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Proper address for a switch - 5/28/2009 3:36:36 PM

Puc

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Hello All!

Forgive me if this is a topic previously covered - but I haven't been able to find it. Im just wondering if there is a certain way other switches expect to be addressed. In situations where normal face-to-face interaction is not possible I find it very difficult to size up who i'm talking to (with other switches specifically) and was wondering if others have the same problem. Some switches would have a more Dominant leaning and others a more submissive leaning.

I suppose one of the things I'm getting at is the whole capitalisation thing of 'You, Me' [Dom] 'you, me' [sub]. How do you deal with this?

Personally, when talking about myself (or Myself?) I've been capitalising when referring to a Dominant opinion and using lowercase for my sub opinions. Where the above doesn't apply I've been sticking to basic English grammar. Does anyone else do this too?

If your not in a relationship (or like me in a polyamourous one) when you are meeting potential partners/playmates for the first time who are also switches, is there any expectation of address there?

---

Puc

RE: Proper address for a switch - 5/28/2009 4:57:00 PM

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There is no expectations of anything with people you don't already know/have an established relationship (or whatever) with.

It's my personal opinion (although I believe I'm not alone in this, heh), that the whole capitalization thing people do online is mostly silly.... Just stick with proper English, proper grammar/punctuation/capitalization, and it'll be fine.... if you talk to someone who wants it otherwise, like capitals for Doms lowercase for Subs, or *shudders* slashy speak, then go for it, but if someone doesn't request it, I'd say don't do it.

As far as how switches expect to be addressed... well same thing, pretty much the same as anyone else you meet for the first time, heh... Titles are for after you've negotiated/gotten into a relationship/whatever.

Fnord.

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 5/28/2009 5:08:01 PM

Puc

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I suppose your right, I'm quite new to the online side of BDSM and have just been seeing what others have been doing and going along. The capitalisation does pain me sometimes, as a writer myself I keep having to conciously make an effort not to type properly :-P Some people do seem a bit snooty about the capitalisation thing though.

< Message edited by Puc -- 5/28/2009 5:09:29 PM >

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 5/28/2009 5:31:57 PM

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i am sooooo glad you asked that question.....i was clueless. Since i'm all sub, i just was capitalizing for Everyone that was either switch or Dom. i hate having to ignore the proper English grammar rules of capitalization because some People are so snooty about D/s capitalization, but i do so to avoid ruffling feathers. lol

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 5/28/2009 6:20:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Puc

I suppose your right, I'm quite new to the online side of BDSM and have just been seeing what others have been doing and going along.

I would totally suggest specifically going against what you see most do (as a general life rule). Remember, people are morons. :P

quote:

ORIGINAL: Puc
Some people do seem a bit snooty about the capitalisation thing though.

Don't stop the natural filters for weeding out people! If they're going to get ran off for being snooty about something that is ridiculous, you really don't want to stop them from running. :P

Now, as a personal response...I could care little what switches call me, and think almost all reasonable people would have that same opinion.

(in reply to Puc)

RE: Proper address for a switch - 5/28/2009 7:28:59 PM

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I don't expect any particular address except my name/screename. Capitalization doesn't bother me either way. I don't expect honorifics. I don't expect pet names. I expect a person with whom I establish a relationship with to address me appropriately for our dynamic. If I am dominant to the person, then I expect agreed upon protocol. If I am submissive to the person, I will follow our protocol and have agreed to the address afforded me by the dominant. If it is switch on both sides, in most instances it will be a friend level address (ie my name/screename and nothing more). Once it enters play, agreed upon addresses will be used based on position. Generally, I just want to be a person, not a title. I earn the honor of a title regardless of the dynamic as I believe others earn such from me as well. Then again, I'm just as hard ass! LOL

lovingpet

(in reply to GeekFreak)

RE: Proper address for a switch - 5/28/2009 9:21:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

i am sooooo glad you asked that question.....i was clueless. Since i'm all sub, i just was capitalizing for Everyone that was either switch or Dom. i hate having to ignore the proper English grammar rules of capitalization because some People are so snooty about D/s capitalization, but i do so to avoid ruffling feathers. lol

You can't ever go wrong with proper grammar and punctuation. On a different site, I love the group called "People for the Ethical Treatment of Pronouns". Capitalize the I when speaking of yourself, also. I also don't capitalize the "d" in dominant unless it's the first word of the sentence. But, then again I'm not dominant, submissive or switch. (Sadomasochists can be brats.)

