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RE: eating pussy - 1/9/2010 8:08:18 PM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Standard dominant thinking will sometimes result in a submissive finding a more pleasing dominant.

At which point domination essentially becomes a farce.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 11:25:09 AM

PowerOverU

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Standard dominant thinking will sometimes result in a submissive finding a more pleasing dominant.

Agreed but when trying to guess what another Dominant is thinking, you gotta start somewhere.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 12:16:15 PM

sweetboundesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PowerOverU

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Standard dominant thinking will sometimes result in a submissive finding a more pleasing dominant.

Agreed but when trying to guess what another Dominant is thinking, you gotta start somewhere.

screw guessing...just ask.

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Post #: 143

RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 12:56:49 PM

sweetboundesire

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for me...getting eaten brings a level of closeness.
I wanted to include him with a female friend.
I've always wanted to have a threesome.
without him doing this, I won't feel that closeness
that i need to go further. So i suppose if i stay with him
being my DomDaddy, it doesn't go into threesomeland ever.
it stays what it is.
and i cant even tell him this. I don't want to sound like
i'm trying to manipulate him or dominant him into doing
what i want.

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Post #: 144

RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:04:22 PM

mc1234

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire
and i cant even tell him this. I don't want to sound like
i'm trying to manipulate him or dominant him into doing
what i want.

ummmm..... see ..... if you don't tell him what you're really thinking, how you really feel, how is he supposed to manage the relationship? I was in a couple of D/s relationships where I couldn't say things to the dom - I was afraid of the outcome or didn't want to deal with fallout or being told I was disrespectul (which would happen regardless of how respectfully I approached him). I needed a relationship where I could just spit out whatever was on my mind, what I was worried about, random thoughts, whatever. I hated censoring myself. It's not always easy to do, and I'm not always graceful about it, but I can do it now, and he helps me with whatever's going on.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:14:38 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

At which point domination essentially becomes a farce.

It is a farce if you are incompatible, it is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Some things can be negotiated, other things not so much, and definitely not without resentment coming to bear on a relationship. If you know something is important to you in order to achieve intimacy, and your partner refuses to go there, it is better to find a compatible partner than to be unhappy and resentful.

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Post #: 146

RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:19:53 PM

sweetboundesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire
and i cant even tell him this. I don't want to sound like
i'm trying to manipulate him or dominant him into doing
what i want.

ummmm..... see ..... if you don't tell him what you're really thinking, how you really feel, how is he supposed to manage the relationship? I was in a couple of D/s relationships where I couldn't say things to the dom - I was afraid of the outcome or didn't want to deal with fallout or being told I was disrespectul (which would happen regardless of how respectfully I approached him). I needed a relationship where I could just spit out whatever was on my mind, what I was worried about, random thoughts, whatever. I hated censoring myself. It's not always easy to do, and I'm not always graceful about it, but I can do it now, and he helps me with whatever's going on.

sounds like you got things very satisfactory for you. what am i supposed to do? I really don't think telling my Daddy a threesome is out the door if eating pussy isn't your dynamic.
I'm sort of a fatalist about things....for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. If this is the way he wants it to be and I stay his little girl because of liking every other aspect of our D/s...well than that's that. This is a turn in things. I'm just sulking right now. We spoke on the phone today. I imagine I'm not walking away from this but it changes things for me. It takes time to digest it all. I don't make big decisions fast. I think about them from every possible angle first.

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Post #: 147

RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:24:24 PM

KatyLied

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Only you can decide what you can adjust to, forget about, do without. I do think it was wrong of him to say he would do it then not do it, it is misrepresentation. If a sub said she would suck dick and then refused I am sure most doms would be out the door, screaming misrepresentation. Yet a submissive is expected to accept this sort of thing as part of his exercising his dominance. shrugs.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:25:19 PM

mc1234

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I'm sorry - I wasn't trying to say 'here's how I work, you should do this' ... I just related to what you said, about how you weren't able to talk to him about how you feel. I wish you luck in working through it.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:34:27 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

ummmm..... see ..... if you don't tell him what you're really thinking, how you really feel, how is he supposed to manage the relationship? I was in a couple of D/s relationships where I couldn't say things to the dom - I was afraid of the outcome or didn't want to deal with fallout or being told I was disrespectul (which would happen regardless of how respectfully I approached him). I needed a relationship where I could just spit out whatever was on my mind, what I was worried about, random thoughts, whatever. I hated censoring myself. It's not always easy to do, and I'm not always graceful about it, but I can do it now, and he helps me with whatever's going on.

