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What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 3:09:21 AM

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I guess this one is for the Mistresses too.

Doms, do you love your sub? Masters, do you love your slave?

I ask this because I am seeing more and more profiles, not just on this site, where the submissive/slave in question repeatedly says they want only to be kept and used with no emotional attachment. In fact I'd say almost half of the new profiles I see have some variation of this theme.

While I don't have to love somebody to play with them, there needs to be some sort of emotion involved for me. Just like with vanilla dating, I want to at least like a partner before getting too involved. One night stands are fine, maybe these subs are seeking a lifetime of that one night stand feeling.

I also saw a comment from a Master saying he could not love any slave and still do the things he does to them.

So again, for all of you, What's love got to do with it?

_____________________________

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-- Dr. Seuss

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 5:31:48 AM

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I think you are gonna get a diff. answer from everybody who replies, its a deeply personal question and will be diff for all, do i need love to play? no, do i need any sort of connection other than lust? no, does love or that emotional connection make play better? oh hell yes its undeniably bettter and so much more satisfying on many levels when love is at play, but i wont not get off cause i dont love a girl

(in reply to Aanakaris)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 5:38:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aanakaris

I guess this one is for the Mistresses too.

Doms, do you love your sub? Masters, do you love your slave?

I ask this because I am seeing more and more profiles, not just on this site, where the submissive/slave in question repeatedly says they want only to be kept and used with no emotional attachment. In fact I'd say almost half of the new profiles I see have some variation of this theme.

While I don't have to love somebody to play with them, there needs to be some sort of emotion involved for me. Just like with vanilla dating, I want to at least like a partner before getting too involved. One night stands are fine, maybe these subs are seeking a lifetime of that one night stand feeling.

I also saw a comment from a Master saying he could not love any slave and still do the things he does to them.

So again, for all of you, What's love got to do with it?

Love has every thing to do with it and again nothing...The number one in my life has my heart my soul while the rest I suppose In my own way there is some love there but not the deep hurting kind of love..Bounty

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RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 5:39:30 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aanakaris

So again, for all of you, What's love got to do with it?

It depends on what you mean by "love". If you mean "do you have romantic ties to your servants?" the answer would be 'no'. The dynamic that we share is not a romance-based dynamic. On the other hand, if you ask me whether I care for the welfare and progress of my servants, and whether I am committed to their well-being and emotional and metaphysical health, and whether I consider them a member of our family, then I'd have to say 'yes'.

I think that the 'love' word is pretty vague, and may have nothing to do with authority-based dynamics at all, but it is very difficult, IMO, to have a person who becomes deeply entrenched in the mechanics of one's life without developing an attachment to that person, and frankly, I wouldn't want to be the kind of person who -could-.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/16/2009 5:40:22 AM >

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(in reply to Aanakaris)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 6:29:19 AM

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For me it's essential. For him, he was willing to play casually but prefers this in a committed relationship. Maybe it's related to gender, or age. However, every relationship starts off as a one night stand. We don't know beforehand whether or not we'll like it enough to go for a second night. Or just a second date.

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RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 10:05:53 AM

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~FR~

I love My slave. With all of My heart. In our relationship, love is a necessity. But that's My relationship with him. It wouldn't necessarily be My relationship with any other slave. I am actually drawn to the idea of having someone who is simply a servant. Mutual affection is something I would hope for, but not a romantic relationship. It would lessen certain complications, I think, having the boundaries so clearly delineated.

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RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 10:44:15 AM

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Love has everything to do with it.
Since for me it's all about a long term committed relationship I can't settle for anything less. It just doesn't work for me.

(in reply to Miyani)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 10:47:58 AM

LillyoftheVally

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I love lots of people, I love my family, I love my friends, I love ex lovers and current partners love to me is what life is.

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RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 10:52:10 AM

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Calla expressed the way that I feel about it. I don't have romantic love for My submissive. I do love him (now) but it's a different kind.

More directly to the question of is it a requirement, for Me the answer is no. While it can grow to a situation where there is a mutual love or affection, I don't need it to start out that way. I do prefer those situations where it exists but those are cases where I am looking at a long term dynamic and not a situation where one is just forming.

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RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 11:45:58 AM

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People build whatever relationships they want. For ME, the entire point is love. So hell yeah I love Carol. And, more to the point, I could not do the things I do to her if I didn't love her... or more accurately, I can't see why I'd bother.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Aanakaris)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 12:15:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

...And, more to the point, I could not do the things I do to her if I didn't love her... or more accurately, I can't see why I'd bother.

Yup...that's what I hope to find. Someone who understands the symbiotic relationship that happens in a D/s-type relationship. Just as you said, I can't see that I'd be particularly interested in going very far into WIITWD with just anybody.

I agree, for me love (and all that comes with love) has everything to do with it.

And, Jeff...I wonder if I might ask; are you the Jeff I came to know here on the boards a few years ago? If so...congratulations, Sir; lovely website!

bearlee

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RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 12:36:01 PM

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It depends on the relationship you build. If it's about players, they don't need love; if it's about your partner, love is essential. It's not that illogical at least.

(in reply to Bearlee)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 12:39:21 PM

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Nope, not me. I'm new to BDSM and ne to collarme both.

And as far as I'm concerned, what I offer as a leader is worth a whole crapload more than a few blow jobs. So without the love aspect, I'd basically feel like my slave was wanting something for nothing. Damnit, if I'm going to devote all of myself to this, then I expect her to do the same.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Bearlee)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 2:05:39 PM

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I am not romantically involved with my slave. I do love him, but not in that way. It wouldn't work considering how I'm a het flexible woman and he's a gay man. The bond we have is strong...but different than that.

