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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 8:58:36 AM

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quote:

Let me ask you littlewonder if you would want an unmotivated, unsuccessful partner like that who solely demanded you financially take care of them? Not all of us are so altruistic with our lives I suppose. You must have the moral high ground here on altruism. However do you find the time?

It would depend on what else he could bring to the table? Will he take care of any children we may have? Will he cook/clean/help take care of the home? Does he love me with every fibre of his being?

If he can do all that then I don't really care if he went to college or has a job.

I have done it in the past and it was well worth it because there was much more to him than just who was paying the bills and working.

(in reply to Saint)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:09:31 AM

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I have to laugh reading this folks. Financial status that they want to maintain? Well everybody wants to do that but the harsh reality is that it will be next to impossible to maintain the Financial Status you wish to or dream of because of the reality thats out there. I know its not very popular but the damn economy stupid is going to make any Woman or man's dream of mainitaining a Financial status next to impossible. People need to accept that they will most likely NOT be able to maintain the Financial status they want. People are taking pay cuts all over. People are losing their jobs. People in this lifestyle need to wake up and smell the coffee and stop living in a dream world. There is not a subby out there I will venture that could support a Domme fully or to Her Dream desire. People need to wake up and get real. Similarly the reason people are unemployed now has EVERYTHING to do with the economy and nothing to do with anything else. And anyone who thinks otherwise is in a dream world. Sorry folks but sometimes peoiple need to look at reality and forget ideal. Too many Dommes here and maybe subs too are oblivious to real world practicalities.
Kevin

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:10:27 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I'll be your live in, provide a clean house and blowjobs, if I can invest all of my income. That's a SWEET deal.

I appreciate the compliment, but I think you're wrong -- not just about me, but about anybody. There's an old saying: "If you marry for money, you earn it."

Marry? Great way to blow THAT fantasy, dragging out the "M" word.

Hmmm, and here I was thinking, lemme get this straight: she want's you to work yourself into an early coronary keeping her in the style to which she's become accustomed, while she sits home eating bon-bons and doing her nails, and bitching that you're not ambitious enough?

I think they used to call that marriage.

Me, I can provide basic necessities, you won't starve or freeze to death, anything over and above that will depend on what you're willing to contribute - it's the best I can do, I already have children.

Damn, you sweet talkers are just too 'smexy' for words.

I still say being able to invest ALL of ones income for retirement, while having his/her livelihood provided for, is one helluva sweet proposition...

I never had THAT option when I was married. Certainly not while I was raising my kids.

I wouldn't marry for money, but I might find it tempting to hire myself out as a domestic, for the opportunity to save some mucho dinero.

WinD

(in reply to xssve)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:12:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

Let me ask you littlewonder if you would want an unmotivated, unsuccessful partner like that who solely demanded you financially take care of them? Not all of us are so altruistic with our lives I suppose. You must have the moral high ground here on altruism. However do you find the time?

It would depend on what else he could bring to the table? Will he take care of any children we may have? Will he cook/clean/help take care of the home? Does he love me with every fibre of his being?

If he can do all that then I don't really care if he went to college or has a job.

I have done it in the past and it was well worth it because there was much more to him than just who was paying the bills and working.

People who think "staying at home and taking care of the house and everything domestic" isn't work are crazy - or I don't know what kind of house they are living in. I don't mind working and earning the household salary so long as I never have to touch a dirty dish, never have to do laundry and never have to worry about book keeping or keeping the gazillion extended family birthday presents / announcements organized. If I can focus on one single thing - my career - I have pretty good earning potential and enough to cover two people. If I have a submissive man proactively ensuring that my life is running smoothly and organized, I can earn a little more than that, and do so very happily.

I met a lot of lazy "subs" who really liked living with a workaholic femdom and thought it means lots of S&M and being able to goof off 24/7. Needless to say they didn't last. While my husband has a lot of flexibility in his life, he is pretty busy - and I do have final say on his free time if it's impacting my work day. I'll add that while he doesn't work full time elsewhere, he's taking on, over the last 7 or 8 years, more and more of my business (I am self employed) so that I am essentially his boss and his duties are now split about 70% domestic and 30% business partner (working for me).

For those who may recall about 2 years ago he took a hobby and started to work part time with it and how that rocked my boat and perception of "stay at home wife - sub," I'll offer the quick update that while it was enjoyable for him, ultimately I found it to be more hassle than it was worth. Even if it's 12 hours a week, having a second "boss," I think, messed with his priorities and eliminated one layer of his capacity to serve. He's quitting that experiment at the end of this month and we're both really happy about that. He realized he could enjoy his hobby on his own terms, maybe freelance, but having to report to another person for chunks of the week just upset the balance in our home.

