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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 1:08:33 PM   
TurboJugend


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o.k...self reflection isn't in your dictionary..
but agree,,lets giggle about it..

ps

humour can not always be read from words

< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 7/25/2009 1:12:06 PM >

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 1:13:58 PM   
Viridana


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Afrodizzy

Decency and Respect .... a question to members of this community. Partly for me to be more informed and maybe get a pulse on the general consensus.

In the community we do not judge the methods or the preferences of others, to each their own joys, pleasures. desires, fetishes. We keep an open mind and we each have our own ways. I as an example don't start my first approach to a sub / slave with "Hey slut" or "whore" or bitch. I don't ask to be called Sir or ask for naked pictures or a web cam session right out of the gate. This makes me no less of a true Dominant, no less controlling, no less demanding when I do get into a stage where we have started playing or if someone is under consideration.It is more important for me to get to know the prospect, understand clearly their wants, needs, goals, desires and then when a level of comfort and understanding has been reached we can progress to other matters. That is my personal preference and by no means is it the right one, to each their own, no wrongs, no rights, just different.

This brings me to my point of decency and respect not only for oneself but for others. I am a straight Male Dominant, I sometimes get approached by men and based on those principles of decency and respect, I would respond and say thanks for the mail but
I'm only into women and by doing such, the matter is closed. In the same light, when one starts a conversation and for whatever reason you decide that it is not what you seek, let that person know, you may not even have to give a reason beyond, "it is not what I'm looking for" or " Im taking another approach" I know that many of the members here are overwhelmed with e-mail and other approaches, by all means ignore the ones that don't interest you or that don' t meet your criteria but when you do engage even at the highest level, close out that engagement if you are moving on.

My question; No matter how Dominant or sub or switch or whatever we are, no matter how hard we play, if its sadism, humiliation, masochism or any of the different forms of lifestyles or schools of thought. In the end of the day, can we ask that in the same manner that we do not pass judgement, that we at least respect the general codes of decency and etiquette as we embrace this lifestyle?

On Point, Or am I smoking something?


In great majority of times when I reply "thanks but no thanks" I get a mail back stating how ugly/fat/stupid/insertderogatoryword I am. The rest of them that don't write back with insults can't and won't take no for an answer and make an honest effort to further bother me... which before I learned to utilize the block button usually ended in insults anyways. Those who can take the rejection mail like adults are very few and far between so why should I even bother with those "thanks but no thanks" mails? It is pretty far fetched to require that of me or other women on here to have insults poured over them from complete strangers on a regular basis just so your ideals of what constitutes as good manners can be fulfilled.

(in reply to Afrodizzy)
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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 1:15:41 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend


I see you've opted to not suffer in silence... pity. 





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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 1:17:59 PM   
TurboJugend


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not sure what your goal is....
but I am sure it is entertaining for many

now I will be in silence

< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 7/25/2009 1:18:18 PM >

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 1:21:27 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend


Whatever it is that's eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

Good Day



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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 1:24:39 PM   
antipode


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quote:

as we embrace this lifestyle


I gotta figure out who this "we" person is I hear so much about

(in reply to Afrodizzy)
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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 1:28:09 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

as we embrace this lifestyle


I gotta figure out who this "we" person is I hear so much about



It's Batman... black rubber suit, cuffs, rope... think about it?!!



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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 2:25:50 PM   
TickledToDeath


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I could not agree more.
I have been victim of Disrespect some time back, right here in this forum. I inquired about something and was attacked and accused of posting for the mere purpose of desiring "wanker material" .
Classless to say the least was that response. Not cool and quite disrespectful.
Shit happens. There are "no class" people everywhere but there are places where I did not expect them to be, here being one of them.
If we are both wrong Afrodizzy, then we are both smoking the same bad batch.
Not asking much for decency and respect. Not much at all.

TTD

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 2:37:44 PM   
Lockit


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LOL... I think it is rather funny... in a place with sadist and humilation getter off'ers, people expect us all to be nice!

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 2:40:06 PM   
LillyoftheVally


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

LOL... I think it is rather funny... in a place with sadist and humilation getter off'ers, people expect us all to be nice!



Irony thy name is CM

(tis funny also that there was an extended trail of rather impolite conversation on this very thread, ahhh no wonder I came back)

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 2:40:39 PM   
Lockit


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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 2:41:01 PM   
TurboJugend


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

LOL... I think it is rather funny... in a place with sadist and humilation getter off'ers, people expect us all to be nice!


lol indeed

but then again..we would be able to erase 80% of the threads were emotions are involved :p
would be quiet here

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 2:47:36 PM   
GreedyTop


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Tickled.. I don't see why you would expect the behaviors of humans HERE to be any different than behaviors anywhere else.   People are people.  

