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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:25:09 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

i can live with the misuse of the grapefruit...because i am just happy that i dont say things like...."for all intensive purposes" and "orientated"


Who has said that?


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:27:37 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		Never you, sweet Icarys.

*runs off to check her temperature*

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:30:34 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Telling me she isn't going to do something will not work. I'll go somewhere else and find a female that's open to me and how I choose to run the relationship.


that is perfectly acceptable and the way it should be. It is the reason limits need to be discussed prior to entering into the relationship.


_____________________________

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(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:32:14 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Never you, sweet Icarys.

*runs off to check her temperature*

Yes I've made a few typos and I might not be the best when it comes to the English language (Two mini strokes can have that affect on you.) as I once was. I do try to catch them but sometimes I'm in a hurry and just hit post. Just a little more personal info for ya..Write it down..Ya may be able to use it later.

I think people still understand what I'm trying to say.

Cause I put something in the wrong place and realized it was conveying something else :>


< Message edited by Icarys -- 1/10/2010 10:42:53 AM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:33:54 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Telling me she isn't going to do something will not work. I'll go somewhere else and find a female that's open to me and how I choose to run the relationship.


that is perfectly acceptable and the way it should be. It is the reason limits need to be discussed prior to entering into the relationship.


True.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:34:11 AM   
mstrslve4fun


Posts: 60
Joined: 12/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Telling me she isn't going to do something will not work. I'll go somewhere else and find a female that's open to me and how I choose to run the relationship. It's all about the attitude and the trust that I have in her as well..Is she going to try and manipulate? Does she show the signs of what I think is bad behavior? and so on and so on..



Different couples have different dynamics. For example, my Master was my husband for 10 years before we discovered BDSM. Something He would love to do is completely unacceptable to me and i have told Him that. If we were in a new relationship it is possible that we might not continue the relationship because of this, but because we have 10 years of love and commitment behind us, He has accepted this hard limit from me, although he doesn't like it.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:34:40 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty



Yes, i can accept that, especially since we both have same hard limits. There is a vastness of others i am uncertain of but will not say no to him.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:34:48 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty


oh for crying out loud...

My limits stem from absolute certainty...which is why they are hard limits and not negotiable. I know myself and what is/is not acceptable. Not an ounce of uncertainty here.

Do you actually think a submissive has limits because she is unsure of herself? Please.....


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:36:17 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty


oh for crying out loud...

My limits stem from absolute certainty...which is why they are hard limits and not negotiable. I know myself and what is/is not acceptable. Not an ounce of uncertainty here.

Do you actually think a submissive has limits because she is unsure of herself? Please.....


Do you actually think every submissive knows herself and is that sure?


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:36:32 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty


oh for crying out loud...

My limits stem from absolute certainty...which is why they are hard limits and not negotiable. I know myself and what is/is not acceptable. Not an ounce of uncertainty here.

Do you actually think a submissive has limits because she is unsure of herself? Please.....



uncertainty about him , not yourself

if you were certain of him then why raise them?

if you have to say death is a limit would you be there in the first place?

that would be a lack of trust

< Message edited by osf -- 1/10/2010 10:37:54 AM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:41:37 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty


oh for crying out loud...

My limits stem from absolute certainty...which is why they are hard limits and not negotiable. I know myself and what is/is not acceptable. Not an ounce of uncertainty here.

Do you actually think a submissive has limits because she is unsure of herself? Please.....


Do you actually think every submissive knows herself and is that sure?



Not to interject, but dats what i do....

i really think that yes, a successful, emotionally healthy, boxed and ready to go, out the gate submissive MUST know herself and be that sure....about her moral compass, her ethics and her wants vs. needs.

i agree that not everyone ive interacted with online and in person, have such a grasp on themselves....but this is a contact sport, and those who play without the padding get hurt.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:42:41 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty


oh for crying out loud...

My limits stem from absolute certainty...which is why they are hard limits and not negotiable. I know myself and what is/is not acceptable. Not an ounce of uncertainty here.

Do you actually think a submissive has limits because she is unsure of herself? Please.....


Do you actually think every submissive knows herself and is that sure?

i would hope so, Icarys, if they are old enough to enter into an adult relationship.
And please understand i am not talking about fears, uncertainties, et al being called limits. They really are not limits imo, but more a lack of trust.
I am talking about the big ones. Children. Raising a fist to the sub in anger. Physical injury of the lasting variety. Mental and emotional abuse...not just a mind fuck but actual abuse.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:47:28 AM   
alittleevil


Posts: 235
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
what are you thought on what and how many limits you will cave into for a relationship

my concept is of a fixed volume in which you both exist the greater volume taken by her limits the les volume you have in which to exercise authority

your thoughts?


