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married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:14:02 PM

monaslave

Posts: 106
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How do you tell if the Dom youre talking to is married or in relationship already?
Im in doubt with this one Im talking to. We have known eachother some years ago,shorter time, and wants me back now and he express to me he never wants to leave me again,for lifetime. We have been talking for a while online and were soon suppose to meet. We are actually living only one hour from eachother. But the times were talking in weekends I can count on my hand, and thats making me wondering if after all hes occupied with somebody else. I know he works also in his spare time so I know hes busy, and I also know his morality is quite high. But still, and I dont know much about his family other than hes single. Do you think its suspicious?
We have not talked of wether or not its only us but on the other hand,our conversations really make you think there is no other,and also the way he talks about wanting me always etc. On the other hand Im not the one laying limits,but I am not willing to be one in the line,while hes got a bunch slaves hanging,or,the other part while he also has his love elsewhere, because I do to want love and if he wants to do it that way,he hasnt informed me,so I had a choice. I thought,by the way he is talking to me, that he wasnt doing somebody else along the line. But beeing away almost each weekend makes me wondering. Like I said,I can count the weekends. And almost every saturday night we have never talked at all. Do you think its strange? I would like to hear some opinions please.
Now how do I approach this,because Im ´already taken´, so to speak.. how can I approach this without hes getting me wrong? because I dont want to give him the wrong impression, like me putting limits on him or doesnt want to do whats told etc. The only thing hes told me,is that hes single,when we started.

Post #: 1

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:16:49 PM

lusciouslips19

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Probably. If it looks like a duck, well you know. Ask him point blank and see how he responds. Talk on the phone so you can hear his voice and see if he ers and ums and gets uncomfortable.

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Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to monaslave)

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RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:34:09 PM

monaslave

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Joined: 4/10/2009
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We havent talked on phone its online were talking, I gave him my phone number recently(because of meeting) but hes not used it yet,maybe he will later,I dont know.
I cant ask him point out blank online,can I? how easy isnt it to lie over here,I mean.. but on the other hand.. but Im in doubt how to formulate it. How should I formulate it?

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 3

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:38:41 PM

monaslave

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At the same time he is making it clear he wants me and doesnt want to end what is,ever in this life.And I dont want him to take it wrong,like I dont trust him etc.. or that he cant do what he wants etc.. so how do you formulate it?

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 4

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:40:59 PM

lronitulstahp

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quote:

We havent talked on phone its online were talking, I gave him my phone number recently(because of meeting) but hes not used it yet,maybe he will later,I dont know

i don't know if he's married or not, but i know from what you say here, you have every reason to be wary....

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 6/19/2009 5:41:14 PM >

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RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:48:05 PM

monaslave

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So shall I ask him to call me soon,or what? its our costume talking online, I gave him the phone number because of meeting or if we couldnt get in touch.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 6

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:49:06 PM

monaslave

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Despite of what hes saying to me inwards Im taking it slow and he has start telling me how much he likes me,on and on and I dont answer him on that because I want to take it slow.

(in reply to monaslave)

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RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:58:56 PM

angelikaJ

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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I think there is value in asking. It is closing one more loophole because he can't say "But you never asked".

I think you should ask him about his life away from you, how he occupies his time.
Ask if he was ever married; if he has kids.
Ask what was the reason for his last relationship ending and when.
Ask if someone ever cheated on him and has he ever been unfaithful.
Ask how he defines cheating.
How does cheating make him feel.

When you are ready for a commitment make sure you are both on the same page as what that means.

If he is not okay with this kind of transparency OR if you aren't, then at some point in the future you are likely to come to these forums posting about a sad end.

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(in reply to monaslave)

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RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 5:59:56 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Crimeny's sakes, people. Is everyone here so paranoid and suspicious all the time?

Mona,

For right now, give the man the benefit of the doubt. If you know that he's busy, has a long work schedule, and has limited amounts of time to get together, and he's been clear about this, there's no reason to get all worked up. If you're not even started -out- yet and already you're suspicious and untrusting, how can you -possibly- hope to develop a healthy relationship?

