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"Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 4:19:14 AM

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Alright, I know this will be a slippery slope but I have to say this and be honest. I understand a Domme wanting a slave to be financially secure. To have a job and be able to support one's self is important but I am so tired of talking with people who want to be taken care of financially 100%. I know there are pro Dommes that do this sort of thing for a living and that is pefectly fine. I am just tired of people "claiming" to be lifestyle Dommes, then once you start talking to them it all boils down to what you do for a living. Most people work hard and support themselves but are NOT rich. I know some Dommes would like wealthy subs/slaves and trust me, I would LOVE a wealthy Domme too, but this is reality folks. What if I posted in my profile that I wanted a Domme that was a 6 figure earner? I bet I would not get many responses and the ones I got would be Dommes giving me a piece of their minds. Now I am not against spoiling my Domme with gifts, dinner, you know anything along those lines but to just totally support them, is something I doubt I'll ever be able to do. A sub/slave SHOULD spoil his Domme.

Am I wrong to feel the way I do? I may be but I am trying my hardest to be honest and forthcoming with whomever I come into contact with. I know there is a TON of BS on this site and in this lifestyle in general. I am financially secure but if I had to totally take care of someone else financially I would not be. Thank you for reading my post and I hope to hear some great thought on this.

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 4:23:18 AM

hlen5

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Welcome to the Boards! Man, you dove right into the deep-end for your first post!!

Edited for punctuation.

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(in reply to EagerSlave1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 4:27:45 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

I am just tired of people "claiming" to be lifestyle Dommes, then once you start talking to them it all boils down to what you do for a living. Most people work hard and support themselves but are NOT rich. I know some Dommes would like wealthy subs/slaves and trust me, I would LOVE a wealthy Domme too, but this is reality folks.

It's entirely possible that they are lifestyle dommes. Some people don't date below a particular salary, particularly those who have money themselves. Lifestyle doesn't mean they aren't shallow.

Others want to be entirely supported by their sub/slave because they feel that they shouldn't work when they own someone. Until you know this person outside of a computer it's hard to say why they are doing what they are doing.

quote:

What if I posted in my profile that I wanted a Domme that was a 6 figure earner? I bet I would not get many responses and the ones I got would be Dommes giving me a piece of their minds.

So what? If that's the only thing you are willing to accept because you don't want to work, you want to devote all of your time to serving and keeping her house... whatever. You probably wouldn't get a ton of respones. But the ones you got would be the ones you are interested in.

quote:

Am I wrong to feel the way I do? I may be but I am trying my hardest to be honest and forthcoming with whomever I come into contact with. I know there is a TON of BS on this site and in this lifestyle in general. I am financially secure but if I had to totally take care of someone else financially I would not be. Thank you for reading my post and I hope to hear some great thought on this.

Wrong? Maybe so, maybe no. I don't see why you are implying that these people aren't being honest though. Sounds like they are telling you pretty quickly what they want and not pulling a bait and switch on you several months in.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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(in reply to EagerSlave1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 4:41:27 AM

agirl

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Some people appear to be quite materialistic in their approach. It would be very off-putting to me and I wouldn't be remotely attracted to anyone that so much as mentioned my financial situation, or their own.

It seems to be far more prevalent with female dom/male submissive situations.

agirl

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 4:41:42 AM

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quote:

Am I wrong to feel the way I do?

No, you aren't wrong to feel the way you do, but you are unfortunately going to have to buck up and deal with it. And I say this in the most warm & welcoming way :-)

For a plethora of reasons, when you use the "dating site" aspects of this site or of any other site, you are going to find a whole bunch of people you are incompatible with and only a very small handful that you are. The trick to maintaining your sanity when looking for a compatible partner on this site is by not being overwhelmed by all the wrong matches. Trust me ;-)

Now on the flip side, I have been approached by many submissive men, local to me, who wish to as their role as submissive foot the entire bill for all my expenses. So as breatheasone once cleverly wrote, there is a jar for every lid.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 4:43:23 AM

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quote:

It seems to be far more prevalent with female dom/male submissive situations.

Oh it would appear that way because gold digging Dommes are assertive about their needs. I'm sure there are as many gold digging subs, they are just more subtle.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to agirl)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 4:51:25 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

It seems to be far more prevalent with female dom/male submissive situations.