Hello,
My thoughts are that the whole "limits" issue is highly exaggerated.

CalifChick said:
quote:


...most of the hard limits that people talk about are so ridiculous that it would never come up in real life.  Do we really have to put "death" as a hard limit?  Do we really have to put "children" as a hard limit?  No.  The hard limits that people have, that I personally know, are things like what clip mentioned above.  They are unique to that person due to circumstances.  I have broken kneecaps.  Some things never heal correctly.  I cannot kneel. It's not an "I won't do it", it's a "I can't do it".  Do I have to say that kneeling is a hard limit?  No, I merely have to explain the physical issue.  This does not mean that I retain authority or control over kneeling.  It means that he would accept that I have physical limitations that are out of my control.


and this has been my experience and observation as well.  It's really that simple.

If-- and i think this is closer to what you are talking about--say, Master were talking to a girl who says she is seeking to be a slave, and then she starts talking about areas in which she can not or will not surrender authority and those things are outside of the above-described type of "limits", then he will simply know she is not a compatible potential slave for him and move on* or expect her to move on (*provided he did not also get a sense that she could be of enough eventual value to patiently educate her on what exactly he views as a slave to him). He would not take the moving on personally and neither should she--it would be fundamental incompatibility. The issue is not any specific stated limit:  He too has more than "the sense God gave a grapefruit" (hee, persephonee! :-) ) and his humanity is fully intact. The issue is the willingness and ability (or lack thereof) to surrender one's own "sensibilities" for His.

Peace,
aj


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Throw me to the wolves because there's order in the pack (RHCP)

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:48:02 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them

hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty


oh for crying out loud...

My limits stem from absolute certainty...which is why they are hard limits and not negotiable. I know myself and what is/is not acceptable. Not an ounce of uncertainty here.

Do you actually think a submissive has limits because she is unsure of herself? Please.....


Do you actually think every submissive knows herself and is that sure?

i would hope so, Icarys, if they are old enough to enter into an adult relationship.
And please understand i am not talking about fears, uncertainties, et al being called limits. They really are not limits imo, but more a lack of trust.
I am talking about the big ones. Children. Raising a fist to the sub in anger. Physical injury of the lasting variety. Mental and emotional abuse...not just a mind fuck but actual abuse.


To both you and perse..Your statements are true but that doesn't equate to a yes.

Most of the people I've met in person have little idea of who they are or have little knowledge of how other really do think of them...They know who they want to be and how they want others to perceive them but rarely are to the point of a majority of self-awareness. That's another discussion though.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:48:07 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:



uncertainty about him , not yourself

if you were certain of him then why raise them?

if you have to say death is a limit would you be there in the first place?

that would be a lack of trust


Do you think every relationship begins with a high level of trust? Or do you believe it evolves? And do you have a natural getting-to-know-you type of conversation about hard limits prior to that depth of trust being firmly established?

I put everything in E's control because he's shown me I'm more than safe in his hands. I don't think we've spoken about limits beyond a short conversation earlier last year. But that trust did take time to develop. I'm fairly sure this is how other relationships evolve.

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:49:02 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		*swats ale*

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to alittleevil)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:49:41 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		the closest other human relationship to d/s is the parent child

meaning she doesn't really know herself apart from him in the context of the relationship



_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:50:26 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

I am talking about the big ones. Children. Raising a fist to the sub in anger. Physical injury of the lasting variety. Mental and emotional abuse...not just a mind fuck but actual abuse.


See I wouldn't think those a necessity when talking about limits..They are a given to me.

I think a major part of CM would agree on those.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:52:31 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

I am talking about the big ones. Children. Raising a fist to the sub in anger. Physical injury of the lasting variety. Mental and emotional abuse...not just a mind fuck but actual abuse.


See I wouldn't think those a necessity when talking about limits..They are a given to me.

I think a major part of CM would agree on those.



we would?

another memo i dinn't get

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 10:53:23 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

I am talking about the big ones. Children. Raising a fist to the sub in anger. Physical injury of the lasting variety. Mental and emotional abuse...not just a mind fuck but actual abuse.


See I wouldn't think those a necessity when talking about limits..They are a given to me.

I think a major part of CM would agree on those.



we would?

another memo i dinn't get

I said major not all.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 80
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