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RE: choices - 1/11/2010 4:08:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Neither. Been there and walked away from both.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: choices - 1/11/2010 4:59:20 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I spent five years celibate and would still be happily single with a vibrator if I hadn't met him. I haven't settled and had to agree to have unmet needs. I wouldn't ever do that.

I know what I need in a relationship. If I didn't, then I never would have found it. We've been happily together for several years now and health permitting, will remain so.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: choices - 1/11/2010 5:20:20 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		I fell for E based on the force of his character. We didn't really discuss kink too much. I think we both got the sense that the other was very open and experimental, and our chemistry is ridiculous, so we grew from there. Rather than starting with the kink and working backwards to see if we were a fit, we went the other way, thanks to his direction, and it worked well. So, the kink without the personal attraction wouldn't work at all for me - I tried that with a play partner, and it was empty.

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: choices - 1/11/2010 6:29:50 PM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		Don't settle. The right person for you is out there. You can session for fun and masturbate until you find the right person.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: choices - 1/11/2010 6:59:51 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Easy question: neither. I'm perfectly fine on my own, and will remain so until I find someone who is a match. 

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to Drifa)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: choices - 1/11/2010 7:01:50 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Probably neither. If someone put a gun to my head and made me choose, it would depend on the specific kink of the one whose character I liked.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: choices - 1/11/2010 8:14:52 PM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		My choice would be the one who had the force of character I wanted because that is ultimately what I desire above and beyond kink. Assuming that his kink was not a hard limit of mine and we were compatible in most other areas, I would be willing to tolerate it for his pleasure. Pleasing him would be my pleasure.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: choices - 1/11/2010 10:06:07 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice?


i'll take what's behind door #3.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 4:23:50 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

So it is the end of the world, and these are the last two dominants in existence?


no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender

want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you

you might as well go nilla with kink


First of all, since you assert that a submissive has no advice you would consider, why even ask these questions when you don't like the answers?

I took the time to figure out exactly what I wanted in a Dominant.  I wrote it in my profile as an ideal with plenty of room for individuality.  I got exactly what I wanted.  He provides a lot of structure and all the kink plus kink I would have not considered previously. 

I would never choose anyone I was not attracted to.  I have happily served Dominants that would never be my Master but who had character I was attracted to and kink we were compatible with.  Truly there are a plethora of wonderful Dominants available as fond play partners.  To assert one has to surrender to someone just because one is submissive is ridiculous.  I am submissive in much the same way I am female.  I am female whether I have a partner or not.  I am submissive whether I have a partner or not.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 4:32:50 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

So it is the end of the world, and these are the last two dominants in existence?


no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender

want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you

you might as well go nilla with kink
Damn Osf...lemme give ya a piece of advice, as this morning i see to have a lot of breath to waste.  That approach with a sub ("want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you") will not score you any points.

i would much rather be in no relationship than in a relationship with the wrong person.

i was very picky..


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 5:29:52 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice?

this is an edit to make more clear what i meant, the first can create the structure you crave the second cant



You are asking about priorities. The choice is easy for me. The first. But I equate being given structure with kink, and in terms of priorities, structure is at the top of my kink list, and everything else starts at least 20 lines below it.

I don't particularly care if a potential master or mistress has kinks different from mine (even vastly different). If s/he can provide the nature and level of control I need, something that is not that easy to find, I'll adjust my libdo to their kinks--with great pleasure. (How do I know I could do so? -smiles- Experience is such a fine teacher.) In fact, I'd consider it my duty to learn to love his or her kinks, and an intriguingly hot one, at that. :) I am muti-fetishistic and very open-minded and those traits certainly help, but I think I am multi-fetishistic for a reason: my priorities. They don't allow me the luxury of placing too much importance on something as superficial as a sexual activity preference, however different it may be from anything I'd experienced before or normally seek out.

Since structure = kink in my psychosexual equation, if the dominant can provide the structure I need, then they already have the core kink I need. I've never met anybody who voluntarily provided that sort of structure without there being an intensely kinky element to their motivations--and I never intend to. Even potential slaves have to draw the line somewhere and a "vending machine dom" or a "Controlling is not really my thing but I'll do it in order to satisfy you" sort of dom (or any kind of person who turns my core sexual need into a tedious chore that they do merely to satisfy me) is where I draw mine. Those sorts (and there are plenty of these dear sacrificing souls on collarme) have the same affect on me as an icicle dildo would (but without any of the fun of watching the cruelty on the face of the person inserting the dildo).

The thought of "interviewing" two dominants to find out which is willing to work more with me to meet the majority of things I think a person should be to be worthy of my oh-so-wonderful self is abhorently "princess on a pedestal" to me. It turns the power dynamic on its head. In fact, it kills the power dynamic for me. I'd never do it. It may well work for others seeking other dynamics, but it's just not me.










