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Limits - 11/28/2009 6:23:27 PM

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Another thread got me wondering about this.
Limits... Who sets them? You, or your "D" type?
i'm talking limits not preferences.

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 6:27:38 PM

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We both enter with preferences. In our relationship, his preferences take precedence over mine. As far as limits, my partner sets them in light of his own desires and in the knowledge of who I am. He knows what I can handle and has more faith in me than I do. He also knows how to make me grow and to push me on to bigger and better things.

lovingpet

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 6:30:55 PM

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So its the "D" type that sets them in your relationship?

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 6:41:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Another thread got me wondering about this.
Limits... Who sets them? You, or your "D" type?
i'm talking limits not preferences.

It all depends on where in the relationship the people are, and what they want. After all, when you are in the seeking, getting to know you stage, it only makes sense that each is setting their own limits. It would seem quite odd (to me) for a sub/slave when seeking and just starting out talking with someone to say "ok, you tell me what limits I have." After all, if there isn't compatibility, there can't be a successful relationship. We all have our likes, dislikes, wants, needs, etc. and when sifting through potential partners, we need to find someone who will meet those "requirements." After a relationship is established, whether or not the person deciding those limits changes all depends on the people involved. In an ideal situation, it is something that is discussed before entering the relationship as well as during the relationship.

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 6:42:55 PM

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For us, we consider limits to be something that if done it will cause harm. He spends a lot of time observing and talking with us and based on that information determines if he thinks something will be harmful. If he thinks it will cause harm, then he chooses not to do it. If he doesn't think something is harmful then it stays on the table as a possibility of happening.

He also does a lot of work with us to strengthen our core so less and less can harm us. There are things that I can do today that if done a few years ago would have caused harm.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 6:43:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

So its the "D" type that sets them in your relationship?

Yes, based on the factors I mentioned previously.

lovingpet

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 6:55:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

So its the "D" type that sets them in your relationship?

Yes, based on the factors I mentioned previously.

lovingpet

Ok thank you.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 8:41:00 PM

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For me it depends on where we are in the dynamic. Right now I set my limits, when I am owned He will set them for me. I will have to trust him enough by then to know that He will only do the things that are best for me.

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 8:58:10 PM

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I have very few resolute limits, and those are mine, not to be touched by anyone. Any other limit is what I place upon someone who I have not gotten to know well, or one that I believe does not know me well enough to gage my reactions. Those limits are mine, until I give them to my partner to do with as he chooses. So I am going to say they are mine to set. Either by denying them, or by giving the right to them to another.

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 9:05:41 PM

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Both. My sub sets her limits and tells them to me. I administer both them and my own limits.

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RE: Limits - 11/28/2009 9:08:41 PM

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when we first met we discussed things we both would not tolerate. then we decided to continued to see each other. I left the rest up to him at that point. He decides on my limits. He knows me pretty well.

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RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 3:54:45 AM

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I have set limits which He hasn't tried to push. He has some limits too, while other limits I had, we decided (welll, I decided) to push.

When we did that, we also pushed a limit of His, which was knife play. Turned out very well I might add :)

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 6:49:48 AM

Drifa

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What an odd question. Every person has their own limits, whether they claim their dominant/owner/etc. is in total control of limits or not. That's because every single one of us -- sub, slave, dominant, whatever -- always has the option to "vote with our feet". We can get up and get the hell out of the relationship if we don't like it.

Of course, ditching the whole relationship is generally not the best way to deal with things. That's what kink relationships need tons of communication. You communicate your limits to your partner.

After 15 years in the same relationship, I don't have to constantly sit down and explain my limits to my Lady. She knows very well how far she can take me, when to push my submission, and what I need and want. That's not because of some mythical domme-ly abilities, it's because early on we talked about these things in depth. If she intends to try something new and different, she will either stay well within my limits, or she'll discuss what she has in mind with me and we explore whether or not this is going to overrun my limits.

It's silly to break your toys, mentally or physically, because you might want to play with them again later!

(in reply to Elizabeth666)

RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 7:08:11 AM

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Master does.

He started doing it when we made plans to meet in person after a week of contact through the internet. He insisted that this slave check out His company website(with His picture on it), call the 800 number and ask to be put through to Him by name, not extension number, that the meeting be in a public place of this slave's choosing, that this slave have a "safe call"(had never heard of that before meeting Him),that there would be no cyber-sex leading up to the meeting and not to expect sex on the first date.

this slave made no demands of Him, set no parameters for Him to follow, gave Him no guidelines or list of limits He had to agree to...and that hasn't changed in the almost 7 years we have known each other existed.

(in reply to breatheasone)

RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 7:14:20 AM

whiteslavebitch

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We set them together after discussing.

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RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 7:35:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

when we first met we discussed things we both would not tolerate. then we decided to continued to see each other. I left the rest up to him at that point. He decides on my limits. He knows me pretty well.

This captures my situation, as well. We had an initial conversation about limits. Once it became apparent that we were in a serious relationship, I left everything up to him. Some of my original limits have been pushed out of existence, some stand (for now) . . . in any case, we don't discuss limits at this point. He does what he wants, but when he knows he's pushing me, he goes slowly.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 7:36:53 AM

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Daddy knows me well. He is very attuned to me, more than I am to myself sometimes. We have excellent communication and he makes the decisions. If I did not trust him not to harm me I wouldn't be his.

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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
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RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 8:23:00 AM

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At the point I decide, yes this is the man I want in my life and no other, those lesser limits are his to push or not. Though I do have to say the idea of pushing my limits is foreign to me once I am in a relationship.

I play. I have played hard. Whether the play is soft and gentle or intense and torturous, I do not think of it as pushing my limits. I think of it as different extremes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

when we first met we discussed things we both would not tolerate. then we decided to continued to see each other. I left the rest up to him at that point. He decides on my limits. He knows me pretty well.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 8:53:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Another thread got me wondering about this.
Limits... Who sets them? You, or your "D" type?
i'm talking limits not preferences.

Clearly I think this varies from one relationship to the next. Just in these forums we've seen widespread examples where the submissive party sets the limits and an equal number of cases where the dominant party sets them. In our relationship I set the "limits" although I have never seen the dominant's prerogative as "setting limits" per se. I do what I want and she does what I want. I don't consider things that I choose not to do or do not want to do as setting limits since I make the decisions. Semantics, maybe but I see limits as a boundary you may not cross and that is generally incumbent on the submissive party to make such statements.

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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

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RE: Limits - 11/29/2009 11:49:16 AM

agirl

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Neither. It's not a conversation we've ever had. It's never been needed.

agirl

(in reply to breatheasone)

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