RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant)

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 9/7/2009 1:21:26 PM

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hardbodysub said: Well, "switches will do, but they're not my first choice" is better than "no switches", isn't it?

My reply: Honestly, no, it's worse. It's kind of like me saying to someone, "Eh, well, I would have preferred that other guy but you're here right now, so I'll use you". Yeah, no not better. Not in the least.
Davan

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 9/16/2009 6:43:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

Here's a quick analogy of the way things are. Basically you like chocolate and strawberry ice cream, those who only like strawberry find your love of chocolate disturbing, and those who only like chocolate find your love of strawberry disturbing.

So switches really like to stir things up and put chocolate on their strawberry huh? Ah well at least I'm not boring :)

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/1/2009 8:46:15 AM

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I'm a little surprised, to be honest. Since seeking again, some of the coolest people I've met have self-identified as switches. The 'switch' role seems to have evolved as a moniker quite a bit over the past ten years.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/1/2009 10:10:12 AM

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You and I recently discussed what you meant by this. Would you mind sharing with the rest of the class. I think you have made an interesting observation.

lovingpet

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/1/2009 10:07:13 PM

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Heh if I found this thread awhile ago I would have flamed someone.

Looks like you guys took care of it.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/2/2009 7:39:16 AM

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Yup. We's a bunch of bitchy switchies when necessary! LOL

lovingpet

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/3/2009 5:38:33 PM

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I think a majority of the people looking are looking for long term private relationships. As such the possibility that a few years down the road you will discover that you do need to exercise your other orientation means you aren't suitable partners for us longterm, monogamous types.

Dimples said in another thread that this always happens to her after a few years. I haven't heard any switch say they were happy in a twenty year relationship never being allowed to switch, that that need never arose. Anda said she made 5 years without switching, So far that's the longest I've seen mentioned.

And since for me, 5 years is a short term relationship, not an ever after one, I don't feel I'm compatible with switches because I couldn't make them happy. Yet anytime I've said this, I've been flayed for wanting a higher level of compatibility to give the relationship the best possible chance. I've also been attacked for not being willing to open the relationship, for wanting what works for me - a longterm, monogamous relationship. Oddly enough it's usually the 20 year olds who attack the worst.

I'm simply insufficiently compatible with a switch.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/3/2009 6:05:24 PM

Level

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There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want, and need.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/4/2009 6:16:53 AM

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I appreciate you saying that but just as there are doms or subs who say that switches ought to make up their minds which is rude and stupid, there are plenty of switches who tell those of us who don't switch that it's because we're closed minded, that we don't have the right to decide for ourselves what we need.

Of course I've also gotten that about being straight, not bi. Bi females get that from lesbians as opposed to saying they're just incompatible, but straight females get this from bi females. And honestly, the way to get me to have sex with you is never to start off being rude and obnoxious.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/4/2009 7:24:38 AM

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Agreed, and add to it those switches that tell doms/subs that they "really are switches on the inside, but are too scared to admit it". Of course, there are people that fit that description, but Holy Overgeneralizations, Batman!

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/4/2009 7:35:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I think a majority of the people looking are looking for long term private relationships. As such the possibility that a few years down the road you will discover that you do need to exercise your other orientation means you aren't suitable partners for us longterm, monogamous types.

Dimples said in another thread that this always happens to her after a few years. I haven't heard any switch say they were happy in a twenty year relationship never being allowed to switch, that that need never arose. Anda said she made 5 years without switching, So far that's the longest I've seen mentioned.

And since for me, 5 years is a short term relationship, not an ever after one, I don't feel I'm compatible with switches because I couldn't make them happy. Yet anytime I've said this, I've been flayed for wanting a higher level of compatibility to give the relationship the best possible chance. I've also been attacked for not being willing to open the relationship, for wanting what works for me - a longterm, monogamous relationship. Oddly enough it's usually the 20 year olds who attack the worst.

I'm simply insufficiently compatible with a switch.

I would find your sweeping generalizations and far reaching assumptions disturbing if they were nto so often the norm.

Your huge assumption that b/c a person switches, that they cannot be in a long term monogamous relationship, is just plain wrong. I was married for 20 years and monogamous that entire time, except for a few years when we shared a female sub.

20 years is a long term relationship, to me. And I would like (ideally) to find another. I'm just not a good match for someone who doesn't realize I do have a dominant side, and that side needs to find expression on occasion or I won't be a happy camper. That expression does not need to include sex, and most likely would not with me, since I don't have sex with male submissives. There are reasons for this. A main one is that my dominant side is more power based as opposed to sex based. This is because I am sexually submissive. And I'm just not into commanding my sub to top me (to each his/her own).

In my last relationship with a dominant, he was well aware that I had a real time relationship with a male sub and that I regularly sessioned with male subs. He didn't have a problem with that, in fact he often served as a mentor. He had experience in things I wanted to try (like needle play) that I knew nothing about.

Now, did he and I have a series of long conversations about exactly what I was allowed to do with these male subs and what my boundaries were? Of course! Did he trust me not to have sex with them a/o not to exceed my boundaries? Yes. I would not be a good match for someone who didn't.

Frankly, I would not be a good match for anyone who was insecure about my relationships with other males. For some, having a relationship is a bigger issue than having sex.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/4/2009 9:46:16 AM

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So because I am wired for monogamy I am automatically insecure? That's one thing I'm not insecure about, I am extremely matter of fact about my sexuality. I grew up without any guilt or shame being attached to it, just with the expectation that I would value it and myself. Morality and standards do not equate to guilt or shame.