Give things -time-, and wait and see whether, over time, he keeps his commitments, and opens more of his life for you to see. Heck, I work 7 days a week, and am active in a dozen or more activities. Not being able to reach me, and having to plan meetings out over time (and only being able to meet briefly a -lot- of times) is nothing for me. I have no problem letting people know -exactly- what my life looks like, and who is in it, but if they are suspicious and don't want to hear what I'm saying, why even bother to attempt a relationship?

Dame Calla

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to monaslave)

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RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:03:35 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

We havent talked on phone its online were talking, I gave him my phone number recently(because of meeting) but hes not used it yet,maybe he will later,I dont know.

Do not meet with someone you have not spoken to on the phone.

Among other things, the no-show rate is much much higher if you've never talked. You're just a chat icon right now.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 10

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:04:08 PM

lusciouslips19

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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Start talking about coming to visit him on the weekend. Say you cant wait to see where he lives. Se how he reacts. You can do that online. If he is always busy or keeps canceling than hes involved or married.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 11

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:06:04 PM

antipode

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Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

We havent talked on phone its online were talking, I gave him my phone number recently(because of meeting) but hes not used it yet

So meet - that is, cup of coffee type of meet. Then ask him. Asking questions online is useless, you need to see his face. And insist you want to talk, rather than chat, if something is to develop. If he won't give you his mobile number, so you can tell him you're going to be late, or whatever, before you meet, you know what you need to know.

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 12

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:06:20 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Start talking about coming to visit him on the weekend. Say you cant wait to see where he lives. Se how he reacts. You can do that online. If he is always busy or keeps canceling than hes involved or married.

Or maybe he's just getting called in to work on the weekends (happens to my daughter all the time).

If you really want to know, just ask him. If you won't/can't believe what he says, then stop seeing him -- without at least a modicum of trust at the outset that the person you're seeing is what xhe says xhe is, the relationship is already doomed.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 13

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:09:07 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Crimeny's sakes, people. Is everyone here so paranoid and suspicious all the time?

Mona,

For right now, give the man the benefit of the doubt. If you know that he's busy, has a long work schedule, and has limited amounts of time to get together, and he's been clear about this, there's no reason to get all worked up. If you're not even started -out- yet and already you're suspicious and untrusting, how can you -possibly- hope to develop a healthy relationship?

Give things -time-, and wait and see whether, over time, he keeps his commitments, and opens more of his life for you to see. Heck, I work 7 days a week, and am active in a dozen or more activities. Not being able to reach me, and having to plan meetings out over time (and only being able to meet briefly a -lot- of times) is nothing for me. I have no problem letting people know -exactly- what my life looks like, and who is in it, but if they are suspicious and don't want to hear what I'm saying, why even bother to attempt a relationship?

Dame Calla

I dont think its paranoid. Men are dogs. I would rather be paranoid and lose out if he gets easily offended. If a man is easily offended by you protecting your self then ta ta. If I am wrong 1 out of 10 times ii still think its worth it. Especially with one who is saying he wants her "for good".
They live an hour away. Why should it still be online during the week days?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 14

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:10:54 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

We havent talked on phone its online were talking, I gave him my phone number recently(because of meeting) but hes not used it yet,maybe he will later,I dont know.

Do not meet with someone you have not spoken to on the phone.

Among other things, the no-show rate is much much higher if you've never talked. You're just a chat icon right now.

I disagree. they live an hour away. I dont give out my number til after we meet. I dont want them knowing it if it doesnt go well. They should have met and talked by now. I smell fish..

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 15

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:11:17 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Men are dogs.

And women are bitches in heat.

There's no need to be "suspicious." Just make sure you talk to the guy on the phone, have a phone number he can be reached at, and then meet in person at a neutral location.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 16

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:17:47 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Start talking about coming to visit him on the weekend. Say you cant wait to see where he lives. Se how he reacts. You can do that online. If he is always busy or keeps canceling than hes involved or married.

