RE: Your Must Have... (Full Version)

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HisSweetElysium -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 12:36:47 PM)

I do, and that was the point of the exercise, defining "wants' from "musts".  These were the 4 core values I found. From those sprung a lot of other things, for example

Empathetic:
Understanding
Communicative
Honest
Sensitive
Patient
Concern
Passionate

It was an exercise called Mind Mapping, here's the link if you'd like to check it out...

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/03/mapping-ideal-submission/



maugseros -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 1:44:12 PM)

A couple times "passion" was mentioned, and a couple subs mentioned "imaginative/creative", but I'm am suprsied no one has mentioned something along the lines of "must have infathomable lust, passion, and desire for me"

/leaves a little disappointed




maugseros -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 1:53:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

For me, my dominant should NOT be Christian, since I'm not.


off topic.. But you know.. I've always found the bible to be full of VERY dominate/submissive themes. It's just that most Christians don't see that.

Actually... There's somewhere in the old testemant a passage about the world being overrun by demons that take all the women as sexual slaves, before they were eventally cast out.

I have a story idea that I need to write about those demons comming back to earth in present time and re-enslaving all the worlds women.. And basically kicking all mens asses for becomning such pussies (in general). :) lol




DesFIP -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 4:04:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: maugseros

A couple times "passion" was mentioned, and a couple subs mentioned "imaginative/creative", but I'm am suprsied no one has mentioned something along the lines of "must have infathomable lust, passion, and desire for me"

/leaves a little disappointed




Doesn't that get covered by chemistry?



kasumi -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 4:07:03 PM)

Religion isn't a deal maker or breaker for me, but if I were with a dominant Christian, it wouldn't work for me if he was dominant because the bible gives the idea that women should submit to men. Generally, any sort of sexist behavior no matter where it came from would be a deal breaker. I know that personalities run the gamut in most all religions, but I also know that some religions encourage sexist behavior more than others. (Christianity is not alone here by any means!)


My must-haves:
love
Intelligence
Empathy
honesty
A willingness to take my children into account and act accordingly
monogamy (I could never be one of many subs/slaves, I'm too jealous. - But also competitive and hard-working enough to make sure he'd never need another!)
romance

I agree with dreamer that we have to fit together in and out of bed.

And his desire to be a dom mustn't stem from anger issues that might lead to abuse.

I guess I'm just one of the people that could never really do this sort of thing outside of a committed relationship. 



maugseros -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 5:10:04 PM)

quote:

Doesn't that get covered by chemistry?
ORIGINAL: DesFIP



No... EVERY  person on the planet on the planet would name "chemistry" on their list.  I long for something way beyond just "chemistry".. ;)




sophiesback -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 10:29:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

My 'must have' is a person who doesnt make lists of must haves. (Kicks paradox monster in the ass)
 
Am I going for a job interview? Buying from a catalogue? (Cynics- stop nodding)
 
Lists constrict creative thinking and discovery, 2 big TO's on my list. Ok, gotta stop now..


actually i think the original post asked for ONLY ONE must have?
i took this to mean the most important, out of everything, the ONE deal-breaking "Must-Have"



rockspider -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 11:09:06 PM)

Very weird. Not one single posting uses the word respect, as in respect for me and maybe even respect for himself.
In stead of i see a whole range of very superficial stuff. It always makes me want to ask a sub to take a realitycheck when she sets the bar very high. Like the 250 lbs socially disadvantaged woman with lot of health issues seeks 25 to 35 year old male with impeccable manners and a good economy for a relationship. I remember being a early twenties good looking, well dressed, well spoken man, with a liking for women 10 to 20 years my senior. It was such a sellers market it wasn't even funny. The age was fine, but unless they were real good looking they wouldn't even be awarded a second glance. it wasn't about me seeking a financial advantage out of it. Purely for sexual gratification and as a matter of fact it was here i developed a taste for kinky sex, as many of them was in to it.



EbonyWood -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 11:24:54 PM)

Hmm, I dont see it as that weird. Respect is one of many attributes/traits..and sophie has lectured me thats it's not a list and you MUST have only one.......[:)]



sophiesback -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 11:29:13 PM)

i did not lecture, ebony, darling. i was simply pointing out that i read the OP to ask for only one.



EbonyWood -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 11:34:58 PM)

And then everyone made lists.. darling.
 
I understood it called for one. But people love to expand.



sophiesback -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/18/2009 11:37:19 PM)

i am not "everyone", and, for that, i am quite thankful.  You were the one saying you didn't like the lists.



Llyren -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 12:11:10 AM)

I really do see your point, but I think it sort of expanded from the initially what is essential, to what else is essential. 

At the risk of being rude, you have your own standards, so why object to others having theirs?  Honestly, based on your posts, you fit quite a few of the standards, intelligent, a sense of humour, things like that. 

