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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I agree with this.

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ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

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ORIGINAL: Padriag
Perhaps because you haven't been paying attention?  Or maybe because you've just got really low standards?  Dumb luck on your part?  Or maybe you're making things up?

Wait.  Are we talking about people who sometimes don't get replies or who never get replies?  If the former, suck it up.  If the latter, possibly that's a sign they're doing something wrong.

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This sort of thread comes up repeatedly and there are common themes that emerge in all of them.  One is, women, particularly if they have an attractive picture, get a lot of email.  Another is that women frequently delete a lot of email unread.  If it weren't against TOS I'd happily list the profiles of a dozen women who state in their profile that they've just deleted ALL their email unread out of frustration... and none of those journal entries would be more than 2 wks old.  Or how about the several women who have commented in this thread alone that they don't read, much less respond, to all their email... and one or two that commented about just deleting everything.

That explains why some replies don't get written.  Not why somebody gets very few or no replies at all.

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I'd say there's apparently a lot you aren't aware of.  Like how arrogant your response sounded.  Just because you've been fortunate to get as many replies as you have doesn't mean your singular experience is in any way exemplorary of anyone elses. 

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I'm aware of that, I merely don't care.

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I don't feel the need to mollycoddle people who are oversensitive about their lack of responses

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Although, actually, it would have been far more arrogant to assume this was because of some special quality on my part as opposed to asking why other people didn't have this experience.

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If you were paying attention to the number of threads that come up of men asking why they don't get responses... and that not all of them are jerks, assholes, trolls, etc. you might get a clue that simply writing a nice letter isn't guarantee of squat.

I didn't claim it was a "guarantee".  If somebody thinks they're entiled to a reply because they write a "nice letter", then it's their own fault.  These women are strangers.  They don't owe you anything.

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Again, take a look at the large number of women's profiles insisting that if you don't sent a photo with your email, it will be deleted unread. 

So send a photo.  That was easy.Yes, you might get the occasional technical fault.  So mention in your mail you sent a photo.

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I know several dominant men on here, in addition to myself, who have all had the same experience of writing letters to the profiles of women and finding them deleted unread or read but never acknowledged. 

All of them?  That suggests your approach needs looking at because it's not working. 

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Only to find many of these supposed intelligent, thoughtful, polite ladies don't have the time to write even a simple thank you note to a letter that may have taken us a half hour or more to compose including the time spent reading their profile and any journal entries.

Yeah, they don't know you.  They aren't your friends yet.  And if writing mail seems like a chore stop doing it for a bit.  You're taking the net too seriously if that's the case.

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As you asked so nicely.

• Don't write in the expectation of a reply.  That way getting one is nice, as opposed to not getting one being the cause of emoness.
  
• Fire off a mail and then forget about it.  If you have the willpower, don't even check if it's been read or not.  It doesn't matter.
  
• Spellcheck, yo.  (That wouldn't seem to be an issue for you, but I suspect it is for some).
  
• Have a damn good, specific reason for writing to anybody you choose to.  Default to not writing to women unless given reason by their profile to do otherwise. I'm saying that, on average, if you're writing more than one mail a week you're probably writing too many.  At least if you want to go for the targetted approach.  Scattergun is fine if that's your thing, but accept it's likely to lead to a smaller percentage of replies.
  
• Don't make whiny journal posts about not getting replies, fakes or anything else that's going to make you look really unappealing.
  
• Don't take it so seriously.  It's the Interwebs.  It's not serious in any way unless you've actually started to have a proper conversation with someone.
  
• Be more like me.  Because I'm obviously awesome, as you acknowledged earlier.  Maybe dye your hair blue?

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ORIGINAL: blmtrsne

Second: You're not obliged to answer. A lot of mail on the net is malicious, and is only send to verify your email-address as valid so they can send you a lot of junk. So sometimes it's just smart not to respond.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag
We're talking about individuals who don't get the 50% response you claim.  Again, try to pay attention and follow along.

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Maybe it doesn't explain it to you... but then again, maybe the explanation is your claims to a 50% success rate are either a fabrication or the result of someone who habitually writes to the desparate and lonely.

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Interesting, if you don't care, then why did you ask. 

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Seems you had other motives here than contributing something constructive to the discussion.

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No one asked you to.  Nor is anyone being oversensitive about the frequently low response rate.

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What most of us are doing is trying to have a discussion about why that occurs, what drives the reactions of people on both sides of the problem.  You however, just seem to want to argue.

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Curious considering your post very much implied you assumed everyone else should be having the same experience you claim.  You didn't ask because you wanted an answer, you made the post because you felt like looking down your nose at someone.  The answer to your question was already there in my original post.  But as you say, you clearly don't care about that.

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And your point?  After all, you're the one suggesting that if all these individuals really did write nice letters, they ought to be having that 50%+ success rate you claim.  Here, however, you seem to be finally admitting reality... that as I stated in my first post, writing a nice letter doesn't mean you will get any response at all.  And I explained why in my original post which apparently you didn't bother to really read. 

