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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/4/2009 2:02:41 AM

MargueriteV

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I like this thread, it makes me feel like I was normal child.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/4/2009 7:29:13 AM

lovingpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
In play, my kiddos seem to split the switch. The older one is very pliable toward others in every day things, but can really become highly controlling and enjoys doing mean things to the younger one. The younger one is very strong willed in every day interactions, but is constantly doing things like tying himself up or having his brother do it, going around on our pets' leashes and such. He also likes to spank himself. Yeah, I have my concerns.

They sound like children, as opposed to tiny masters and tiny slaves. Sometimes I think we project our own thinking onto everything we see. I mean, your dog wears a leash too, does that make her a slave?

Then again, this was kind of the thrust of the whole thread. I agree that this behavior out of my kiddos is more likely just kids being kids. I don't have any delusions that my kids won't grow up, discover what I'm into, and say with a small laugh, "Mom, you're just weird!" LOL Then again, as a person who really struggled with these kinds of identity issues, if there is evidence a child may be on a similar path and perhaps struggling with what it all means and if family will approve, I would want to be aware and of help to them. I certainly don't want to decide their fate or push them down a road they don't want to be on. I mean that I want to support them as they figure things out and give them the reassurance that whatever they are, I still love them. I gave a very small version of what I see from these two day in and day out. An incident or two probably has no meaning whatsoever. Taken together with other things, it becomes more apparent. This is the case here. I don't put too much out there for obvious reasons.

As for my pup, yes, actually she was automatically my property (by local laws) and she was my submissive, unless of course I wanted her to pee where she pleased, run off into trouble, and destroy my home. She had to learn who was boss and obey.

TOS does not ban discussions of children altogether. I am not a mod, but don't see this thread as a violation. Discussions of this nature are important for those of us who both have kids and have alternative beliefs and practices. I don't know why these practices along with over all sexuality is the one thing people shun as being able to be passed on genetically and through environment (wittingly or not btw). It can and it does. Making this self discovery a safe and healthy one for our offspring is a good thing. Without understanding the phenomenon and thinking from this direction about the potential indications, we run the risk of being caught off guard and having them struggle needlessly and often dangerously. I see it as a good thing to examine. Then again, I'm not a mod.

lovingpet

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 12/4/2009 7:35:46 AM >

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/4/2009 7:40:04 AM

lucylucy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
I don't know why these practices along with over all sexuality is the one thing people shun as being able to be passed on genetically and through environment (wittingly or not btw). I can and it does. Making this self discovery a safe and healthy one for our offspring is a good thing. Without understanding the phenomenon and thinking from this direction about the potential indications, we run the risk of being caught off guard and having them struggle needlessly and often dangerously.

I absolutely agree with you about making self discovery safe and healthy. I have no idea exactly how to do that; I feel like I have a much better idea of what NOT to do rather than what to do. For example, I should NOT freak out and yell at my daughter to never let anyone besides a police officer put her in handcuffs, I should not tell her that anything she does or is interested in is inherently wrong or sick, etc.

Kids are bombarded with images of vanilla sex all the time and so they know what's "normal," I think, which means that anything that falls outside of the images they are regularly exposed to becomes seen to them as "not normal" and--this is my fear--shameful.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/4/2009 8:09:50 AM

allthatjaz

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I used to cut men out of my mums catalog, put the between two slices of bread and butter and eat them!
I can't say I had any subservient games but I certainly had dominant ones.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/4/2009 8:59:26 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

...Did you exhibit what you now see as “submissive” behavior as a child?...

it was required and taught through extensive training and disclipline, except they referred to it as obedience that was expected...and no, none of the training or discipline was sexual in nature. this slave didn't have the opportunity to play with children who either had or didn't have handcuffs...the kids at school considered every day "Kick-a-Ginger-Day" and the bus ride home was full of insults, being stared at and sitting alone. she wasn't allowed to go to other folks' homes without her parents until 8th grade...so really, she has no sexual "childhood exploration" (other than masturbating ALONE), stories to tell.