< Message edited by NYLass -- 5/28/2009 9:22:14 PM >

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/3/2009 3:56:46 AM

Puc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekFreak

I would totally suggest specifically going against what you see most do (as a general life rule). Remember, people are morons. :P

I usually do. I can be very stubborn about non-conformity :-D I canalso be a little wary of that online though.

Thanks for the advice guys. I feel a lot better about using proper grammar now :-P

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/11/2009 4:04:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Puc

I suppose one of the things I'm getting at is the whole capitalisation thing of 'You, Me' [Dom] 'you, me' [sub]. How do you deal with this?

Puc

i get round this be lower casing everyone... I dont do the whole Y/you thing... that dates back to many moons ago... and i find it quiet pretentious... especially when someone i do not know instructs me to address them in such a way..... yeah what eveeeer.... i do wonder if they actually do BDSM in real life or are just keyboard warriers and thats why its so important to them....

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/11/2009 5:58:21 PM

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Slashy speak is irritating in the extreme. Until you become involved with a dominant who demands it, don't use it.

Beyond that if the screen name is switch101, then write Dear switch101, or Dear Switch101. If they have a preference in address that they don't mention in the profile, they will tell you.

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/11/2009 10:38:53 PM

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I'm going to answer this with the online thing being swept aside. This is just from personal experience in protocol.

A switch, unless specifically in sub mode, should be granted all of the same courtesies and respects as any other D type. They should be afforded the same rights and privileges as any other Dominant. I have no right to chose their role for them at any time they attend an event or enter My home. Therefore, I will absolutely have them attended to as a Dominant, unless they prefer otherwise.

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/12/2009 12:47:24 AM

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~FR~

This probably shows my (very) bratty side...

but I refuse to talk to anyone as anything other than a person. Dominants are people (not gods), submissives are people (not things), slaves are people (not chattel), all until proven otherwise. EVERYONE will get their name capitalized by me (unless I'm in a rush or I miss the shift key), and I refuse to do the whole mid-sentence capitalization for pronouns... and the slashy talk makes my brain shut off.

I treat everyone with the same amount of respect and manners. If there is someone who is older than me, I will call them sir or ma'am. If there is someone my age, I will call them by Mr. or Miss/Ms./Mrs. until they tell me it's ok to call them by their first name (unless introduced just by their first name). I'm not overly familiar, but I'll be damned before I feel *forced* to be more formal than I'm comfortable with. If anyone doesn't like it they can just avoid me.

By the same token, I expect the same respect. Mr. from someone my age if they're introduced formally (though I'll likely waive that formality quickly), Sir from a kid (since not many others are younger than me :P), and a respectful demeanor from elders (either Mr. or my full first name, until that formality's been waived). Anything else and I dismiss the person as pointlessly rude or ignorant.

Online I expect to be addressed by my username (in this case 'Aravain'), especially with first-contact. I don't mind my nick being shortened by those who know me a little bit (especially if it's a term of endearment), but I detest when complete strangers do it (since my nick is NOT too long or confusing).

*shrug*

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/16/2009 5:32:50 PM

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Hmmmm. It's been a while since I last posted, years in fact. But here is how my fiance and I run. We both switch. Not very often, but it does happen. It is rarely during a scene, and our roles are pretty defined before play starts. If I am the dominant, I expect nothing less than sir from her. When she gets into her headspace, all that goes out the window because I know where she is in her headspace. If she is the dominant, it is usually ma'am or mistress. Again, she knows when I stop talking where I am at in my headspace.

To everyone else we go by our real names, no screen names, no titles. Except to be playful she calls me Master Baiter, and I will call her Mistress Nympho. A title is a word. Unless someone proves their worth to you, you have no real obligation to use their title. Even as a dominant, I will defer to people that have more experience when they have my respect.

