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RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 8:49:25 AM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Actually Michael mate, I don't see TPE as you do for the simple reason that a slave collared to myself or even to the home will be in a 24/7 TPE dynamic. However it is my choice, will and way of working that I return some "powers" to her. These include but are not the total, caring for her child as she sees fit as a mother (with some guidance from both Neets and I as far as the child's impact on the home goes, the ability to make decisions especially if neither Neets and I are not there to ask. Since I do not micro manage, the slave does not need permission to carry out personal hygiene, pick up things and return them to their appointed places etc. I still have the final say in all things but unless there is some screw up I need not become involved other than offer suggestions and to make praiseworthy comments. You will find than many Masters/Mistresses do much the same. The fact that some "Powers" are granted back almost immediately, does not detract from the fact that the dynamic is a TPE one. However I know there will be others who will dispute this from their own stance.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 8:52:38 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

I've never understood the saying "Have your cake and eat it too." What's the point of having a piece of a cake if you don't eat it? Are you supposed to put it on your mantlepiece and go oooo and ahhhh each time you pass it? Seems that would be something of a lie...

The point of 'have your cake and eat it too' refers to the people who want to eat their piece of cake, and then still expect that the piece of cake will be sitting there waiting for them later, as if it had never been touched. The point is that you can either -look- at your cake, or you can -eat- your cake, but you can't do both.

(Just to help out)

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to CaringandReal)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 8:53:16 AM

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Joined: 9/3/2008
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I would say that while I can understand the issues with being in a TPE while in the military can certainly cause problems (since while in the military your time is not your own to give to your Master anyway), finishing school and ROTC should not be a problem. IF your Master can't handle your finishing school then perhaps he isnt the right one for you. Some find it as a threat, especially if they did not finish school themselves.

IF you stay with him, you really do need to put your foot down and say you are finishing. If once you finish and you and he are still together you can rethink your career and see how that will work. However, assuming he will be around forever and being willing to give up your future on that assumption is asking for trouble.

IF you decide to leave him and find someone else,make sure the information is given before there is a relationship. Agreeing to be his and then telling him "oh, everything except..." is misleading. Make sure you are on the same page from the very beginning. Someone who can apprecaite your desire to better yourself and make use of it.

Best of luck
DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 9:01:44 AM

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Joined: 4/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: runnerslut4mstr

Hi. I'm recently new to this lifestyle, howeverI have known its what I've wanted to do for a while. I have recently had a master own me. I have researched for a few years about what this lifestyle was about and everything with it.

My question is about the TPE lifestyle. I feel that this is the type of lifestyle I want to live, however I have set a few limits on what I wont give up control over due to my very strong feelings and expections (I guess you could call them expectations). I dont want to give up(nor do I think its right for me to be asked to either) my family or friends. The two other things I wont give up and go hand in hand are my future career in the military (have had these plans for a few years now) and my schooling because of a promise I made to a family member.

Now I have talked with my master and we are still having an ongoing discussion about whether or not I will have to give up ROTC and joining the military, but possibly continue schooling. He has mentioned the ROTC thing as a we'll see whether or not you shall finish it.

I was wondering if there were other master/mistress out there that could give me their opinion on this matter. Is it wrong of me to ask to keep the school and ROTC due to the promise I had made to a family member that I would continue my schooling and complete the ROTC program? I am willing to be collared and serve my master, but I feel a strong desire to fulfill this promise that I made to my family member. I am new to this, so I dont know exactly what is the right way/wrong way for a Dom to act about these things. I just want to make sure I do the right thing with all of this.

The few phrases I have highlighted are just a quick example, but they show that you may not have done all the research you think you have about what TPE is all about. If you choose to go TPE, you don't set the limits, he does. You give up control, and you give up what you think is right and act according to what he thinks is right. The promises you made to others will be sacrificed to his will should he not want to honor those promises. So, think again. Are you really sure you want a Total exchange of power?
If you do not, it doesn't diminish you in any way. It just means that you, personally, still need to have control of a least some decisions in your life.
The important thing is that you and your Dtype are clear on all of this before a commitment is made.

j

(in reply to runnerslut4mstr)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 9:05:55 AM

Posts: 11766
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quote:

...I feel that this is the type of lifestyle I want to live...

why?

what is it about a potential relationship that you would consider to be a Master/slave Total Power Exhange suits you?

