I think I may need pychiatric care..

I think I may need pychiatric care.. (Full Version)

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Toppingfrmbottom -> I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 2:40:38 AM)
And I am deadly serious so please no rude or mocking replies. I know I come off as an idiot sometimes, or just an attention whore, so people like targeting me, but this time don't ok. this is the 4th night I've either not slept, slept ittle or couldn't stay asleep and my adhd and manic depressive episodes is off the charts. My OCD is very irritated and active too. It's also fucking cold in here, since it's a garage and not insulated and daddy keeps forgetting to bring in the radiator, so I am often awake at 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 am, fully dressed huddled in my jacket freezing cold, and my feet are permenant blocks of ice even with socks since I have no slippers, and the pair I want need to be ordered online, and they were supposed to be birthday presents well over a month away, but I just can't wait. He's been a very good sport, but I keep him awake many of these nights, and we really need separate bedrooms but we're a 1 room garage, there is no other room, sept out in the other room, on the floor on an air matress, but I'd still be cold and lonely and upset out there too, but I wouldn't have internet to come onto and pour myself into. I've also got some medical shit going on, one of my nostrils is completely blocked most the time has been for about 6 months and my throat always feels clogged and I'm always thirsty and can't ever get enough to drink. I'm constantly stiff and in pain from head to toe and this has been going on for about 6 months now, and I am hoping it's just that I need a very good massage and rub down. I keep getting these severe itchy bumps all over my scalp and they ITCH LIKE MAD AND HURT! and nobody can tell me why, and god I know I sound like a hypochondriac right now but I am seriously not doing good mentally emotionally or physically. I've also been very fragile last couple days nerve wise with Daddy, and nerve wise my nerves are right under the surface or easily exposed, but this is super exposed. I normally do not consider him and I getting into fisticuffs domestic violence and in the past have forgiven it since I do attack him back, but I am getting fed up. He hit my hand today for attempting to honk the horn at a guy that almost head on collided with us, and I hit him back because it hurt really bad, he hit me harder than he meant to, and he hit the thinnest part of the back of my hand and right between a tendon too, and started crying and told him if he did it again I'd consider it domestic violence, since he has a history of flying off the handle and hitting me, but he never means to hurt me, It's supposed to be light disciplinary smacks like you'd give a child but, he's strong and he doesn't know the full force of his hand smack till I am howling and enraged. When I am enraged I am a pycho, I WILL hurt you, I am a danger to myself and to him. It's an automatic rip you to shreds before you can kill me response. Course when he hits me like that it don't take much to enrage me and I have full out attacked him very violently before, and normally he's very passive and will let me full out assault him with little attempt to fight back but last time he fought back and it got extremely ugly. He knows that hitting me like this will send me into a tail spin or a fighting rage but it's instinctive he doesn't even think about it till it's over, and I've laid down the law tonight that he needs to stop, and I am dead serious, but he'll forget and whap me again if I'm doing something stupid, like trying to honk the horn at an idiot who almost collided head on with us.

devilishpixie -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 3:29:21 AM)
Stress often keeps me up for days, I dont give myself permission to sleep subconsciously. I have had to learn to meditate before bed to clear my mind. I still don't sleep through the night without medication. When I dont get enough sleep I get emotional, even manic. That is actually a pretty normal reaction to sleep deprivation. From the post you have made lately you have ALOT going on, a whole lot of stressers. All of which can trigger these feelings and episodes you describe. if you truly think you can't handle it talk to someone weather a friend, a priest, a support group, someone at mental health, anyone. Talking alot of times relieves that tension and stress just enough so you can breathe. You are not alone though, trust me. BTW.. you have Cmail.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 3:44:49 AM)
you have mail back.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 3:46:03 AM)
I normally sleep very well and despite my mentalillnesses am very healthy mentally, as far as they go, but they're out of whack lately. I wanted counsoling for a very long long time, but I can't afford it and there's not any free programs not really but maybe I'll call up the lady I know who does sliding scale and see if she'd go lower than the 25 we first talked about.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 3:52:31 AM)
I edited out the original email but I put some stuff back in, so you have mail again lol. and I really should stop using lol for stuff that's not humerous, it's a defense mechanisim.

LaTigresse -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 3:58:54 AM)
It sounds to me like a trip to the medical doctor, and mental, is in order. After years of watching my daughter suffer, I can say that chances are, it's not going to go away or just get better, on it's own. I know money is tight and resources are difficult to find, but trust me, they are there. Fight for your health and hunt down what you need. No one needs to be miserable.

