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curious question - 11/2/2009 4:36:33 PM

subtlebottomgirl

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Can you find stability in a switch ?

I mean if a switch is always switching or has the potential to switch,
How can anyone find some stability in a switch relationship ?

a sincere question, no flamming please, just a curious mind.

Thank You for any responses.

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RE: curious question - 11/2/2009 5:04:50 PM

CarrieO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

Can you find stability in a switch ?

I mean if a switch is always switching or has the potential to switch,
How can anyone find some stability in a switch relationship ?

a sincere question, no flamming please, just a curious mind.

Thank You for any responses.

Well, for your first questions on the boards...I'd say it wasn't a bad one at all. Welcome.

Speaking for myself only, yes...there can be stability as long as...here's the caveat...there is an outlet for me to express my submissive tendencies. Usually, that side comes out through non-sexual service and I'm able to find ways of expressing it that don't necessarily require any sort of play...usually

.
For me to be the most honest and fulfilled, I would want an outlet for both sides of my switchiness.

But, that's me...I'm sure you'll get many different answers because everyone is unique.

Also...not all switches constantly switch or have the potential...like some kind of wacky hair-trigger...to switch midway through a scene. Some identify as a more dominant switch or visa versa...all about the complexities of a particular person at a particular time.

Just my

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RE: curious question - 11/2/2009 6:58:19 PM

Andalusite

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I'm not interested in switching with someone unless they want to do so with me. I was a Domme for 5 years and a submissive for 3 years, without any inclination to switch with either of them, and I've had a couple of relationships with other switches where we routinely switched within the same scene. Now, I only submit to my Master, and dominate/top my female submissive playpartner. We've had a couple of scenes with all three of us, and I've been able to indulge both sides. Here are a couple of threads I posted about it: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2846681/tm.htm http://www.collarchat.com/m_2852355/tm.htm I don't consider it to be "unstable," or even unpredictable - I'm just multi-faceted.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 11/2/2009 7:01:10 PM >

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RE: curious question - 11/2/2009 8:31:42 PM

Wolf2Bear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

Can you find stability in a switch ?
- Yes a person can.

I mean if a switch is always switching or has the potential to switch,
How can anyone find some stability in a switch relationship ?
- I would say for most of us, we just don't switch back and forth between roles and mindsets in a snap. The stability one can find with a switch is understanding how that switchiness manifests and what if any actions and/or words which may trigger a switch between the roles. Most often it is a combination of the other person's energy and using key words that will either have me falling into a submissive role or wanting to take the dominant role. Keep in mind this does not hold true for just anyone.

a sincere question, no flamming please, just a curious mind.

Thank You for any responses.

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RE: curious question - 11/2/2009 11:44:15 PM

Elipsis

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What do you mean by stable? Do you mean that the relationship is stable or that the power dynamic is stable? If you're both consistently switching fluidly together would you consider that "stable"?

I feel like this question needs some clarification.

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RE: curious question - 11/3/2009 12:19:39 PM

impishlilhellcat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebottomgirl

Can you find stability in a switch ?

I mean if a switch is always switching or has the potential to switch,
How can anyone find some stability in a switch relationship ?

a sincere question, no flamming please, just a curious mind.

Thank You for any responses.

First of all I think the first thing that you need to consider or explore is that switch's definition of "Switch". Not everyone's definition of switch is the same nor do all switches switch all the time or constantly even. Secondly I have the potential to jump off a building... that doesn't mean that I'm going to do it. Just as I have the potential to switch it doesn't mean I am going to do it. I enter into a relationship in one dynamic or another unless previously agreed otherwise halfway through the day, the week, or the month I don't decide ooooo I feel like topping my SO today so I think I'll do that. It all comes down to the relationship dynamics.

But ultimately to answer your question yes, I think you can have a very stable relationship with a switch. I do however, believe that the dynamics and wants and needs of the relationship must be clearly drawn out for all parties. (but honestly I think this is the case for all relationships).

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RE: curious question - 11/4/2009 3:31:29 PM

M376M

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For me switching (or not) is mostly about the chemistry with someone & to do with my mood. I have switched mid scene but rarely & it did my head in at the time it happened. I've only ever topped another switch...