sounds like you got things very satisfactory for you. what am i supposed to do? I really don't think telling my Daddy a threesome is out the door if eating pussy isn't your dynamic.
I'm sort of a fatalist about things....for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. If this is the way he wants it to be and I stay his little girl because of liking every other aspect of our D/s...well than that's that. This is a turn in things. I'm just sulking right now. We spoke on the phone today. I imagine I'm not walking away from this but it changes things for me. It takes time to digest it all. I don't make big decisions fast. I think about them from every possible angle first.

You've said this is your first D/s relationship. Did you go through all this sulking to keep your first vanilla boyfriend? Yes, everything else is "great" but this seems to be very important to you and do you want to spend the rest of your life with him eating every other pussy but saying he won't do it to you because it isn't part of the "dynamic?" Only you can decide what is right for you, but I think it is very rare to have the very first D/s relationship be the "one."

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 1/10/2010 1:35:25 PM >

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:45:57 PM

Drifa

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I have to quote Dan Savage here:

While it's true that I've "pushed the idea" that women must perform oral sex, PST, I've also pushed the idea that men must as well. "Oral sex is standard," I wrote. "Any model that comes without it should be returned to the lot." That applies equally to both men and women, regardless of sexual orientation.

Vaginal intercourse isn't enough for all women to come. A lot of us need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and many prefer that to come via oral sex (if you will pardon the pun).

I think you need to sit down and talk honestly and openly with your dominant and explain that your needs are not being met sexually. It's not topping from the bottom to explain to him that you are sexually unsatisfied, and what it is you need to be satisfied.

There's nothing wrong with a sub asking their dominant for what we need. We have to have good, open, two-way communication to have a good, strong relationship.And you need to be honest, also, if he says he's not licking pussy that you are SO kicking him to the curb.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:55:05 PM

alittleevil

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire
funny thing...he didn't tongue kiss me for a long while...even now he will but not a whole lot. Still he's very good at kissing. I imagine cunnilligus would be the same but I guess I will never know

I understand there are certain pleasures he derives from me that he doesn't get from the other relationships he has. No matter what we maintain a friendship. He is a big hearted man. He is Dominant. This mole hill grew into a mountain but that is not only due to the misleading on his part but the importance of the act to me. I won't speak bad of him.

Hello,

I am approaching this from the perspective of one who is in a relationship in which, to quote Merc, Master "really really really [doesn't] have a consideration" of any specific sexual desires/needs/preferences of mine. Ultimately my most fervent desire to be in a relationship of this nature, with this man, precludes any other desire, sexual or not, that i might have. This is so not to say that i always find this easy, but my only choice is to surrender or to suffer. Surrender is much more pleasant for all concerned.

I can also 'get' how he makes the distinction that he does between what he does with you, as his little girl/submissive and what he does with other women. After all, you too note that there is pleasure and satisfaction within your relationship that you aren't found in other relationships he has. The specific act of eating pussy is only the issue because you have discovered that it is of extreme importance to you. Master too might do things with another woman that he does not do with me, precisely because of the nature of what we are to one another, or perhaps just because he wants to do it with that other person but not with me. Would i love, love, love this? No but it would be what it would be and i accept that (not to mention i would find it extremely wrong on a deep emotional level to have my desires catered to contrary to his own).

To me, this isn't a matter of "bad Dominant" or "bad man" or even "bad lover", and conversely your continued desire to have this act doesn't make you a "bad submissive". What he desires versus what you desire, makes you all appear simply, sadly, incompatible at this juncture. What you have discovered is that your Dominant a) finds it undesirable and/or inappropriate within your relationship to do something that is extremely important to you, and b) your choice is to surrender or to suffer. It's sad that something has come up like this, but it's also good. It gives you the opportunity to see what type of relationship dynamic is right for you at this time.

Answer this (privately or no), is the power dynamic inherent in the relationship or the relationship itself important enough that you can surrender this desire? Perhaps you all can redraw the lines of the relationship, perhaps if he discovers it is a deal-breaker for you he can incorporate it into his own desires, but perhaps not. Either way, something, someone, gives on something significant and that is often painful. It is almost always difficult, when the desires are strongly held, whether one has been doing this for ten weeks or ten years.