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Wow... amazing... why didn't I and all these other gentlemen think of that?  But then we did.  It still doesn't resolve the issue, just ask the ladies how many vulgar pictures they get of dicks.   And the reaction again is predictable as the cycle continues, some lass gets the 10th dick shot that morning, gets frustrated and hits "delete all"... and Mr Nice, who's letter was unlucky number 11 never gets read. The comment was an observation on the ongoing evolution of the problem, and one specific response by some ladies to attempt to cope with it (and in this an observation on how it still hasn't resolved the issue).   Again, you appear to have no other motive here than to take cheap shots at others, so much so you failed to recognize that simple fact.  Or more likely, as you say... you don't care... rather what you do care about is finding opportunity to snarky and unconstructive remarks.

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Because writing nice letters is infrequently rewarded, many men are tempted to give up, meaning the ladies get fewer nice letters.  Its a vicious and unfortunate cycle.

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So most or not most?  What percentage?  Let's talk about specifics.

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And you enjoy criticizing others far too much.  More to the point you seem to delight in making snippy lil attacks at me.  Is it just cause you're that jealous of my dashing good looks?

*Rolls eyes*  I responded in kind to your attacks.  Stop being a baby about it.  Although yeah, that's the reason.  Obviously.

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See, I just don't buy into your claims of being so charming with the ladies.  Not when what I see in your profile doesn't match your claims.

I never claimed that.  I merely said that getting replies isn't rocket science and by overstating the difficult you don't do anybody any favours. 

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Not when I see someone spend several journal entries complaining about getting emails from fakes, or from people with fake sounding nicks, or a variety of other things.  Your talk doesn't match your walk.  That makes you seem very much like someone trying to puff himself up and look better than he is... but your shit still stinks, and worse by the minute.

I don't think you'll find I accuse anybody of being a fake in my journal.  Nice of you to illustrate how you dislike snippy personal attacks however.

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Here's a news flash, since you still aren't paying attention.  Many of us do all those things and more.

You should probably write your profile as well.

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But what I find hilarious is that you don't even live up to your own advice.  Having looked at your profile I find journal entries full of vulgarity, complaints about submissives and laundry lists of who shouldn't contact you.  Several of your journal entries sound like a domineering asshole with a bad temper and no patience.

Yeah, targetted you see.  I like people who understand the use of hyperbole as a comic device.  And don't get all outraged by "vulgarity". 

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Everyone who writes to someone with some with the goal of making a new friend or acquaintance does so with the expectation of a reply.  If someone didn't want to hear back from them, they wouldn't have written them in the first place (much less taken the time to write a thoughtful letter).  Doesn't take a genius to figure that out... but then again, you're clearly no genius.  I very much doubt any of these ladies want email from someone who doesn't give a damn whether they hear back from them or not.  On the contrary, they want letters from those interested enough to write a personal letter... someone who very much does want to get to know them, someone who does actually care.

Um, apart from the fact that has been quoted and agreed with by women in this thread already?  The fact you need feel you "actually care" about strangers suggests to me that part of your problem might be that you assume intimacy before it exists.

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As for spelling... "emoness" is not a word.  Might want to check your own spelling before throwing stones there, just a suggestion.

It's a colloquialism.  Google it.

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Love to know what you base that one email a week theory on.  While I'm all for having selective standards about who we write too, and have very clearly and repeatedly indicated that (I mention that again because you do seem to have such a problem noticing these things), one should write as frequently or infrequently as circumstances warrant.  If one finds 2 profiles that seem good matches this week, none next week, and 5 the following... then one writes 2 this week, none next week, and 5 the week after.

Note I said "on average".  On the whole, if youre finding more "good matches" than that, I'm dubious.

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But here again, for someone with all of a few months experience here, you might want to listen a bit more closely to those of us who have been here and dealing with this for much longer.

The fact that this is a new profile is hardly unknown.  Although, yes, I've been on here for a shorter time than you.  (About a year or so I think).

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Contrary to your thinking, the reality is the scattergun approach often does get more response, and for the same reason that telemarketing works.  Let's say the average response rate is 10%.  If you write to just one a week, you'll average one response in 10 weeks... which for someone who came here hoping to connect with someone else would be understandably discouraging.  If you up that to 10 letters per week, you now average one new contact per week.  Jump that up still further to 100 form letters per day and you'll average 10 new contacts per day.  Even if you allow a drop in response rate to 1% because they're form letters, you're still getting at least one new contact per day and for far less effort invested. 

I didn't say it didn't work.  I said that the percentage would drop, not necessarily the overall number of replies.  Although I would argue the potential of those replies is less likely to be as good. 

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Someone intrigued by the person enough to write them a personal email after reading their journal and profile is not likely to just forget about them.  Unless of course you're just mass mailing a lot of women or this is all just some sort of online game to you.  People who take the time to write something meaningful have invested something... its natural for people to care about that investment.

You said yourself, it's half an hour of your time at most.  It's not about being an online game.  It's about recognising how much emotional investment is appropriate in a complete stranger.  When you've exchanged several mails and had a proper conversation, that's when it's meaningful.  Not when you're doing the equivalent of 'cold calling'.

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As for the whiny journal entries... again, take your own advice.

