!!!

Lol...i do admire a big strapping man in a tux. (with a flair for the dramatic) i get what you're trying to say, but it's a bit much....no?

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 4:02:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmelineRose

I have also spoken to quite a few male Dominants who have told me they absolutely prefer larger-figured submissive women to slim vanilla women, so I think some male Dominants MAY indeed have a different attitude when it comes to body shape and size.

Without wishing to denigrate your companions personally, there's a level of manipulation most men are capable of exerting, to say the very things that a woman wishes to hear, in order to gain her confidence and trust. Few men have the balls to say to someone they love that "yes, that dress does make you look fat; in fact, it's not the dress, it's you." (and no, it's not satisfying at all; I only said it to my charlotte when it started affecting her modeling career, and I had to wrap it a hundred times in how beautiful I know she is and always will be.)

This topic comes up pretty often, it elicits the same generic responses. I don't personally make an issue of weight, but I'm still rarely attracted to women who weigh more than I do, unless she's as tall as I am, just as there are no lack of overweight women who wouldn't find me tall enough/dark enough/young enough/old enough/black enough/rich enough to date.

Stephan

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/14/2009 4:03:21 PM

HollywoodExecDom

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I'm going to disagree and say "Slightly Yes." (And I am not going to be PC in this explanation)

It seems as though there are a disproportionate number of Obese Women in the public BDSM scene. I think that Dominant men are generally more willing to lower their standards for a submissive women who weighs more than they otherwise would pursue because:

1) Supply versus Demand
2) The "turn on" factor from BDSM exceeds the disgust factor from mild to moderate obesity.
3) I have observed tendencies by some BDSM men to fetishize weight in the context of BDSM, where they otherwise wouldn't find it attractive.

The other factor at work specifically with the high number of BDSM obese women is:

4) Women with "model builds" but who have the degredation or humiliation fetishes, tend to find fulfilment through either group sex scenarios or higly promiscuous "cruising" behavior (aka modeling the role of a "slut") - hence they don't need to explore the avenue of BDSM - although it would probably be safer for them to do so than random sex. Frankly, this avenue is less open to obese women and if attempted, is generally met with disappointment and derision before fulfillment of the obese women's fetishistic sexual desires.

On the flip side, I do find that the Dominant personalities of Male Doms means that if the do dislike obese women, they are generally more vocal about it. Additionally, in some cases, I find that other's obesity actually insults Doms with highly particular natures (The type who are extremely OCD / minutiae driven with their play.)

As for the merits of "accepting" obesity...

I have empathy for women and the negative misinformation about body that are put out there.

I do NOT have empathy, however, for those who are CONTENT with being even moderately overweight or aren't in the process of doing anything about it.

Its one thing to accept obese persons, its one thing to say that obese individuals can't exudes beauty, but its wrong to accept obesity itself as beautiful. Its a deadly disease. Much the way we regard tumors, the growth of physically limiting and life shortening fat cells should never be accepted as a positive.

No one should be content with being obese, as anything beyond the most moderate obesity is by and large the product of correctable and curable lifestyle decisions - which sadly often occur because of horrible misinformation about nutrition and exercise in America.

If you're obese, and you're going to complain about ANY of these judgements, ask yourself this (or better yet include in your response):

1) How much soda do you drink a week? What are your total liquid calories in an average day (including beer)?

2) How often do you visit "fast food"?

3) How often do you "treat yourself" to dessert or sweets of any sort?

4) How many hours a week do you spend doing exercise, particularly cardio intensive excersize - including just walking?

I won't even include questions of "calorie" counting of food and / or portion control, as these factors above all tend to indicate who's obese. (versus say 10 - 20 lbs over ideal)

(in reply to Goddess2002)

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