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RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 11:55:52 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Another thread got me wondering about this.
Limits... Who sets them? You, or your "D" type?
i'm talking limits not preferences.



We each set our own limits. There's plenty of stuff he won't do himself

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 12:07:37 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He can't set my physical or emotional limits unless he can magically end my physical and emotional problems. Limits are in place for my health.

I have vertigo so I had to set the limit of no inverted suspension. But if I hadn't and instead had gotten sick as a dog for a week he'd have been really pissed at me for not telling him about the problem. Same for things that would break my moral and ethical values causing me to end the relationship. Or anything that would set off a panic attack.



_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 3:56:57 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Another thread got me wondering about this.
Limits... Who sets them? You, or your "D" type?
i'm talking limits not preferences.



The submissive states her limits, If they work for me then we proceed, if not, we both continue searching

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 4:07:26 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Another thread got me wondering about this.
Limits... Who sets them? You, or your "D" type?
i'm talking limits not preferences.



Neither; my limits are physical, biological, and psychological.

I am what I am.

Kim


_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 11:22:17 AM   
HOUSEofSIRE


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/17/2009
Status: offline 		Prior to our collaring ceremony Sire and i discussed limits. He made it very clear that my ability to single handedly set my limits ends with my collaring. If there is something that i am never willing to do then i had to divulge it then. After our collaring ceremony i am allowed to tell Him of my preferences with the understanding that He will take it under advisement. We were very thorough about discussing everything before i handed control over to Him though.

Every relationship has conditions. A marriage stays together based on the condition that you don't cheat and don't start abusing your family. Our relationship stays together based on Sire respecting my preset hard limits and me continuing to serve Him to the best of my ability.

For the record my hard limits are, NO sex with animals or children. No dead people (this includes me!), No scat. No dismemberment. And under no circumstances will i follow any order that involves hurting someone else, be it emotional or physical.

i know i sound very non-subbie when i say all this, but these rules were the last thing i was able to choose for myself before choosing to become Sire's property. The last time i was allowed to tell Him no about anything, and He will honor that.

sirenity

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 6:22:56 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sirenity, so you're saying that you aren't allowed to develop an illness? Because there are diseases that cause new limits. So if you get a mastectomy and reconstruction he still will cane your breasts despite the fact that the implanted prosthesis cannot tolerate it?

Sorry, you've only discussed what you knew about at the time of collaring. If you stay together, new limits will appear eventually. Including things you may never have tried before and didn't know would cause major emotional upheavals.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to HOUSEofSIRE)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 6:53:39 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...So if you get a mastectomy and reconstruction he still will cane your breasts despite the fact that the implanted prosthesis cannot tolerate it?...


it makes absolutely no sense to this slave to limit something that any decent human being/non-sociopath wouldn't be fucking doing to someone they intend to have around for awhile, anyway...like dismemberment, or screwing their infants, or caning someone's breast implants, or causing them to need psychiatric hospitilization.  how and why would you even engage with someone so dangerous they NEED you to limit them from that sort of shit?
 
Not ALL sadists need a leash...and if you seriously believe that the only thing keeping your partner from seriously fucking you and yours up is your "limit list" because without it He would just be devoid of ANY sense of right/wrong is either:
 
a) an indication that you have no business partnering with anyone or complaining about it later if you can't discern a sociopath from a decent human being
or
b) taking cynical to the level of hysterical.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 7:22:02 PM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...So if you get a mastectomy and reconstruction he still will cane your breasts despite the fact that the implanted prosthesis cannot tolerate it?...


it makes absolutely no sense to this slave to limit something that any decent human being/non-sociopath wouldn't be fucking doing to someone they intend to have around for awhile,  

 


I agree....
good heavans...if LIMITS are the only thing keeping one from being fukked with a cactus..playing car chase with a blindfold..having a dog put on them or being given to bums down a back alley..then wtf?
 
ANY SANE human beings who intend to have a realtionship with each other TALK..
and understand what constitutes harm....illegal...danger etc...
 
I find this kind of thing most diconcerting  that someone would be or be with someone who would come up with henious scenerios under the guise of
'Sorry wasn't on your limit list honey..say hi to fukkin with a grenade"
or "HAy babe this is BDSM"
 
wtf?
 
THAT Is a criminal...psycho...or worse..
 
GM
 
 
 

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 7:26:50 PM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		oops

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 12/2/2009 7:28:04 PM >

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 8:29:45 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Another thread got me wondering about this.
Limits... Who sets them? You, or your "D" type?
i'm talking limits not preferences.



