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RE: Cheating spouses - 11/24/2009 8:55:37 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

I don't mind the pot calling the kettle black, so long as the pot realizes it's black too.

Or at least dark.

K.

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 141
RE: Cheating spouses - 11/24/2009 9:56:57 PM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline
The subject always get the strong disagrements out of the bag. The truth is that everybody sees it from their own litlle perspective and seem to ignore the fact that they have very litlle knowledge about the socalled cheater. In some countries they do have deathpenalties for it, and that is a sad fact.
When i read something like this i can't help think why people want to do it. If their marriage is that far out that this seems the best solution. Then it might be, but then it probably would be a better solution to sit down with the spouse and get the divorce agrement in order first. Trying to get that in order afterwards is specially painfull if someone returns and passes on a STD as one of the worst scenarios.
If on the other hand the reason for going down that road is shear boredom at home, then maybe even looking at your self, ask why it is boring. Maybe doing something at home would spice it up. New relationships is always exiting in the start up phase, but often fades quicker than the one you came from.
To the guys considering an affair with a married women remember some of them do it to use it as the humilitation card on her hubby. The prospect of having some rather mentally unstable guy barging in to your home at 4 am on a sunday morning carrying a shotgun, because he can't find the bitch who is out screewing some other feller, but you were the previous one. Well that prospect is not nice at all.
Another less lethal is is the married woman who is deeply in love with her cheating hubby and really only want to extract revenge. Most likely he doesn't care and the end result is having to listen hour long tirades about how bad the hubby is. Well the rewards certainly not worth the effort. It is more like hard work borne out by the fact that shrinks charge 400$ per hour listening to it. Besides if you are looking for something more permanent don't forget she will be back to hubby the instant he trows her a bone. I have jumped in that trap several times and today really runs like hell if a woman spends most of the first date telling me about her hubby or ex. No problem with one who broaches the subject but a several hour non stop disclosure of his bad sides, certainly makes it the last date we have.

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Cheating spouses - 11/25/2009 7:03:37 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata
And, you're modest too.



Oh no Kirata, I am certainly not modest at all.

the.dark.

_____________________________


RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 143
RE: Cheating spouses - 11/25/2009 7:20:56 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
Actually I think that when someone is called a "thoughtless bigot," told they have a "lack of intelligence," sees the old "people like you" tossed in, is told the person they're talking to "wouldn't bother having a friendship with" them, it's a rare person who will see that as still being a discussion.

Personal attacks tend to elevate any discussion to argument status. You can't go around calling people every name for stupid other than 'moron,' because they used a word you didn't like, and expect them to view it as a civilized difference of opinion.

I agree with Rhodes and Kirata about the term 'moron' - it hasn't been used diagnostically for decades and it also has another colloquial meaning now. Basically your argument sounds a lot like saying "you shouldn't use the word gay to mean homosexuals, gay means happy and joyous and you're USING IT WRONG."
That being said, I think you have every right to be offended by a person using a word. What you don't seem to realize is that you're also being incredibly offensive and tossing out insults left and right, which gives you absolutely no moral high ground and IMO it looks kind of ridiculous to say someone has a lack of intelligence because he called someone a moron.

"You're stupid because you call people stupid" isn't exactly the best argument, unless you're willing to accept the logical conclusion


Elisabella.
Usually, I dig your posts - but lets at least just get something correct.
I totally knew what I was doing.  I totally 'get' that I was incredibly offensive.  It was meant to be... and you know what?  It proved my point because the minuite I gave what someone was giving I was told I should 'think about what I was saying' by the very people starting the name calling. My point was exactly as you have said to me - I just did it with irony and sarcasm (in case you missed those in my post) because I could pretty much know what the reaction would be and I called them out on it.

People who call others names, get annoyed and upset when the same is done to them.  I simply acted by example how it feels to be called 'stupid' or as they used 'moron'.  Call it provocation if you want - the fact is that people were judging some others on an action and name calling - not only name calling but belittling them, and yet they were the first to be all defensive when it came to them making the assessment that they were being called names by me.

There are plenty of people that have made mistakes etc... plenty people lie.  Some of them are here on the forum and they messed up and have paid for them or regreted them... apologies have been made and some even admit to having indescretions and share the anguish they went through and what their partners had to go through to sometimes let others reading on the forum know that they aren't alone and that guilt is a postive step.  The last thing anyone like that deserves is to be called a 'moron' and grouped in such a broad generalisation by people taking the moral highground when the first thing you do is look at their profile and they are hiding something themselves!  Everyone lies, whether it's holding back some sort of information or not stating their real name on a profile - to those big old lies.