Master Fire

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RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 3:18:55 PM

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All these different responses are great, not just for the D/s relationships but the different definitions of love and affection.

_____________________________

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-- Dr. Seuss

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 3:39:43 PM

LillyoftheVally

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See I want to write a post here about the greek definitions of love, I seem to do it quite a lot, it is how I see it. I think our common notion of love is too basic, simplistic and limiting. The greeks had many names for different types of love, eros, agape etc encompassing everything from passionate lusty love to the love a parent has for a child. It is these definitions that I live my life by, and in that vain I am always in love.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Aanakaris)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/16/2009 9:35:27 PM

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I love my Dom, I love my sub, I love my close friends, whether I play with them or not. Play is just that, a physical interaction. You do not need love to interact in a D/s manner any more than you need love to have sex. Love means that the act takes on a whole new meaning and significance, whether it is the love of life-long partners or friends. I would do anything for my Dom, because I know he would not ask my to do anything that would not be in my best interests and that if I felt strongly that something was wrong for me I know without any doubt that he would listen to my reasoning. The love I have for my sub is very different, I care about his welbeing and take on the responsibility that our dynamic dictates, I would not say I would do anything for him because that is, quite simply, not our dynamic. When I make friends I give a great deal of myself to them, I care and love them, but they have their own lives to lead and I respect the choices they make. D/s and love are not mutually inclusive or exclusive, just as any type of dynamic between individuals means different things to those involved.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/19/2009 5:12:51 AM

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Good morning!
oh yes Daddy loves me, he just cannot say it. We had a huge argument after 11 months of being together where it came out that every day he was saying "I love you" without really knowing what it meant. His divorce and 2 girlfriends really messed him up. It is very hard for him to even say that to his adult kids so he set some ground rules if we were to stay together. Namely, no more saying it. And taking away my limits. But after a few months, the anxiety went away when I realized that nothing had changed really-he kept doing his thigns and showing me -actually even more-that he loved me. He is so private and quiet that I realize the things he shares with me (D/s and vanilla) he really doesn't share with anyone. So I know he loves me and the words don't matter.

Has he loved his past 2 subs? I am not sure..he doesn't talk about his past too much and "shushes" me with a smile when I ask. So I don't ask anymore. His level of love and mine may not be equal but we have that for each other. It's not the "I wanna get married and be 24/7 naked slave" love (neither of us wants to be married again) but it's the "D/s AND vanilla..I am so at peace and comfortable" love And at our age..it feels so damn good! ::laughs:: Good luck!

Love,
Zechriel

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(in reply to Sexycelticlady)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/19/2009 6:48:41 AM

VvShadowspawnvV

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These types of questions are tough on here, since individual dynamics vary so much, not to mention getting answers from Master, Dom, and Top perspectives will probably run the entire spectrum anyway. So thank you for making distinctions. Personally, I think that sloppy labeling leads to a LOT of unnecessary pain and suffering (not the fun kind) in BDSM relationships.

Personally, I do love my girl, although it certainly isn't a requirement in a M/s relationship, and I can see where in some cases it would make things easier not to. I could see how this could especially be a problem in S/m heavy relationships, or D/s ones heavily into objectification or humiliation. Of course "love" is a word I simply use to describe my feelings, and like any other label, could mean other things to other people. To me, it means she brings me happiness, and because of this, I try to do the same for her; I care about her well-being and try to help her grow in ways that are mutually beneficial for us; and I would miss her if she was gone. On the other hand, these feelings are based in her submission to me, and from my experience they can definitely change, sometimes very swiftly.

Our personal dynamic is primarily focused on trust based D/s though, and I take extra care to make sure that my feelings don't interfere with things when it comes to my requirements or discipline of her. We have no contracts or limits because she simply trusts me not to take things too far. This level of trust on her part, and my exploration of it, causes a definite bond for us and I don't make any effort to lessen it. I do though, because of this, take extra care to make sure she doesn't forget her condition. Although we aren't really into roleplay, I tend to view her as a pet. If she is good and pleases me, I see no reason not to treat her well, and even admit that I love her. However, if she pees on the carpet and chews up my shoes, or refuses to sit when I tell her to, she will either be punished, or taken to the pound. I don't think the condition necessarily has to exclude the emotion. But that is just me.

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because they know they can be impolite without
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(in reply to Zechriel)

RE: What's love got to do with it? - 8/19/2009 6:52:36 AM

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Dear Op:

I love my slave. I have been engaged to him for six years.
The master who says he cannot love his sub and do the things he needs to do, is on target.
I can do some things, but things like edge play and other types of extreme punishment that I need to do. I cannot do them because I love him, and don't want him hurt.
You can check out my profile if you wish.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aanakaris

I guess this one is for the Mistresses too.

Doms, do you love your sub? Masters, do you love your slave?

I ask this because I am seeing more and more profiles, not just on this site, where the submissive/slave in question repeatedly says they want only to be kept and used with no emotional attachment. In fact I'd say almost half of the new profiles I see have some variation of this theme.

While I don't have to love somebody to play with them, there needs to be some sort of emotion involved for me. Just like with vanilla dating, I want to at least like a partner before getting too involved. One night stands are fine, maybe these subs are seeking a lifetime of that one night stand feeling.

I also saw a comment from a Master saying he could not love any slave and still do the things he does to them.

So again, for all of you, What's love got to do with it?

_____________________________

Do not try to measure weight loss by pounds. Eat healthy and let it work slowly to achieve your goal.

(in reply to Aanakaris)

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