quote:

...If you have kids, do you see them doing it?...

not of their own accord.
they had to be taught/cajoled/argued with/disciplined to submit to authority like teachers and their grandparents, but this slave allowed them to keep some of their "will" that they were born with in their interactions with her---all 3 are adults now and dominate their own environments, instead of submitting to what this slave thinks they, or others, should do...again, none of this was/is speaking of D/s in terms of sexuality.

quote:

...Do you see any danger in allowing kids to play like this?...

handcuffs on the school bus? yeah, if the kids that went to this slave's school would have had handcuffs on the school bus, she probably would have had the shit kicked out of her harder for not being able to get away and sit up front next to the driver. children can be amazingly cruel. but it's a different world now and this slave hears that some places actually frown on bullying.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/4/2009 9:34:29 AM

littleone35

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Well i never had anything to do with bondage(except the time my sister tied my braids to the chair). I was always dong for othes to make them happy and their life eaiser, mostly with family. I would say i was born submissive so it showed up even as a child.

have no children but not have seen tendancies in my neices and nephews.

Matt's littleone

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/6/2009 4:48:50 AM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

Did you exhibit what you now see as “submissive” behavior as a child?
I was very malleable & easy to "Dominate" when I was a kid. Otherwise, I would make my Ken doll tie up my Barbie dolls in twine. Then I would pretend if they didn't do what he wanted them to, "he" would spank them.. I had one Ken doll and four Barbie-type dolls. Come to think of it, they must have been poly. lol
If you have kids, do you see them doing it?
My kids are both grown up now, both totally vanilla and always have been. Then again, maybe not totally vanilla. lol My almost 29-yr old daughter, a military reserve cop/security person at a casino, likes to use her pink handcuffs on her b/f. Maybe she's a Domme-to-be.
Do you see any danger in allowing kids to play like this?
Hell no. What's the difference between that and a totally vanilla kid just playing doctor or house? It's all part of growing up and exploring. I don't think what I did as a kid was bad, so why would I stop them?

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/6/2009 5:03:56 AM

Zechriel

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Good morning!
My UM (male) is 13 and last yer started having duct tape in his room. He also has a snake tank and we would repair the inside edges with layers of tape. He also started cross dressing by taking his sister's clothes. So I had a talk with him and got him his own clothes...dresses, stockings, heels. But one day I caught him bound with tape...wrists and ankles. No big deal, he's just trying it out. As someone said, trying lots of things out. But I have to keep the communication lines open, especially that he is an introvert. Just make sure you don't make them feel bad or awkward about it. I noticed that he was still taking their clothes and said why? you have your own! And he goes, yeah but they're not like this mom (meaning soft and satiny) So I gotta buy him soft dresses now. LOL by myself cause he hates shopping too!!!

Just try not to freak too much, I know as moms we all just jump off the deep end inititally but really take a deep breath and talk it out casually. Good luck!!
Love,
Zechriel

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/7/2009 4:38:17 AM

DesFIP

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I would not put any credence in kids wanting to be on leashes. This is common with small children, the desire to pretend to be a dog. My oldest absolutely adored it and she is totally nonsubmissive. Ask any preschool teacher and they'll tell you how common it is.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/7/2009 4:54:14 AM

RCdc

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Being submissive does not equate to a desire to be tied up, put in cuffs or being disciplined.
Playing with dolls doesn't mean a child will grow up desiring children or make a great mother. It doesn't mean a boy is gay either.
Children pulling the legs off spiders doesn't mean they are showing serial killer behaviour.
Playing cowboys doesn't mean a child will grow up to be John Wayne.
Playing with cuffs doesn't mean a child will be submissive, nor a criminal or police officer.

