Aynne88
Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008 Status: offline
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I admit that I just got back from spending two days with John, taking him to the airport and spendng some amazing time together while waiting for his flight to Tennessee to the Cancer Care center. I admit that since he was told on such short notice he needed to get there asap that because his busy season starts now and I handle his big accounts I can't go, I have a major meeting tomorrow morning and I am determined to close this deal just to ease his mind somewhat. We have agreed that if he gets horrible news (please god, no no no) that I will fly out asap. I admit we spent two days just loving each other, comforting and supporting each other, and I held it together and was the strong one until his flight was called. I hate that. I am sitting here in his shirt, smelling him everywhere, and it's an unbearable comfort that is killing me, yet filling my senses with him at the same time. I admit I hope I am not driving you all crazy with my long admits. :) I admit that he took my parents out to a lovely restaurant last night because I was terrified of him meeting my father, and they got along famously. I feel better because I don't like keeping secrets from my Dad, and John was amazing. I admit I am so so trying to be patient, I know he is in the best possible place and I know this week we will find out the things we need to, and I am not one for praying, but I am in my own way. When this is over with, and he is home, I don't care anymore what anyone says, I am going to live my life with him, and it only matters what to us, no one else. I admit you all are wonderful people, and sunshine, thanks more than you know. Like I said, I will keep you posted and the influx of love and support in my inbox is just more than I can believe. Love openly people, because sometimes these horrible things come at you from nowhere, and I am so incredibly glad that we spent two days just being open, and saying all the things that needed to be said. I have to believe that he is going to be okay. Love to all that needs it, and hugs. I am an insomniac by nature so I am sure that with this happening, I'll be posting at all hours of the night. I am drained, but my mind won't shut off. I admit that even in the face of all of this, he is a pillar of strength and I feel unworthy. I would give anything to feel myself wrapped up in his arms right now and I can't wait to hear something tomorrow, patience patience patience. If any of you have any personal experience with CLL (it's a type of leukemia) and wish to share, good, bad or alternative, anything, please know my inbox or here is always open. He also had type 2 diabetes, so it's a struggle all the way. Any advice or firsthand knowledge would be welcomed and I have scared myself to death googling, I promised I would stop while he was gone. Thank you all. Ann~
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As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together. —Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)
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