Passive Aggression and Dominance

Passive Aggression and Dominance (Full Version)

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Jeffff -> Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 6:21:10 PM)
Are they mutually exclusive? Jeff

sweetboundesire -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 6:36:08 PM)
isn't passive aggressive like when say a man sulks, ignores or makes little mean comments to the woman he's mad at. isn't Dominance where the man take that bad little woman and ties her up, and beats her while telling her the error of her ways? i would say they are worlds apart.

mc1234 -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 6:45:35 PM)
I never really understood the term 'passive agressive' so I looked it up. From http://www.answers.com/topic/passive-aggressive: "The DSM-IV Appendix B definition is as follows:[3] A) A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicted by four (or more) of the following: 1.passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks 2.complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others 3.is sullen and argumentative 4.unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority 5.expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate 6.voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune 7.alternates between hostile defiance and contrition" Interesting. This could easily be someone who identifies as a dominant, however, it's not any kind of dominant or person that I'd want to be associated with - let alone be owned by.

osf -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 6:52:07 PM)
if im the dominant cant i be aggressive with out the passivity?

RedMagic1 -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 6:53:55 PM)
I don't think they are mutually exclusive, at least given some people's definition of "dominant". That said, I think many, perhaps the great majority, of men with "sub" profiles on kink sites like this one are passive-aggressive (according to mc1234's definition) in their relations with women. It gets back to the (ultimately unresolvable) question of "what is dominance"? Some people believe being dominant means being sexually dominant or being relationship-ly dominant, the end. My own definition is almost 180 degrees from that. I see dominance as the ability and willingness to control life surroundings, and to exert one's will on the world to achieve objectives. Who does what to whom in the bedroom seems tiny by comparison -- let's do whatever happens to be the most fun tonight! So in my personal definition, there's no room for a passive aggressive dominant. I think I'm in the minority though, both in the scene and on the site. Most people have a much more sexual, limited-to-relationships definition.

littlewonder -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 6:55:11 PM)
If I had a man who passive aggressive I would not see him as dominant at all. I would just picture the little boy on the playground who took his ball and went home and sulked because wwahh...nobody likes him.

sweetboundesire -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:17:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder If I had a man who passive aggressive I would not see him as dominant at all. I would just picture the little boy on the playground who took his ball and went home and sulked because wwahh...nobody likes him. the reason i embrace D/s is because i detest passive aggressive. P.A. is the equivalent of beating around the bush. I'd rather the bush be beaten! Ha! I'm direct. I respect directness. Spell it out. Be a man. P.A. is inner turmoil. to be a Dominant you may bring another outer turmoil to another but you wouldn't let it simmer and boil inside you, not for long anyway... p.a. is what leads to stress and leads to anti-depressants... i think to express how you feel is much healthier. bdsm is the healthiest form of human expression i have found. p.a. is the most boring and probably leads to many health implications. I'd rather be a little bitch and get beat for it than hold a grudge.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:18:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Are they mutually exclusive? Jeff If there is one thing that annoys me, it is passive agressive behaviour. Being simply passive or simply aggressive isn't much more productive. Assertive would be what one should aim for. http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/assertiveness.htm#PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE_COMMUNICATION When I'm not centered, I have been known to be agressive. I'm not impressed with myself when I am however. I really focus on being assertive. - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:21:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder If I had a man who passive aggressive I would not see him as dominant at all. I would just picture the little boy on the playground who took his ball and went home and sulked because wwahh...nobody likes him. the reason i embrace D/s is because i detest passive aggressive. P.A. is the equivalent of beating around the bush. I'd rather the bush be beaten! Ha! I'm direct. I respect directness. Spell it out. Be a man. P.A. is inner turmoil. to be a Dominant you may bring another outer turmoil to another but you wouldn't let it simmer and boil inside you, not for long anyway....my 2 cents sweetboundesire, In principle, I would agree with you. I have however witness a boat load of passive-agressive of self-identified dominants. Now I use the term self-identified because that is what they choose to label themselves. I, however, would not likely identify them as such. - LA

Jeffff -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:28:10 PM)
It seemed to me that they would be. I have had passive aggressive bosses and the lack of direction and waffling pissed me off. On the other hand, the metaphor between employee and submissive in a bit weak so I wasn't entirely sure. Besides, everyone does it their own way. Jeff

RedMagic1 -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:30:37 PM)
Point taken about the lame bosses... but don't tell me you've never met a do-me top.