Children experiment with all types of play. Because for them, it is play and the way of exploring life. It's finding their own boundries and having fun and how things 'work' and to push buttons. It does not automatically determine their orientation. All children do something that someone can misconstrue.

the.dark.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/7/2009 7:38:27 AM

lucylucy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Being submissive does not equate to a desire to be tied up, put in cuffs or being disciplined.
Playing with dolls doesn't mean a child will grow up desiring children or make a great mother. It doesn't mean a boy is gay either.
Children pulling the legs off spiders doesn't mean they are showing serial killer behaviour.
Playing cowboys doesn't mean a child will grow up to be John Wayne.
Playing with cuffs doesn't mean a child will be submissive, nor a criminal or police officer.

Children experiment with all types of play. Because for them, it is play and the way of exploring life. It's finding their own boundries and having fun and how things 'work' and to push buttons. It does not automatically determine their orientation. All children do something that someone can misconstrue.

the.dark.

Great point. It's funny how hindsight works. Now, I focus on my childhood activities that indicated my submissive nature, but I ignore the fact that for a while, as a kid, I really wanted to be a lawyer. As adults, we often focus on our own childhood thoughts and acts that DID turn out to be meaningful. Many were just playful experiments that led to nothing.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/7/2009 8:26:43 AM

CalifChick

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I was also one of the people trying to figure out how "handcuffs" = "submissive".

Cali

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/7/2009 8:42:24 AM

imber

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Ever since i was 2, i can remember just wanting to please people. hmm
I have 2 daughters, and neither one of them showed any sign of being Dominant or submissive. My eldest one is submissive by nature. my youngest is probably too young yet to know anything.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/8/2009 8:55:34 AM

fadedshadow

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ever since i can remember, i've been a masochist. don't know why to be honest though

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/8/2009 9:48:47 AM

QuirkyAnne

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When it came to games on the playground and being tied up, led around on leashes playing at being a dog or bound by little toy handcuffs, it was mostly childhood games of thrill and adventure. Did I get a rush in other ways at feeling helpless? I don't remember though it wouldn't surprise me at all if I did.

My fantasies in the privacy of my bedroom, however, when I tied myself up and let my imagination run wild... Absolutely. Looking back as an adult on the things I thought about and even acted out when I was playing alone, it's clear that I've always been submissive.

Anne

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/8/2009 10:57:33 AM

FRSman

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My child has always done some scary things. She is 7 and has done things like tied up all her stuffed animals ... tied herself up you name it. She has even asked to get spanked (which she never has really been spanked) so its all kind of weird. I have made every effort to make sure that she has never seen heard or stumbled across anything so its pretty strange.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/8/2009 11:09:11 AM

CarrieO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I was also one of the people trying to figure out how "handcuffs" = "submissive".

Cali

To be honest, I'm thinking the same thing. When I was little, I loved playing "horsey", I was the horse and my sibling would use a jumprope around my waist as pretend reins. We would gallop all over the backyard and sometimes I'd even put my mom's clunky heels on to simulate the sound of hooves against the ground.

Does that mean I was submissive back then and had an interest in pony play? Nah...it meant I had one heck of an imagination. Already having a pony fed into the horsey game more than anything.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/8/2009 5:20:27 PM

slavekal

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She probably inherited it from you. Nothing to worry about. I know I was all in as a kid. Milady was the same way. I only wish things were as open then as they are now.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/10/2009 7:59:04 PM

ambiguitydefined

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no, you're not.

:)

unless i've just blanked and forgotten it, nothing readily comes to mind from my childhood.

eh.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/10/2009 8:06:11 PM

ambiguitydefined

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good for you ( I simply laughed and took lots of pictures for his future girlfriends/boyfriends.)

my ex had 2 girls and one boy. the boy was prone to wearing his sisters' dress up clothes, effeminate mannerisms, screaming at the sight of bugs.....and we just let him be.

before our relationship ended, we did have a chat with him about how we were okay with it, but that other kids may not be. *sigh* one of the more difficult conversations to have but it was a necessity, as we lived in a rather rural area where that sort of thing is generally not tolerated well. (like they wouldn't have enough issues with dealing with the area's opinion of his mother and i's relationship)

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