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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 9:58:54 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to wisdomtogive)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:00:14 AM   
Knighthunter862


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/30/2009
Status: offline 		Limits are just that and should be excepted going in.I dont beleive guiding or teaching has anything to do with changing thoseand even if pushed and done wrongly can and most likely would end that realtionship.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:01:30 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust
bullshit.

one of my limits is children, in any way, shape or form.

It has nothing to do with trust. If a Dom ever asked me to do something morally wrong, it would speak volumes of his character.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
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(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:04:11 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862

Limits are just that and should be excepted going in.I dont beleive guiding or teaching has anything to do with changing thoseand even if pushed and done wrongly can and most likely would end that realtionship.

Why should they be expected?

My female will have the limits I set upon us..Everyone else can work things out how they want..I'll do things my way..There's a song about..want ta hear it..here it goes.

Hit it Frankie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L1sg7RImyM


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Knighthunter862)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:06:14 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		i grant her condition's not limits

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:06:59 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i grant her condition's not limits
you have no "her" an i can see why.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:07:56 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i grant her condition's not limits
you have no "her" an i can see why.


"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it."

< Message edited by Icarys -- 1/10/2010 10:09:35 AM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:09:22 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

how many limits you will cave into for a relationship

None.

I had plenty of 'limits' coming into our relationship. I still have them; that means WE still have them.

beth has none - but knowing me well, she trusted mine coming into our relationship, she trusts ours now. They've never changed in 7 years - Maybe that means we're just 'stagnant'.

I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist.

Compromising to experience things in a casual setting is one thing; compromising, on either side of the flogger, to get into a relationship can lead to frustration down the road. You can't compromise long term compatibility. A personal evaluation determining what's a must, or need to have, versus a like to have, but can do without; is about a far as compromising as you should go.

In my opinion only of course.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:10:42 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Hey there Icarys.

Clarify who you think i called a dummy please, and ill respond.


The statement was based on your Master? You said he has the sense god gave a grapefruit..The phrase is you don't have the sense god gave a grapefruit and isn't reversible....because their are no smart grapefruits lol.



 Marks down that in one post, both Icarys and persephonee were in agreement. This is a day that will live in infamy.

And, i still read the grapefruit thing to mean that Master is smart. But im all brainwashed and slavey and whatnot.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:12:10 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Hey there Icarys.

Clarify who you think i called a dummy please, and ill respond.


The statement was based on your Master? You said he has the sense god gave a grapefruit..The phrase is you don't have the sense god gave a grapefruit and isn't reversible....because their are no smart grapefruits lol.



 Marks down that in one post, both Icarys and persephonee were in agreement. This is a day that will live in infamy.

And, i still read the grapefruit thing to mean that Master is smart. But im all brainwashed and slavey and whatnot.


I guess He has that power over you


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:13:26 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I tend to think that there aren't many "in love" with limits, but there are some that, for whatever reason, are willing to adjust, in order to maintain a relationship. Now, is that a matter of topping from the bottom? Or is it a sign of a weak dominant?
perhaps a sign of respecting the submissive?


Where's the fun in that?

Nothing wrong with respecting the submissive, but the relationship, and it's dynamic, should be respected, as well. What I mean is, it all depends on why the limits are seeking to be adjusted.

< Message edited by Level -- 1/10/2010 10:14:29 AM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:14:34 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i grant her condition's not limits
you have no "her" an i can see why.



upon entering a relationship, you do not "grant" anything.
You accept. So does your submissive.
If the limits are not acceptable to you or to the submissive, then there is a lack of compatibility and the relationship should go no further.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 1/10/2010 10:15:00 AM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:15:13 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust
bullshit.

one of my limits is children, in any way, shape or form.

It has nothing to do with trust. If a Dom ever asked me to do something morally wrong, it would speak volumes of his character.



would that be a limit to raise if you absolutely trusted him?

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:15:33 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Hey there Icarys.

Clarify who you think i called a dummy please, and ill respond.


