improving submission (Full Version)

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toxichearts -> improving submission (12/18/2009 5:26:22 PM)

[sm=imnewhere.gif]I was given a task to figure out how to improve my submission to my Dom. I have tried to think of different things but i am just not coming up with anything. It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other. I would really appreciate the help![sm=thanks.gif]



subtee -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:30:19 PM)

Hi and welcome. Ideally your Dom would give you some direction, as what constitutes submission is as individual as individuals. Has your Dom given you any clues? Do you understand what is pleasing and obedient for him?

A starting point might be a journal in which you could detail your efforts in order that your Dom will understand that you are making efforts.



peppermint -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:32:58 PM)

If he hasn't a clue as to how he'd like you to serve him, why would I have that clue?  Sorry but I gave up mind reading for my New Year's Resolution this year. 

In other words, if there is something he would like you to do, then it's up to him to tell you.  A D/s relationship is NOT a guessing game.  It's communication in both directions. 



OrionTheWolf -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:33:04 PM)

Submission or surrender is not something that you improve, it is something that te dominant of the relationship draws out of you. You can work on ways to "act" more submissive, but unless they exhibit things that peel away the layers of your surrender, it is just acting.

Hope things work for you.


quote:

ORIGINAL: toxichearts

[sm=imnewhere.gif]I was given a task to figure out how to improve my submission to my Dom. I have tried to think of different things but i am just not coming up with anything. It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other. I would really appreciate the help![sm=thanks.gif]



Aileen1968 -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:34:00 PM)

What does he want you to improve? Does he not like how you fold his clothes? Or does he think you need to suck cock better? You need to ask him what he wants you to work on. All we can do is guess.



sunshinemiss -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:35:59 PM)

Hello toxic hearts (now your name there... hmmmmm what does that mean?)

I believe that a dom will compel you to submit.  It's their job in sunshine world!  The way it works for me is fairly simple.

1.  We meet.
2.  We get to know each other.
3.  The power of his personality / strength of his character lure me to want to be near him.
4.  Affection grows.
5.  I naturally want to please him.
6.  He lets me know what pleases him.
7.  a.  I do that which pleases him.
    b.  I let him know what is hindering me from doing that which pleases him.
8.  We figure out how to make it easier for me, break it down into smaller steps, let it go for now, he helps me, etc.
repeat steps 6-8

*more or less.

good luck,
sunshine



subtee -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:36:19 PM)

Orion, you don't think there's a learning curve, based on the Dominant?

He has tasked her with "improving." Wouldn't that mean different things to different Dominants?



dreamerdreaming -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:36:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toxichearts

[sm=imnewhere.gif]I was given a task to figure out how to improve my submission to my Dom. I have tried to think of different things but i am just not coming up with anything. It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other. I would really appreciate the help![sm=thanks.gif]


Step 1: Dump the clueless "dom".

Step 2: Seek someone who will actually dom you, instead of expecting you to dom yourself.

Problem solved.

Next!

                          ---------------------------------

If you hafta come up with the ideas, and he's not around anyway, what do you need him for??? [8|]  Think about that.



toxichearts -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:47:37 PM)

thanx,

I have been scratching my head since he had me star this task. I have been doing everything that he has asked me so far hence why i am way passed the confused point. [sm=cactus.gif] But i thought i would at least try.



UniqueRaven -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 5:48:39 PM)

i have found that having the responsibility of "improving my submission" has led me into a negative cycle of guessing what he wants, trying, failing (by my or by his definition), and then back to guessing again.  This is not a healthy way to submit.

The healthiest Domination for me is when he directs exactly what he wants from me, and if i veer from that path, he brings me back onto it.  He sets me up to succeed, no matter what - if i don't do what he wants, he corrects me until i am doing what he wants, and he continues to be pleased as long as i am engaged with him and the act of pleasing him.  And that is a positive cycle, a very positive one.

As others have suggested, i suggest an open conversation with him about what exactly he would like improvement from you on, and what that would look like to him once you've improved.  And then do that.  But he needs to be actively engaged, otherwise you're just going to continue spinning.

my best,
julie



lally2 -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 6:04:10 PM)

so youre LTR.

its hard i think to keep things fresh and moving when the intensity of on-line relationships can take up so much time that would otherwise be spent together physically. the pressure is on to reinvent the wheel the whole time to keep it from getting stale.

but alot of people do have LTR relationships. time spent apart that still needs to have that connection going on.

so i would suggest things that would help you to feel that connection. obviously i have no idea what youve agreed upon so far. but if it was me id be thinking up things that i need to have some direction with or impetus or control over. stuff that makes sense, has value and purpose and he can support you with. such as diet, exercise, paper work, housework, and if you do those things well then your allowed a treat, like a manicure or something.

in that way youre improving youre lifestyle and he is helping you to do so.

improving submission isnt just down to him, it is down to you too. if he feels for whatever reason that youre not managing to submit to his directives then his request is valid. he is asking you think it through, he cant think for you.



DarkSteven -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 6:35:50 PM)

Tell the guy that you found a slave training school to improve your submissiveness and see what he says...



antipode -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 6:48:57 PM)

quote:

It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other.


Are you saying this is an online thing? What is "difficult" about it? Couple lines don't really provide a lot of information...



kiwisub12 -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 7:11:49 PM)

Maybe you should upgrade your phone service? [:D] Seems to me you can improve your typing speed, or your cooking or your cleaning - but I don't understand how you can improve your submission.

You are either submissive or you are not. I don't think there are many grey areas here.



DesFIP -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 7:26:21 PM)

My suggestion would be to tell him to improve his dominance.

I don't submit in a vacuum. If he has a task for me, he tells me. Me doing various things and him sitting back going "nope, not that either, wrong again" would not work. It's a relationship, which means we're both involved.



OrionTheWolf -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 7:35:47 PM)

Improving submission? Nope. Improving how she shows it would be an area of individuality. Kind of like the difference in impoving love, and showing it. The emotions are drawn forth, now how they are expressed is as different as there are people. The person drawng it forth should offer some guidance on what they want, how they want it expressed, how they want to be served, etc. My point is that the submission itself must be fostered by the one that is dominant.

Does that explain it better?


quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Orion, you don't think there's a learning curve, based on the Dominant?

He has tasked her with "improving." Wouldn't that mean different things to different Dominants?



subtee -> RE: improving submission (12/18/2009 7:50:21 PM)

Yes, I absolutely agree with you. I was just empathizing with the girl who had been tasked with expressing it and not having her Dominant give that direction.



NihilusZero -> RE: improving submission (12/19/2009 6:44:35 AM)

Obey more?



lucylucy -> RE: improving submission (12/19/2009 7:38:54 AM)

I've never been told by my boyfriend to figure out how to improve my submission, but I do think regularly about how I could deepen my submission. I generally think of skills like listening better, giving him my full attention, timing requests more appropriately, and conveying love and devotion through actions rather than words.



AquaticSub -> RE: improving submission (12/19/2009 7:41:10 AM)

~Fast Reply~

You're gonna have to ask him to get specific. Does he want you to be more obedient, more pre-emptive with your service (ie. have dinner ready instead of waiting to ask what he wants) or does he want you to learn specific skills like how to properly serve tea?



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