RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (Full Version)

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sexyred1 -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 7:28:20 AM)

Well, duh!! Of course they are.

Or do you two need the Acid Test for True Subs/Slaves sent to you?

If so, that will be $ 69.00 each to my Paypal account.




Kana -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 7:28:22 AM)

I thought we could build a consensus here.




mnottertail -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 7:29:34 AM)

And that's the whole acid test right there, buddy....no need for all this other shit.

Ron




ResidentSadist -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 7:49:35 AM)

Amen to that!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Hater my ass. I was actually nice, considering the content. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, assuming your intentions were good and you didn't know better. ...

[snip]

...Hater...sure...but I'm an equal opportunity hater. I abhor idiocy and paternalism equally, regardless of race, class, age, creed. Worse,what really terrifies me isn't idiocy, but the blind assumption that people, read the teeming illiterate masses, are so blinded by stupidity that they need others to do their thinking and moral decreeing for them. The folks who think like that scare piss outta me.

Since it's obviously a handing out advice sort of day, here's some: When you post anything regarding true domination on a forum board here, prepare to get roasted. There are few better forum lighting rods than the infamous "One Twue Dom." ...





ishyB -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 7:54:01 AM)

Dejesus...
Thank God this test came along, because now, after a year and a half of being owned, I finally found out that my Master is a total fake and fails the acid test miserable on nearly all counts.
Thank you so much for opening my eyes.[8|]

Test #1: Fail
Yep, he sometimes made me feel uncomfortable and doubtful about packing up my stuff and moving to a different continent to be with him because he can be so hard and demanding and I didn't know if I could live up to his expectations...
Come to think of it... I still feel that way very often...

Test #2: Fail
Well, at least he didn't demand I'd call him 'Sir' the first time we talked... he preferred 'Master' instead...

Test #3: Fail
While he didn't allow me his collar until her felt HE was ready/willing to place it around my neck, he did demand absolute obedience from me long before the first time we met offline, and expected me to defer to him completely every minute I spend with him, even before I had his collar, both online and offline.

Test #4: Fail
Well, that was not his opening line to me... but I have to admit that he's used it several times after we started talking already... *swoons*

Test #5: Fail
While he doesn't tell me I can't ask questions he does reserve the right to choose whether he answers them or not. Depending on what sort of question it is, I usually know beforehand if I will get an answer or not. Questioning his motives or reasons usually doesn't work. And a line of questions that tries to get a promise or a commitment out of him (can we watch a movie tonight?) never gets met with ANYTHING but a "perhaps".

Test #6: Fail
While it's not "my way or the highway" it is "my way or I'll make you do it my way". Leaving when I don't want to obey isn't really an option I have, though I don't think he would forcefully and illegally try to stop me if I was determine to withdrawal consent and make it to the door. Problem is that I've consented to a non-consent situation and as such, I don't see "the highway" happening any time soon.

Test #7: Pass
Puh, the first pass. [:)]
He didn't collar me before we met offline. But after he collared me he expected that collar to have meaning everywhere, in all situations, both on and offline.

Test #8: Fail
If I asked him if he ever made a mistake during a scene, he'd tell me "no" simple because he doesn't not scene/play.
Now if I asked him if he ever made a mistake, I'm sure he'd tell me "yes" he's never had trouble owning up to his mistakes.

Test #9: Fail
Owns his own business. Nuf said.

Test #10: Pass
He hasn't been around since he was 18, nor does he claim to be.
On the other hand... I myself HAVE been around since before I was 18... and started working in BDSM clubs weeks after becoming of age... so... does that make me a fake? [&:]

Test #11: Pass
He's well known by several people, both on and offline.

Test #12: Fail
He's married, and it took me months of talking to him before he first let me speak to his wife. Even after that initial contact, we only spoke very sporadically until I moved in with them.

Test #13: Fail
Yeah, no safewords... That falls back to that "my way or I'll make you do it my way thing" and the consensual non-consent situation.

Test #14: Fail
See #13

Test #15: Pass
He's married, but his wife does know about me.

Test #16:
I learned to not take "Acid tests" seriously...




OsideGirl -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 8:41:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator. These are the men most likely to damage or even end your life. The truly frightening thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy way to spot them. Rapists can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to total strangers. One in four women has suffered an attack from this vile creature, and one in seven men as well! Their motive is violence.The best defense is never make yourself too vulnerable.