Personaly I've not found stability (I've barely got my head around being a switch TBH, until recently I identified as a sub) but I certainly believe it is possible.

I think it's a personal thing how switching works for you & you'll find a lot of variation in the responses you get here.

376, xxx.

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RE: curious question - 11/4/2009 6:30:36 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

Also...not all switches constantly switch or have the potential...like some kind of wacky hair-trigger...to switch midway through a scene. Some identify as a more dominant switch or visa versa...all about the complexities of a particular person at a particular time

I'm one of those that doesn't switch often especially mid-scene. I identify as switch because there was that one very special man that "flipped my switch" there was no question who was in control in our relationship even though I challenged him every day. Because I admit this about myself I don't say that I'm 100% domme as I know there is that remote possibility that alpha male may sneak back into my life just to prove me wrong.
Many male dominants like to take that confession as a battle cry to "flip my switch" and they are welcome to try but it's that one person that did it for me and changed my life forever and made me stronger for the experience.

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RE: curious question - 11/6/2009 1:35:56 AM

DemonKia

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FR, after read thru

Huh . . . .

I guess the corollary to that is, are those who identify as strictly dominant or submissive irrevocably rigid? Are they trapped in stagnation, stuck forever in immobilizing inability to ever change? Is there any possibility for them to adapt to shifting circumstances?

If those questions sound silly, well . . . . *shrug*

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RE: curious question - 11/10/2009 5:07:00 PM

KCpower

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kinda like asking are you BI....switch back and forth...you are what you are...YOU ARE BI. All switches are, trust me. You will see....such confused souls....we gots to love ya.

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RE: curious question - 11/11/2009 7:49:52 AM

Andalusite

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Huh? Not all switches are also bisexual. Some are, but a lot are not in the slightest. For that matter, not all bisexuals are also switches.

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RE: curious question - 11/12/2009 3:30:24 PM

IBused

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you are right...just half of them...the other half are Bi-Polar...see...that Bi keeps coming into play.
Personally, I respect a switch, they just confuse me more then they confuse themselves...OMG...I'm a SWITCH...I confuse everything, yet can still know my place.....most of the time

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RE: curious question - 11/12/2009 8:21:36 PM

Elipsis

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I don't find it at all confusing.

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RE: curious question - 11/13/2009 2:47:47 PM

lovingpet

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Stability with a switch? Hmmmm. Better ask my partner. Yup, he says, definitely possible. I don't really get this idea that somehow a switch cannot stay within the parameters of a given relationship. The basic issue is whether or not the relationship is right for the two people involved in it. My partner is the dominant one in the relationship. Aside from the infamous hairbrush incident (which consisted of one whack on his bottom from me with his hairbrush and a sudden firey flash of disapproval from him followed by shaking and tears from me), I have never raise a hand to him, attempted to top him, or even to tell him no. He has the power and control. I do not. End of discussion. If I am abjectly honest about it, I am his slave (not formally at this point, but that day is fast approaching). There is no switch to flip in our relationship.

I do, however, like to top other people and we even have a few provisions in our relationship for that. If the partner is approved by my partner, I have permission to top non sexually and sexually only with his presence and other specific requirements. There will eventually be a permanent outlet for me as well. All of this has been put in place over time in recognition of my needs within a relationship. Taking good care of me as his means seeing to all aspects of who I am rather than trying to cram me into a box that doesn't fit. I think it is a matter of deep respect stemming from the love he has for me. Stability is dependent upon the builders and the foundation they lay.

lovingpet

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RE: curious question - 11/17/2009 5:05:59 PM

DavanKael

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I think this question is similar to "can bi people be faithful". Sure: matter of choice and commitment. Simple, really.
Davan

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RE: curious question - 12/24/2009 1:06:56 AM

johndafreak

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quote:

Can you find stability in a switch ?
Yes
as much as any Dom or sub. It's up to the people involved.
clear communication helps.

quote:

Personally, I respect a switch, they just confuse me more then they confuse themselves...OMG...I'm a SWITCH...I confuse everything, yet can still know my place.....most of the time

Passive/aggressive posts are confusing!!!!
Is it respect or the butt of an immature joke?

Jimi asked;
"Is this love or just confusion?"

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