Aneirin -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 4:49:50 AM)
Itching, throat and nose blockage issues, screams allergy to me, but stress can cause allergies, and you sound stressed, very stressed. You have to identify the source of your stress, and there take action to reduce it, but be aware, the source is often not obvious, and what you think it is, might only be a symptom of it. You talk about seeing a councellor, but you mention the cost, so given you say sliding scale, it is saying you cannot quite afford it, and that is adding to the stress. I am kind of an anxious operson, but I have learned how to combat my own stress, when enraged or highly stressed out, I remember to think where I would like to run away to at that moment, and there let my mind run, run away to that place. When in that place, explore it, engage senses and feel it. Yeah, running away has it's own problems,as it can become addictive, but it is a better place than living in the present when highly stressed or puse with anger.

onestandingstill -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 5:00:46 AM)
Hello, There's a wonderful site that lists kink aware professionals. It is ncfs.org. You should be able to find a councelor through their site. As far as it being freezing in the garage there are several things I can suggest. Maybe go spend the night at a heated friends house till you get the heater working. You could also get a heating pad and put it in your bed with you or get a few bricks and bake them in an oven. You can then wrap them in a towel and put them in the foot of your bed to help keep you warm while you sleep. What seems to work for me when I get that cold is taking a hot shower. Maybe a few hot showers a day can add at least some warm time to your day. In the part about hitting you you mention he smacked your hand. I understand that pissses you off, but I agree a hand smack is more of what I'd consider dicipline than domestic violence. If indeed it's more than just smacking your hand I agree BOTH OF YOU need to get help as you freely admit you are more violent to him than he is to you. You do have the right to stop him from swatting you, but you also have to understand he has the right to not be attacked physically by you as well. I hope this helps, and I will keep you in my prayers, suzanne

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 5:49:18 AM)
I'm usualy just fine but I have deteriorated, and I'm not gonna let it slide, and if I have to save money for a massage I will and then I'll go get a nice good one, there's also free chiropractic at the massage place he's liscenced and everything and he'll check your back an your neck as part of a massage after the massage. quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse It sounds to me like a trip to the medical doctor, and mental, is in order. After years of watching my daughter suffer, I can say that chances are, it's not going to go away or just get better, on it's own. I know money is tight and resources are difficult to find, but trust me, they are there. Fight for your health and hunt down what you need. No one needs to be miserable.

purepleasure -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 5:52:37 AM)
Tfb, I'm glad you've realized that you need help, and more than what we can offer you on an internet forum. PLEASE contact your local/county mental health agency and let them know you're quickly approaching a crisis situation with your mental illnesses, and beg them for an emergency appointment in the closest clinic to you. You should be able to qualify for some sort of medical assistance. In PA, where I live, a person can qualify for medical benefits if they're on SSI, even if they do not qualify for other public assistance benefits. This should help cover any doctor or counseling expenses. Please call them today. You are worth the effort. As for the hand smack when you tried to honk the horn.... Unless the driver has lost conciousness, NEVER grab at the steering wheel of a moving vehicle if you're not the person driving.

DarkSteven -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 5:53:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse It sounds to me like a trip to the medical doctor, and mental, is in order. Seconded.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 6:37:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse It sounds to me like a trip to the medical doctor, and mental, is in order. Seconded. Thirded. (but mostly just cuz Steven is so sexy) Wish you well.

LaTigresse -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 6:40:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom I'm usualy just fine but I have deteriorated, and I'm not gonna let it slide, and if I have to save money for a massage I will and then I'll go get a nice good one, there's also free chiropractic at the massage place he's liscenced and everything and he'll check your back an your neck as part of a massage after the massage. quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse It sounds to me like a trip to the medical doctor, and mental, is in order. After years of watching my daughter suffer, I can say that chances are, it's not going to go away or just get better, on it's own. I know money is tight and resources are difficult to find, but trust me, they are there. Fight for your health and hunt down what you need. No one needs to be miserable. NO. Normally I would say go for it with the massage and chiro...........but everything you've told me is screaming, much bigger major crisis. Get your ass to the doctor and do NOT leave them alone until they start addressing ALL of your issues. Tell your daddy he either helps you with this process or his ass is out the effing door.

UmbraDomina -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 7:58:53 AM)
call your doctor ASAP, if you don't have one, call a clinic, or hospital. if all else fails go to the ER. you need medical care both for physical ailments as well as mental. You and your partner clearly need domestic violence counceling. Contact a housing agency and get on a list for decent housing.