I believe that submissives knowing what they want/need is a good thing.  It helps combat 'doormat syndrome', and it keeps us in a better mindframe when we do try to connect with someone.  Apathy and passivity are hideous traits, in my opinion.  I should know, being quite apathetic in the realms of housework and going to the gym.





EbonyWood -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 12:22:13 AM)

Hmm, I don't think I really seriously objected to people having one, or a number of qualities they look for.
 
I just made an ironic statement intending to turn the idea of list making around, and to get some people to see that it can be limiting. A few people seem to have missed the irony, but that's ok.
 
When people continue to miss the irony even after an explanation of it, yes that's me done.



Llyren -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 12:50:15 AM)


I will freely confess that it sounded far more disapproving than ironic.  But that could be my own virtual 'ears'. 

Though I did find another thing that is important to me, at least for this site.  I don't think I'd be interested in any D-type who didn't participate in the forums, and only trolled the other side.  I like knowing how someone expresses him or herself.



porcelaine -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 8:50:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i know we may have more than 1.... but what is one of your "must have's" for a "D" type?
For me being a Christian is paramount.

It would even be cool to hear, and talk about why something is your "must have"


breathesasone,

I don't have any must haves. But I did in the past. I have traits that I find appealing, physical elements that I'm attracted to, certain personality types that mesh well with mine, and some preferences that have proven to be more flexible than I realized early on. But I don't apply these things to persons and situations anymore. I simply allow a flow of conversation to take place and see where it goes.

Having my supposed must haves secured doesn't guarantee we will be aptly paired. As such, I've discarded those things and have chosen to allow nature to take its course. The outcome has been more enriching dialogues and the deepening belief I will attract the One that's best suited for me. Trying to approach my quest from the standpoint you've mentioned may have revealed persons that met my wants and/or needs, but none were necessarily what was best for me in the long run.

I also stopped searching and that was probably the most profound change after I decided to chuck the list. My energy is different as is my outlook. When I'm approached by someone that reveals interest I find he is usually of a different caliber now. I've forgone the lists and all the other implements that some utilize to find and/or attract a suitor. It is truly an enjoyable experience when two adults talk instead without all the qualifiers neatly spelled out beforehand. I've found it has opened up avenues that were previously closed or unexplored.

I don't invest energy in these things and view them as impediments in the flow as a whole. My time and attention are devoted to making certain that I'm where I need to be and prepared to receive Him when He arrives. If I believe myself to be a woman of substance and worthy of a good companion. It would stand to reason that is precisely what I'll attract and connect with as well. I view the lists as reminders, a restating of the obvious that needn't be articulated. Almost a proof or validation of sorts that I don't partake in because it no longer makes sense in my head. I don't need to say it because He will see it. He doesn't need to announce it because I will see the same. It really is that simple.

~porcelaine



breatheasone -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 9:26:05 AM)

See....i NEVER said ANYthing about a "list"..... 

This was the 1st sentence in your reply "I don't have any must haves."

Really not one? I find it really hard to believe that there isn't just 1 thing that you need from a person you are to be in an intimate relationship with, but i digress.  



Llyren -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 9:43:10 AM)


A pulse is always good...



sunshinemiss -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 11:48:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: maugseros


quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

For me, my dominant should NOT be Christian, since I'm not.


off topic.. But you know.. I've always found the bible to be full of VERY dominate/submissive themes. It's just that most Christians don't see that.

Actually... There's somewhere in the old testemant a passage about the world being overrun by demons that take all the women as sexual slaves, before they were eventally cast out.

I have a story idea that I need to write about those demons comming back to earth in present time and re-enslaving all the worlds women.. And basically kicking all mens asses for becomning such pussies (in general). :) lol




Hi maugseros,
There is a piece that I wrote for a book called "Some Women" ... it is a collection put together by Laura Antoniou.  There is a story in there that I wrote under the name "Phoenix Flora"  (ohhh back in the day I was so dramatic!)... It's all about the BDSM themes in Christianity.

Best compliment I ever got from it:  "You're going to hell." 

have fun.

as to the OP:  I need a man who can handle paper stuff - bills, finances, that kind of stuff.  It actually says a lot to me.  He will be organized, controlled, manage things well, have good time management, and not roar when he realizes I spent $100 on books instead of aluminum siding or something.  He has an eye to the future, managing life, understanding the balance of practical and silly.

I know it seems like a simple thing, but it actually says a lot to me.

Best,
sunshine



breatheasone -> RE: Your Must Have... (11/19/2009 11:54:03 AM)

quote:

sunshine,

I need a man who can handle paper stuff - bills, finances, that kind of stuff.  It actually says a lot to me.  He will be organized, controlled, manage things well, have good time management,

Mmmm i just got a girl boner!.....Am i weird that this kind of guy would turn me on?? LOL



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