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Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 12:59:35 AM

PETschmetterling

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I hate to ask what may seem like a stupid question but I'm fairly new to the entire BDSM scene and I'm just unsure since I thought the terms could be used interchangably but does not seem to really be the case. What is the difference between a sub and slave?

RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 1:04:03 AM

BKSir

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Look through the forums here, there are about a gajillion and 70 threads with this same exact title I think, even more with the same question. ;)

Either way, welcome to CM. :) *HUG*

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 1:33:55 AM

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Click here to search for any topic.

Just type in the term or terms you'd like to search. You can also type in the screen name of a particular poster to see if they have contributed to the forums.

In the upper right hand corner or, if you scroll down, the lower right hand corner, there is a 'search' function which takes you to the same page I just linked so you always have access.

To answer you question in Cliffs notes version - ultimately, you will be the one who decides what those terms means.

You may find this article helpful as well.

Yet more advice for new seekers

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 4:18:02 AM

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~FR~

I am SOOO tempted to write-up a long-winded post detailing in great clarity some weird series of traits and behaviors -- but that may be because I'm half-drugged (sadly, not the fun kind - more like the 'oh god i'm miserable kind).

Instead though, I'll just point out that one has 3 letters and the other 5. Plus, there's the ultra-cool cachet that attaches to slave.

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 4:40:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Look through the forums here, there are about a gajillion and 70 threads with this same exact title I think, even more with the same question. ;)

Either way, welcome to CM. :) *HUG*

well, if nothing else at least i've learned how to spell, "gajillion"

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 4:42:34 AM

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Oy...does it even really matter?

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 6:38:24 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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I still say that the biggest difference between the two is what the people who are in the relationship choose to call something. Intrinsically, though, and this is strictly my opinion, "submissive" is a state of mind. It is an adjective that describes how someone relates to either one person or to people in general. "Sally is so submissive". It's often -used- as a noun, but really, it's an adjective, meant to describe a way of relating to a person or the world.

Slave, on the other hand, is a 'state of being' noun. It describes a specific -thing-... an individual who is kept/owned by another person or group of people. It doesn't specify what that slave does, or how xhe lives... all it specifies is that this is a person whose life is controlled by someone else. The person may or may not be submissive -- in slavery, it really doesn't matter, since if one does not submit voluntarily, one will be compelled to do so in accordance with the situation.

What we have in the Western World in BDSM is more of a "voluntary servitude" kind of thing, in my opinion. It requires both someone willing to hold authority (the dominant party) and someone willing to yield up authority (the submissive party). What they call one another really only depends on individual preference, since it isn't possible to actually, legally -own- a person in the Western world.

What is -vitally- important is that you ask the person or persons that you're thinking about spending time in a relationship with this question -- and find out whether hir ideas about what these words mean, and what role xhe has in mind for both of you, resonates with what you're looking for in your relationship, regardless of what -words- are tacked onto it.

Dame Calla

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 6:58:00 AM

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One is three letters, the other is five letters.

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 7:12:24 AM

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One tends to fart slightly louder due to having their bumhole stretched during play.

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 7:15:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

One tends to fart slightly louder due to having their bumhole stretched during play.

Seriously....i love you Man!....

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 7:43:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

One tends to fart slightly louder due to having their bumhole stretched during play.

Wouldn't it be the unstretched one that was louder? I'm not sure on the exact physics of farts, but that'd make more sense to me...

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 7:58:51 AM

cpK69

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Same idea as a balloon; open the thing and it just goes poooffff.
Kim

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 9:43:33 AM

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Consider the degree to which one surrenders things to their D-type as a range:

(least surrendered) <----------|----------|----------|----------|----------|----------> (most surrendered)

Despite confusion as to the meanings of the definitions (since people are free to ascribe whatever traits they'd like to the titles), one thing remains relatively constant: there will always be a vertical line across the above graph that each individual places wherever they see fit. From there, a "sub" is typically someone who falls towards the left side of that line, while "slave" is typically someone who falls on the right side of the line.

So, while most would consider that a "slave" is expected to surrender more than a "sub", exactly how much and in what ways is completely subjective...which means you'd still need to refer to your potential D-type for clarification or, if you are the D-type, you'd need to try and develop as comprehensive a self-understanding of how much you want surrendered

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 10:02:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PETschmetterling

I hate to ask what may seem like a stupid question but I'm fairly new to the entire BDSM scene and I'm just unsure since I thought the terms could be used interchangably but does not seem to really be the case. What is the difference between a sub and slave?

Well this is a question that has been asked repeatedly. Each time it receives both serious and sarcastic responses. The only thing i can add is that the difference lies in what those involved in the relationship decide. There honestly isn't any one description as it's an extremely individual thing. There are "experts" online who've written extensively about this topic, but even they can't decide for anyone else what the difference is. Look into your own heart, talk to your Dominant, if you have one or to any you're interested in. Just like anything, only you know how you feel and if you can define it.

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 10:40:19 PM

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Degree of power exchange. Slave more than sub.

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/15/2009 10:56:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PETschmetterling

I hate to ask what may seem like a stupid question but I'm fairly new to the entire BDSM scene and I'm just unsure since I thought the terms could be used interchangably but does not seem to really be the case. What is the difference between a sub and slave?

The Differencde between a sub and a slave is the difference between the reality of Santa Clause and Tooth Fairy. At some point in time there may have been an actual reference that bears noting however over time the Hallmark company has watered it down to M&M Commercials and Salvation Army Ploys.

Sub - Someone who defers power to someone else
Slave - Someone who defers power to someone else

Me Personally I define it using a cup of coffee. A sub wants to get me a cup of coffee and a slave wants to be the person I ask to get me a cup of coffee.

Subtle but it works for me.

Steel

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/16/2009 12:14:34 AM

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mindset + dynamic

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/16/2009 8:13:57 AM

ranja

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slave sounds much better in poetry and song lyrics

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/16/2009 8:42:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cagliostro

Degree of power exchange. Slave more than sub.

That's what i'm thinkin', at least that's how i see it. Slave is just more extreme than submissive. i'm submissive not slave.

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RE: Sub vs. Slave - 6/16/2009 9:23:50 AM

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Here are the two most common definitions...

I own slaves but everyone else just has submissives
My submission is complete and total, therefore I am a slave unlike those other bitches

The reality is that one person's "owned fuckmeat" might be another person's SAM, either because the dominant is better or because they are fooling themselves and sometimes it is even a bit of both. I think slaves and submissives are like quarks, the mere observing of them changes their nature.

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