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RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 2:33:00 AM

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ETA- nm, not worth it
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< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 11/22/2009 3:11:20 AM >

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(in reply to Rhodes85)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 4:00:42 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhodes85
Uhhh.....what? Nobody is throwing anything around loosely. I prefer the term 'disrespective, manipulative, coward' when referring to cheaters, but 'moron' is quite sufficient to get the point across.

You think it's sufficient - just solidifys my impression that it shows a lack of intelligence. It's an attack on mentally impaired people and a disgusting term. If all cheaters are morons, then that makes some morons cheaters (not that I would ever use a vile term, but using words that you and people like you do) - oh and children too - how fantastic!</s> - and I find that comparrison abhorant. Thinking it's ok just shows the type of person you are, which is all cool because I wouldn't bother having a friendship with you and it helps me weed out the insulting and thoughtless bigots who have no idea on what words really stand for, from the people who have an ounce of empathy.

quote:

That being said...what does any of this have to do with eugenics?

Oh, and look them both up.

the.dark.

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(in reply to Rhodes85)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 4:30:28 AM

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Not worth getting into an e-arguement over

< Message edited by Elizabeth666 -- 11/22/2009 4:50:19 AM >

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 7:36:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhodes85
Uhhh.....what? Nobody is throwing anything around loosely. I prefer the term 'disrespective, manipulative, coward' when referring to cheaters, but 'moron' is quite sufficient to get the point across.

You think it's sufficient - just solidifys my impression that it shows a lack of intelligence. It's an attack on mentally impaired people and a disgusting term.

You're being fairly insulting here, as it seems to me. I've never seen you go off like this when people use words like imbecile or idiot. But all three terms were once employed as categories of mental deficit (intellectual deficit to be specific, or a "lack of intelligence" as you might say). The operative phrase is, "were once." They haven't been used diagnostically for decades. And yes, I know the connection with eugenics. But there's no "attack" where none was intended, and to falsely claim otherwise is not without a certain "disgusting" quality of its own.

K.

< Message edited by Kirata -- 11/22/2009 7:47:10 AM >

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 7:54:30 AM

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If the spouses don't know then it is lying and deceiving in my book. I am married but hubby is aware and supportive. You have to think about more than yourselves in this. Both the spouses can be very hurt by our actions and his. It just isn't about you and him it is also about the others that are being deceived.

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RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 9:35:14 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata
You're being fairly insulting here, as it seems to me. I've never seen you go off like this when people use words like imbecile or idiot. But all three terms were once employed as categories of mental deficit (intellectual deficit to be specific, or a "lack of intelligence" as you might say). The operative phrase is, "were once." They haven't been used diagnostically for decades. And yes, I know the connection with eugenics. But there's no "attack" where none was intended, and to falsely claim otherwise is not without a certain "disgusting" quality of its own.

K.

No more 'insulting' than people insisiting on calling people who cheat 'morons'. I am british, I get irony.

But as you have seen by people responding to what I wrote - even if they remove the response after or just don't 'get' it, no one likes/enjoys being called a name just because someone disagrees with them... so why do people do it?
I find irony in calling people names and acting as if they are above reproach because they (in this instance) find cheating 'moronic' - that is all.
If people are insulted or feel disrespect just because I might state that use of the word 'moron' is disgusting and shows lacking in intelligence, then maybe they should look back at what they are doing too? And maybe look up what 'irony' means while they are at it.

the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Kirata)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 10:00:31 AM

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quote:

But as you have seen by people responding to what I wrote - even if they remove the response after

I removed it because there is really no sense in arguing with a stranger online.

Have fun though.

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 10:27:37 AM

RCdc

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If all you wish to consider is arguing, I quite agree.
Me? I dig discussing personally. Far more interesting.

the.dark.

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(in reply to Elizabeth666)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 10:30:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

If all you wish to consider is arguing, I quite agree.
Me? I dig discussing personally. Far more interesting.

the.dark.

Right on sister!....Its hilarious that some people seem to forget that small fact.( i would be one of those at times

)

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(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 10:35:23 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

If all you wish to consider is arguing, I quite agree.
Me? I dig discussing personally. Far more interesting.

the.dark.

Right on sister!....Its hilarious that some people seem to forget that small fact.( i would be one of those at times)

Aw hunni - shit happens and people forget lots of things at times - I know I do!... smooches on over to ya.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to breatheasone)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 10:44:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

If all you wish to consider is arguing, I quite agree.
Me? I dig discussing personally. Far more interesting.

the.dark.

Right on sister!....Its hilarious that some people seem to forget that small fact.( i would be one of those at times)

Aw hunni - shit happens and people forget lots of things at times - I know I do!... smooches on over to ya.

the.dark.

