RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant)

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 12:33:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Please consider this:

If you are ill .. would you want a doctor or just someone who plays one on TV?

When your transmission breaks down... do you want a master mechanic to do the repair or someone who just always wanted to work one one?

There are people who just like to ride a horse and there are those riders that realize you have feed, water and groom the horse.

As angry as you are, realize that this is the conundrom of being a switch. The truth of the matter is- being a swtch does not guarantee you the best of both worlds with the partner of your choice.

I fail to see how any of the above apply to being a switch. Thoes are all about how much experience and training someone has.. after all the switch knows what it's like to be on the other side of the kneel, giving us the upper hand in experience.

Yup! And many switches have gone to great lengths to gain great skill and a wealth of experience. Passing that up due to a label is just plain silly. We also offer insights to the unilateral person that is worth it's weight on occassion. It is like having a dr who has also been a patient of the illness they treat. There is so much compassion and practical expertise for the patient that could have never been gained by all the academic and clinical study in the world. I am not saying switches are better, just different and should be viewed as a worthy asset.

lovingpet

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 12:56:18 PM

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

Here's a quick analogy of the way things are. Basically you like chocolate and strawberry ice cream, those who only like strawberry find your love of chocolate disturbing, and those who only like chocolate find your love of strawberry disturbing.

Well at least you didn't choose vanilla! LOL

I just have to ask though. Why disturbing?

i'm not sure why people react this way but i do have a theory. one feels that if their partner is a switch, then no matter what the dynamic they will leave their partner with unfulfilled needs and therefore eventually lose them

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to lovingpet)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 2:27:22 PM

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Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

Here's a quick analogy of the way things are. Basically you like chocolate and strawberry ice cream, those who only like strawberry find your love of chocolate disturbing, and those who only like chocolate find your love of strawberry disturbing.

Well at least you didn't choose vanilla! LOL

I just have to ask though. Why disturbing?

i'm not sure why people react this way but i do have a theory. one feels that if their partner is a switch, then no matter what the dynamic they will leave their partner with unfulfilled needs and therefore eventually lose them

If it is known and anticipated, then shouldn't it be something that can be mitigated? If there is no outlet, then if both sides are honest about their needs, it should still be okay. Either they will see they are incompatible, or the pleasant surprise may emerge that the switch does not necessarily need both dynamics to be utterly fulfilled. Communication and mutual respect would go a long way I think.

lovingpet

(in reply to poeticfreak)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 3:29:39 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

I fail to see how any of the above apply to being a switch. Thoes are all about how much experience and training someone has.. after all the switch knows what it's like to be on the other side of the kneel, giving us the upper hand in experience.

With all those switches I've played with.. it amounted to just exercise. There was never an energy exchange.
They know the role.. they do it well and get what they need.. however, it was like sessioning a black hole for me. I sent them flying... and they left me behind.

My first experience I had with one.. was one who presented as a Dom. Eventually, there was a time he interupted a session I was doing with my slave (something I never allowed after that) with some sort of urgent issue he had. As a form of an appology for the intrusion, an he approached me another time and told me he would like to sub for me. WTF! Nooo no... disrespect me once- shame on you... allow it a second time.. shame on me.

As much as you all wonder why you are seen as pariahas to some... we wonder why you seek out the full time doms or subs to play with and just don't enjoy your own unique dynamic with each other? Unless you have felt what I have felt... knowing it's just play and you are simply a means to an end.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 3:58:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

I fail to see how any of the above apply to being a switch. Thoes are all about how much experience and training someone has.. after all the switch knows what it's like to be on the other side of the kneel, giving us the upper hand in experience.

With all those switches I've played with.. it amounted to just exercise. There was never an energy exchange.
They know the role.. they do it well and get what they need.. however, it was like sessioning a black hole for me. I sent them flying... and they left me behind.

