InvisibleBlack
Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: XXlittlegirlXX
So i've been on and off collarme for over a year. I'm a switch,but i'm trying to find that bond with someone,whether it be a true lover one,or a good friendship one with the understanding of where we stand. Dom or sub. This has been very hard,not what i thought it would be.
Of course we all know that there is way more men on this site,also a lot of females are pro dommes. What about us broke little girls? 
Well beside all that, let me tell you this....
i have came across about 3-4 doms online from this site. One i was brought to him on yahoo by a ''slave'' of his,when to this date i believe it was just him. The others,we talk,we see what our interests are and get a feel for each other. I wouldn't mind relocated in florida,but out of florida is alittle much for me at this momment. That does not make me feel comfortable,unless however that Dom came to see me,and after a while,we realized it was meant to be. This,of course was not the right thing to say to these Doms.
I denied their offer to move to (un)god knows where,with a person i haven't met before? That sounds very comfortable.
How about the fact they won't send me a picture,or go on webcam? They call me shallow,and tell me that BDSM isn't about being shallow. Supposely BDSM isn't about what the ''slave'' whats.
I thought this was a team effort,a balance between the true right?
Well after talking,and realizing i said no,i think i'd rather stay in florida properly of course. BUT no,i get insulted,tell me i'll never be helped, i don't know what the ''real lifestyle'' is, i'm a wannabie,a player.
Now,this does not sound like a true dom to me. How about you ?
Okay. I'm going to try and respond to this in the spirit in which it was intended and hopefully avoid the "real & true" dom snarkfest that typically happens in response to these threads.
As I understand it, what you're saying that you are a switch who is looking on CM for a male dom for a long-term relationship based on compatibility, understanding and shared interests and that after about a year of effort you are dissatisfied with the responses you've been getting. They are, in your opinion, way too demanding way too early, offer little to nothing about thesmelves while wanting pictures, relocation, whatever from you with no reciprocation, mutual sharing or any indication of interest. You find this disturbing and wonder where the male Dominants who are also seeking long-term relationships based on shared interests (kink and non-kink)?
Do I have this right?
Well ... the problem is you.
What do I mean? Work with me here:
You say you're a switch. Your profile claims you are a female slave.
You say you've been on CM for over a year. Your profile says your join date is December 13, 2009 - that's 22 days ago.
You say you're looking for a Dom and not finding any. Your profile says you're looking for a Domme, a couple or a female switch. It doesn't even mention Doms.
So ... if you're looking for a male Dom, your profile is designed to self-select for those male Doms who do not read profiles, who pay no attention to your interests, who pay no attention to what you're actively seeking and who use the search function to look for all women rather than those women who are seeking a "Dominant Man" - i.e. the only men who are ever going to write to you based on your profile are men who are part of a couple and idiot loser jerks who just spam every female profile they can find.
You with me here? Were I to do a search your profile would never come up because I deliberately only look for women who are interested in Dominant Men. If I stumbled across your profile by sheer accident, I would discount it since you specifically say "Little masochistic girl in search of the right Mistress". I pay you the courtesy of assuming that you know what you're looking for and I assume most reasonable Doms do as well.
Even if you corrected those rather glaring errors (if what you really want is a male Dom), your profile actually tells very little about who you are. The only information one can glean from your profile is that you are female, masochistic and what kinks you are into. While this wll attract guys in a general sense, someone who is hoping for a real relationship (pardon me for use the dreaded "real" term but I couldn't find another adjective that sounded right) is going to want to know something about who you are and what you're into - whether it's Nascar, macrame, world of warcraft or whatever. Watching someone do the dishes naked or down on all fours on the rug and begging is an amazing turn on but, in all honesty, after a couple of months if there's nothing else - if there's nothing to talk about, nothing to discuss, nothing to share except chores, sex and the bills, the mind begins to wander. Once the minds wanders, the sex starts happening with less frequency. Once the sex is gone all that's left are chores and the bills. The relationship fails.
Is sexual compatibility an important part of a relationship? Yes. Is the all-important part? No. A Dom who is looking for more than a scene, a sexual encounter, or some wild fun is going to want to have some idea about who you are and what you do - what you're like. Not what you're like when you're chained to the bed but what you're like when you're just relaxed and having fun. If you've got a degree in molecular biology and want someone you can discuss your research with, say so. If you're a huge hockey fan and like to go to games and cheer from the front row and then have wild sex in the bathrooms when your team wins, say so. If you want to get online and make a whole batch of BDSM avatars in Second Life and do things no real woman could ever do, say so. If you want to work in a pet store and raise turtles for the rest of your life, say so. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it's real and it's you. If someone loves hockey, or turtles or whatever, they know you're for them. If they're allergic to turtles, then they know you're not.
Your profile doesn't offer any of that. If you want my advice, you need to redo your profile and make it more about you and less a sort of generic one-liner dating site profile. In all honesty, I think a lot of people just skip those.
While I'm on a roll, you also say "we all know that there is way more men on this site". I think this is in some ways a fallacy.
Yes there are way more men on this site than there are women. I suspect, however, that if you could automagically screen for men and women "actually looking for a long-term relationship" and "willing to make the necessary effort and sacrifices to actually get together and attempt the relationship" you would find that there are more submissive women than there are Dominant men. I have no objective statistics to back this up, it's just a feeling I've gotten from reading the boards and being on the site for six months. I could be entirely wrong about this.
If I'm right about the ratios, however, then if you're really looking for a Dominant man, the "I'll wait around until one finds me" method isn't going to work very well and it's certainly doomed to failure if your profile doesn't even indicate that's what you're looking for. I'd suggest putting some meat into your profile, explain who you are and what you want out of a relationship, and then start searching around yourself - cruise through profiles that seem interesting, search on the criteria you think would be compatible and see what you find.
I make no claims about being a "real" or "true" Dom, whatever in the world that is. I am, despite my flaws, a reasonably okay guy who is Dominant. I don't have a problem finding women. I have a problem finding the right woman. I expect this to take time and effort. I expect to have some fun along the way and to make some mistakes along the way. That's life. As a Dominant man my problem on this or any site is to get myself noticed in a massive sea of screaming distractions. A submissive woman has the opposite problem, she's not weeding through a haystack looking for a needle, she's buried under a tidal wave of neon porn looking for the one real magazine in the pile. It's a signal to noise problem and there's an enormous amount of noise. You need to do things to make yourself stand out from the thousand other profiles with pictures of semi-clad women on them looking for a some sort of Dom/me.
I'm sorry that jerks have messaged you and you've had to screen them out. It's going to happen. If you want more than that, I think you need to put more effort into it.
_____________________________
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
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