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RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/13/2009 12:42:25 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelain20

Anyway, I'm looking for the thoughts of submissives and doms on this but I don't really want people telling me to get over it because I am. I would like to see how a submissive's mind works, what their relationship with their father was, if they were abused before the d/s relationship, etc. For the doms, I would like to see how you help your submissive and what you do to control him/her.



My relationship with my Dad is great (actually listening to his toast to me at my wedding on the video and tearing up at the moment). I'm a complete Daddy's girl - he never abused me or hit me. He spent a lot of time just being with me and making sure that I knew that he would always have my back.

I have been sexually molested once, in college and well after I had realized what my sexuality it. However, 1 in 4 women have been raped or molested at some point in their life. Obviously not an entire quarter of the female population of America are hounding BDSM groups.

Your friends are wrong in believing that d/s is just another way to abuse people. It is easy for an abusive person to sugar-coat their abuse as BDSM though because many of the same actions that are abusive are loving in our relationships.

I, certainly, have never been happier, more uplifted, more supported and more allowed to just be myself than I am with my owner. He is truly the best thing to come into my life. He forces me to persue my own interests even when I am afraid to and is always there to cheer me on, with a faith in me that even I don't have.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/13/2009 12:47:01 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelain20

quote:

ASking someone if they are clean is not a precaution. People lie ALL the time. AND you can meet just as nasty people on the net as you do on the street corner.

Thats what I was told to do.


To a certain extent... that doesn't cut it. Valyraen (let's say his head gets scrambled by aliens) could tell me to cut off my arm (assuming it isn't diseased and blah blah blah) but I wouldn't because my first rule is always to make sure that his property is protected. I am the most precious thing he owns and it's my duty to look after what he owns.

Now you'll find other relationships with different structures but, usually, orders that come without the sub really knowing what is happening come after time when the sub knows they can trust their owner. If Val told me someone was ok, I'd believe him. I've also been with him for years.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/13/2009 1:12:42 PM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Who can you trust?
Well consider this. Which one can you trust of these. A dog or a crocodile?
Well a dog might bite and then it might not. But a crocodile is 100 % trustworthy. It will bite you everytime, if it gets the chance

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/13/2009 1:32:06 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		He was not a Dom but a con man, a predator, and he knew exactly what to do and say to get what he wanted from you. Unfortunately there are many men (and women) out there like him who use the BDSM community as a hunting ground.

Never let the thought of having a collar around your neck over take your common sense. If someone is sitting at home on their ass wearing a fake Dom hat while they have you out whoring on the internet there is a problem.

You were lucky you got out alive and hopefully have not contracted some STD that may ruin your life. I do not know about the other Dominants on this site but I have one big rule that never waivers for my submissive and that rule is "Protect yourself always, even from me". Even Dominants can loose their minds and their subs/slaves get hurt in the process.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/13/2009 7:39:06 PM   
Rhodes85


Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline 		'I also wouldn't call him a predator. '

I would. Its no different than if he was a pimp and you were some hooker of his. Its abuse, and its predatory abuse at that.

'I do not believe a Dominant should ever ask a submissive to do anything that would cause the permenant damage, be mentally or emotionally damaging as well as against their moral code or illigal. '

I whoeheartedly agree Acer.

'Okay I might be able to see where you are coming from until you stated the "Kill me if you want Master" comment. I've heard someone say I will die for you or I'll lay down my life for you. I have yet to hear (although it's not entirely impossible) someone say Master you can kill me if you want! '

I agree. VERY few people would actually say 'kill me if you want Master' and those that would have serious SERIOUS mental problems. I wouldn't say its unheard of as there are plenty of nutjobs out there. But as I said its not normal, its not ok and it is a sign of mental problems.

'We took precautions, that is why I did not stand on a street corner....I never said how much money I wanted and never touched the guy until he handed over the money.
The only precaution in seeing if I am clean is asking them if they are clean.
At the time I wanted to please him so much, I didn't care what he asked I would have done it. He said I had to earn my collar by pleasing him and earninghis collar meant that I belonged to him. That I wasn't just a slut that I was HIS SLUT. I wanted that more than anything '

First asking someone if they are clean ***DOES NOT PROVE A GODDAMN THING*** I can't stress that enough. The guy could be a liar, he might not care if hes full of HIV or any other std or he might not even know he has an std. Hell HIV can be missed for months in tests and still be transmissable after a certain amount of time. Look, the people that paid for your um..services... did not care about you one tiny bit. They were using you AND your Master not only let them but encouraged it. That should say something right there. What makes you think if a guy was full of HIV that he would tell you? Like I said, to him you were a whore (no offense intended) and he wouldn't likey care if he gave  you something. I've seen worse happen. A friend of my uncles went to Mexico about ten years ago and met a woman in a bar. He slept with her a few times and on his way home she met him at the airport and gave him a letter, telling him not to open it till he got on the plane. When he opened it there was a note that said 'I have AIDS' on it as well as a keychain with a coffin on it. She intentionally infected the guy and apparently thought it was funny but the sound of it. Now, do you really think there aren't people that would have done the same to you? That aside, if you want to be 'his slut' so badly, to the point that you would risk your life having sex with strangers, you may want to stop and think if you yourself have some issues.

