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RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:14:52 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Hes asking me what he shall bring to drink..do you really do that if you dont think of coming?

Yes you do because he actually really does want to meet you but probably can't because he is probably older, fatter and uglier than what he's made you believe. You clearly stated to him that you can't tell him you want him till you have met. He knows that once you have met you very probably won't want him and that my dear frightens him to death. For now he can keep the fantasy going. He can keep you believing that he's the man in the picture he sent.

So yes he does want you and he does want to meet you but he won't.
People do this sort of stuff all the time. There is nothing to stop a mother putting up a picture of her daughter. There is nothing to stop one being 20 years younger and there is nothing to stop one using someone elses persona for the making of a fantasy.

Allthatjaz has hit it right on the head. I had a man send me a picture of himself that was attractive. We met and yes, that was him in the picture, but he had put on about 75 - 80 pounds since it was taken. I may have liked him even with the extra weight but could not stand the thought that he lied to me right off the bat. I knew I'd never be able to trust him again. End of story. The guy you are in contact with is not being upfront about himself or about something in his situation.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:17:29 AM

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Mona,

You want it to be true and real.
You aren't ready to walk away.

So, give it another try for Halloween, but have a plan B... People you might invite over the day after, so you can share the food you made.

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(in reply to Lucienne)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:19:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

he acts jealous of me seeing others.. he cant bear to hear about it..

So, he gets upset that you might be meeting others, but doesn't bother to show up himself? And after blowing you off, uses seeing others as an excuse not to meet you?

Do you honestly what a relationship that operates likes this?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:22:40 AM

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Another thing I wanted to add: I finally met the malesub I mentioned earlier halfway in New York. The meeting was a disaster. He had appalling manners and provoked a nasty argument. He had many fine qualities, but his negative ones outweighed the good. The thing is, in retrospect, I knew this right along. I just didn't want to admit it. So, even if your guy does show up, chances are that he's not going to be what you want, because he's already shown you his negative qualities - you just don't want to see them.

Wait for someone decent to come along - I was very vocal on these boards about giving up on men, though I was in correspondence with someone who was "just a friend" at the time. I met him when I was in London recently (I'm moving back to the UK next year, hence my interest in British men), and things are going just splendidly. Please learn from our experiences, and don't sell yourself short.

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:25:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Hes asking me what he shall bring to drink..do you really do that if you dont think of coming?

Ok, I just looked at your profile. I can't believe a 35 year old woman just asked that question. Have you been trapped in a convent since puberty? Did you marry your highschool sweetheart and only recently get divorced? Are you a troll? If you are for real, I strongly suggest that you back slowly away from the internet and go talk to some of your real life female friends about what you are looking for and get some advice and guidance from them about meeting men in your community. If you were my friend, I would be worried that you are in extremely over your head.

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:34:28 AM

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Just my 2 cents worth.....

I've talked online for years to people, subs and doms alike. Some are very real, and some live in a fantasy world. For quite a few I have known, it is just that, a fantasy world. The thought of actually doing things in r/l drives them to this world when they cannot, but then the actual thought of REALLY doing this actually scares them to death. It could simply be that this person prefers the online world to the real one, where he may not be able to be the same person. He may not have any of the qualities that his online persona has, he may be really married, or he may just want to keep this a fantasy.
Several years ago, a close friend of ours hosted a party for a chatroom and online group that we had all belonged to. For a very long time, we heard of people's expertise in this and that, and though common sense said not to, we believed these people. Well....when the time for the pary came closer, more and more had the same last minute excuses. "my kid has a cold, (a month before the party), "I have car troubles", "my online sub from kukamunga can't make it so I'm not coming"....blah blah blah. Probably half of the ones that did show were almost laughable. Sure, online they were MrSuperMasterProDom, but in r/l at this party, they were lucky to tie their own shoes, let alone a person. This could easily be the same with your guy.

Anyone can be anything on the 'net.....

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:38:46 AM

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Joined: 8/28/2009
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Since Halloween is in two days agree to meet him. I would not go out and buy alot of food though, cause it sounds like he may or may not show. None of us can tell you whether or not to trust him. This is something that you are going to have to figure out for yourself. If he stands you up again, that should make your decision easy. But if he does show, make sure you talk to him and explain how you need more than just an online relationship. Do this face to face...don't just listen to his words, watch how he reacts. Then take some time to think about what is best for you. You are a submissive yes, so you should stay loyal to your Dom. But if your Dom is failing at keeping up on his responsibilities to the relationship, then no one will ever question your decision to move on. There are so many Dominate men out there that are looking for that special someone to claim as their own. You will turn out just fine.