My first experience I had with one.. was one who presented as a Dom. Eventually, there was a time he interupted a session I was doing with my slave (something I never allowed after that) with some sort of urgent issue he had. As a form of an appology for the intrusion, an he approached me another time and told me he would like to sub for me. WTF! Nooo no... disrespect me once- shame on you... allow it a second time.. shame on me.

As much as you all wonder why you are seen as pariahas to some... we wonder why you seek out the full time doms or subs to play with and just don't enjoy your own unique dynamic with each other? Unless you have felt what I have felt... knowing it's just play and you are simply a means to an end.

I am sorry your experiences have been so negative. Some will be that way. There's a such thing as do-me switches too. Last I checked, we didn't have some foreboding disease, so I still don't see the need to isolate ourselves from any particular members of this community. My very much totally dominant partners would tend to find this position amusing. We fill each other very well and know how to handle my unique needs. There is no need to suck the life out of either of us.

lovingpet

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 4:01:38 PM

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please tell me i didn't just hear someone say why don't you just stick with your own kind. that's a sentiment with a lot of bad history

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 4:04:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

please tell me i didn't just hear someone say why don't you just stick with your own kind. that's a sentiment with a lot of bad history

Amen!

And I'm not sitting in the back of the kink bus for anybody!!!! Unless, of course, there's something fun happening back there!

lovingpet

(in reply to poeticfreak)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 5:32:43 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

please tell me i didn't just hear someone say why don't you just stick with your own kind. that's a sentiment with a lot of bad history

Yep. I don't care to bash my hand in a car door as it causes me distress and pain..so I just don't go there. I don't know why switches are so upset that EVERYbody doesn't seem to find the dynamic desireable. Stamping your foot in rightous indignation doesn't make it any more appealing. Could it be that playinbg with other switches just doesn't fullfill you either???

You folks really come across as a miserable group. Look at your threads. They rotate around "Why dont people like Switches" (and get all huffy when people honestly TELL you why) to "How Wonderful and Special Switches Are" (yet some of you prefer to seek out those who are only dom or sub).. then it goes back to "Why Don't People Like Switches".

I check in here every so often and just feel compelled to answer your questions only to be attacked.

Here you go.... some people don't want to play with switches just like some don't want to play with dom/mes or submissives.

So yes..if ya wanna be happy- play in your own sandbox.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 5:36:36 PM

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Joined: 1/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
No Dom should take on a switch for her sub side only unless he has plans for her to fulfill her Domme side.. Anything less screams "My needs matter, yours don't".

I disagree. I'm the first type of switch you mentioned - open to either, but not needing both (except perhaps to an extremely minor degree - I like to bite lightly and wrestle around a bit, at least, or have my partner do so to me).

I was a Domme for 5 years starting out, and a submissive for 3 years in my last relationship, and neither partner made plans for me to let the other side out with anyone else, or to actually switch with me. I also had a couple of shorter-term (6 month to 2 year) relationships with tops or bottoms in egalitarian kinky relationships, again, without any switching. It's similar to my being bisexual, I suppose - I don't need to be with both a man and a woman, I'm just open to the possibility of either.

LotusSong, I don't see any reason to limit myself to other switches, though I have dated a couple. I also don't get mad at people for not switching with me, but the "switches can't be dominant or submissive" lingo is irritating, even if I wouldn't touch the person who's saying it with a 10 foot pole. I haven't personally found any difficulty in this respect with the people who I *have* dated, it's strictly an internet forum phenomenon.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 7/7/2009 5:40:13 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 5:49:50 PM

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Joined: 6/19/2005
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It CAN be fulfilling, just as it CAN be fulfilling to play with someone of another dynamic. It is the automatic pilot some are on or the dismissive tag along patronization that upsets me. Like I said from the beginning, I could give two figs less about the whole thing, but it still irks me anyway as an indirect personal slight. Being hit at the core is never a pleasant experience. I am happily fulfilled as is he and I didn't have to play in my own sandbox to do so. It is very well possible it would have been someone of my own persuasion that would have done the trick. It just happened to not be so. I don't think cutting off potential over a label is particularly wise. I also don't think labels come into play nearly as much in real time and space as they do in the cyber world.