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 3:53:33 PM   
DemonKia


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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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FR, after read thru

These 'everyone should be nice & super-duper accepting & tolerating' threads put me in mind of a link Apocalypso posted some time ago:

Five Geek Social Fallacies

Summed up, they are:

GSF #1 -- Ostracizers Are Evil
GSF #2 -- Friends Accept Me As I Am
GSF #3 -- Friendship Before All
GSF #4 -- Friendship Is Transitive (AfB & BfC -> AfC)
GSF #5 -- Friends Do Everything Together


This excerpt from that page is worth thinking about:

Social fallacies are particularly insidious because they tend to be exaggerated versions of notions that are themselves entirely reasonable and unobjectionable. It's difficult to debunk the pathological fallacy without seeming to argue against its reasonable form; therefore, once it establishes itself, a social fallacy is extremely difficult to dislodge.

&, to my eyes, one of the biggest confuddlers about these happy-happy-joy-joy expectations is that, for me, a significant chunk of why I seek out other kinksters is for the peer review & critique educational opportunities. (That I take some schaudenfreudistic pleasure in watching others getting critiqued is purely incidental & / or serendipitous . . . . )

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 4:06:50 PM   
GreedyTop


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*melts*

I love when you use big words, Kia.....


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polysnortatious
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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 4:10:18 PM   
DemonKia


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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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Awwwwww, Greedy, it's so nice to be appreciated, & most especially on behalf of that trope. All too often I hear noxious annoyance at my superfluous vocabulary fetishism . . . . .

There, jus' fer you, ya pirate booty, you . . . .

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 4:10:59 PM   
Lockit


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Oh I can't read that!  The one word I could see now means I have to go watch Serendipty!

I am still trying to figure out if going blind is a serendipitous moment... I guess that depends on what my hand finds searching for... um... the light.

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 4:11:17 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
*puddle*

I love words...

*snogs Kia*


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polysnortatious
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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 4:22:24 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

LOL... I think it is rather funny... in a place with sadist and humilation getter off'ers, people expect us all to be nice!

Lockit your new pic is damn hot girl.
(Dammit even I can be nice sometimes.)


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RE: Good Manners - 7/25/2009 4:40:52 PM   
Apocalypso


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Afrodizzy
In the end of the day, can we ask that in the same manner that we do not pass judgement, that we at least respect the general codes of decency and etiquette as we embrace this lifestyle?
Note that not all of us would agree with "do not pass judgement" as a general rule.  More importantly though, I think you're staring from the premise that there is a generally accepted code of etiquette in the first place.  Observationally, I'm not sure that is the case and I'd need to see some hard evidence to convince me otherwise. I think that particular issue is still very much evolving.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957
And well, a lot of people say there is no community, so I prefer to call it a subculture, and I'm sure there are some who will disagree with that too.


They have a valid argument on "community".  But any claim BDSM isn't a subculture doesn't hold water.  I'm not sure that dictionary definitions are that useful here though- they're too general.  This is from the wiki, but I'd recommend anybody with an interest in this subject tries to get hold of the book in question (Subcultures: Cultural Histories and Social Practice by Ken Gelder.  It's pretty expensive though, so the library is your best bet).:

quote:

Ken Gelder argued in 2007 that subcultures are social, with their own shared conventions, values and rituals, but they can also seem "immersed" or self-absorbed; a feature that distinguishes them from countercultures.


I think that's a pretty good description of much of the BDSM scene.

quote:

Gelder identified six key ways in which subcultures can be understood:
  1. through their often negative relations to work (as 'idle', 'parasitic', at play or at leisure, etc.);
  2. through their negative or ambivalent relation to class (since subcultures are not 'class-conscious' and don't conform to traditional class definitions);
  3. through their association with territory (the 'street', the 'hood, the club, etc.), rather than property;
  4. through their movement out of the home and into non-domestic forms of belonging (i.e. social groups other than the family);
  5. through their stylistic ties to excess and exaggeration (with some exceptions);
  6. through their refusal of the banalities of ordinary life and massification.
The first point is the only one of those that I'd see as at all controversial when applied to BDSMers.  And even that's arguable- at the least many BDSMers are less likely to define themselves by their work.


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Go read a few more threads, noob...
It's spelt "n00b".

Lulz.   Pwn3d.   Kekekekekekekekekekekekekeke.




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(in reply to Afrodizzy)
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