'Thats what I was told to do. '

That is NOT a good enough reason. Where would you have drawn the line? What if he asked you to harm yourself or someone else? Would you have done that too?

'He was not a Dom but a con man, a predator, and he knew exactly what to do and say to get what he wanted from you. Unfortunately there are many men (and women) out there like him who use the BDSM community as a hunting ground.

Never let the thought of having a collar around your neck over take your common sense. If someone is sitting at home on their ass wearing a fake Dom hat while they have you out whoring on the internet there is a problem. '

Lashra is 100% correct. Unfortunately there are many people who use BDSM as a cover to exploit people and claim it is part of BDSM. New and younger people are especially vulnerable in that respect as they may not know what is or is not BDSM yet.

_____________________________

This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Had this been an actual emergency you would all be dead by now. Have a nice day and remember: Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 8:02:22 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		If he's pimping you out, it's no longer technically a D/s relationship, he's a pimp, and you're a pro.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 8:08:48 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

If he's pimping you out, it's no longer technically a D/s relationship, he's a pimp, and you're a pro.
i agree. He pimped you out after grooming you to submit.


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(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 8:14:52 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelain20

I'm 21, got out of a relationship with a 42 year old male a few days ago. I would like to post what happened because this relationship has discouraged me from entering another d/s relationship and would like other people's opinions.

He had a job when I met him but half way through he lost his job. This was during christmas time after I told him I would like to give him gifts. Before then the relationship consisted of me having sex with other people while he watched but he and I rarely spent time playing with each other.

After he lost his job, he asked me to find guys online that are willing to pay for sexual favors. I did it, and I was also giving him $100 out of my paycheck every 2 weeks. I had a quota of $400 a month to earn by having sex with other men and I went over it every month.

I talked to some of my real friends and they say that I shouldn't follow someone else's rules and d/s relationships are just another form of an abusive relationship. I read an article online about a year ago that says d/s relationships are abusive relationships. This man told me when we started that a d/s relationship is just about seeing how much you can get the person to do. He did that - he knew I was naiive and much younger than him and took advantage of me. He didn't even describe himself as a dom at first.

Anyway, I'm looking for the thoughts of submissives and doms on this but I don't really want people telling me to get over it because I am. I would like to see how a submissive's mind works, what their relationship with their father was, if they were abused before the d/s relationship, etc. For the doms, I would like to see how you help your submissive and what you do to control him/her.

Thanks
Having said that, and moving on to a more general and detailed response, there's more to it than your relationship with your Daddy - that can definitely influence things mainly because as a female, you crave certain stimuli, much of which maybe pheromonal.

Pheromones play a significant role in sexual development, including fertility and immune system development - regular sex appears to optimize fertility, strengthen the immune system, and delay osteoporosis, so in some sense, you're body craves male pheromones regardless - your social background may simply bais you in one direction or another.

Women can also manipulate male testosterone levels behaviorally to some extent, making them more or less gonadal, you know, like those women that are always trying to get you into a fight - not as many around any more, but they used to be pretty common - presumably, they were manipulating their partners hormonal levels to get them to express more androgens, and submission may play a similar role - human behavior can be very subtle and much of it is subconscious: it would not be wise to draw too many generalities from this, I think you have to go with your gut.

Bck to the original example, I think women allow themselves to prostituted mainly from lack of alternatives.

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 8:18:23 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Note I used the verb form, "to be prostituted" - it's entirely conceivable that some women may chose that for other reasons, it is, in some sense, a form of polyandry, although in my experience, most do it out of necessity rather than desire, regardless of their family background and experiences.

< Message edited by xssve -- 11/14/2009 8:19:17 AM >

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 8:32:38 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Given the nature of the world, it would not surprise me at all to discover pimps or wannabe pimps trolling the personals for recruits - the fact that the profile software specifies Mormonism suggest that Mormon fundies probably troll here for "sister wives", and there's no doubt that cam whores troll for clients, that's ubiquitous all over the internet.

Cam whoring is actually probably the modern equivilent of consensual prostitution, it promises the reward with greatly reduced risk, and clearly, it suits some people.

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 9:01:03 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		To me the major red flag to the OP's postings was when she said she was in school and was booted for low grades because of finding sex for money partners. I know of no dom worth his salt that would allow his girl/property to drop out because of "extra-corricular" activities. Oh, i'm sure there is one somewhere, but i don't know him.

A dom who cares for his property would never allow this to happen - bettering the girls situation is important.