He may just be really nervous to meet you. There are a lot of men out there that are great Dom';s online, but when they get a woman in their bedroom, have no idea what they are doing. With out knowing this man that you speak of, I cannot say that is the case or not. Like I said before, you have to make this decision. I wish you good luck, this situation has got to suck.

(in reply to Lucienne)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:44:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

When we were supposed to meet he canceled eight times, the reasons were sickness where I can at least confirm two cases, and the other times he "got into bad mood" because of some incident,or,slightly misunderstandings between us.

I'm also going to add: what he's doing shows that he doesn't respect you. It's beyond rude.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:49:25 AM

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From: SE Michigan
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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

but if hes not the guy in the pic at all,I will tell him to leave.

I hope that if you are stupid enough to invite a stranger who clearly has emotional issues to your home, that
A)- you don't have children you might be endangering.
B) - you have a will made
or C) - you have other people at your home when he shows up, so if he is not the man in the picture, or he is a emotional head case, who wants to do nonconsensual ugly things to you, they can toss him out.

I have seen people build dream lives online, all while in real life they are 900 lbs, living in their mommies basement, don't have jobs, or cars, or a clue, they are not the dream dom or sub they make themselves out to be, hell many of them have never even kissed someone let alone done anything remotely like BDSM that did not involve them typing.

Seriously don't be a dumbass...... if you have interest in superstud domly dude, why don't YOU drive over near him, and met him at a PUBLIC place (bring a book, becouse chances are he will never show up) this way if he shows up and is a huge disapointment he won't have your home address!!

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 7:54:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AndySTL
None of us can tell you whether or not to trust him. This is something that you are going to have to figure out for yourself.

Hell yes, we can tell her not to trust him. EIGHT TIMES. This isn't ambiguous. This is a classic case of "trust misplaced not breached." It is something she is going to have to figure out for herself. But she's trying really hard not to figure it out.

I'm laughing that you could accept the premise that he's going to show up and that he'll be as advertised enough to imagine the discussion that ensues about her need for a real life relationship.

(in reply to AndySTL)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:27:53 AM

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I am SO glad that UmbraDomina finally picked up on the fact that she is planning to meet this guy somewhere other than a public place! The "bringing food and drinks" part kinda jumped out at me and told me they were NOT meeting at a restaurant. This does not sound like the kind of person ANYONE should be meeting alone. He has not demonstrated trustworthiness in any way. Sure, things happen, but eight cancellations? Come on. OP, I know you want to believe that this person is sincere, but if this were your best friend, would you advise her to keep pursuing this? It's wrong on so many levels. He either has no intention of meeting you, or is hiding something that would be a deal-breaker. You deserve better.

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:29:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave
he talked about getting rid of his reptiles because of me.

Dunno, sounds like true love to me.

Sorry, just teasing.

I think JudasButcher had the best observation, that he probably is only able to handle the fantasy; going through with reality is probably too much for him right now.

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:33:07 AM

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mona,

you say that you live close...my question to you is, why have you not simply had a coffee date. the last thing i would be thinking about is making food for someone that has canceled on me 8 times...the fact is i would not have been thinking about him, after the second cancellation.
not trying to be rude, but your behavior is that of a desperate person.
are you that starved for attention that you will take his crumbs of phone calls and text messages?

may we all find our bliss.

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:46:55 AM

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Been talking to a Dom some months. We get along great,same interests,same levels.
He says he likes me as well and underlines it.