The bottom line? Compatibility always!

Side note: He has the "earning potential" to bring in 6 figures and I knew that the day I met him. This was important to me. He has this potential because he's ambitious, intelligent, a quick study, very resourceful and tenacious. Is he expected to earn it? No - I prefer to be the one with the career - but it's nice to know we have something to fall back on if I get burnt out on working.

Akasha

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(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:21:18 AM

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#1 - I agree with Akasha.

#2 - Saint, your communication skills suck, and I think that has more to do with your gloom-and-doom dating history than anything else. Salesmanship 101 is: start with the positives, get to the negatives later. You spend an entire post talking about how crappy some femdoms are, then tack on a sentence or two at the end about how this doesn't include everybody, and you seriously expect nobody to read it wrong? I think I read it 100% correctly when I say you are emphasizing what you consider to be most important -- that lotsa femdoms are lousy -- instead of what I consider to be most important -- that kinky people are human, and like other humans, are trying to do the best they can. Smile more often, give more compliments, and you'll get more dates.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:30:44 AM

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quote:

People need to wake up and get real.

Speaking of getting real, Kevin, how about putting up a real pic of you instead of a head shot stolen off a modeling website?

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:39:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I'll be your live in, provide a clean house and blowjobs, if I can invest all of my income. That's a SWEET deal.

I appreciate the compliment, but I think you're wrong -- not just about me, but about anybody. There's an old saying: "If you marry for money, you earn it."

Dude. Passing up on WIN??

Though I don't know, maybe you're a secret asshole and have hidden it from me!

In answer to the OP: I really do not hunt for submissives based on their bank accounts. What I look for is a WORK ETHIC. My sub lost his good job, and now has a crappy one while he is in school doing a career change. Sure, I would love a wealthy submissive who could buy me stuffs, but since I already HAVE stuffs aplenty... it's not so vital.

My health does not allow me to work as much as my needs demand. Blue Cross is PRICEY. I will always need some help, financially, and supporting some guy is just NOT happening, even if he was a genius chef and groundskeeper. Along with that, I have a fancy schmancy education, and a posse of intellectual and artistic friends. Mister has to FIT IN there somehow, and the education and values and all that comes with the package.

If you find someone who is just not a match, move on. You will find yourself moving on a LOT, as do all folks who are looking for dates, in real time or on the internet. (I despise the term "meatspace", is there something ELSE?)

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:45:44 AM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I'll be your live in, provide a clean house and blowjobs, if I can invest all of my income. That's a SWEET deal.

I appreciate the compliment, but I think you're wrong -- not just about me, but about anybody. There's an old saying: "If you marry for money, you earn it."

Marry? Great way to blow THAT fantasy, dragging out the "M" word.

Hmmm, and here I was thinking, lemme get this straight: she want's you to work yourself into an early coronary keeping her in the style to which she's become accustomed, while she sits home eating bon-bons and doing her nails, and bitching that you're not ambitious enough?

I think they used to call that marriage.

Me, I can provide basic necessities, you won't starve or freeze to death, anything over and above that will depend on what you're willing to contribute - it's the best I can do, I already have children.

Damn, you sweet talkers are just too 'smexy' for words.

I still say being able to invest ALL of ones income for retirement, while having his/her livelihood provided for, is one helluva sweet proposition...

I never had THAT option when I was married. Certainly not while I was raising my kids.

I wouldn't marry for money, but I might find it tempting to hire myself out as a domestic, for the opportunity to save some mucho dinero.

WinD

You know my number.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:47:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Dude. Passing up on WIN??
Though I don't know, maybe you're a secret asshole and have hidden it from me!

There's a whole cadre of women at this point who are rooting for me, and who think I will make a wonderful boyfriend for somebody else. I'm a great person to know, and a difficult person to live with. I am completely uncompromising about certain things, and so it's not easy to sustain a relationship with me. My responsibility, or "fault" if you will. That's why I think Akasha's "Bottom line is compatibility" message is so important. I think your own post is very well said also.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:48:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint
. So I am in the wrong because I feel that if someone has never done any actual work, or done anything to better themselves or to work hard, that they are entitled to my hard work somehow?

They aren't entitled to your hard work. They aren't entitled to anything from you if you aren't willing to give it to them. But they are entitled to look for a sub who is willing to give them the benefits of their hard work.