I wish you well,
aj

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 1:59:35 PM

sweetboundesire

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I really can't decide what to do yet. Any further discussion with him about "this" will have be in February when he returns. Email and phone are no good. Right now, this D/s feels incomplete and I don't like that feeling. I don't know what to do. I just have to think about it. Being a sub to another man other than him is something right now I cannot fatham...and maybe next time it won't be to a man. There is something hot about the idea of being sub to a female Dom. I'm hard headed and stubborn. lots of thinking ahead.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 2:06:15 PM

sweetboundesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil
Answer this (privately or no), is the power dynamic inherent in the relationship or the relationship itself important enough that you can surrender this desire?

good question. i can't say. I think your M/s dynamic is much stronger than a Daddy/little girl D/s. I understand how it is with you. I'm not sure how i feel right now. I think if it was the way you have it, I would just choose to surrender. Yet it's not. And I don't feel that important in his world like a slave would to her Master. There is a higher level of devotion in that dynamic for both.

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Post #: 154

RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 2:19:03 PM

KatyLied

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Don't be tripped up with labels such as "slave" or "submissive" or "little girl", the important thing is the relationship, mutual satisfaction, and compatibility. Yes, you can always choose to surrender your wants and/or needs, but once you choose to surrender, you can not fault your dominant for the decisions you have made.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 2:27:52 PM

mnottertail

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Jesus Fuckin Christ!!!!!!!

Who ate your head off?

I gotta get a picture of me standing next to that guy.

Ron

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 2:34:37 PM

KatyLied

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I am going to send you a face pic so you will stfu!!!!!

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 2:42:07 PM

alittleevil

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil
Answer this (privately or no), is the power dynamic inherent in the relationship or the relationship itself important enough that you can surrender this desire?

good question. i can't say. I think your M/s dynamic is much stronger than a Daddy/little girl D/s. I understand how it is with you. I'm not sure how i feel right now. I think if it was the way you have it, I would just choose to surrender. Yet it's not. And I don't feel that important in his world like a slave would to her Master. There is a higher level of devotion in that dynamic for both.

Hello,

Having lived both, i don't think that M/s is stronger than a Daddy/little girl dynamic (unless i am misunderstanding your use of "stronger"). They are, however, certainly different, yes.

I don't think your Daddy is a "bad" Dominant/man/partner for not wanting to give head within the relationship he has with you. It just seems to be not in his view of what a Dominant or Daddy does. Doesn't make him, or that distinction, wrong per se, just wrong for you at this time, given how important the act is for you. And that is sad and i truly wish you well with all this. You present yourself well and with a great deal of thoughtfulness and dignity and i admire that.

Best,
aj

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 2:56:42 PM

sweetboundesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil
Answer this (privately or no), is the power dynamic inherent in the relationship or the relationship itself important enough that you can surrender this desire?

good question. i can't say. I think your M/s dynamic is much stronger than a Daddy/little girl D/s. I understand how it is with you. I'm not sure how i feel right now. I think if it was the way you have it, I would just choose to surrender. Yet it's not. And I don't feel that important in his world like a slave would to her Master. There is a higher level of devotion in that dynamic for both.

Hello,

Having lived both, i don't think that M/s is stronger than a Daddy/little girl dynamic (unless i am misunderstanding your use of "stronger"). They are, however, certainly different, yes.

I don't think your Daddy is a "bad" Dominant/man/partner for not wanting to give head within the relationship he has with you. It just seems to be not in his view of what a Dominant or Daddy does. Doesn't make him, or that distinction, wrong per se, just wrong for you at this time, given how important the act is for you. And that is sad and i truly wish you well with all this. You present yourself well and with a great deal of thoughtfulness and dignity and i admire that.

Best,
aj

thanks toots:) yes, there is much to consider. I am grateful for the time.

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RE: eating pussy - 1/10/2010 3:23:17 PM

Drifa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire
...and maybe next time it won't be to a man. There is something hot about the idea of being sub to a female Dom.

/laughs It has some things going for it!

My personal experience (YMMV) is that girls kiss better anyway -- I think we have less muscles in our tongues or something, resulting in a softer and more sensuous kiss. And this also applies to cunnilingus... some men can be quite good at it, but women can be mind-blowingly good.

Good luck!

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