And honestly, any girl that allowed herself to be put in the position of either staying in school or finding partners for sex, and chose the sex, is dobbed in the head. Life has to be first - before fantasy. Maslows hierachy puts food and shelter way above sex, in the list of needs for a human being. Relationships are really really nice - but should come second to ensuring a stable future.

OP - i hope you get back into nursing school and make it your priority!

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 10:46:42 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		-FR-

Sounds more like a very unhealthy codependent relationship than a healthy D/s relationship.

Which of course begs the question where is that line drawn?

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 10:48:45 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelain20
But maybe he really believes that me going and being a prostitute would not have any effect on me? He said it was just an excuse to break up with him when I did...I don't know.

Is that possible though? Does anyone think going out and blowing or f**king men for money would not hurt a girl's self respect, self love, and self esteem?


Depends on if she had any to begin with.

IMO if a woman prostitutes herself because a loser guy with no job asks her to, her self-love just went from "very little" (the level needed to consider it) to "none" (the level needed to actually do it)

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 12:20:48 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		This is upsetting to read, I am sorry you went through this.  Please take time for yourself, and do not rush into another relationship.  I have heard from people I respect that in the best of a D/S relationship, both people should be overjoyed by the riches they take from the relationship, and wonder how they can be so lucky. Sounds like after the honeymoon period, you were not entertaining that idea at all, he on the other hand, was rolling in luck.

There is NOTHING wrong with talking, for a long time, before initiating anything physical.  I think anyone worth your time should respect you enough to get to know you, the person, before pushing those limits.  I have heard of couples doing this sort of thing as a part of their play, but the idea never came from generated income, just the idea of taking submission one step further.  For me, I am so pleased to belong to my Master.  He protects me and treasures me above all things. He would NEVER put me in a situation like this, where I could be hurt and abused.  I would lose trust and respect for Him if He did, and He knows that. He holds my heart in His strong hands, and would never make it hurt as this sort of thing would do.

For the record, I had light corporal punishment as a child, but was otherwise indulged and pretty spoiled. I'm an only child, and a "daddy's girl" 100%.  I was raped once in high school.  I find my D/S relationship most fulfilling because in past vanilla relationships, I tried to do EVERYTHING to please my partner. Without it being explicitly stated, I stressed myself so much trying to anticipate their unspoken desires and needs.  I had no voice at all, until I would just explode with anger and lack of appreciation.

In this relationship, I don't guess what He wants. He tells me.  I serve Him in all things because I love Him, the protection, love, adoration, affection and appreciation make me rich in return.  I have a voice, and He insists I use it.  While He ultimately decides, His decisions are always what is best for me, for Him, and most of all, for us. They are never capricious, hurtful or insensitive, and are always made within the context of checking in with me.  I know it would make Him sick to know after the fact I did something that made me uncomfortable because I was afraid to speak up.  So even when it's hard for me, I do speak up, as I never want to hurt Him.

I believe it can be good, it can be wonderful, just don't sacrifice the emotional, spiritual and psychological needs you have for a more visceral and immediate pay off. 

Best wishes to you to heal and be able to move past this, you are so young, take the time to know yourself, it's the greatest treasure you have!

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 2:28:23 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelain20

He did that - he knew I was naiive and much younger than him and took advantage of me.

He did nothing you did not consensually allow him to. If there was any "taking advantage of" it was at your hands.

You won't find very many folks in WIITWD interested in partnerships with people who cannot take responsibility for their own decisions.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 2:29:50 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

He was a user and a manipulator.

These are phantom accusations used to coddle the emotions of people who want someone else to be responsible for why they made crap decisions.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 3:13:59 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

'He was not a Dom but a con man, a predator, and he knew exactly what to do and say to get what he wanted from you. Unfortunately there are many men (and women) out there like him who use the BDSM community as a hunting ground.


Doms can be fuck ups too.
I never get the whole 'dominant types are never a con man, or a predator, or a masochist, or idiot, or *insertanothernamehere* as if dominant types are (cute betty boop voice) 'extra special'.
It's like saying that he's not a man.  Well, sure - he might not be what people call a (best MrT voice) 'real man' - but he is still a man.  This man may still be a dominant.  Doesn't mean that he cannot be a fucker too.

Like Mr NZ said QFT -
These are phantom accusations used to coddle the emotions of people who want someone else to be responsible for why they made crap decisions.

the.dark.


_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 3:18:23 PM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		OP:

Put on your big girl panties and let those ovaries "drop"..
Time to take responsibilty for your OWN decisionssssssssssssssssss..

GM

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 3:24:21 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Doesn't mean that he cannot be a fucker too.

I'm a fucker, not a fighter.

...

It sounded humorous in my head for the first 4 seconds...


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 3:25:57 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Sorry, but yet again, the sub is at fault.

On this occasion she threw common sense away at the front door, so i do agree she has responsibility. However wrong He was.

The last thread, when a sub was accused of lying/manipulating, she should accept that her Master/Dom was right and she shouldnt question.

Is there ever a situation where the D type is at fault!!!!!

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 60
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