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RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 5:47:03 PM   
MasterK13


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with DS. I think however your friends are wrong its not abusive unless its not agreed upon and the dom does it to you without consent. I feel that in regards to your question it becomes prostitution when he sells you to others and makes money off you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hello there and welcome.

So he rarely played with you, couldn't hold a job, and it sounds like he didn't really look for another one.  Sounds like he had depression, or a dependence on substances.  Or he was just lazy.

It's awfully hard to describe a healthy D/s relationship to someone who hasn't seen one... Suffice it to say that the subs who are in one do give to their D types, but feel fulfilled in so doing.  They frequently mention how safe and protected they feel... it's like having a parent and knowing that that parent cares about you and is watching out for you.

Sorry I can't express it better.



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 5:57:46 PM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Agreement shragement. You are very very light on the responsibility of the dominant. Priviledges always comes with responsibilities, except when you work for Goldman etc.

The rest of us stand for whatever happen on their watch.



quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I agree with DS. I think however your friends are wrong its not abusive unless its not agreed upon and the dom does it to you without consent. I feel that in regards to your question it becomes prostitution when he sells you to others and makes money off you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hello there and welcome.

So he rarely played with you, couldn't hold a job, and it sounds like he didn't really look for another one.  Sounds like he had depression, or a dependence on substances.  Or he was just lazy.

It's awfully hard to describe a healthy D/s relationship to someone who hasn't seen one... Suffice it to say that the subs who are in one do give to their D types, but feel fulfilled in so doing.  They frequently mention how safe and protected they feel... it's like having a parent and knowing that that parent cares about you and is watching out for you.

Sorry I can't express it better.






_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to MasterK13)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/14/2009 11:47:59 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

He was a user and a manipulator.

These are phantom accusations used to coddle the emotions of people who want someone else to be responsible for why they made crap decisions.



Regardless of whether she made a crap decision or not, he's still a user and a manipulator. The sentence before that was that he wasn't a Dom. Since she seemed to be associating this relationship with a D/s relationship and was therefore now turned off in regards to having another D/s relationship, I gave my opinion as to why this wasn't a D/s relationship. I also tried to give her examples of successful D/s relationships so that she could see the difference between her experience and others.

She's 21, who hasn't made a crap decision at 21? Had I known half of what I know at 43 when I was 21 I would have made quite a few less crap decisions then.

She was in a vulnerable position post rape and not many people make rational decisions after that type of experience. So I'm far more likely to be forgiving of her "crap decision" given the extending circumstances than I am to defend his actions or chalk up what happened to her as being due only to her crappy decision. They weren't phantom accusations...they were my opinion. Simple as that.


_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 8:01:58 AM   
porcelain20


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		Just want to thank everyone for responding.

I think I was confused about what a d/s relationship was and did not understand how things worked. I'm sure there are a lot of successful d/s relationships and if I decide to enter in one in the future, I will take what I learned.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 10:32:35 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		They come in all shapes and sizes. What you described, excluding the rape prior to all of this, some people would have enjoyed as their kink. Many do it now, with no money involved, and it seems acceptable to many in the community (not sure what it is about money being involved that suddenly makes it unethical). The defining factor in my opinion, whether something is abuse or not, unhealthy or not, is the fact of whether it has a positive effect on the both parties in the relationship. In your case it did not have a positive effect, so that type of power exchange relationship obviously was not for you.

The person you were involved with has some issues as well, and likely they are of an ethical nature. Trust means a lot in any relationship, but more so in power exchange relationships than most others. Make sure it is a person that you can trust their ethical judgment, and if at any time you start feeling negative effects from a relationship, it is time to step back and evaluate it. That is where your responsibility is, and I believe that is where many are saying you need to accept, and improve in.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 2:22:48 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelain20

Yeah I agree I have things to learn before I set foot into another relationship. Its not gonna be awhile I'm even moving out of state to get my head together and just get away from things.

But just wanna say...everything started very small and steadily got worse. When he started losing hours and asked me for money I told him how I felt. But his personality and smile and desire for him won me over. First it was just buying gifts for him during christmas time...then he started requesting things and money and when he first asked me to give someone oral for money i said no but again he convinced me. And then it steadily got worse until I could not see him if I didn't have money. And everytime I did it I felt so disgusting and it made me lose desire to please men sexually but I supressed those feelings and got antidepressants. And then I tried cutting it off with him 3 times but he convinced me to stay and then he finally got a job and now its over.




Just to clue you in, going out of state is nothing but a change of senery, you arent going to be getting away from anything because the real problems will follow you because they are within yourself not without.

Magik


_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 6:19:52 PM   
Rhodes85


Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline 		'I agree with DS. I think however your friends are wrong its not abusive unless its not agreed upon and the dom does it to you without consent.'

Its illegal, its manipulative, its unethical and its extremely dangerous. How is that not abusive?

'Regardless of whether she made a crap decision or not, he's still a user and a manipulator.'

Exactly.

_____________________________

This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Had this been an actual emergency you would all be dead by now. Have a nice day and remember: Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 6:48:28 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Santoro

Question, what of being responsible, first to yourself, and then accepting the consequences of decisions you make?
It is your life, and you're the one who has to live it.