Kalista07 -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 8:35:00 AM)
tfb, i'm sorry things have gotten so tough for you....On the other hand, perhaps if they had not reached this level you may not have gotten to this point of desperation.... i would like to really strongly encourage you to spend some time searching out your local community resources for free or very low cost medical clinics and mental health clinics. If you need any help looking for resources just let me know, i'd be more than happy to help you seek some out.... Don't hesitate to tell people the truth about how much money you do (or do not) have... If they tell you your co pay would be X amount and you can not afford it, simply tell them..Most community based clinics have enough programs that they can subsidize to help meet people's needs...... Please keep us posted. Kali

kttqnp -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 8:41:36 AM)
You've already done the hard part, which is admitting that you think you need help and you can't handle things on your own. The other posters have given you great advice on seeking resources to find that help. NOW GO!!! Don't wait. You are worth it.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 10:06:06 AM)
Yes. I admit my Daddy has the right not to be the reciever of hands on treatment he don't want. It's something I'm not proud of, that I get so wild and angry and will hurt him so badly as I have in the past when I bit him so hard he had a bruise and a ring of teeth marks for a week because things got so violent between us. I just didn't want people thinking he's violent or mean or anything because sometimes when I write about our problems people are like well dump him then or why would you be with him, or he's an abusive ass you can do better, and maybe I could do better but he's not an abusive ass or nothing, far from it. If I get to cold I have permission from my dad( biological one) to come inside the house and turn the heat on and crash in his spare room. Once we have the radiator back in here though hopefully I won't be so unhappy with the cold. quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill Hello, There's a wonderful site that lists kink aware professionals. It is ncfs.org. You should be able to find a councelor through their site. As far as it being freezing in the garage there are several things I can suggest. Maybe go spend the night at a heated friends house till you get the heater working. You could also get a heating pad and put it in your bed with you or get a few bricks and bake them in an oven. You can then wrap them in a towel and put them in the foot of your bed to help keep you warm while you sleep. What seems to work for me when I get that cold is taking a hot shower. Maybe a few hot showers a day can add at least some warm time to your day. In the part about hitting you you mention he smacked your hand. I understand that pissses you off, but I agree a hand smack is more of what I'd consider dicipline than domestic violence. If indeed it's more than just smacking your hand I agree BOTH OF YOU need to get help as you freely admit you are more violent to him than he is to you. You do have the right to stop him from swatting you, but you also have to understand he has the right to not be attacked physically by you as well. I hope this helps, and I will keep you in my prayers, suzanne

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 10:08:57 AM)
pure, the moment I reached to honk the horn I knew it was a no no and hesitated and didnt do it, but he didn't know I wasn't gonna honk the horn, and we've gotten it clear as crystal now DO NOT TOUCH! It won't be happening again. I have a dr, I was just into the gyno yesterday so I am hesistant to ask to go again today because my mom or dad will have to drive me and it'll annoy them, but I guess they'll just have to be annoyed then huh? quote: ORIGINAL: purepleasure Tfb, I'm glad you've realized that you need help, and more than what we can offer you on an internet forum. PLEASE contact your local/county mental health agency and let them know you're quickly approaching a crisis situation with your mental illnesses, and beg them for an emergency appointment in the closest clinic to you. You should be able to qualify for some sort of medical assistance. In PA, where I live, a person can qualify for medical benefits if they're on SSI, even if they do not qualify for other public assistance benefits. This should help cover any doctor or counseling expenses. Please call them today. You are worth the effort. As for the hand smack when you tried to honk the horn.... Unless the driver has lost conciousness, NEVER grab at the steering wheel of a moving vehicle if you're not the person driving.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 10:11:09 AM)
Dady would move the ends of the earth to help me if he could, he's at work everyday all day sept monday and sunday, so he's not being not a help, Don't worry if he was not a help I'd be letting him hear it. I have before and I'm not afraid to get into his ear, when he's being an ass. quote:* ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom I'm usualy just fine but I have deteriorated, and I'm not gonna let it slide, and if I have to save money for a massage I will and then I'll go get a nice good one, there's also free chiropractic at the massage place he's liscenced and everything and he'll check your back an your neck as part of a massage after the massage. quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse NO. Normally I would say go for it with the massage and chiro...........but everything you've told me is screaming, much bigger major crisis. Get your ass to the doctor and do NOT leave them alone until they start addressing ALL of your issues. Tell your daddy he either helps you with this process or his ass is out the effing door.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I think I may need pychiatric care.. (10/29/2009 10:14:46 AM)
I bury myself in online stuff like neopets and playing games, and it helped, one time the mania was so bad and I just wanted to do something but my body hurt so much from being on the move all day, cause we walked a LOT earlier, that I got online and justb usied myself doing inane stuff, like stocking my store, and deleting emails and following other threads for chatting, and I always have more than to much email in my personal earthlink inbox, I could focous there if I can't foucous in real life and it's to late to put that go go go to use, or it's to much for me to handle physically. quote: ORIGINAL: Aneirin Yeah, running away has it's own problems,as it can become addictive, but it is a better place than living in the present when highly stressed or puse with anger.

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