Oh it would appear that way because gold digging Dommes are assertive about their needs. I'm sure there are as many gold digging subs, they are just more subtle.

- LA

Yes, I'm sure there are.

I'm referring to the actual expectation of it by the dom. There's by far and away a larger prevalence of female doms asking/expecting this, than male doms asking/expecting to be *taken care of* by female submissives.

agirl

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 5:23:21 AM

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quote:

It's entirely possible that they are lifestyle dommes. Some people don't date below a particular salary, particularly those who have money themselves. Lifestyle doesn't mean they aren't shallow.

This was exactly my first thought. Also a lot of it has to do with education and ambition rather than simply a numerical amount.

My second thought was...sour grapes. You never see a 6'1 man complaining that women will only date men over 6' tall. And I've noticed that there seem to be a lot of men on these boards who, to put it bluntly, think they're entitled to pussy. They'll complain that a woman has standards that they don't meet, with the implication that there is something wrong with the woman's standards and that she should lower the bar so that they can hop over it.

Same with the dominant men who like to complain that a woman never writes back and that it's so impolite - you know what else is impolite? Making a big public post about someone else's faux pas. That's awfully impolite, which is why I think those posts are less about manners and more a way of saying "I believe the fact that I approached you unsolicited entitles me to your time."

Long story short no you're not wrong for feeling the way you do EagerSlave, but the Dommes in question aren't wrong either. You both are looking for different things so rather than trying to tell a Domme "this is reality folks" as though her life was some sort of fantasy, and expecting her to change her expectations in order to match your own, why not just accept the incompatibility and focus on finding a woman who shares your views and values?

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 5:38:41 AM

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I don't know it just seems kind of strange to me. If a Domme seeks a sub/slave with a six figure income "she has high standards" but if a sub seeks a wealthy Domme he is a lazy sub. This is how it seems to me. I am not seeking anyone wealthy but if a millionaire suddenly comes along and she wants me, I may strongly consider it. Money is great, and lets face it we all need it, but this is BDSM lifestyle site and not a site for me to plan my financial future. I do understand a Domme to want a sub/slave that can to some extent take care of themselves but I would expect a Domme to be more of an independent minded woman. My main point is that there is a big difference between "financially secure" and "financially able". Does that make sense? I would like to make enough to take care of myself and a Domme financially but right now that is just not reality. I appreciate the responses I have gotten and look foward to gaining more insight from those more experienced and knowledgible than myself.

(in reply to Elisabella)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 5:40:11 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

It seems to be far more prevalent with female dom/male submissive situations.

Oh it would appear that way because gold digging Dommes are assertive about their needs. I'm sure there are as many gold digging subs, they are just more subtle.

- LA

Yes, I'm sure there are.

I'm referring to the actual expectation of it by the dom. There's by far and away a larger prevalence of female doms asking/expecting this, than male doms asking/expecting to be *taken care of* by female submissives.

agirl

I agree with the above, but add in female submissives wanting to be stay-at-homers, and I wonder how that would balance things out?

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Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
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(in reply to agirl)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 5:43:15 AM

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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1
I am so tired of talking with people who want to be taken care of financially 100%.

So don't! Say 'I hope you find what you are looking for, but I'm sorry, I'm not it' and move on.

quote:

Most people work hard and support themselves but are NOT rich.

So these Dommes aren't allowed to search for the exceptional? 'Most people' have an IQ of 100-does that mean I'm not allowed to look for someone a bit further up the curve?

quote:

Am I wrong to feel the way I do?

No-you can feel whatever you want. BDSM is a spectrum; there is room for everyone. But if you can feel you can't support a Domme, you have to let those Dommes who feel they should be financially supported feel what they want too-it goes both ways.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 1/18/2010 5:47:29 AM >

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 5:58:50 AM

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There is something else. At your age op it is not unexpected that the domme will want to have children and be a stay at home mother, at least during the early years. And to be blunt, unless you are of a certain financial status that isn't possible. Or are you looking for play only and not a loving relationship?

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:22:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
on the flip side, I have been approached by many submissive men, local to me, who wish to as their role as submissive foot the entire bill for all my expenses.