(in reply to Santoro)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 7:41:33 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		I think you would be wise to learn what a relationship is, and what using is.  This guy was using you and you allowed yourself to be used under the illlusion that this was a D/s relationship.  This guy got off on you, and what did you get?  Doesnt it occur to you that a relationship, even "friends with benefits", which is largely a vanilla construct, IMHO, should include RESPECT?  I dont usually word my responses this strongly but you are 21 and not 12, you should have SOME idea of what a relationship is, even if you dont know what a D/s one is!

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 7:58:16 PM   
impishone25


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline 		Greetings,
i don't often post in forums, but this one i wanted too seeing as i have been in similar situations before.  I was Never forced into prostittuion.  However i have been in abusive relationships with those that claimed to be Dominant and left wondering is this ok?  Is this how it's suppose to be?  Being young and/or inexperienced is very tough because its hard to say well what is "healthy"? Eye of the beholder right?

Porcelean, if you feel as if the D/s lifestyle is where you belong, then why would you give that up because of one bad relationship.  Granted it sounds pretty rough, and im guessing you are trying to develop your identity.  A good Partner in Any relationship, D/s or not, should care about your feelings as has been stated by many.  There could have been other options if he knew you didnt like it.

Having said all that, i suggest finding a munch or a group in which you can join and just watch.  I went to one and i Loved it, even if i was alone the other Doms/Dommes will still watch over you.  Or find a submissive friend and go together.  Or you can email the leader of the group and ask for a female who is Part of the group to watch over you.  That is what i did.  I emailed ahead.  Told them it was my first time, that i was nervous.  I was welcomed in, and a lovely Domme took me under her wing for the night to show me around.  I was not asked to submit or forced to do anything.  Actually by the end of the night i was Begging to be flogged on the cross ^_^ 
There were also other switches and submissives to congregate with. 
This would be an Excellent way to watch in reality how various couples act.  You could respectfully ask questions as they occur. 
Or start doing a LOT of reading.  Stories both real and fictional will give you a good idea about the types of lifestyle and perhaps you can get a better idea of what you'd like. 
However to say "well screw D/s...they are all crazy" would not make Any sense at all.  That's like saying one bad date means you should never date again.  Or because you ate one bad piece of chocolate that means the whole box is bad.  Instead, take your time and once you are ready take another bite of chocolate!

(in reply to MasterK13)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 10:55:19 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

Regardless of whether she made a crap decision or not, he's still a user and a manipulator.

There are on manipulators and users in consensual relationships. KJust people who, again, need emotional chaperones because they choose to consent to thing they decide later they shouldn't have consented to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

The sentence before that was that he wasn't a Dom. Since she seemed to be associating this relationship with a D/s relationship and was therefore now turned off in regards to having another D/s relationship, I gave my opinion as to why this wasn't a D/s relationship.

It doesn't matter if it was D/s or not. She willingly chose to perform the tasks he requested. If some random dude on the street asks if he can live at my place indeterminately without paying anything towards rent, utilities or food and I let him, that doesn't make him  a manipulator. It makes me either: a) willingly  overtly charitable, or b) a fool.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

She's 21, who hasn't made a crap decision at 21? Had I known half of what I know at 43 when I was 21 I would have made quite a few less crap decisions then.

then maybe some people should indeed be hald at bay from mature social interactions until the percentage of bad decisions they make reaches a low enough number to where they don't blame the consequences of them on other people anymore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

She was in a vulnerable position post rape and not many people make rational decisions after that type of experience.

I'm glad you feel comfortable questioning the sensible capacities of rape victims. As if they hadn't been assaulted enough already.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

So I'm far more likely to be forgiving of her "crap decision" given the extending circumstances than I am to defend his actions or chalk up what happened to her as being due only to her crappy decision. They weren't phantom accusations...they were my opinion. Simple as that.

And people like cute fluffy bunnies more than they do lizards as pets because of a more cuddly exterior appearance.

Again, though, if we take you argument to the full extent, we ought to isolate the OP until she's obviously more capable of making adult-related decisions.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 10:58:26 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhodes85

'Regardless of whether she made a crap decision or not, he's still a user and a manipulator.'

Exactly.

Excuses. Worse yet, excuses made by people who likely didn't feel they needed to devote the time to self-reflective intellectual understanding enough to be able to make rudimentary sensible decisions.

She agreed to his requests. Being wooed into doing things you later regret is not "manipulation". lol


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Rhodes85)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/15/2009 11:27:52 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

She was in a vulnerable position post rape and not many people make rational decisions after that type of experience.

I'm glad you feel comfortable questioning the sensible capacities of rape victims. As if they hadn't been assaulted enough already.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

I'm not here to debate. Nor am I completely sure why is it that you seem to be attacking me for my opinions. The OP asked a question, I answered with MY OPINION and I couldn't care less what argument you wish to pull me into. However, this little beauty quoted above is the only one I'm going to respond to.