(in reply to runnerslut4mstr)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 9:25:49 AM

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I sure as hell hope my Nihilus rating is deep into the negative numbers!

Control is an illusion clung to by insecure people, just ask any emperor in history.

Anyone who needs to make you less so they can feel like more is an insecure nitwit. Find someone who pushes you to grow and excel, to become a better person tomorrow than you were today. I exercise my dominance not because they can't say no but because they choose to say yes. Anyone who can't say no is too weak to inspire me to dominate them. So strive to be your best and find a man who inspires you to say yes, not one who wants to keep you in a place where you can't say no.

I cannot even imagine what it must be like to live in the hellhole that you call a mind. What does any of this have to do with what I posted? I see nothing here that's anything more than a bunch of trite plattitudes stuck together that you seem programmed to regurgitate whenever someone sticks a nickel in you. Knowing what you're talking about, Michael, is different from being able to repeat what you've heard other people say.

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 9:30:29 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Actually Michael mate, I don't see TPE as you do for the simple reason that a slave collared to myself or even to the home will be in a 24/7 TPE dynamic. However it is my choice, will and way of working that I return some "powers" to her. These include but are not the total, caring for her child as she sees fit as a mother (with some guidance from both Neets and I as far as the child's impact on the home goes, the ability to make decisions especially if neither Neets and I are not there to ask. Since I do not micro manage, the slave does not need permission to carry out personal hygiene, pick up things and return them to their appointed places etc. I still have the final say in all things but unless there is some screw up I need not become involved other than offer suggestions and to make praiseworthy comments. You will find than many Masters/Mistresses do much the same. The fact that some "Powers" are granted back almost immediately, does not detract from the fact that the dynamic is a TPE one. However I know there will be others who will dispute this from their own stance.

Here, here!

It's the same for our household. Even our servants who have chosen the path that yields up everything to the Keepers are not micromanaged. We're firm believers in delegation, and delegation can include everything from outside jobs to school to caring for the kitchen.

The thing with TPE (which we call an "absolute authority" dynamic), is that what is given up isn't necessarily specific -things-. What is given up is the authority to manage the things in one's life at one's own discretion. If I had a servant who was looking at ROTC and intending to go into the military, I wouldn't consider going for an 'absolute authority' relationship, because the dynamics of the military would preclude hir actually yielding up authority over every relevant area of hir life, and I don't really go much for illusionary options. With that being said, if I had a servant who had a set of skills and wanted to train those skills, it would be in both our best interests for me to make sure that something was done to hone that skill-set. It might mean that the servant would not be in a situation to offer hirself in an absolute authority arrangement, but as long as xhe were willing to yield up authority in areas we were able to negotiate, it would not affect hir capacity to serve the household, and, in some cases, once the period of training or outside requirements was completed, it would actually enhance hir capacity to serve us, over the long term, which are all things we take into consideration.

Now, were we to find something that was not in our plans for the individual, or was not in the best interests of the Household, especially in a servant who had pledged to yield absolute authority, it is entirely possible that we would deny a request to do a certain thing, take a certain piece of coursework, or a certain job, or whatever -- and such a decision would, for us, come with an option. Either xhe could abide by our authority, or xhe could step back from hir decision to yield absolute authority, we could re-negotiate the terms of hir service, and xhe could do whatever it was that we denied hir -- with the understanding that, if it were truly not in the best interests of hir or the household, xhe may find that xhe was no longer a suitable fit to serve us.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 9:38:17 AM

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Profile has gone AWOL

(in reply to runnerslut4mstr)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 9:48:55 AM

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I sure as hell hope my Nihilus rating is deep into the negative numbers!

Right along with your comprehension of (apparently) anything I post in lieu of preferring this idiotic mockery fixation you've got going.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 11:53:37 AM

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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Life is funny in the parallels that occur.

I have been thinking a lot about my dominance and desire to be a master as well as what both of those mean to me, I read something amazing by someone who is often a muse to me that crystallized my thoughts.