That isn't you. We get it now. It doesn't make them 'wrong'-just wrong for you.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:49:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Dude. Passing up on WIN??
Though I don't know, maybe you're a secret asshole and have hidden it from me!

There's a whole cadre of women at this point who are rooting for me, and who think I will make a wonderful boyfriend for somebody else. I'm a great person to know, and a difficult person to live with. I am completely uncompromising about certain things, and so it's not easy to sustain a relationship with me. My responsibility, or "fault" if you will. That's why I think Akasha's "Bottom line is compatibility" message is so important. I think your own post is very well said also.

It's ever so true... and while I would jump on you in a heartbeat if you were say GEOGRAPHICALLY CLOSER, I would have the house next door rather than actually LIVE with you... because while I THINK I am easy to get along with, the fact is I am a middle aged homebody who is losing the ability to adapt to new people.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 9:54:03 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Dude. Passing up on WIN??
Though I don't know, maybe you're a secret asshole and have hidden it from me!

There's a whole cadre of women at this point who are rooting for me, and who think I will make a wonderful boyfriend for somebody else. I'm a great person to know, and a difficult person to live with. I am completely uncompromising about certain things, and so it's not easy to sustain a relationship with me. My responsibility, or "fault" if you will. That's why I think Akasha's "Bottom line is compatibility" message is so important. I think your own post is very well said also.

Thanks Francine!

I'm rooting for you Red. I do joke around a great deal, so putting aside my rampant sense of humor (as painful as that is.)

Compatibility IS an important message to get out, I agree with you there. But come on. NEARLY FREE ROOM AND BOARD? 100% investment opportunity for my income? That's HOT!! (ok, sorry. I just couldn't keep the amusement at bay).

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 10:09:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint
So I am in the wrong because I feel that if someone has never done any actual work, or done anything to better themselves or to work hard, that they are entitled to my hard work somehow?

No, they are not. At the same time, you have to understand the points made by Lockit and GM on this thread. Quite often, female Dominants run into supposedly 'submissive' males who have no income, who are looking for nothing more than a free ride. While I have never disqualified someone based on not hitting that six figure income mark, I absolutely will refuse to consider someone who doesn't have a job. (People can rag about the economy all they want, it's still part of My screening process.)

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 11:02:38 AM

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To whom it may concern, I am able to support myself. I just cannot completely support a Domme. That is all I was trying to say. I have come into contact with a few who wanted just that. If I read a Domme's profile and she clearly states that she is looking for a financial slave, then I know it is not me and I move on. I just don't like to talk to someone for months then they say "by the way I want a slave that makes 6 figures". I don't make that kind of money and never try to represent that I do.
I also realize that someone's financial situation is important when considering a relationship. No one probably wants to start a relationship with someone in foreclosure or with a mountain of debt. Most people want someone that at least has a means of taking care of themselves.
As for my comment "I expected Dommes to be more independent minded", this is totally from MY experience which I will admit is limited. I by no means meant a slight to women who were stay at home mothers or anything like that. I do understand that they can be quite independent too.
I know in these tough economic times alot of people need a helping hand. If I was owned by a Domme I truly cared for and respected, and she needed help financially I would definitely do it if I was able. I am not against a sub/slave supporting his Domme financially but it is something I could only do on a limited basis. If I read a profile and it says otherwise I do not bother theat Domme.
Many people both Dom and Sub have delusions about this lifestyle. There are vanilla issues that we all must deal with whether we like it or not. I thank everyone that has contrbuted this thread. I have learned quite a bit and while I may not agree with everyone I do appreciate your insight and your point of view. Thanks again.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 11:17:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

Many people both Dom and Sub have delusions about this lifestyle. There are vanilla issues that we all must deal with whether we like it or not.

Ain't it the truth!

OP,
Yes, you're going to find people, regardless of what label they identify with, looking for a way to get what they want. It's up to you to decide how far you're willing to go when it comes to not just your wants but your prospective partner's as well.

I would suggest to go back and re-read what Lockit wrote...she hit on some great points about attitude and choices.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 11:19:34 AM

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i'd like to add my perspective to this discussion.

Firstly, everything is not for everybody. Different strokes for different folks. That doesn't make anyone right or wrong, it just means that what works for you might not work for me.

i've read people bickering in this thread, and for the most part i have wondered why. If you go back and re-read the thread in its entirety, i think you will find that many of the points that have been made are NOT mutually exclusive. It is possible for people to have diametrically opposing views, and for both people to be RIGHT. That is what i have seen in this thread.