The statement was based on your Master? You said he has the sense god gave a grapefruit..The phrase is you don't have the sense god gave a grapefruit and isn't reversible....because their are no smart grapefruits lol.



 Marks down that in one post, both Icarys and persephonee were in agreement. This is a day that will live in infamy.

And, i still read the grapefruit thing to mean that Master is smart. But im all brainwashed and slavey and whatnot.


I guess He has that power over you



i think it was the combination of the roofies and the hypnotism, but im still not sure.

i can live with the misuse of the grapefruit...because i am just happy that i dont say things like...."for all intensive purposes" and "orientated"



< Message edited by persephonee -- 1/10/2010 10:16:59 AM >

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:16:14 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		lets just accept that you and i live on different worlds

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:17:22 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I tend to think that there aren't many "in love" with limits, but there are some that, for whatever reason, are willing to adjust, in order to maintain a relationship. Now, is that a matter of topping from the bottom? Or is it a sign of a weak dominant?
perhaps a sign of respecting the submissive?


Where's the fun in that?

Nothing wrong with respecting the submissive, but the relationship, and it's dynamic, should be respected, as well. What I mean is, it all depends on why the limits are seeking to be adjusted.
Level, i am talking about when first entering into a relationship.
If a Dom sees my limit of children as disrespect to the relationship, that is his prerogative. But he will not be in a relationship with me.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:18:51 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust


k...and please know i am just talking about myself. There are certain hard limits that both Sir and i have..so that isn't a problem. But there are a few things he loves, and for him i would do it, but in the beginning no. Why because there is no trust there yet. He worked hard building trust in me to him. He had a reason.

Again imho wouldnt the Dom seek to build trust first, instead of  , for example, doing a knife play scene  first, when i am not sure it's a limit or not? Not all limits are hard either, the few i have we both have, the others he knows he needs to build the trust in me, because he wants me to serve him. It is not though for him all about limits and kink, so perhaps that is why i am confused.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:18:58 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth



I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist.




As the person who introduced the hard/soft limit thing into the thread, I thought I'd clarify.

For me, hard limits are things that are absolutely never going to happen because of personal issues and experiences. I guess many of us have those, to some extent.

The soft limits are those that make me seriously nervous, and I would need to be with somone I totally trusted in order to approach them. For example, I would say to a prospective Dom/partner that needles are something I've never done, they scare the crap out of me, but there's no reason why, at some point in the future if he wanted to try it, that I would go for it too IF we had the required level of trust.

I agree, I hate the 'mind reading' expectation - I tend to say what I think without any chance of misinterpretation, lol. But all of this hard/soft limit stuff - including how soft limits work with me - would be discussed with a prospective Dom before we ever got to the point of play.

Hope this takes the drama out things

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:22:11 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i grant her condition's not limits
you have no "her" an i can see why.



upon entering a relationship, you do not "grant" anything.
You accept. So does your submissive.
If the limits are not acceptable to you or to the submissive, then there is a lack of compatibility and the relationship should go no further.

That's how they work for you.. I do it slightly different.

Telling me she isn't going to do something will not work. I'll go somewhere else and find a female that's open to me and how I choose to run the relationship. It's all about the attitude and the trust that I have in her as well..Is she going to try and manipulate? Does she show the signs of what I think is bad behavior? and so on and so on..


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:25:08 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust


k...and please know i am just talking about myself. There are certain hard limits that both Sir and i have..so that isn't a problem. But there are a few things he loves, and for him i would do it, but in the beginning no. Why because there is no trust there yet. He worked hard building trust in me to him. He had a reason.

Again imho wouldnt the Dom seek to build trust first, instead of  , for example, doing a knife play scene  first, when i am not sure it's a limit or not? Not all limits are hard either, the few i have we both have, the others he knows he needs to build the trust in me, because he wants me to serve him. It is not though for him all about limits and kink, so perhaps that is why i am confused.


his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to wisdomtogive)
Profile   Post #: 60
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