Have you ever been raped? I'll explain to you why I'm comfortable questioning the "sensible capacities" of someone that has been raped. I've been a victim's advocate (with sexual assault situations in particular) for over 15 years. The first girl I sat in the ER with and held her hand through a rape kit still calls me every year on the date this occurred. Having dealt with the survivors of rape for many years, as well as having been a survivor of one myself, so perhaps I have a little more experience and insight in that area than you do. It is a fact that many rape survivors do not make rational and well thought out decisions post trauma. The trauma itself is considered a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

She was in a vulnerable position. She was looking for someone to protect her. He was aware of her trauma and knew she was in a vulnerable position. So I stand firmly by MY OPINION that he was and is a user and a manipulator. Is she completely innocent in this situation? No, she has a responsibility in her actions as well. Again, given her situation I am more understanding of her actions than I am of his.

You can argue your opinion, and why you feel that mine are incorrect, until the cows come home. It is your opinion and you have every right to said opinion. Simply because it differs from mine does not make either of ours correct or wrong. They are simply different.

Have a Peachy kind of Day!


_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/16/2009 1:19:24 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhodes85

'Regardless of whether she made a crap decision or not, he's still a user and a manipulator.'

Exactly.

Excuses. Worse yet, excuses made by people who likely didn't feel they needed to devote the time to self-reflective intellectual understanding enough to be able to make rudimentary sensible decisions.

She agreed to his requests. Being wooed into doing things you later regret is not "manipulation". lol



Actually that's pretty much the definition of manipulation. Using emotional blackmail to try to convince a person to go against their own desires or ethics without using force.

Manipulation can succeed or fail, depending on the action of the person being manipulated, because it's a matter of intention.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/16/2009 7:02:05 AM   
wannabe44


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/14/2009
Status: offline 		Fascinated to read your reply to porcelain20 - partly because it didn't quite seem to fit with the rest of the thread but mostly because it perfectly sums up how I feel about my role as a bedroom-only cd sub. I like the stockings, heels and constriction, and I like to be penetrated. So far so subby. Yet I am reasonably independent outside all this - my domme is incredibly strong-willed/capricious (depending what mood she's in) and I just love letting go to her. It's so damn freeing, isn't it? Normally (vanilla-ly)I'm pretty stroppy and opinionated and run my own family and affairs. YET unlike your good self I have no desire to be a woman, or live as one, and never have had. Though I love to be a dirty, bespanked and caned dildo-loving slut in the bedchamber. I used to put women on a pedestal as I am/was an old-style 80s feminist who really thought the world would be better/more peaceful if they ran it instead. Now I think they are just as shit as men for the most part! And so many women go for men who are pseudo-dominant shits with few redeeming characteristics except for being unthinkingly masterful sometimes - and of course the small factor that they fancy the knickers off their woman! But like you I have never been raped/abused and my relationship with my parents is normal (they brought me up well but I don't now have too much in common with them cos they wouldn't know a good time if they were delivered one with a seasonal sprig on top). So I have NO IDEA whence my subbiness comes. I enjoy being a perv and I enjoy my domme knowing all about it and using me. And she doesn't know why she feels like that while her dominant nature is also that of a sub who loves being controlled and dominated. It's a funfilled, funny old world...

(in reply to bipet123)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/16/2009 9:21:34 AM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Over the past few decades I have been approached by LOTS of female subs who are looking for $. Are they pros or just goldiggers?

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/16/2009 9:47:07 AM   
unlockmepls


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/16/2009
Status: offline 		Every submissive has the right to say NO. If your Dom wishes you to do something you know is wrong ....RUN. He is not a Dom but a bully

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/16/2009 10:07:06 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unlockmepls

. If your Dom wishes you to do something you know is wrong ....RUN. He is not a Dom but a bully



If my dom wants me to do something i know to be wrong, then i am EXPECTED to speak up and explain why i don't wish to do "X". At that stage, the discussion ensuing determines wheither or not i acceed to his wishes, or decline.

Perhaps its the fact that we can discuss issues that makes ours a good M/s relationship. If he insisted on a course of action regardless of what i thought, then i might consider him a bully, but he would still be a dom. And in the end, it is up to me to agree or disagree to the proposed course of action.

And of the most part, as long as the action isn't illegal, i accept that my Sir isn't going to do ,or have me do something that would damage me in any way.

But - just because he wants me to do something i don't want to do doesn't make him a bully or a nondom.

(in reply to unlockmepls)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/16/2009 10:22:32 AM   
MTCell


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/23/2009
Status: offline 		So you're the one who gets the aids, vd and a risk of other stds! Now if you're going to be this silly at least do it with some business sense. Cripes, he's even a lousy pimp! 800 a month huh. *rolls eyes* You should have been shown how to do 8000 + from home if he had any brains and wanted to protect you! Dump him.

(in reply to porcelain20)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: when a d/s relationship becomes pimp/prostitute - 11/16/2009 12:34:11 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Actually that's pretty much the definition of manipulation.

Then we're adopting an awfully loose interpretation of "manipulation". Every waiter that's ever talked you into that appetizer or dessert you didn't really need, then, is a "manipulator".

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 11/16/2009 12:35:24 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 100
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