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RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 7:22:00 PM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		Master Archer has given me the task of financial management. While he is the final decision maker in all things he knows I am more experienced in financial matters and better at it!

I manage the home finances and the business accounting. Yes, he sometimes asks 'can we get XXX' but it is not a request but rather a question as to whether the budget will allow the purchase.

He does limit my 'pleasure' spending..mainly what I spend on him..cause I tend to want to spoil him.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 7:22:42 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

but to really be in control of the relationship, wouldnt they have to have control of the money? It would seem a natural course to follow for me as so many life decisions are centered around finances.


You are absolutely correct. If I were to have a live-in slave, she would of course have all financial responsibility stripped from her. I want her focused on other things.



I'm wary of giving up that much control, the potential for abuse imo is too much.

Amayos, would your slave have access to money for emergencies? If, God forbid, something happened to you, would she be able to get money for bills etc? I ask this because, when my father became seriously ill, my mother had problems because HE was the one who paid all the bills and took responsibility for the finances. Luckily they had the foresight to have a joint checking account, even though she never used it until he became too ill. She had to have a crash course from me about writing cheques and using a debit card.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 8:46:31 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I spent 18 years in a vanilla marriage where I had to do everything with the finances. All he did was go to work and hand me the check. I had to pay the bills, decide what we would spend and save. Not much savings ever!

Right now I don't have a job and will be going to school to do something productive and worthwhile with my life. Until I do get going my dom will support me and take care of all the finances. I can't wait! I don't want to have to think about money, bills or any of it for awhile. I know he will require me to in the future, but for now I just want to be left out of it and trust that everything is going to be done that needs too. He has already more then proven how capable he is so I know I am in very good hands.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 8:59:20 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

Amayos, would your slave have access to money for emergencies? If, God forbid, something happened to you, would she be able to get money for bills etc? I ask this because, when my father became seriously ill, my mother had problems because HE was the one who paid all the bills and took responsibility for the finances. Luckily they had the foresight to have a joint checking account, even though she never used it until he became too ill. She had to have a crash course from me about writing cheques and using a debit card.


God forbid, indeed!

But to answer your question: Simply, no. Her access to money would be completely taken away. In the event of an emergency, I have arrangements in place to manage finances. If I turn up dead, she is released, of course. ;)

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 9:05:47 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

<snip>
I'm not meaning that the Dominant has to make more money than the submissive/slave but to really be in control of the relationship, wouldnt they have to have control of the money? It would seem a natural course to follow for me as so many life decisions are centered around finances.


In my opinion, definately not. Sir expects me to be able to support myself financially and pay my bills. In turn, he takes care of himself financially, and because he currently makes more money than I do, he tends to pay for 'dates' and 'extras' while we are together. However, I offer to pay for things and sometimes he allows me to and he appreciates that, as it shows I'm not taking him for granted.

Many of life's decisions and life's problems center around money. He knows what I make, and where it goes. He's helped me to budget better and be better about retirement savings. He basically knows where my money's going and he's comfortable with that. He does not require me to share my bank statements with him. He trusts that I can live within the budget that he set and expects me to follow it as prescribed.

Though he doesn't micromanage me financially (and has no desire or intention to) I'm expected to discuss things with him like purchases outside the budget in excess of normal living expenses/habits.

Does this mean I'm some free wheeling 'wanna be' who's playing 'D/s' relationship? Hardly. Control isn't just about someone making all the decisions and someone following orders. My desire to serve, love and honor him as his submissive is the driving force in my power exchange relationship and the foundation on which control is given over to Sir.

He does not have to wrest it from me. It is given freely and willingly. He expects me to be a whole person who does not need to be told when to pay the phone bill.

Kassie

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 9:09:35 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

God forbid, indeed!

But to answer your question: Simply, no. Her access to money would be completely taken away. In the event of an emergency, I have arrangements in place to manage finances. If I turn up dead, she is released, of course. ;)


Amayos,

When you come down from what ever cloud you are perched on, let us know. Clearly, this dream world fantasy of yours could use a reality check.