Jeffff -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:36:24 PM)
Thats true..... on the other hand...I think we are all kinda do-me people. One way or the other most of us want to get done. Dynamics may differ...... but doing and getting done is still a good thing. In my opinion anyway...:) I would not expect to be respected if I was acting passive aggressively. I suppose I would feel topped by any submissive who "allowed" such behavior? Jeff

Icarys -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:45:36 PM)
I notice this behavior much more so in submissive's than I do Dominant's. Maybe there will be ton of disagreement but that's my POV. Of course I also think that all of us can exhibit one of the definitions from one time or another. There can be a lot of issues with perception as well.

Jeffff -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:52:19 PM)
In my experience, in what we call real life, a submissive who acts that way seems to be checking to see if I will call her on her shit and put a stop to it. Here on the boards... it is what it is, no one needs to respect me or treat me with any deference. When I joined up here, I checked the box marked "Dominant" That doesn't automatically carry a lot of weight. Jeff

Icarys -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:55:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff In my experience, in what we call real life, a submissive who acts that way seems to be checking to see if I will call her on her shit and put a stop to it. Here on the boards... it is what it is, no one needs to respect me or treat me with any deference. When I joined up here, I checked the box marked "Dominant" That doesn't automatically carry a lot of weight. Jeff Absolutely but behavior is behavior. Is it then okay for one to exhibit this and the other side not? I personally hold my females to the same standards as I hold myself. Thats just me though.

SimplyIsaac -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 7:59:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Are they mutually exclusive? For some domineering types, I'm sure they are not. By my definition of dominant, silent sabotage doesn't need to be in the toolbox, and shouldn't be. After all, they are dominant; passive doesn't mix well with that word.

sweetboundesire -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 8:00:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff In my experience, in what we call real life, a submissive who acts that way seems to be checking to see if I will call her on her shit and put a stop to it. Here on the boards... it is what it is, no one needs to respect me or treat me with any deference. When I joined up here, I checked the box marked "Dominant" That doesn't automatically carry a lot of weight. Jeff Absolutely but behavior is behavior. Is it then okay for one to exhibit this and the other side not? I personally hold my females to the same standards as I hold myself. Thats just me though. is it not possible to work it out through a good beating? at least for me, my Dominant should be the Teacher...if i am behaving in a displeasing manner it should be brought out...there is nothing hotter than a good healthy discussion with a paddle:) through pain tears and cum...it should all work it's self out...or so i would hope;)

InvisibleBlack -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 8:02:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Are they mutually exclusive? Jeff Passive aggressive and dominant? That's like ... the stealth Dom. How would that work?

Icarys -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 8:04:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff In my experience, in what we call real life, a submissive who acts that way seems to be checking to see if I will call her on her shit and put a stop to it. Here on the boards... it is what it is, no one needs to respect me or treat me with any deference. When I joined up here, I checked the box marked "Dominant" That doesn't automatically carry a lot of weight. Jeff Absolutely but behavior is behavior. Is it then okay for one to exhibit this and the other side not? I personally hold my females to the same standards as I hold myself. Thats just me though. is it not possible to work it out through a good beating? at least for me, my Dominant should be the Teacher...if i am behaving in a displeasing manner it should be brought out...there is nothing hotter than a good healthy discussion with a paddle:) through pain tears and cum...it should all work it's self out...or so i would hope;) I'm not one who enjoys a female acting out for attention. To some that's fun but to me it's not. If I showed my ass and didn't carry my weight..She would possibly look down on me as weak...If she doesn't carry her weight..The same is thought. To me that's topping from the bottom and not attractive. I prefer working in harmony together for the goals of the house.

kallisto -> RE: Passive Aggression and Dominance (1/12/2010 9:14:35 PM)
I don't want passive agressive anything. That simply leaves me running around in circles wondering what next. To me passive agressive doesn't pair with being a Dominant.

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