And unless he owns an airplane and a yacht, this submissive fantasy is just as unrealistic as a castration fantasy.

I've definitely been approached by sub women who wanted to be my live-in, meaning they would have no income and I would cover all their expenses, in exchange for blowjobs-and-dinner-on-demand, I suppose. Interestingly enough, every single time this happened, once I explained I would insist she work part-time, and put the money in a bank account under her name only, and build up some "retirement" account that would be hers in case the relationship ended, she became uninterested in meeting me. I think some of them were just yanking my chain, but others were getting off on the notion of owning nothing and being owned, and my requiring them to own something was a dealbreaker.

It costs a lot of money to take care of someone, especially as we age. I imagine it's not (yet) as dramatic in Canada as it is in the US, because the health care system is not as horrendous, but except in the rarest of situations, people need their own income, no matter how smexy it might feel to give it up.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:25:54 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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Hey Red,

I'll be your live in, provide a clean house and blowjobs, if I can invest all of my income. That's a SWEET deal.

WinD

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:36:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I'll be your live in, provide a clean house and blowjobs, if I can invest all of my income. That's a SWEET deal.

I appreciate the compliment, but I think you're wrong -- not just about me, but about anybody. There's an old saying: "If you marry for money, you earn it."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:37:05 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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You know, in the end, this all boils down to ignoring the situations that don't fit us, and aligning with the ones that do. My preference is to keep one kind of house, and not everyone is going to be interested in being part of that -- but my choice in keeping my household doesn't make me a 'fake' or a 'poser' or anything else except -myself-. Neither does the fact that someone isn't interested in what I want make -them- a 'loser', 'fake', etc.. Finding companions with whom to shape an authority-exchange relationship is just like finding any other relationship... 'You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince(ess)'. That's just the way it is. It makes no sense to rail at the wind for blowing -- nor does it make sense to rail at people for posting their desires, and for trying to find others who do (or maybe could) share them. If something doesn't suit, then just delete... or, if ambitious with extra time on one's hands, offer up a polite "no thanks" in response. *shrugs*

For myself, I want someone who can put in a day's work -- I'm not much into a servant who'll be chained to the wall or locked in a box all the time, as nothing but an ornament... frankly, I'm not much into dusting kitsch and ornaments. *chuckles* That being said, for me, the desire to serve is more vital than how much someone is earning. As many folks here know, my life is in the midst of a MAJOR change as well, including a cross-country move to re-align with my life-purpose, so right now, I'm not really looking to add anyone. I -still- get messages from people who want me to chain them up, or dress them in diapers, or who want me to pick them as mine right this very minute, despite what I've said, ever so clearly, on my profile page... and in response, I just shake my head and move on.

Dame Calla

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(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:44:14 AM

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I agree with the OP. People should take cognisance of the fact that there is a Recession on and should therefore be grateful for small tributes and not be so demanding. Too many gold diggers. Touche. But also subs if unhappy do not have to pay. Touche. Equal responsibility. People who dont want to be exploited should not allow themselves to be exploited. Bully for the Domme and fool on the man is what I say. Then again if the man wants it, who am I to say its wrong. Its when its not consensual that its wrong
Kevin

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:49:37 AM

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EagerSlave1, i do not see a issue with such Dommes that are money oriented if they make it aware from the outset.

To desire a slave that is financially secure and caple of supporting himself seems a logical expectation. To desire a slave capable to support Her financially is a lofty goal and if such is Her aspiration i see no problem with it, but i strongly feel She should make it known upfront.

I agree it is disappointing to be with belief a relationship will be lifestyle or with preconceived expectations only to discover a unexpected sharp turn. Personally i see nothing wrong with the financial aspect although it does cause some others to get their panties and shorts all in a knot.

As i said, awareness and expectation upfront is important. I have served in different capacities including servitude to a financial Mistress. A superb Mistress that i remain to respect very much. She understood my needs superbly... and She understood Hers LoL.