I will introduce myself by my real name, then tell people to just call me Master Baiter. Why? Cuz I don't take myself that seriously. Life is too short, go have fun.

(in reply to aravain)

RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/25/2009 9:07:14 PM

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I suppose since I'm a writer at least partially in my heart, I tend to try and use proper grammar and English all the time. Or it could be a side affect of still being somewhat fresh from school.

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/28/2009 5:22:56 PM

penitentialarts

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I just prefer to be called by my name.

I'm not into titles like "Master so and so." Someone who is submissive to me can call me "Master," "Daddy," or whatever. If I were submissive to someone else, I would do the same. If I am not in a relationship with the other person, though, I don't want to be addressed with a title, nor will I address them with one.

- Jesse

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/28/2009 6:57:53 PM

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That makes perfect sense. My pet and I have come up with Miss Cat based on my nickname of Cat and the fact he feels the need to call me Miss

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 6/28/2009 7:19:08 PM

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What I have found that works with me and I have yet to have any hassles over is I usually refrain from doing the slashy type and I address most by their user names. I'm also one who prefers to use correct grammar when I write a post. I too identify as a switch and my own preference is for people to address me by my user name or simply Bear. I don't like when a person I don't know addresses me as "Sir" or "Master." My preference is the label of Sir is to be used by a person who is my submissive. When I meet a switch type person and i am unsure how to address them, I will ask what they prefer, saves me from feeling if I'm walking on eggshells around that person!

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 7/12/2009 8:25:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Puc

I suppose your right, I'm quite new to the online side of BDSM and have just been seeing what others have been doing and going along. The capitalisation does pain me sometimes, as a writer myself I keep having to conciously make an effort not to type properly :-P Some people do seem a bit snooty about the capitalisation thing though.

I know what you mean. The whole capitalization and slashes has driven me completely nuts over the years and now when I see someone who does it I simply ignore that person. Unless that person is new or doesn't know proper grammer, spelling and the like. For me when I go into a chat room or I'm writing an email I type normally. It's easier to read and one actually shows some level of intelligence. So I wouldn't let it bother you if you decide to use proper grammer, spelling and capitalization. Perhaps in time everyone will catch on to it. As for the proper address it would depend on the people involved. That is part of the reason I don't have either a slave or Mistress in front of my nick. The other part is that both are highly overused and just plain silly in my case. The title Lady for me suits me perfectly. Being a switch I can either be in submissive or dominant mode in other words complete slut or utter bitch but I'm always a Lady.

Bright Blessings,
Lady Ayla

< Message edited by LadyAyla7053 -- 7/12/2009 8:28:56 PM >

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 7/28/2009 5:34:41 PM

Aine

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There are compromises that we can make in any forum, and honestly, if someone is that anal about something that is relatively trivial when it comes to the effect it has on our actual day to day.....they probably aren't the best person to try to have an ongoing acquaintanceship with. I personally get around anal-retentiveness by not talking to those people actively in any way that would cause me to "offend" them by not tying something the way they want me to.

I personally came to the compromise to type screen names as I see them, be it capitalized or not. I do not do the You Me stuff for the most part, and I do not do the slash thing either. I slip from time to time, but I do not make a habit of it by any means whatsoever.

As for how I prefer to be addressed? By my name. I don't presume to use Mistress or anything of the like in my name, and I certainly never demand or expect anyone to call me Ma'am or anything. I tell people upon first meeting online that I don't require or demand titles, certain ones I do not want to be called whatsoever, and if someone wants to call me Ma'am after they've gotten to know me, I have no problem with it. But I prefer to encourage people to just call me by my name, and to let me prove my worth of being called anything else.

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RE: Proper address for a switch - 7/28/2009 5:46:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Puc
Some people do seem a bit snooty about the capitalisation thing though.

Fuck 'em. In fact, if anybody complains that you haven't capitalised their address, apologise and address them as "Sweetcheeks" from then on.

(And I've heard that switches should be communicated with entirely in a series of four line stanzas).

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