Man, see now i REALLY feel bad...i wish i could make that claim the.dark. but if i am to be honest...i go off sometimes and get pissy sometimes JUST because i get fed up...not because i "forgot" how i should act. the.dark. i have conflicts, i KNOW i have Jesus in my heart and life, i know i am a new creature in Christ...but my "old man" my flesh get the better of me...sometimes i LET it...sometimes it just "gets" me....theres a saying we Christians have, "We are not perfect, we are forgiven" So i just keep going....Getting it right sometimes, getting it wrong most times

and theres always the ever popular saying.... "If you can't beat em, arrange to have them beaten!" (i know, not exactly "turn the other cheeky" but i'm a work in progress)

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(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 11:14:25 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Man, see now i REALLY feel bad...i wish i could make that claim the.dark. but if i am to be honest...i go off sometimes and get pissy sometimes JUST because i get fed up...not because i "forgot" how i should act. the.dark. i have conflicts, i KNOW i have Jesus in my heart and life, i know i am a new creature in Christ...but my "old man" my flesh get the better of me...sometimes i LET it...sometimes it just "gets" me....theres a saying we Christians have, "We are not perfect, we are forgiven" So i just keep going....Getting it right sometimes, getting it wrong most times and theres always the ever popular saying.... "If you can't beat em, arrange to have them beaten!" (i know, not exactly "turn the other cheeky" but i'm a work in progress)

Forgetting or just letting of steam - neither is worse or better than the other so there is no need to feel bad. If I understand my christian doctrine (at least the Jesus bit) then knowing you let off steam, and realising that it's not always what he might want, and being genuinly repentant - not the whole 'oh well I am saved so I'll be forgiven' kinda thing - but the heartfelt knowledge that perfection is a goal, rather than an earthly acheivement - will pretty much rock in his book. From what I've studied, he'd dig humility over hauteur anyday.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to breatheasone)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 11:21:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Forgetting or just letting of steam - neither is worse or better than the other so there is no need to feel bad. If I understand my christian doctrine (at least the Jesus bit) then knowing you let off steam, and realising that it's not always what he might want, and being genuinly repentant - not the whole 'oh well I am saved so I'll be forgiven' kinda thing - but the heartfelt knowledge that perfection is a goal, rather than an earthly acheivement - will pretty much rock in his book. From what I've studied, he'd dig humility over hauteur anyday.

the.dark.

Yeah, all 200% true. The guilt i feel comes from me, not from the Lord. i mean i never made my kids feel guilty for something i forgave them for, so my Heavenly Father is all the more capable of getting that right!

Onward and upward i suppose....

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(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 1:51:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The Man and I had this discussion last night.
In a perfect world people would leave their partners before seeking out someone new.

However, anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship knows that one of the aspects of that is that the abuser convinces you that no one else would ever want you, that being beaten down daily is more attention then you merit and you need to be grateful for it. And you come to believe him/her.

What frequently is the only thing that allows one to finally leave is support from a new intimate partner. Without the new person telling you that you are of value, showing you that. You would stay in a loveless, sexless relationship where you are told everyday how utterly unattractive you are.

So I'm not going to say someone who cheats is by definition evil. I am going to say that if this is the only way you can find to get any positive reinforcement, then you need to be ready to move on, and you ought to be finding a therapist because you have a lot of work ahead before you are well.

THIS is what I was thinking the entire time reading these responses. And I wanted to add one thing. There were a LOT of assumptions being made based on knowing NOTHING of what's going on with the OP. Perhaps she came here because she WAS teetering on the edge and really looking for guidance. I know some of you here, hell a LOT of you believe in tough love, but it's not always a case of black and white. I know mine isn't. The responses here that are MOST helpful are the ones sayin, Only you can decide that, but be ready for what follows either way.

The rest of you are being OVERLY harsh. And that's MY opinion. OP..don't know your situation, but do try to think things through and decide what you want to do and if you can handle what is to follow, EITHER way you choose.

This is life people, everything isn't left right, up down, if it were, even THIS site wouldn't exist. Because some people, as its been so clearly pointed out, think even BDSM is lacking in morals. Remember that before attacking someone else for what THEY are trying to work their way through.

Mag OUT.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 3:41:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeBadGirl69

I have been e-mailing with a master, but he is married and his wife doesn't know anything about his online activities. I would love to meet him in person, but I don't know if that would be right. Should I enable him to cheat on his wife of many years? BTW - I am married also.

I think the only one who can answer that question is you

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(in reply to MeBadGirl69)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 5:02:20 PM

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From: Nova Scotia, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhodes85
Uhhh.....what? Nobody is throwing anything around loosely. I prefer the term 'disrespective, manipulative, coward' when referring to cheaters, but 'moron' is quite sufficient to get the point across.

