RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle?

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/3/2009 2:35:15 PM

PeonForHer

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Thenewaccount,

If you

a) love her for what she is, right now

and she

b) only ever feels that dominating you is opportunity, not pressure

. . . I don't see how you can go far wrong.

I managed it once, so I know it's possible.

Keep it fun. That's my bottom line.

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/3/2009 2:51:12 PM

Thenewaccount10

Posts: 67
Joined: 11/9/2009
From: Wisconsin
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After reading everyone's responses and reflecting on it, I think that you are right. The main problem I think is that I presented it to her too much as a need of mine that needed to be fulfilled, and not as much as an opportunity for her as I should have. That, and I think the fact that I was very desperate. At least I learned something out of it. If only I could go back in time. :P

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/3/2009 3:24:25 PM

PeonForHer

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Pfft. Life isn't over till it's over.

Do it the right way, and she'll say "What woman wouldn't want that?"

You wait till she wants something. Anything - a bath, a bottle of wine, a ticket on the train, breakfast - anything at all. Then you say, "OK, just tell me to do that for you". She blinks and says, "You'd get some kind of buzz from that?"

That's how I did it, anyway. As the lady in question, my ex, said: what woman wouldn't want that? And when it comes to bed-time, she knows the score and goes right ahead . . . Jeez - it's not pressure for her, it's luxury.

I'm an optimist about this. I think there's at least a smidgeon of domme in every woman. It just need nurturing. But you really, really need to do what she wants, whatever it is, and even if it gives you no buzz at all. Worth bearing in mind that she'll probably want to test you, so that she knows that she's in control.

If you think about it - you'd do the same: you'd test a woman, if she told you she wanted to be under your control. You'd deliberately get her to do stuff that's for you, only.

If it happens - if it happens, note - don't fail her tests. She may not even see them as tests, but you have to. You must pass them in order for her to feel comfortably in control of you. That's how it works . . .

Or, at least, that's how it worked for me. Maybe it's different for others.

And keep it fun . . . hell, if it's not fun, what's the point?

Good luck!

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/3/2009 4:28:50 PM

Thenewaccount10

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Thanks Peon, I think that is the best advice I have gotten yet (and I have gotten some really good advice).

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/3/2009 5:04:01 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

If it happens - if it happens, note - don't fail her tests. She may not even see them as tests, but you have to. You must pass them in order for her to feel comfortably in control of you. That's how it works . . .

I would qualify this somewhat. It's not so much necessary to pass the tests (though that, of course, is lovely), but it is important at least to try to pass them. Most women can see the difference between someone who wants to succeed, but for whatever reason was unable to, and those who simply won't even try. In the former case, I would definitely give someone a second chance; in the latter, never.

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/3/2009 5:09:52 PM

Thenewaccount10

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Thank you Venatrix.

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/7/2009 11:01:29 PM

UrMyboi

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I had two men on different occasions approach me with the idea of dominating them. So, I started to look into it, and liked it. Simple as that.

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/7/2009 11:32:40 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I hope you won't take My comments in a negative light, Sea.

Lady Pact, not at all. I think you added a good point about how far into the relationship this conversation should be had each for sake of being fair to the other person, and for limiting how much time one invests into the relationship if it does not carry promise.

You also make a good point about the value of posts for sake of those directly participating in the OP, and those who are reading it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thenewaccount10
No sea, you did not waste your time. I very much appreciate your advice and thank you for it. I didn't mean to come off as self-focused.

I appreciate your gracious responses and your willingness to take a step back to examine what you did.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/8/2009 8:29:11 AM

Andalusite

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FR: In my case, it was a combination of both. I read the Pearl (Victorian BDSM erotica), and it fueled some fantasies, but seemed far too extreme to attempt to bring into my actual romantic life. When I was 20. my boyfriend told me that he liked being tied up and spanked, shortly after we started dating. We started out with baby steps, and he became my submissive for 5 years. I wouldn't say that he converted me, but he certainly sparked/started our exploration, and I probably wouldn't have gone there if he hadn't mentioned it. While he started out only mentioning bottoming/masochism, he was very strongly service-oriented as well, and that was a big part of our life together.

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/8/2009 9:35:20 AM

Thenewaccount10

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From: Wisconsin
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Thanks Andalusite, that is an interesting perspective.

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/9/2009 3:09:45 PM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

she did have a very dominant nature.

There is a HUGE difference in being dominant in your job or "real life" and wanting to be a kinky dominant. Some of the best subs I've ever met are the biggest professional bizzaches that walked the earth.

quote:

I don't think that anything would have made me happier than her dominating me and being my mistress, but she was repusled by the idea.

Obviously you now realize that wanting someone to be something they aren't isn't going to make it happen. Being your mistress was never going to happen anywhere except your imagination BECAUSE SHE"S NOT A DOMME!!

This isn't a lego set where you can build a domme. If you really want that in your life look for someone that already in the lifestyle. Getting into a vanilla relationship, not being honest upfront about what you are and trying to convince her later on that she should become kinky for your happiness isn't fair to anyone.

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RE: Dommes, how did you get into the lifestyle? - 12/26/2009 12:48:06 AM

MaamJay

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I got into it because someone I was flirty chatting with online said "I think you'd be a wonderful Dominatrix. Would you dominate me?" And I said "A what?" (Yes I really was that naive!). So he explained a bit more ... it piqued My interest and the scientist in Me got straight into research mode. As a former teacher, I was always aware that to a large part, I held the futures of My students in My hands and that was a huge responsibility. As a Domme, I would hold the future of one special person in My hands ... an even bigger responsibility, so the least I could do was to get educated about it!

The more I read the more I was interested and the more I realised this was latent in Me. I also realised I would also want to submit, to receive, as well as Dominate and give. There were lots of things I read and saw that I thought was totally nutso at the time, but I have a philosophy of never saying never. So glad or I would have rescinded so many nevers by now LOL!

The person who asked was the first one that I dominated online ... and one day, when he was being bratty, I took it to the phone (he said I wouldn't dare to do that, I called his bluff by calling him LOL!). After an exhilarating phone session, we were debriefing, and when I heard him say, almost incredulously but also reverently "Wow! You can control me from halfway round the world!" I knew I was on to something

The rest is history!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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