Or maybe he's just getting called in to work on the weekends (happens to my daughter all the time).

If you really want to know, just ask him. If you won't/can't believe what he says, then stop seeing him -- without at least a modicum of trust at the outset that the person you're seeing is what xhe says xhe is, the relationship is already doomed.

Dame Calla

Amen to all you said, Dame Calla

. It could mean lots of other things than that he's married or involved. Even after Master and I had become very close and spent a week together for the first time (at a hotel), He wasn't willing for me to see where He lived. Was He married? Involved? Hiding something sinister and horrible from me? Nope. He lived in an old family home that's crumbling in places and was messy from years of bachelor living. He didn't want me to see it as it was. I had to thoroughly convince Him that it didn't matter and even then He was uneasy. There could be lots of reasons. It's not always something sinister or shady............luci

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(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 17

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:27:59 PM

monaslave

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
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Like I said, we were involved for three years ago,but things can have changed and I dont remember any info from there,and so long time we didnt knew eachother back then either. He takes it for granted were suppose to meet at my place. I didnt opposed because weve been talking so long time also last time,three years ago. He made it clear hes not the coffee type, that for him that kinds use to fade away,and nothing really happens,even if they did end up sleeping together. If I happen to like they guy I dont mind either,basically layed back. Theres plenty of ppl around here anyway. we talk about lots of stuff but its bdsm related or spiritually related, so we havent talked about day to day stuff quite much either. But the guy is so sure he wants me ltr. Im more layed back. well,thats what I thought, its appropriate,when youre about to meet that both exchange personal information like phone adress etc. But how do I adress this in this particulary sit?
well I dont know why he wants to meet at my place but I assume I could just test what he says,if I tell him if we can meet his place or next time. Is that a good idea?
I would not agree to we only met my place forever more that is a dead end.
But I dont want to seem paranoid or mistrusting either..
No hes talking to me every night,from typically midnight and some hours,but every saturday night hes off,almost,I can count on my hand, many times fridays as well. Hes been away several times and he didnt told me where he went, I know hes highly politically placed and I know hes doing alot of work in his spare time with that,so I didnt want to sound to nosey either,thats why I didnt ask where he was.Only told me hes out in the green(hes living in city)
Hes told me hes single,no kids,never married,last relationship three months ago. He went on how its hard to find a good slave thats also loyal and honest. assuming hes too. by the way he talked I mean. but if we define what we have the same way when it comes to him and other relations or whatever I am not sure.
I think youre right those questions there are good ones. Im just afraid to be misunderstood.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 18

RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:28:30 PM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

quote:

How do you tell if the Dom youre talking to is married or in relationship already?
Im in doubt with this one Im talking to. We have known eachother some years ago,shorter time, and wants me back now and he express to me he never wants to leave me again,for lifetime.

Take a deep breath and relax. Was their reasons when you knew him years back that makes you wonder about him having other s-types? It is okay to ask about that. It is alright to let someone know what you seek in a relationship. If there are no reasons from the past that is causing you to panic, then relax as well. Take it slow.

You live an hour from each other, so dont go into assumptions of what he is doing or not. Get to know him, hopefully off line as well and build slowly. No one can promise you forever so do not even consider that. Just consider he would like to be in a relationship with you and start to work from that angle.

I know a lot of people who work weekends and it is not the easiest time to get ahold of them. That would not be a red flag for me. My red flag would be promising me the world when i never physically have met them and spent time with them. Oh heck even if they have spent time with me in the physical, promising me eternity would be a red flag:). I be running.

Wish you luck
oceanwinds

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RE: married/in relationship-how do you tell? - 6/19/2009 6:31:57 PM

monaslave

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Joined: 4/10/2009
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We should have met this day or yesterday but he wanted my period to be over,and me to have a doc check Im healthy,which is about to happen on friday,so we will meet after that,I suppose.

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 20

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