Once again, sorry for your obviously poor experiences, but I don't need to be accountable for the "sins" of others. There are plenty of lovely switch folks in relationships with non switch partners and working very well indeed. Does it always work out so perfectly with two non switches? Nope. It is the person, the chemistry, and overall fit that matters. If all these were just right, would you really care about the dynamic label, especially if it were not known prior to first contact? Like I said, no one would normally peg me for switch in real time. Those that do know do not view it as a negative and accept me as is. I think it is a very different animal when someone is being true to exactly who they are. Perhaps that is what sets folks off more than anything else. People can't be honest about their switch tendancies. But then again, with such a stigma, can anyone blame them? Catch 22.

lovingpet

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 6:01:43 PM

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Yup! My relationships tend to be unimodal as well. Not that I don't WANT to play with another switch, but that the balance can be so hard to achieve. It is something that either establishes quickly or doesn't happen at all. My response in a unimodal setting is similar. I will either respond well to a person or not. If not, then there is no point in belaboring it. It's just not there.

I am perfectly happy as is and don't need to let the other side out to play. I sometimes think it is a matter of what gets fed most is what will emerge in a relationship. My deeply subbie (slave for those that can accept that a switch can, in fact, be such) sidei is utterly nourished and is very vibrant. If my primary relationship were dominant, then it would be otherwise. Understand that relationships feed each of those in them constantly. That is not me taking with no return for my partner. My submission feeds him. I am not somehow in control by this, nor is my service then based on selfish intent any more than anyone else's. We both give to each other as unselfishly as possible with each other's well being at heart.

Maybe I'm the exception to the rule too. I don't know. I just don't see the basis for the stigma.

lovingpet

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/7/2009 7:46:12 PM

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Joined: 10/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Yep. I don't care to bash my hand in a car door as it causes me distress and pain..so I just don't go there. I don't know why switches are so upset that EVERYbody doesn't seem to find the dynamic desireable. Stamping your foot in rightous indignation doesn't make it any more appealing. Could it be that playinbg with other switches just doesn't fullfill you either???

You folks really come across as a miserable group. Look at your threads. They rotate around "Why dont people like Switches" (and get all huffy when people honestly TELL you why) to "How Wonderful and Special Switches Are" (yet some of you prefer to seek out those who are only dom or sub).. then it goes back to "Why Don't People Like Switches".

I check in here every so often and just feel compelled to answer your questions only to be attacked.

Here you go.... some people don't want to play with switches just like some don't want to play with dom/mes or submissives.

So yes..if ya wanna be happy- play in your own sandbox.

You're making a lot of assumptions here, the primarily flawed one is that a switch has got to switch in any given relatinship and that simply isn't necessarily the case any more than some bi- people being entirely happy to be with only 1 partner, thus limiting them to only 1 sex.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 12:07:38 AM

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

please tell me i didn't just hear someone say why don't you just stick with your own kind. that's a sentiment with a lot of bad history

Yep. I don't care to bash my hand in a car door as it causes me distress and pain..so I just don't go there. I don't know why switches are so upset that EVERYbody doesn't seem to find the dynamic desireable. Stamping your foot in rightous indignation doesn't make it any more appealing. Could it be that playinbg with other switches just doesn't fullfill you either???

You folks really come across as a miserable group. Look at your threads. They rotate around "Why dont people like Switches" (and get all huffy when people honestly TELL you why) to "How Wonderful and Special Switches Are" (yet some of you prefer to seek out those who are only dom or sub).. then it goes back to "Why Don't People Like Switches".

I check in here every so often and just feel compelled to answer your questions only to be attacked.