My curiosity is your perception skills because in reading words then reading between the lines usually it is obvious what a person seeks, what their interests are. Typically words are with clues. Seldom have i been misled and absolute after initial correspondance the obvious becomes obvious. Might i suggest you analyse and read between the lines a little deeper. Pay attention to your instinct and inner voice as i am confident your gut instinct and logic tells you something, but perhaps emotion and desire has so you are not paying attention. As for your honesty and being forthcoming never ignore nor give that up. Trust me it is a character trait that will serve you well in life and one of your important foundation stones that is to be respected.

There is much BS on sites and some who are overly opinionated and full of themselves or quick to critisize. It is the nature of the beast, but also there are many. many good, knowledgeable, helpful, caring, experienced, genuinely sincere persons that are upfront, honest and with integrity. Search those persons out and ignore the rest. If you are in search with your eyes half closed then open them fully and focus on what you seek. Usually the obvious is... well... obvious!

There are many that are not into the financial aspect and so such should not be difficult to find... again be observant and read between the lines. I believe most Dommes here make obvious what they anticipate and what their interests are. If you are of modest means, not a tightwad, focussed, aware, sincere(which i believe is the case) your search should not be with such difficulty.

I am with no objection to being generous or to perhaps explore financial domination but also i am not with the means to support a Domme. Although i have experienced and explored that venue, typically i do not travel that path. There are many paths including the path you seek, if you know the relationship you desire then put your focus and energies upon that venue and bypass the others. There are many who are with no interest in the aspect of financial servitude and so seek those out and confirm you and they are with other compatable interests.

Good luck and enjoy.

nibbyjibby

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:55:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

Money is great, and lets face it we all need it, but this is BDSM lifestyle site and not a site for me to plan my financial future.

This statement strikes me as ridiculous. This is a BDSM lifestyle site and who you select as a life partner will influence your finanical future. Therefore, for a person who cares about such things, it does matter when they are talking to a potential serious lifestyle partner.

quote:

I would expect a Domme to be more of an independent minded woman.

Why on earth does "independent woman" have to mean that she can't be supported by her sub? I am getting so sick of that phrase. Does that mean that it's impossible to be a stay-at-home mother or a housewife and be an independent woman? Being independment woman, IMHO, is doing what makes her happy and fulfills her.

quote:

My main point is that there is a big difference between "financially secure" and "financially able". Does that make sense? I would like to make enough to take care of myself and a Domme financially but right now that is just not reality.

So they aren't interested in your right now.

I now that sounds cold but let's put another term in there. I want someone who is comfortable with poly. I don't want someone who is open to being comfortable with poly or would like to be. At some point in the future.

It's really the same thing. They have a desire that you don't currently meet. Instead of focusing on that, move on to the dommes who aren't as money-focused.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

RE: "Financially Secure" - 1/18/2010 6:56:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

To have a job and be able to support one's self is important but I am so tired of talking with people who want to be taken care of financially 100%.
ME TOO!!

I am just tired of people "claiming" to be lifestyle Dommes, then once you start talking to them it all boils down to what you do for a living.
What you do for a living is important info..it can then be decided WHAT you can contribute to enhance HER life..your life...
as in will you support yourself?.
IS PT possible so you can serve more at home?Can you contribute to your retirement? What stability do you have thus far?Did you attend university etc.Are you disciplined..reliable?
WHAT YOU DO FO R A LIVING questions are NOT ALWAYS in order to get you money or get you to support HER.

Now I am not against spoiling my Domme with gifts, dinner, you know anything along those lines
Spoiling??? HOW is being part of a couple or a gentlemen SPOILING...???
How is buying a steak spoling someone??
How is a gift spoiling??? I thought it was a physical symbol of a thought??

forthcoming with whomever I come into contact with.
Thats all you can do...and at the same time..not get your shit in a knot about women who want a sub or man to support her financailly ..
THIS type of couple had gone on for eons..with negotiations and energy exchange and always will...and the reverse of it too.
It is UP TO THEM...and 1 type of relating-ship

I used to put in my profile..
"I am financially secure and EXPECT THE SAME..I am generous but WILL NOT support you financially"
If it is "BOILING down" to what you do or wanting to be supported..hay YOU ARE HEARING IT RIGHT away and can MAKE A DECISION FOR YOURSELF..

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 1/18/2010 7:03:14 AM >

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(in reply to EagerSlave1)

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