Stating the obvious is one thing, but I was truly surprised to learn the bit I bolded. I had always assumed that the motive of a rapist was sexual gratification. But hell, what do I know?


Not to derail: The psychiatric view is that rape is based in a need to control, anger and violence, not sex.




juliaoceania -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 8:44:56 AM)

quote:

Not to derail:


This was derailed in the OP....






Lucienne -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 8:46:54 AM)

Fast reply without read through....

Please tell me someone made a "basic" pun.




OsideGirl -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 8:58:21 AM)

I wanted to specifically address this:

quote:


Test #9: "I'm a [bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer, self-made millionaire... yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense. How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, think about this personality profile; If this super successful, always-in-control person is really into BDSM, he's likely a submissive! Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak. I have met a lot of submissives that fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom yet!


My first Dom was a VP of sales for radio network...as in one of the oldest and largest. He is now an EVP for a different radio network.

My second Dom is a writer, a commercial artist, owns two companies and heads up a charity.

My current Master/Husband has won multiple awards on a local and national level. He's taken a business that was grossing between $40-50K per month and boosted it up to between $90-100K per month and it's still growing.

Matter of fact most of the alpha males in the community that I know are successful at what they do. And none of them are the least bit submissive.




Fitznicely -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 9:07:39 AM)

~FR~

Skipped thru p4 only.

Had to say ROFL! Crap like this is worse than anything they're warning against




EbonyWood -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 9:09:49 AM)

I had to stop at Copyright Dr Spankenstein.
 
 
"Igor, fetch me a brain!"
 
"Nnnn,un,uh Y-yess, Master!"




Icarys -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 10:59:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ishyB

Dejesus...
Thank God this test came along, because now, after a year and a half of being owned, I finally found out that my Master is a total fake and fails the acid test miserable on nearly all counts.
Thank you so much for opening my eyes.[8|]

Test #1: Fail
Yep, he sometimes made me feel uncomfortable and doubtful about packing up my stuff and moving to a different continent to be with him because he can be so hard and demanding and I didn't know if I could live up to his expectations...
Come to think of it... I still feel that way very often...

Test #2: Fail
Well, at least he didn't demand I'd call him 'Sir' the first time we talked... he preferred 'Master' instead...

Test #3: Fail
While he didn't allow me his collar until her felt HE was ready/willing to place it around my neck, he did demand absolute obedience from me long before the first time we met offline, and expected me to defer to him completely every minute I spend with him, even before I had his collar, both online and offline.

Test #4: Fail
Well, that was not his opening line to me... but I have to admit that he's used it several times after we started talking already... *swoons*

Test #5: Fail
While he doesn't tell me I can't ask questions he does reserve the right to choose whether he answers them or not. Depending on what sort of question it is, I usually know beforehand if I will get an answer or not. Questioning his motives or reasons usually doesn't work. And a line of questions that tries to get a promise or a commitment out of him (can we watch a movie tonight?) never gets met with ANYTHING but a "perhaps".

Test #6: Fail
While it's not "my way or the highway" it is "my way or I'll make you do it my way". Leaving when I don't want to obey isn't really an option I have, though I don't think he would forcefully and illegally try to stop me if I was determine to withdrawal consent and make it to the door. Problem is that I've consented to a non-consent situation and as such, I don't see "the highway" happening any time soon.

Test #7: Pass
Puh, the first pass. [:)]
He didn't collar me before we met offline. But after he collared me he expected that collar to have meaning everywhere, in all situations, both on and offline.

Test #8: Fail
If I asked him if he ever made a mistake during a scene, he'd tell me "no" simple because he doesn't not scene/play.
Now if I asked him if he ever made a mistake, I'm sure he'd tell me "yes" he's never had trouble owning up to his mistakes.

Test #9: Fail
Owns his own business. Nuf said.

Test #10: Pass
He hasn't been around since he was 18, nor does he claim to be.
On the other hand... I myself HAVE been around since before I was 18... and started working in BDSM clubs weeks after becoming of age... so... does that make me a fake? [&:]

Test #11: Pass
He's well known by several people, both on and offline.

Test #12: Fail
He's married, and it took me months of talking to him before he first let me speak to his wife. Even after that initial contact, we only spoke very sporadically until I moved in with them.

Test #13: Fail
Yeah, no safewords... That falls back to that "my way or I'll make you do it my way thing" and the consensual non-consent situation.

Test #14: Fail
See #13

Test #15: Pass
He's married, but his wife does know about me.

Test #16:
I learned to not take "Acid tests" seriously...