Here you go.... some people don't want to play with switches just like some don't want to play with dom/mes or submissives.

So yes..if ya wanna be happy- play in your own sandbox.

yeah, it's no surprise you often find yourself being attacked as you tend to be abrasive, illogical and incapable of having a civil discussion

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 11:00:03 AM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

yeah, it's no surprise you often find yourself being attacked as you tend to be abrasive, illogical and incapable of having a civil discussion

(sigh) ... and others see me as utterly direct, no-nonsence, honest and quite refreshing. I don't pull punches. I gave my experiences and how they affected me in answer to the question.

"People are just as offended as they choose to be"

(in reply to poeticfreak)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 11:42:00 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

yeah, it's no surprise you often find yourself being attacked as you tend to be abrasive, illogical and incapable of having a civil discussion

(sigh) ... and others see me as utterly direct, no-nonsence, honest and quite refreshing. I don't pull punches. I gave my experiences and how they affected me in answer to the question.

"People are just as offended as they choose to be"

Lotus, it's not about pulling punches, but about how you've chose to relegate a whole group of people to "less than" by a few simple punches. Simply stating that *I* don't like to play with switches because I had a bad experience, would no less convey the same message, without offending anyone.

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 1:55:31 PM

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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I also identify as a submissive switch, yet I know myself well enough to safely say that 95% of the time when I play, I play as a submissive as that side is most apparent. Granted there have been a few instances where the dominant aspect is present though not enough where it has posed any problems at all. Most of my primary needs in a D/s relationship is satisfying the beast of submission inside, by me submitting to a compatible dominant partner. It is the submissive tendencies I have which are felt and need to be expressed.

eta: Granted many Dominant people avoid switches which is their right and it doesn't bother me at all. It is their preference and right. I focus on the compatibility with another on many other levels and the D/s angle that I've personally haven't been rejected because I identify as a switch.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 7/8/2009 1:59:24 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 2:35:02 PM

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

yeah, it's no surprise you often find yourself being attacked as you tend to be abrasive, illogical and incapable of having a civil discussion

(sigh) ... and others see me as utterly direct, no-nonsence, honest and quite refreshing. I don't pull punches. I gave my experiences and how they affected me in answer to the question.

"People are just as offended as they choose to be"

I perhaps spoke a bit rashly. I don't take back what i said but perhaps i could have said it better. What set me off i think is there is that about your tone that says yours is the only valid opinion and there's no room for the possibility that you might be mistaken

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 2:45:19 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

Lotus, it's not about pulling punches, but about how you've chose to relegate a whole group of people to "less than" by a few simple punches. Simply stating that *I* don't like to play with switches because I had a bad experience, would no less convey the same message, without offending anyone.

One thing I have not disclosed. I belonged to a group that was polled as being 80% switch. A large group here in Arizona for 3 years. How much of an experience does one need to convince you? I have no idea of what I posted that his so offensive. Did I single YOU out? No.. I related my own experience. I'm sorry it hits people so deeply. Perhaps it reveals something that people wish to keep hidden? It's time to ask yourselves why you are so distraught not being everything to everyone. Read and learn something. Think outside YOUR BOXES.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 4:21:34 PM

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Joined: 10/6/2007
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Lotus Song, I can only speak for me but the 'you people' attitude is what grates for me and the assumption that one switch is the same as any other switch apparently.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 7/8/2009 5:58:22 PM

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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Gracious! I think I made it clear this was a rant. I don't go around complaining or bemoaning my fate as a switch. I am very happy and content with who and what I am. I also don't need to defend myself for being that person either. I had a very deep reaction to something I would normally blow off and needed to express it. In my time here, it is the only switch rant I have given or may even ever give and don't sit and snub or fuss on other threads by or about switches either. I am happy to explain how my own tendancies play out, but it is not from a feeling of being oh so misunderstood. Can't a gal have a bad day?

lovingpet

(in reply to DavanKael)

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