You think it's sufficient - just solidifys my impression that it shows a lack of intelligence. It's an attack on mentally impaired people and a disgusting term. If all cheaters are morons, then that makes some morons cheaters (not that I would ever use a vile term, but using words that you and people like you do) - oh and children too - how fantastic!</s> - and I find that comparrison abhorant. Thinking it's ok just shows the type of person you are, which is all cool because I wouldn't bother having a friendship with you and it helps me weed out the insulting and thoughtless bigots who have no idea on what words really stand for, from the people who have an ounce of empathy.

quote:

That being said...what does any of this have to do with eugenics?

Oh, and look them both up.

the.dark.

Excuse me? When someone uses the term 'moron' I assume they are referring to the person in question as an idiot or as being ignorant. It has not actually been used to legitimately refer to someone who is mentally impared in many decades, despite what you seem to be implying. That being said your reference to 'children' I assume is about my telling the OP she should act like an adult rather than a child. Clearly you either severely misunderstood the point of that statement or are trying to twist it. The point of that statement is a child cannot fully understand the consequences of his or her actions (in this case cheating) while an adult (which she is) should be very much capable of doing so. Incidently I am very much aware what the eugenics means and it still has nothing to do with this situation or this discussion. Oh and as far as the reason for referring to said person as a 'moron' I may not have gotten the point across sufficiently but it was intended to be mainly in reference to those that cheat and also try to justify that cheating with bs excuses. Just to clairify.

That being said I have no desire to argue with a person in an online forum. Let alone one that makes snap judgements about me from based on a single sentence. Wow, 'people like me' and 'the type of person I am' being a thoughtless bigot? You may want to think that through a second time before calling me a 'thoughtless bigot' After all you don't see me judging you.

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(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 5:15:47 PM

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For me, the cheating issue is between him and his wife, between you and your husband. Of course, something is way wrong or missing in those two relationships that have brought you two together in the first place. Whether or not anyone wants to look at their own marriages and deal with those issues is a whole other topic. I do not see how you are enabling him to cheat on his wife any more than he is enabling you to cheat on your husband. He's a big boy. You're a big girl. Own your own decisions.

(in reply to MeBadGirl69)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 6:01:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
To the OP....I did everything wrong. I regret that now and always will. I don't regret leaving my marriage. I regret how I did it. I cheated on him. I was told four years ago right on this forum, when I basically asked the same question you just did, to end my marriage before I cheated. I chose not to follow that advice. I wish I did. I caused tremendous amounts of pain to people I loved. My advice to you is the same that was given to me. Talk to your husband and express your desires. If he is unable to fulfill them for whatever reason and you realize that you need them in your life in order to be happy, then leave and get divorced before you search outside of the marriage. Trust me on this. It's the better way.

Actually, Aileen, I have to compliment you on the above. It takes a very big person to acknowledge their mistakes, especially if they have hurt someone in the process. I want to commend you for being so honest about your prior situation and the sincerity of your advice in regards to the OP. Thank you very much for being willing to write this reply.

Seconded.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 6:38:22 PM

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
To the OP....I did everything wrong. I regret that now and always will. I don't regret leaving my marriage. I regret how I did it. I cheated on him. I was told four years ago right on this forum, when I basically asked the same question you just did, to end my marriage before I cheated. I chose not to follow that advice. I wish I did. I caused tremendous amounts of pain to people I loved. My advice to you is the same that was given to me. Talk to your husband and express your desires. If he is unable to fulfill them for whatever reason and you realize that you need them in your life in order to be happy, then leave and get divorced before you search outside of the marriage. Trust me on this. It's the better way.

Actually, Aileen, I have to compliment you on the above. It takes a very big person to acknowledge their mistakes, especially if they have hurt someone in the process. I want to commend you for being so honest about your prior situation and the sincerity of your advice in regards to the OP. Thank you very much for being willing to write this reply.

Seconded.

Thanks, but there was nothing admirable about what I did. If anything, I did learn what never ever ever ever ever ever to do in life again. I will never repeat that mistake. I hate that I have one thing that is so major and so negative in my life that it almost had the potential to overshadow who I am and all of the good qualities that I have and the good things I've done. The only thing that will ever prove that I'm not truly a bad person to the people that I love is time and to never repeat that fucked up mistake.
I will not get drawn back into this thread again...
People make the best decisions they can at the unique times in their lives. I judge no one because I don't know their circumstances.

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RE: Cheating spouses - 11/22/2009 7:07:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhodes85

That being said I have no desire to argue with a person in an online forum. Let alone one that makes snap judgements about me from based on a single sentence. Wow, 'people like me' and 'the type of person I am' being a thoughtless bigot? You may want to think that through a second time before calling me a 'thoughtless bigot' After all you don't see me judging you.

Is it really the online forum aspect that stops you? Or is it your perception that your interlocutor is closed minded? Just curious.

(in reply to Rhodes85)

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