_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 7:24:06 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		well, we certainly know where you stand, as always lol

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 7:50:02 AM   
sexysweets


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice?

this is an edit to make more clear what i meant, the first can create the structure you crave the second cant












I would choose neither.. it is a false choice.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 7:55:17 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		Same with the others, I'd choose neither.  With such fundamental incompatibility at the heart of the relationship, it's bound to fail.  I see no reason to settle either, I had no shortage of suitors when I was searching, and I was VERY aware that in embarking on a D/s relationship, WHO I chose to submit to was one of if not the biggest decision I would make.  I even had the audacity to demand they be ATTRACTIVE too, and still got what I wanted and more.  it's a miracle I'm not alone huh?  

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to sexysweets)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 8:08:45 AM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		hey osf,

peronsonally,

ive always liked dominate people, i like people who have control over themselves and i like when they control me, i find it arousing.

i want to give them everything i can so for them to have control over what i do makes me feel like im giving them something no one else can have. i also get a high from it.. like a subspace if you will, it feels good, better then sex.

i also enjoy the mental challenge; i like being given a list of rituals i like to complete them because i feel its like a game complete them and you win! forget and you lose.

i also feel it makes me feel better about myself. im strong enough and trusting enough to give a person what they need and want. i also am picky about who i date, while i know i am keeping his best interest in mind, i can see when he is keeping my best interest in mind and thinking about me as well. that is also a good feeling.

i think BDSM in general strengthens communication in a relationship as a whole because its on all levels of ourselves well at least for me it is. i incorperate myself i am always myself. if he gets more dominate i get submissive and if he is being relaxed i follow suit. sometimes i am playful with him (hell hes my boyfriend too) and i can tell when he likes it or he shoots me a look and i know to stop.


anyway i hope that gives you some insite on why i like it, :) as i know everyone is different, and thank you for involving me in the topic!

_____________________________

bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 8:55:29 AM   
masterofholly


Posts: 197
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline 		How damn many threads have you started here? Holy shit!!

quote:


no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender


When I first met Holly I did something you have already stated you are above doing. I listened to her. I was educated by her as to her desires, needs, etc. As a result of listening and learning from a submissive, she became Mine. When I was educated by Holly as to her heart, I knew how to take the choice of surrender away from her.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 9:06:51 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		(sidenote: As many have pointed out, this isn't a very realistic situation, but I took osf to be asking a hypothetical question, kind of like "What three things would you want on a desert island?" You know damn well you'll never be on a desert island, and if you were, it's unlikely you'd know ahead of time and get to pack three things. A hypothetical question is supposed to boil things down to their starkest terms and generate thought, not mirror reality.)





_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to sexysweets)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 9:34:37 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

(sidenote: As many have pointed out, this isn't a very realistic situation, but I took osf to be asking a hypothetical question, kind of like "What three things would you want on a desert island?" You know damn well you'll never be on a desert island, and if you were, it's unlikely you'd know ahead of time and get to pack three things. A hypothetical question is supposed to boil things down to their starkest terms and generate thought, not mirror reality.)






very well put, ty

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 10:05:52 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

(sidenote: As many have pointed out, this isn't a very realistic situation, but I took osf to be asking a hypothetical question, kind of like "What three things would you want on a desert island?" You know damn well you'll never be on a desert island, and if you were, it's unlikely you'd know ahead of time and get to pack three things. A hypothetical question is supposed to boil things down to their starkest terms and generate thought, not mirror reality.)


I agree, however I think it is about expression, the OP in this thread has been in my opinion rather aggressive in his challenge of any view that does not mirror his own it stops making it really a hypothetical at all and more an underhanded way of giving his opinion, it would be far easier if he said what he meant. Or possibly a question with more chance of getting the required information, such as which is more important character or kink. However in this hypothetical he missed the important choice of not settling for either, then spent the rest of the thread telling people they have to settle. Sorry thats just my read on it

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 1/12/2010 10:07:46 AM >

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: choices - 1/12/2010 10:26:25 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I agree, however I think it is about expression, the OP in this thread has been in my opinion rather aggressive in his challenge of any view that does not mirror his own it stops making it really a hypothetical at all and more an underhanded way of giving his opinion, it would be far easier if he said what he meant. Or possibly a question with more chance of getting the required information, such as which is more important character or kink. However in this hypothetical he missed the important choice of not settling for either, then spent the rest of the thread telling people they have to settle. Sorry thats just my read on it


you'll mostly see that's because of antagonistic posts that i reply to

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 60
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