Simply my 'D' type presents me with his limits, I present my limits and if it is determined that there is compatibility then we move forward from there.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 9:47:11 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


it makes absolutely no sense to this slave to limit something that any decent human being/non-sociopath wouldn't be fucking doing to someone they intend to have around for awhile, anyway...


Amen!!

The Man and I did not discuss limits.  He asked me if I had any and I said I wouldn't be comfortable setting any.  And that was pretty much that.  He loves me the woman, and is taking his time getting to know and understand me.  He has been very careful as he does.  I have no concern about him harming me.  Through the course of conversation he learns those things that will be detrimental.  "Playing" started out very slowly and mild, and continues to build, based on his comfort level with my ability to handle it.

To answer the OP, He sets the limits, based on his moral code.



_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Limits - 12/2/2009 11:55:35 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
i'm talking limits not preferences.



Master does not place limits on our relationship, so we do not have them.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 2:34:33 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		I've gone back and forth on whether I have limits, or whether it's an issue of trust and compatibility. For me, I'm pretty sure both are true.

What's shocking and unthinkable to one person is fine and dandy for another. I'm not interested in anything other than a monogamous relationship, which makes poly and open relationships a hard limit, but I'm quite accepting of scat and other BDSM activities that are on many folks no-no list. I've met some folks who quake at the thought of most bodily fluids yet think "human" is just one of many species to involve themselves with, etc.

I could go on, but there is an ocean of gray between the categories of  things that "only a crazy person would do" and what's "normal by anyone's standards" ( and might go as far as saying the latter category may not exist at all ). I think it's great when people can enter into a relationship and the subject of limits never comes up because the two people are well matched, but I don't think by and large it's safe to assume that there is a universal standard of what's acceptable and what's not.

With someone understanding, who I'm compatible with, I have no limits. Considering the countless variety of desires, needs, and personal tastes one can find in the world, I most definitely do.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 3:17:05 AM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		He set my limits,,If i could be harm emotionaly or physically ,, He would never allow it ,, but the rest,, is settle from what He want ,,  and i am at peace...

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 9:42:54 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master and i discussed them and then they were set. It turned we both have the same limits so it worked out good for us. There is however one thing that was a limit , but it was somwthing Master really liked. I had a bad experience with it so i told Master about that, but i would try it with him he understood and took it slow. Now i like it and i did not think i would. So we have open lines of communitation.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to elleX)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 10:09:44 AM   
DarkMasquerade


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/17/2009
From: Germany
Status: offline 		Both of us. Even though I'm the sub and some people might say it isn't "the right way to do it", he respects my limits just like I respect his... same thing goes for preferences (just "respect" wouldn't be the right word).

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 1:23:22 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		One way to put it might be to say He told me he doesn't enjoy broken toys, i told Him things that could break this particular model.


_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.


(in reply to DarkMasquerade)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 2:31:15 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Sorry, you've only discussed what you knew about at the time of collaring. If you stay together, new limits will appear eventually. Including things you may never have tried before and didn't know would cause major emotional upheavals.


Gee Des and beth, you make it sound like couples get to know each other and trust that they are on the same wavelength in terms of their desires.

Maybe you're right- not once has Kim ever felt the need to remind me that I don't have the right to shit in her mouth and make her do strapon play with a corpse.

Strangely enough, it hasn't come up in conversation.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 3:10:15 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He can't set my physical or emotional limits unless he can magically end my physical and emotional problems. Limits are in place for my health.

I have vertigo so I had to set the limit of no inverted suspension. But if I hadn't and instead had gotten sick as a dog for a week he'd have been really pissed at me for not telling him about the problem. Same for things that would break my moral and ethical values causing me to end the relationship. Or anything that would set off a panic attack.




 Are they limits you *set* ? .....or things you both understand limit you? 

I COULD have, as beth said ....." NO fucking my children"  and so on and so forth....but come ON? If I need to point out things like that, I've no business being let out of a secure unit.

agirl



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Limits - 12/3/2009 5:03:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		agirl, I've gotten emails from those types when my daughter was younger, saying they would train her to eventually be his sex slave also. If this type of stuff didn't exist, we wouldn't have to talk about it. Some women won't mention that they are parents because they've gotten these emails. Others get yelled at for not disclosing it in a profile, there's just no right answer for all.

But my comment was taken out of context. It was in response to someone who said that she would never again be allowed to add a limit. At which point I asked about how they would handle these things. Because whether I say the doctor said this and therefore I'm limiting it from now on or he says since the doctor said that he's limiting it from now on, the truth of the matter is that a new limit has appeared.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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