Some of you have shared perspectives that are absolutely right FOR YOU, but you've failed to acknowledge that there are people who are in very different situations than you are. Personally, on two separate occasions i have served Dommes that i supported completely. They didn't work, and didn't pay a bill of any type. Each of them lived in my home, where i paid all of the bills, as well as providing for all of their expenses. They each drove cars that i purchased for them. Neither performed ANY housework. i wasn't married to either of them (in case you were wondering). More importantly, i didn't feel that i was being "used" or treated unfairly. But i was fortunate enough to be able to do this. I don't judge anyone who doesn't have the financial means to take care of a Domme, but there are many who can, just as there are still many husbands who have wives that don't work. For anyone to imply otherwise is rather silly.

Are there people who look to take advantage of others? Certainly. However, others simply seek those who are most like themselves. A woman who is highly educated, beautiful, and classy, will probably expect more from a potential partner than one who is poorly educated, physically unattractive, and unrefined. But that doesn't mean that the well-educated woman is necessarily "shallow" or deserving of judgment.

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 11:34:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I don't judge anyone who doesn't have the financial means to take care of a Domme, but there are many who can, just as there are still many husbands who have wives that don't work. For anyone to imply otherwise is rather silly.

You might be surprised at the statistics of how fast single-earner households have shrunk, especially in the last five years. I'm glad you were able to do that, and yet I have to wonder how old she was, how many "existing conditions" she had, and how much medical insurance (Edited to add: and retirement/pension money) you provided her. Not that it's any of my business, nor would I expect an answer on an open board, but $100,000 isn't what it used to be, and a lot fewer people make that kind of money now anyway.

I was one of the people who made a "silly" comment on this thread, and I did it because of my predictions of the economic future of this country, which do not look similar to the past of 15 years ago. If you believe the US to be in a state of economic decline, as I do, such statements might seem a lot less silly to you.

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 1/18/2010 11:38:21 AM >

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 12:31:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I was one of the people who made a "silly" comment on this thread, and I did it because of my predictions of the economic future of this country, which do not look similar to the past of 15 years ago. If you believe the US to be in a state of economic decline, as I do, such statements might seem a lot less silly to you.

What i perceive to be "silly" is not acknowledging that there are many different circumstances. But i don't believe that your comments in particular were silly. i am quite aware of the decline in the number of single earner households in the US.

To answer your question, no i did not provide health care. But both were very healthy and never required it. One was a full-time college student, and i did pay her tuition, so that was probably more expensive than health care.

i don't like to discuss politics in a forum like this, but since you mentioned it, yes, i do agree that the US economy is in decline. But it has been for quite some time. We, as a country, have just been too myopic to see it. There has NEVER been an economic power that did not have a manufacturing base. The United States consumes far more than we produce. That dynamic is unsustainable. We have to be producers. I don't buy into the idea that we can become an information society. That would require that a far greater percentage of our population receive higher education than is currently taking place. The current trend will lead to a permanent under-class of those who formerly held blue collar jobs. Companies like Walmart have exported innumerable jobs to China that were formerly held by US workers, all in the name of "lower prices". They seem to have no understanding that the more jobs you export to China, the fewer people at home who will have the money to buy your goods, even if they are at "low prices".

But that's a discussion for another time. The bottom line is that our ideas are not mutually exclusive. We just see things from different perspectives. But i acknowledge the validity and accuracy of your perspective.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/18/2010 12:38:21 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 12:50:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
i don't like to discuss politics in a forum like this, but since you mentioned it, yes, i do agree that the US economy is in decline. But it has been for quite some time. We, as a country, have just been too myopic to see it. There has NEVER been an economic power that did not have a manufacturing base. The United States consumes far more than we produce. That dynamic is unsustainable. We have to be producers. I don't buy into the idea that we can become an information society. That would require that a far greater percentage of our population receive higher education than is currently taking place. The current trend will lead to a permanent under-class of those who formerly held blue collar jobs. Companies like Walmart have exported innumerable jobs to China that were formerly held by US workers, all in the name of "lower prices". They seem to have no understanding that the more jobs you export to China, the fewer people at home who will have the money to buy your goods, even if they are at "low prices".

The ideas you express here are extremely close to my own -- including the point that it's not appropriate to discuss such things here!

Thank you. It's very nice to "meet" you. All the best.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 1:17:55 PM

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I didnt steal it . I selected it from the Internet. Anyway thats slightly off the point, but thanks anyway
Kevin

(in reply to WyldHrt)

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