I am monogamous. When in a good relationship I am not sexually attracted to others. That's a fact. I'm a wild swan in that way. I do understand that I am an outlier on the scale of human sexuality but that makes me rare, not wrong. Those at either end of the bell curve are by definition rare.

You are other than I am, and simply because of that we are not compatible. But that doesn't mean either of us is wrong. And I find it odd that in one thread you say your other side needs expression after a few years and here you say it doesn't.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/5/2009 11:26:07 AM

impishlilhellcat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

The fact of the matter is I could really give two figs about this whole things seeing how I've got my wonderful, yummy partners. Still it drives me insane on a more visceral level I suppose. "I want a submissive or, really a slave, but switches will do." AAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I'll do in a pinch is that right oh domly one???? Well phooey on you!!!! Maybe I don't wanna come out and play. I am worth more than a "making do" status. Oh wow!!!! You really will let me play too???? Shall I fan myself and faint now?????? I'm so overcome!

And subbies aren't much better. As a matter of fact, seems for the most part they don't want to let us play with them at all. They can't respect us for some idiotic reason. Whatever! If they could manage to get past a freaking label, it would be abundantly clear what there is to respect and I don't mean some crap about being some badass that beats the crap out of them either.

Yeah, so sue me! Something in a profile set me off. Just some random one that popped up on my main screen. I have no need of searching at this time and this clearly would not likely be the person for me anyway, but do people have to be so condescending about it? For goodness sakes, I can't for the life of me figure out why switches just have to be viewed as second class citizens of wiitwd.

I have all the same drives that anyone else does. I care deeply for one I would serve or one under my hand. I work hard to learn and and gain both skills and insights. I say, I will just play when I darn well want to!

Rant over. Thanks for listening. Please don't throw mean things at me. LOL

lovingpet

I understand completely where you are coming from!! In my experience I come across a lot of people that assume if you are a switch you switch at the drop of a hat (kind of like a light switch). For me that's not what a switch is. I don't start as a submissive and then somewhere in between I decide I want to take a dominant role. To me it's also not about having the best of both worlds as someone implied earlier in the thread. It's about the dynamics of a relationship. I can be thoroughly happy in either role. However, if I start a relationship as a submissive then that relationship will be seen through with me in a submissive state.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/7/2009 9:57:42 PM

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I think daintydimples has a reasonable explanation about switching that fits her situation. I hope that some of you that are opposed to switching would consider how unique we all are and be a little more tolerant.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/8/2009 4:10:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
No Dom should take on a switch for her sub side only unless he has plans for her to fulfill her Domme side.. Anything less screams "My needs matter, yours don't".

~applauds, whistles, and gives a standing ovation~ Except i'd word it something more like this:

No Dom should take on a switch for her sub side only. Period. If a Dom takes on a switch as a sub then it is the Dom's responsibility if They wish the relationship to prosper for that switch's D side to be fulfilled as much as their sub side, even if it's only topping someone else and not actually taking on another sub.

lovingpet, i hear you loud and clear. i've taken a lot of crap over the years about being a switch, but honestly i'd never want it any other way. There aren't a lot of people out there who could handle being with a switch in either capacity, not for extended lengths of time anyway. ~sends lovingpet some luv~ You rock girl, your confidence is amazing and you are a great example of what (i think) a switch is. You just keep being you, and let the rest of the world who doesn't understand suffer in their ignorance. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!

lol
lil bit

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/8/2009 4:18:54 PM

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After reading the whole thing there's something else i'd like to add:

Doms, subs, switches, straight, bi, gay, lesbian......

Everyone needs to be a bit more understanding of everyone else. It reminds me of one of my more livable religious beliefs:

And it harm none, so mote it be.

As long as i'm not being tied down with my eyeballs held open to watch something i'd rather not see for hours on end leaving me an inoperable member of society.......i for one just don't care. For that, i'm not trying to be insensitive, but my give-a-damn is broken. Enjoy life while you can, none of us make it out alive.

lil bit

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i'll try anything once, twice if i like it.

If you wanna know you better ask, and if i don't want to answer i won't.

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/8/2009 5:54:49 PM

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I giggle inside that this thread still is alive and kickin, but it must speak to a lot of folks LOL! I hadn't noticed the several ressurections that have occurred! I am usually a much better thread host than this.

Thanks for the support all! And the hugs are great steelslilbit! I lubbses hugs!

As for the question of monogamy, could you define exactly what that is? Is it strictly a matter of sex acts, or are there other areas that are included in your definition of monogamy, Des? I happen to not be monogamous due to a kind of fluke of universal insanity, but if it could have been any other way I would be. It really had nothing to do with my identification as a switch.

lovingpet

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RE: Can I Play Too???? (A Rant) - 10/10/2009 7:31:44 AM

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We choose labels - and/or labels are bestowed upon us.

THey are healthy in most cases - as they help ease of communication. Even our own names are labels of a sort and don't really paint a picture of the true self.

Trouble comes when people see the labels and not the person. It becomes the label wearing you instead of you wearing a label.

This happens most often when you cross paths with someone looking for an image, or an ideal rather than a person.

I rather prefer people to images and try to approach every person with the inherent dignity that I possess and that they possess - regardless of what role or label they may choose.

fergus

(in reply to lovingpet)

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