Kassie

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 9:30:43 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

Amayos,

When you come down from what ever cloud you are perched on, let us know. Clearly, this dream world fantasy of yours could use a reality check.

Kassie



Kassie,

The aforementioned concept is actually rather mild, by comparison to other things I have had the pleasure of pulling out of fantasy. I invite you to state your case, regardless. I'm curious.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 11:00:34 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		For my part I see too many problems with the Dom being in total control of the finances. What happens if you break-up? Who gets what?

I would suggest that each person maintain their own finances (unless they marry of course) and that the Slave only spend money when and if the Dom approves the spending. She can be tasked with paying certain things on a monthly or regular basis without having to get individual permission each time but anything outside the routine should be brought to the attention of, and approved by the Master.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/23/2006 11:15:00 PM   
Veryleggyredhead


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline 		I would have concerns around someone controlling my life to that extreme and degree. Would put me in a position where I could find myself in an abusive situation with limited or no access to resourses I could utilize to leave an abuser. While there are many honest and caring Doms or Masters in the lifestyle, there are also those who are simply here because it gives them a license in their minds to be abusive on multiple levels. As for the sharing of resourses in a committed relationship, I am all for it. Just my take on this.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 2:21:39 AM   
phoenix1


Posts: 107
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

How much control could a Dominant have if they dont hold the financial decisions? ...to really be in control of the relationship, wouldnt they have to have control of the money? the actual decisions about how, what and where the money is spent on? ...who has that control..or should have it for you..and why?



he could have a lot of control if he was Dominant enough... with or without being the one to make the financial decisions.

money has a lot of power all by itself... because it is money, or lack thereof, that determines how we live (comfy or not)... so, if this one would handle the finances... but did that in a careless way... everyone in the household would suffer...

if this one handled the finances in a wise way, then everyone in the household would benefit.... that, in effect, would give this one power...

where this one's first point comes into play here, is if Master beat this one's ass for screwing up the finances... he would still be more than able to control everything without actually having to handle the finances.... (hope that made sense)

< Message edited by phoenix1 -- 2/24/2006 2:23:08 AM >

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 5:48:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not getting the whole "Need to have an escape route" idea here. If financial control isn't your bag, that's one thing, but retaining control as a "Just in case this person I decide to have authority over me really turns out to be an asshole" just doesn't ride with me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 7:07:56 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm not getting the whole "Need to have an escape route" idea here. If financial control isn't your bag, that's one thing, but retaining control as a "Just in case this person I decide to have authority over me really turns out to be an asshole" just doesn't ride with me.



i read it as a situation where that level of trust has not been established.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 8:37:24 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm not getting the whole "Need to have an escape route" idea here. If financial control isn't your bag, that's one thing, but retaining control as a "Just in case this person I decide to have authority over me really turns out to be an asshole" just doesn't ride with me.


Hear, hear...well said, LA.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 10:03:53 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Kassie,

The aforementioned concept is actually rather mild, by comparison to other things I have had the pleasure of pulling out of fantasy. I invite you to state your case, regardless. I'm curious.


With the 2 minutes I have here's my case:

So often I hear attractive guys not unlike yourself spew this hard line stuff about what you would do *if* you owned someone, what you would do *if* the girl lived under your roof and what you would expect *if* you were the Master in the situation.

I think my case is grounded on the *if* here. It never ceases to amaze me that the ones who are so confident in how they would handle a situation are the ones who are not partnered.

Kassie

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 10:16:44 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily



quote:

Kassie,



The aforementioned concept is actually rather mild, by comparison to other things I have had the pleasure of pulling out of fantasy. I invite you to state your case, regardless. I'm curious.





With the 2 minutes I have here's my case:



So often I hear attractive guys not unlike yourself spew this hard line stuff about what you would do *if* you owned someone, what you would do *if* the girl lived under your roof and what you would expect *if* you were the Master in the situation.



I think my case is grounded on the *if* here. It never ceases to amaze me that the ones who are so confident in how they would handle a situation are the ones who are not partnered.



Kassie



You have made a miscalculation, Lily. I in fact have two very meaningful and depthful relations with two slaves as we speak. Another is a submissive I have known for a very long time. I have yet another under consideration as well (not that I should have to explain this).