I have found the less I strive for control, the more I seem to have. It isn't in the ways that control is commonly thought of in the scene which at times has me feeling proud but others questioning if I am really a master. There are truths in life that you can stand before them and not see them until such time as you are ready and then you can't quite grasp how you could ever NOT see them and I have wondered if there wasn't something in mastery that was that way for me. Did I just not see it?

I see nothing in overpowering someone, mentally or physically, such things are not difficult for me and I do not see such acts as dominance in the sense I want to apply to myself.

The analogy of falconry holds much for me but as I have written before, it is still not what I would consider mastery. The falcon is held to the falconer by an illusion perpetuated to keep the falcon tied to the falconer and I want no illusion binding my partner to me.

I want to be the still hand that calls the butterfly to land, to find its serenity in its contact with me. I do not need to imprison it with my hand for our connection to be magical, I must simply trust, as it does, that we are connected.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 12:09:44 PM

LillyoftheVally

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Joined: 7/22/2009
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What is funny is how we seem justify things.

TPE = Total Power Exchange,

In reality, I mean workable reality that will mean that the individual will still have to be able to make some decisions, however the autonomy has gone, what decisions the person can make is laid out by the person that you have decided to submit to. In fantasy it means that the person has zero control over anything. See the thing is and I can't believe we haven't got this yet, we apply whatever terms suit us then generally make our own specifics and additions to the meanings in our own personal relationships because well that is what they are. There is not a consensus view, there isn't a common need for everyone who decides to throw themselves into this mix. Instead the goal is happiness and whatever that means to us. If that is calling yourself TPE then sure just go for it, whatever rocks your bajinogo and all that.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 12:47:06 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2008
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quote:

I want to be the still hand that calls the butterfly to land, to find its serenity in its contact with me. I do not need to imprison it with my hand for our connection to be magical, I must simply trust, as it does, that we are connected.

That is lovely (really).... but is such a connection founded on dominance, let alone mastery? (I'll admit the former, perhaps... I can't admit the latter.) But, it's easily solved... what need have you for the M word? Make do with what fits.

You characterize submissives who need to be overwhelmed as weak. I maintain that the problem is in the strength of the one who wishes to assume control.

(this in reply to SimplyMichael, not NihilusZero. Not sure what happened)

< Message edited by sravaka -- 7/22/2009 12:50:10 PM >

_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 1:59:49 PM

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

You characterize submissives who need to be overwhelmed as weak.

Quite the opposite, what I said was:

quote:

Anyone who can't say no is too weak to inspire me to dominate them.

(in reply to sravaka)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 4:40:11 PM

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

I maintain that the problem is in the strength of the one who wishes to assume control.

Strength is one of many tools.

One of the more common errors is to attempt the use of a tool (because of its allure) to work on something that is not built to be worked on by that tool...and then to turn around and decry the tool as the problem in the equation.

To the point, that the OP's words suggest that TPE isn't what's best for her is neither a compliment nor an insult.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to sravaka)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 5:10:00 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2008
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quote:

Quite the opposite, what I said was:

quote:

Anyone who can't say no is too weak to inspire me to dominate them.

Apologies. I had another thread partly in mind when I wrote that... and was extrapolating from "I see nothing in overpowering someone, mentally or physically, such things are not difficult for me and I do not see such acts as dominance in the sense I want to apply to myself. "

< Message edited by sravaka -- 7/22/2009 5:22:49 PM >

_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 5:45:42 PM

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

I've never understood the saying "Have your cake and eat it too." What's the point of having a piece of a cake if you don't eat it? Are you supposed to put it on your mantlepiece and go oooo and ahhhh each time you pass it? Seems that would be something of a lie...

The point of 'have your cake and eat it too' refers to the people who want to eat their piece of cake, and then still expect that the piece of cake will be sitting there waiting for them later, as if it had never been touched. The point is that you can either -look- at your cake, or you can -eat- your cake, but you can't do both.