The fact is, I don't dig belittling people because of a single act (other than in this thread and using it as an example) and if you don't understand that, its because you don't know me - and that is all cool - you cannot know everyone.  Sometimes it does people good to experience themselves, what they put others through... then as Merc often says - there are sadists here, what else do you expect?

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 11/25/2009 7:33:32 AM >


_____________________________


RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 144
RE: Cheating spouses - 11/25/2009 7:56:34 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata


quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

I don't mind the pot calling the kettle black, so long as the pot realizes it's black too.

Or at least dark.

K.



Far more than dark.
I blackened and polished it all myself, I even added some silver glitter as a finishing touch. Adding sparkles is so much fun...

the.dark.

_____________________________


RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 145
RE: Cheating spouses - 11/25/2009 2:42:25 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
Actually I think that when someone is called a "thoughtless bigot," told they have a "lack of intelligence," sees the old "people like you" tossed in, is told the person they're talking to "wouldn't bother having a friendship with" them, it's a rare person who will see that as still being a discussion.

Personal attacks tend to elevate any discussion to argument status. You can't go around calling people every name for stupid other than 'moron,' because they used a word you didn't like, and expect them to view it as a civilized difference of opinion.

I agree with Rhodes and Kirata about the term 'moron' - it hasn't been used diagnostically for decades and it also has another colloquial meaning now. Basically your argument sounds a lot like saying "you shouldn't use the word gay to mean homosexuals, gay means happy and joyous and you're USING IT WRONG."
That being said, I think you have every right to be offended by a person using a word. What you don't seem to realize is that you're also being incredibly offensive and tossing out insults left and right, which gives you absolutely no moral high ground and IMO it looks kind of ridiculous to say someone has a lack of intelligence because he called someone a moron.

"You're stupid because you call people stupid" isn't exactly the best argument, unless you're willing to accept the logical conclusion


Elisabella.
Usually, I dig your posts - but lets at least just get something correct.
I totally knew what I was doing.  I totally 'get' that I was incredibly offensive.  It was meant to be... and you know what?  It proved my point because the minuite I gave what someone was giving I was told I should 'think about what I was saying' by the very people starting the name calling. My point was exactly as you have said to me - I just did it with irony and sarcasm (in case you missed those in my post) because I could pretty much know what the reaction would be and I called them out on it.

People who call others names, get annoyed and upset when the same is done to them.  I simply acted by example how it feels to be called 'stupid' or as they used 'moron'.  Call it provocation if you want - the fact is that people were judging some others on an action and name calling - not only name calling but belittling them, and yet they were the first to be all defensive when it came to them making the assessment that they were being called names by me.

There are plenty of people that have made mistakes etc... plenty people lie.  Some of them are here on the forum and they messed up and have paid for them or regreted them... apologies have been made and some even admit to having indescretions and share the anguish they went through and what their partners had to go through to sometimes let others reading on the forum know that they aren't alone and that guilt is a postive step.  The last thing anyone like that deserves is to be called a 'moron' and grouped in such a broad generalisation by people taking the moral highground when the first thing you do is look at their profile and they are hiding something themselves!  Everyone lies, whether it's holding back some sort of information or not stating their real name on a profile - to those big old lies.

The fact is, I don't dig belittling people because of a single act (other than in this thread and using it as an example) and if you don't understand that, its because you don't know me - and that is all cool - you cannot know everyone.  Sometimes it does people good to experience themselves, what they put others through... then as Merc often says - there are sadists here, what else do you expect?

the.dark.


Ah okay...I get ya now :)

I like your posts too, which is why that sort of surprised me, because normally I see you as incredibly aware and self-aware, and I like that

I think you have a good point though. Most of the posts (my own included) started with "cheaters are bad" rather than "cheating is bad."

It's the act that's wrong (IMO) and the person doing it is doing something wrong, but that doesn't mean they're a horrible person who will burn in hell for all eternity and thus should be socially segregated with other Bad People so the taint doesn't rub off.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Cheating spouses - 11/25/2009 6:39:56 PM   
QuirkyAnne


Posts: 268
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline
There's an old rule for this, that many have already said in one way or another:  If they'll cheat WITH you then they will cheat ON you.

Further, do you honestly want to be with man who actively seeks to betray a person he (at least at one time) claimed to love and honor?  If this is the way he treats his WIFE then how do you think he will treat YOU once the novelty of a new woman/sub wears off?

(in reply to MeBadGirl69)
Profile   Post #: 147
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