I choose not to live with a slave because I value my privacy and I am somewhat reclusive by nature. That may, however, change in time. That I am not "partnered" as you idealize is neither here nor there. But I do thank you for the reply, and the chance for clearing up a few misconceptions. Thanks for the compliment on my attractiveness as well.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 10:55:09 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

You have made a miscalculation, Lily. I in fact have two very meaningful and depthful relations with two slaves as we speak. Another is a submissive I have known for a very long time. I have yet another under consideration as well (not that I should have to explain this).

I choose not to live with a slave because I value my privacy and I am somewhat reclusive by nature. That may, however, change in time. That I am not "partnered" as you idealize is neither here nor there. But I do thank you for the reply, and the chance for clearing up a few misconceptions. Thanks for the compliment on my attractiveness as well.


Ok, so you are just another guy looking to collect a harem. Been there, done that.

And that whole 'privacy' thing just screams intimacy issues all on it's own.

Kassie

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 11:21:21 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

You have made a miscalculation, Lily. I in fact have two very meaningful and depthful relations with two slaves as we speak. Another is a submissive I have known for a very long time. I have yet another under consideration as well (not that I should have to explain this).

I choose not to live with a slave because I value my privacy and I am somewhat reclusive by nature. That may, however, change in time. That I am not "partnered" as you idealize is neither here nor there. But I do thank you for the reply, and the chance for clearing up a few misconceptions. Thanks for the compliment on my attractiveness as well.


Ok, so you are just another guy looking to collect a harem. Been there, done that.

And that whole 'privacy' thing just screams intimacy issues all on it's own.

Kassie


Label me as you wish.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 12:23:13 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		In my relationship, my Lord manages the money I make in such a way that leaves little room for abuse. He does not have nor wants access to my bank accounts or credit cards, but he controls how I spend that money. Each month I prepare a budget for him and I am held accountable for my actions. If I wish to purchase something outside of the budget then I have to ask permission.

In the beginning of our relationship, this was one of the things that I found most challenging. Since I started working at age 18 I had not been accountable to anyone other than myself for how I spent money. It is the one area that still takes effort to submit to. What helps is that his ideas on money management closely mirror my own and in fact he is more generous with my budget than I would be.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 12:53:13 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

How much control could a Dominant have if they dont hold the financial decisions? I'm not meaning that the Dominant has to make more money than the submissive/slave but to really be in control of the relationship, wouldnt they have to have control of the money? It would seem a natural course to follow for me as so many life decisions are centered around finances.


This is a very subject and personal answer. Each relationship is going to be different. I think it is fair or realistic to consider one dominant to have less control or more control in the relationship because of financial decision control. There is some that will want this control or give up this control and there will be some that will not want it or give it up. More important to consider, are those in the relationship happy and/or content with the structure of finanical control that exist in the relationshp. If not, you better be talking with your partners!

I myself have complete financial authority within my relationships with kyra and alandra. I have established processes to manage and approve the spending of the money that is available as well as saving appropriate money! These decisions are mine!

quote:


I guess too, like the slave/submissive could be given the *job* to look after the money, paying bills etc, but the actual decisions about how, what and where the money is spent on? Like the final decision, after all is said and done...who has that control..or should have it for you..and why?


both alandra and kyra take care of the micro handling of money affairs. I don't concern myself to much about doing the paying of bills etc. I hardly find it fun to deal with the task, I have two very capable girls to pay bills and buy the items I want as per my instructions. They know my will and they carry out my instructions! At anytime that the girls are unclear of what my will is with regards to financial matters or any other matters, THEY ASK for clarification!



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Financial Decisions - 2/24/2006 7:36:51 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		kyra I would have no problem with things as you state them. What I do have a problem with is a Master having a slave who has no access to any money at all. Not only is there the potential for abuse, but if anything happens to the Dominant the slave has no financial backup.

Amayos states he would release his slave if he died. I would hope there are financial arrangements in place to give her some money to survive on until she could get herself back on her feet.

I realise there are slaves/subs who would happily give up the responsibility of handling money to their Master/Dom, but I am not one of them.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 40
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