Greta75 -> RE: I Admit It I........ (3/10/2017 7:59:52 AM)
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I admit that, I have been so scarred by my childhood that, I have been unable to form meaningful long term relationships that last. And very high chance, I probably never will, because I don't take enough risks in terms of trusting people. I let very few people get close to me, or I do not wish feel attachment to anybody, so I don't get close to anybody. Because I keep an emotional distance from everybody, if you don't take risk to trust people, then, you have no one. I have alot of friends in real life, but none really knows me. Hard to explain. They open up to me and let me in. But I do not return the exchange. And tell them nothing about me. Except for my BFF, he is just Buddha Zen, I can tell him anything. But the relationship has only been 5 years. To me, that is short. Yet to be challenged. Most of my friendships cannot get over the 10 years hurdle. Something will happen. I will leave. I do have a wonderful relationship with my brother. I got to admit, because I consider him my child. So our relationship, I am more like his mother than his real mother. That's why it is so good. I kept it that way. But a person who has been through same scars as me has been very brave and lion hearted and taking alot of risk and has everything going for him. Everything he ever wanted in life, might not have enough life left to enjoy it. He deserves his happy ending. I admit that I wish there was anyway, any rituals or any voodoo shit that if I could exchange my life for his. I would. I am the most unnecessary life since birth, and still am now. In terms of, I leave no love ones behind. I never let people in close enough for me to be significant in their life for them to emotionally bond with me. So nobody will be hurt. But him. Many will be hurt. And he still got great things to accomplish. The wrong life is being taken.
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