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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

I might want to know for a variety of reasons but I wouldn't ask for or expect an explanation.  When I'm the one saying "no" I do very much appreciate it if the other person simply fades quietly into the mist without a lot of noise, so I would conduct myself accordingly when someone tells me "no."   Ya know, the whole do unto others thing...

Several folks said they want to know why because then they could decide if it was something that they could change.  This doesn't sit right with me personally as I don't see myself changing just so someone will play with me.  I'm more likely to find someone who does want to play with me.  And, I would hate to see someone change somethink I didn't like just to get me to play with them.  I mean, seriously, why give me that power?

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what if the reason was personal hygiene, and the person had no idea that they were offensive?  wouldnt being told give them an opportunity to "change" that issue and become more presentable to others, and therefore find themselves in a situation where they were more pleasing to be around?

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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

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what if the reason was personal hygiene, and the person had no idea that they were offensive?  wouldnt being told give them an opportunity to "change" that issue and become more presentable to others, and therefore find themselves in a situation where they were more pleasing to be around?

I'm trying to imagine someone who's hygiene was so poor that they were offensive, yet they didn't know it and needed me to tell them...Hygiene is a pretty basic thing that the vast majority figure out by the time they leave childhood so if someone is having an issue with hygiene, they're probably having all sorts of other issues.  I'd rather not be the person to clue them in that they stink.

I should point out at this point (so as to avoid the accusation that I'm shallow) that my day job involves doing personal care for people who can't do it themselves--I shower them, help them brush their teeth, wash their face, go to the bathroom and even clean their butts when they need it.   Most of the people I work with are self-directing and just tell me what to do and when.  But, there are some I have to cajole into cleanliness.  It's not the sort of thing I would be looking for in a play partner because I have a pretty good understanding of what kinds of cognitive and emotional decline produce poor hygiene.  When it comes to adults, poor hygeine isn't something that happens in isolation.

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to be honest?  my first dominant.  he had NO clue about personal hygiene at all (at age 38) and i had to clue him in repeatedly.