When we were supposed to meet he canceled eight times, the reasons were sickness where I can at least confirm two cases, and the other times he "got into bad mood" because of some incident,or,slightly misunderstandings between us. He said to me he want to rejoice,if he cant its only plain that vanish. The last time we should meet he thought I had a date with some other Dom,where he misunderstood me when I told him to tell me in time,when he comes and not in the last minute,and gave him a timeframe,and if he couldnt do that I would accept an invitation. It was some friends of mine,but he took it emediately for another Dom. This time he didnt want to talk about it but wanted to get further telling me we have to move on,right. Earlier times he always told me how sorry he was for not coming and also talking through misunderstandings or otherwise. but this time he didnt said he was sorry or something.
Now hes invited for halloween. Im supposed to buy foods and everything(he was supposed to bring drinks) but I dont know.. if hes coming,or hes not. if I shall trust him to come,one more time,or not. if something will come up,again,that prevents him to come. some silly excuse.
we havent met irl but weve talked in phone. He seemed serious,to me. He has told me all times how much he wants me. Hes asked me if I want him even though we havent met,so I said to him you dont know until you have met. So I didnt wanted to answer that. I asked why he asked,then he said for security. many times I thought he really liked me.
I dont know. we live close.

If he was interested, you would have met by now. Surely you do KNOW that, right? Why are you spending even one more ounce of energy on this guy???

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:56:05 AM

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Thank you, Cali!

I can't imagine that anyone would cancel meeting someone for the first time (or at all for that matter) eight times in less than a year.

You know, the reason old cliches become just that is because of the truth in them. The old saying 'actions speak louder than words' is completely appropriate here.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 8:58:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

When we were supposed to meet he canceled eight times, the reasons were sickness where I can at least confirm two cases, and the other times he "got into bad mood" because of some incident,or,slightly misunderstandings between us. He said to me he want to rejoice,if he cant its only plain that vanish.

I dont know. we live close. what do you think?

mona,

i'm sorry to hear your experience has been less than positive. while i recognize we're getting one version of what has occurred and details may be absent, based on what you've shared it would appear that he's stricken with cold feet. i understand the fear of meeting someone face to face the first time when you've spoken in this manner. however, the excessive cancellations given proximity would leave me unsettled. not to mention the time you've invested in preparation for things that don't occur. i consider time to be a precious commodity and believe we should respect the other person's time. while i can understand that things occur and changes are necessary on occasion, i'm apt to believe that he's merely delaying the inevitable and keeping you in the picture just in case.

we can each provide suggestions on what is happening and the appropriate response, but you really must listen to your inner thoughts instead. i believe somewhere within you're aware of where this is going and must make the appropriate adjustments. considering the title of your question, a more important one would be if this is the case, why are you permitting it? we cannot claim injury when the blindfold has been removed. i wish you luck.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to monaslave)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:02:25 AM

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.. if this were not BDSM would you put up with that sort of rude crap from a stranger in the nilla world?

You live close, yet have never met even for coffee. He stands you up 8 times for some lame reasons. You are basically being a phone sex call that he doesnt have to buy. And yeah, even if you aren't playing on the phone, putting yourself in the role of sub to his role of dominant is what a lot of people would consider enough fantasy to masturbate to later. I am appalled you gave him your address... exactly what is it about him that has shown him to be trustworthy?

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:05:15 AM

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JudasButcher

Just my 2 cents worth.....

I've talked online for years to people, subs and doms alike. Some are very real, and some live in a fantasy world. For quite a few I have known, it is just that, a fantasy world. The thought of actually doing things in r/l drives them to this world when they cannot, but then the actual thought of REALLY doing this actually scares them to death. It could simply be that this person prefers the online world to the real one, where he may not be able to be the same person. He may not have any of the qualities that his online persona has, he may be really married, or he may just want to keep this a fantasy.
Several years ago, a close friend of ours hosted a party for a chatroom and online group that we had all belonged to. For a very long time, we heard of people's expertise in this and that, and though common sense said not to, we believed these people. Well....when the time for the pary came closer, more and more had the same last minute excuses. "my kid has a cold, (a month before the party), "I have car troubles", "my online sub from kukamunga can't make it so I'm not coming"....blah blah blah. Probably half of the ones that did show were almost laughable. Sure, online they were MrSuperMasterProDom, but in r/l at this party, they were lucky to tie their own shoes, let alone a person. This could easily be the same with your guy.

Anyone can be anything on the 'net.....

Cucamonga.

Just sayin'..LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to JudasButcher)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:05:34 AM

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The OP should consider herself fortunate she is not my daughter right now. I would be kicking her ass up between her ears.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: Do you think hes serious? - 10/29/2009 9:08:56 AM

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From: Savannah, GA
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~FR~

Isnt this the same person who was gonna skip off to Turkey or something for some guy she'd never met?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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