I thought you said they were angry?

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And no, I never acknowledged you were awesome, that's just your own delusions and very contrary to my rapidly sinking opinion of you.

Well, if, for the sake of argument we assume that what I'm saying is true you imply it strongly.  Becuase you're clearly stating that what I'm suggesting is not the case for most people or achievable.

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You are still far too wet behind the ears here to be making so many assumptions about how things work here, and far too dismissive of those who have a far more experience with the situation. 

See above.  I'm not as green as you assumed.  And that's before we even go into the fact I've got experience of other dating sites.  And almost certainly have been on the Internet longer than you.

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But then, being rather green you jumped in and picked on someone, not realizing that individual is someone who isn't going to let your bull shit slip by. 

Your victim mentality is rather tiresome.  I made no personal attacks in my reply to you, merely asked for clarification.  You chose to get personal so I responded in kind.  To be clear, I'm not denying my responsibility for deliberately escalating the situation.  Merely saying that you are hardly in a position to cast stones here.

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You're so-called bullet points of wisdom has been said before, and more eloquently by others here... and for all I know you simply plagiarized any one of us.

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Easy enough to prove with a search if I did.  Go on.  Money where your mouth is.

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You on one hand claim to genuinely want to know what factors you aren't aware of... and then claim not to care...

As I mentioned, you failed to understand what I said there.  If it wasn't clear enough I apologise.

do try to make up your mind, although personally I think you've already shown

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Perhaps if you learn to lose the attitude and bravado, and at least act like you genuinely care, someone might take the time to explain them to you.

Wow.  A hell of a lot of your argument is based on a misconception.

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Otherwise I suspect your stay here will be very rough for however long it lasts.

Um, I hate to break the news to you, but I don't really feel I've had a "very rough" time of it in this thread.  I'm mostly amused by you so far, although if you actually start trying to debate properly I will respond in kind.  Can't say fairer than that, no?


_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to Padriag)

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Hey, Aakasha, I sent Julie 237 cmails and she hasn't yet responded to any of them. Do you have any idea why?

• Talk about the other more than oneself. That's the point of looking at a profile & journal entries, especially the lengthier ones. Talk about the other's interests more than one's own . . . . .
  
  I've had enormous success in being able to talk to just about anyone about just about anything, & my number one tool is to focus on the other. Most people like to talk about themselves, especially if they feel there is a sincere interest in hearing what they're saying. A couple of observant questions can elicit all kinds of stuff . . . . .
  
  
• ETA: In general it's a good idea to bring as much sense of humor to these intrawebs as possible . . . . Laughing it off at least gives one a laugh out of the whole thing, if nothing else . . . .
  
  

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  ORIGINAL: Apocalypso
  
  

  • Don't write in the expectation of a reply.  That way getting one is nice, as opposed to not getting one being the cause of emoness.
  • Fire off a mail and then forget about it.  If you have the willpower, don't even check if it's been read or not.  It doesn't matter.
    
  • Spellcheck, yo.  (That wouldn't seem to be an issue for you, but I suspect it is for some).
  • Have a damn good, specific reason for writing to anybody you choose to.  Default to not writing to women unless given reason by their profile to do otherwise. I'm saying that, on average, if you're writing more than one mail a week you're probably writing too many.  At least if you want to go for the targetted approach.  Scattergun is fine if that's your thing, but accept it's likely to lead to a smaller percentage of replies.
  • Don't make whiny journal posts about not getting replies, fakes or anything else that's going to make you look really unappealing.
  • Don't take it so seriously.  It's the Interwebs.  It's not serious in any way unless you've actually started to have a proper conversation with someone.
  • Be more like me.  Because I'm obviously awesome, as you acknowledged earlier.  Maybe dye your hair blue?
    

  
  

  
  
  (&, yeah, throw your best Shatner at me, A., bay-buh . . . . )
  
  
  < Message edited by DemonKia -- 7/26/2009 12:22:41 AM >
  
  (in reply to Apocalypso)

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ORIGINAL: TurboJugend

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My way--one liners, ........., I would not react to them if they approached Me in the grocery store

so if we meet on the way to a grocery store and I say good morning...you don't say anyhting in return?
I use that same reason to respond even to a simple hello....

...every one has its own reasons of course

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ORIGINAL: Rule

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ORIGINAL: Padriag
I feel its more the "system" we are give to use that helps to create and prolong the problem.

So perhaps a filter might be added for a choice of cmail frequencies? Like "sent more than 5 / 10 / 20 / 30 / 50 / 100 mails during the past hour / day / week / month". That might significantly decrease the cut and paste spam mails that many people receive. (People on the friends list excepted from such a filter, as some of them may be legitimately corresponding more frequently than the individual filter allows.)

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ORIGINAL: Rule

So perhaps a filter might be added for a choice of cmail frequencies? Like "sent more than 5 / 10 / 20 / 30 / 50 / 100 mails during the past hour / day / week / month". That might significantly decrease the cut and paste spam mails that many people receive. (People on the friends list excepted from such a filter, as some of them may be legitimately corresponding more frequently than the individual filter allows.)