Obviously you have little problem taking a Bull by it's horn and judging it for what it is. [:D]




juliaoceania -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 11:06:21 AM)

quote:

ir means gentleman and I use “sir” to address my waiter, barber, butcher, fellow Dominants etc. If a submissive doesn’t have the manners to address me with the same respect I address others, she can -just fuck off. The world is full of polite people who don’t feel their first impression on others should be rude until they judge whether someone has earned the right to be treated politely. That is the control freak, not the people who refuse to interact with “the free range rude*”.
*quoted Hannibal Lector


To be fair, I rarely address someone as "sir" or "ma'am" unless they are service providers... I do not see this as a politeness at all in this society.. in fact it is rather a way of denoting that someone is to be kept at arms length.. as a result I rarely call someone by that term, especially a dominant that I maybe into...In fact as time goes by I try to pull people into my orbit by being warm and approachable and kind...

And if a man had a problem with that, well he could fuck off too...especially since I am one of the most polite, kind, and genuinely appreciative person one is likely to meet.




AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 11:21:29 AM)

You know what gets to me about this test?

It never addresses that the submissive might just not be cut out for this lifestyle. I love how it just tells you to assume the Dom is full of shit.

Do you have any idea how many submissives I've met who talk a good game but in the end are about as kinky, and submissive as a Elementary English Teacher..... (Forgive the reference if you happen to be Kinky, submissive and an elementary school english teacher)

Why is it always the Dom who is the fake one or the one without the right idea and not a "sub" who read too many Bodice Ripper Rag Novels?

I always laugh when I see this Acid Test cause depending on how you look at the questions every Dom would fail it if the submissive was just looking for a fantasy lifestyle.

Where is the test that says maybe you should think about what you REALLY want to get out of this lifestyle before you go and start looking for something.

QSM




Icarys -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 11:23:04 AM)

quote:

And if a man had a problem with that, well he could fuck off too.


It sure seems like your a warm person.




juliaoceania -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 12:38:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

And if a man had a problem with that, well he could fuck off too.


It sure seems like your a warm person.



I mean that in the warmest of ways possible[;)]

Edited to add... you know I expect very little of people in general. It leads to less disappointment and generally I dislike allowing others to control how I feel through their actions....

I am constantly reminded that strangers have expectations of others such as how a stranger should address them, or someone they are talking to over the internet for the first time... I have no such expectations of others. I do not think that others are rude because they do not jump through some imaginary hoops that others think they should. Those who do have such expectations that others should address them by some title are kind of amusing...

Geesh, the professors in my department almost all do not want to be called Dr so-and-so because many of them feel pompous and ridiculous in being addressed this way (especially by colleagues). They earn those titles, and still do not like that formal stuffiness.




ishyB -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 1:08:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Obviously you have little problem taking a Bull by it's horn and judging it for what it is. [:D]



Oh Master, I can assure you...
I have not trouble taking -Master- Bulls by the horn... [:D]




ResidentSadist -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 1:20:54 PM)


What you just said:

You don’t see using sir as polite in this society.
You think being polite keeps people at arms length.
You rarely call someone sir, especially a dominant.
You only address people with respect if they are servicing you.

You appear to have a problem with authority figures and won’t show them respect, especial “in this society” where protocol and respect play an important role. Your reply and attitude is a perfect example of the “free range rude” I spoke of, thank you for responding. It is a free world and I respect your decision to be rude by choice.
Definition of sir: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sir

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ir means gentleman and I use “sir” to address my waiter, barber, butcher, fellow Dominants etc. If a submissive doesn’t have the manners to address me with the same respect I address others, she can -just fuck off. The world is full of polite people who don’t feel their first impression on others should be rude until they judge whether someone has earned the right to be treated politely. That is the control freak, not the people who refuse to interact with “the free range rude*”.
*quoted Hannibal Lector


To be fair, I rarely address someone as "sir" or "ma'am" unless they are service providers... I do not see this as a politeness at all in this society.. in fact it is rather a way of denoting that someone is to be kept at arms length.. as a result I rarely call someone by that term, especially a dominant that I maybe into...In fact as time goes by I try to pull people into my orbit by being warm and approachable and kind...

And if a man had a problem with that, well he could fuck off too...especially since I am one of the most polite, kind, and genuinely appreciative person one is likely to meet.




MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 1:37:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: everythingzen

This may have already been posted, but I think it is a very valuable read for submissives looking for a dominant partner: http://askdollie.com/acid_test.htm


Honestly, everything I read in that link pertaining to "Sexual Dominants", as the writer refers to them, are those that are only looking for BEDROOM/KINK PLAY, and nothing more.  For those seeking a Power Exchange or Total Power Exchange and/or M/s dynamic, it simply wouldn't apply.

As to the below from the OPs link...

quote:


 
Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about "taking care of you" and also "knowing what's best for you." They almost always try to play on your emotions; especially guilt. They also usually criticize and even resent the advice you get from other people. They often talk about 24/7 BDSM relationships without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes they play. They are fond of telling you that they prefer the "mental aspect" of Domination and submission. They tend to be both demanding and argumentative. Nothing you do will ever be quite right. ...<snip>...Once they have their hooks into you, it's very hard to get untangled.



I've always found the "Control" vs "Controlling" debate somewhat interesting, and one person's view of "Controlling" is another's view of HEAVEN on earth!

Examples from the above:

"Taking care of you" -- for many, this is often a given under the guise of an M/s / TPE dynamic, and something they desire.

"Knowing what's best for you" -- how many subs/slaves here trust their owner "knows what's best" for them? I'd guess most, if not all... couple this with many subs/slave feeling others simply make (and have made) better decisions than they've made for themselves in the past.

"Playing on your emotions" -- emotional (as well as physical and mental) domination are part of it.  One person's view of "playing" (or manipulating) could be anothers view of "control", not "controlling".

"They prefer the mental aspect of D/s" -- again, mental (as well as emotional and physical) domination are part of it. One person's view of mental manipulation could be another's view of "control", not "controlling".

"Demanding & Argumentative" -- all dominants have "demands" (and expectations) of their property. Period.  As to being "argumentative"?  How is this possible if their sub/slave is not ARGUING with them?  It takes TWO PEOPLE to have an argument.

"Nothing will ever be quite right" -- certainly there are those that are impossible to please, but more often than not, most of the Toppy sort like things a VERY SPECIFIC way, and quite frankly... subs/slaves (who yes... are human) can get lazy/forgetful, or in the beginning stages of training, have not yet perfectly gotten things "quite right" to their owner's pleasing.

"Once they have their hooks in you, it's very hard to get untangled" -- and isn't this the EXACT type of bond/bind (physical, mental, emotional) that many/most seek and desire?


At any rate... it's things like the above that I've always found interesting of the "Control" vs "Controlling" debate.






lovingpet -> RE: Acid Test for True Dominants (2/2/2010 1:45:25 PM)

~FR~

Given the quotes from the article, I didn't bother to read it.  Don't feel bad, OP, I didn't bother to read most of the replies either.  I ignore on an equal opportunity basis.

I don't think this article is all that relavent to folks on these boards, at least the ones that are most likely to respond.  Those who post with regularity (and some who are a bit more sporadic too btw) really do for the most part have a really good handle on what they are looking for and how to stay safe.  I know this little tid bit has been stated over and over again.

The part that I bring is just in refute of this idea that there is a such thing as getting to know a predator enough to rule out the possibility of winding up abused or otherwise victimized.  Low browed and easily bored predators may respond the way the article claims, but there are plenty that are far from impatient and a lot of the joy is found in the trap slowly closing in on their prey.  It was the case with my ex husband.  It has been the case in a great many of the cases I have seen in working with victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse.  All can do some pretty significant damage.  These very meticulous ones, however, can really have some special dangers attached.  This article doesn't even begin to discuss how to avoid such people.  The fact of the matter is that life is risk.  Take a risk and accept the consequences or play it safe and accept the life that creates.  It's all just choices and results of those choices.

I will state that in multiple places the basic math of the statistics were wrong.  The statistics given were blatantly being used in a manipulative manner.  Honestly, I think the better reference to put up here is that book How To Lie With Statistics .  That's what has been done here and it isn't even a respectable job of it.

I didn't read the article so I don't know.  Did it give an operational definition for a "true dominant"?  If you don't know what one is, then look it up.  You cannot do research and draw any meaningful conclusions without determining what it is one is talking about.  If they did give such a definition, by all means I want to see it.  It would be fascinating to me since there is no agreement among the community as a whole and a whole lot of discussion about such matters occurs.

I doubt your intentions in posting this were malignant, OP, just misguided.  There's a whole lot of good material out there to help new folks get their bearings.  This article just happens to not be one of them.  For what it's worth, thank you for your well intended effort.

lovingpet




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