(Just to help out)

Ah-ha! Thank you for the clarification. It makes perfect sense now. I've been wondering about this well, since I was 12, probably. To make matters worse, when I think about this saying, I hear at the same time the Marie Antoinette declaration, "Let them eat cake!" which is totally wrong, but when the mind superglues two completely unconnected ideas together it can be hell to pull them apart. :/

< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 7/22/2009 5:47:06 PM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 5:55:23 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2008
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quote:

To the point, that the OP's words suggest that TPE isn't what's best for her is neither a compliment nor an insult.

Absolutely agreed... and I don't imagine an application of "strength" in the absence of other tools would solve her conundrum.

I do think, though (as others have said far more effectively) that if she seeks TPE (i.e., is motivated by an inner need for nothing more, nothing less)... the final resolution would lie in the hands of her master, a function of his judgment about what is best for her and for the relationship. I certainly wouldn't want the responsibility for making such a decision, though, and thus end up seeing another's capacity for assuming such responsibility as a species of strength.

Or something. (no more late night posting!)

_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 6:11:50 PM

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Joined: 7/21/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: runnerslut4mstr

. I feel that this is the type of lifestyle I want to live, however I have set a few limits on what I wont give up control over due to my very strong feelings and expections (I guess you could call them expectations). I dont want to give up(nor do I think its right for me to be asked to either) my family or friends. The two other things I wont give up and go hand in hand are my future career in the military (have had these plans for a few years now) and my schooling because of a promise I made to a family member.

YOU have indicated here you have set limits..and don't and won't..This is not TPE..this is negotiation...
Are you still at this stage?? If you enter into TPE then

If it was my household I would have final say..
keeping in mind YOUR highest good..what is best for you..and you would need to accept that having given the TPE.I would be under the understanding that in the TPE you have entrusted your life to ME in all ways.

. Is it wrong of me to ask to keep the school and ROTC due to the promise I had made to a family member that I would continue my schooling and complete the ROTC program?

We cannot know what is right or wrong for anyone..only experiences we have had that may help or how we see TPE..
It is important to discuss HOW YOUR DOM sees TPE and how you do and see IF you are on the same page..???

so I dont know exactly what is the right way/wrong way for a Dom to act about these things.

Again we cannot say how YOUR DOM should act..it is a relationship between you both...I think it is that you wonder if and how you can live TPE but also when?? and about your limits you have set?If you are setting limits before then going into a TPE it could get murky.
I agree with the one BEAR and the ONE Leonidis(sp)
They are not murky...TPE is how it is and that is that.. TOTAL.....always.

I just want to make sure I do the right thing with all of this.

TO do the right thing you need consider YOUSELF and your
DOM...and the future..for the highest good for all...
AND may I add...listening and obeying NOW will help set a solid foundation for future.
MAMBO

< Message edited by MAMBOdeBEAU -- 7/22/2009 6:13:23 PM >

(in reply to runnerslut4mstr)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/22/2009 7:26:35 PM

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

Back when the term was coined, there was a pretty good argument about whether it should be "Absolute" instead, but I guess most people didn't fancy being in an APE relationship.

I remember that argument well. I liked "absolute" better as a descriptive adjective, but you are right, the acronym it made just sucked. TPE isn't that great-sounding, either, but that might be personal: my shortcut name for toilet paper is TP. And I do not enjoy thinking about that sort of exchange.

(in reply to Leonidas)

RE: Master/slave questions - 7/23/2009 9:57:25 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

Back when the term was coined, there was a pretty good argument about whether it should be "Absolute" instead, but I guess most people didn't fancy being in an APE relationship.

I remember that argument well. I liked "absolute" better as a descriptive adjective, but you are right, the acronym it made just sucked. TPE isn't that great-sounding, either, but that might be personal: my shortcut name for toilet paper is TP. And I do not enjoy thinking about that sort of exchange.

Yeah, we fluctuate between 'comprehensive authority dynamic' and 'absolute authority dynamic' for our household, though I have some trouble with the 'absolute' thing... I don't grok 'absolute' as being achievable, just like I don't grok 'perfect' as being achievable. However, if we -did- use an acronym, I guess it would be CAD or AAD, neither of which is so bad, unless you confuse the first with the graphics software and the 2nd with the acronym for attention deficit disorder (is that still a disorder? Anyway... being nominally dyslexic, and slightly attention disoriented, that might happen with me *LOL*)

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to CaringandReal)

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