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RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:26:26 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
I thought it was rather odd that she dismissed your invite, after commenting HERSELF that you were so close with a *hehe*. Her reasons "why not "were a bit dismissive too.
agirl

Yeah. She's viewed my profile; I've never viewed hers. I don't list a city on my profile, though I do list a city on another site, and even so, she knows we only live 40 miles from each other. She sees my photo every time she logs in. And yet, no.

This strikes me as fundamentally unbalanced. I didn't follow her last thread at all, and I know almost nothing about her, but I'm happy to meet her anyway. Why? Because it's just lunch, and reality is more important than online any day. Meanwhile, she's done far more work to find out about me than I have to find out about her, but she's unwilling to meet me in real. These are hallmarks of someone who is more comfortable with online than reality. Her defense of ForeverOwned, who everyone knows makes shit up and is the postergirl for online fantasy BDSM, is further indication of this. She feels comfortable reading content-free posts, because they are more comforting to her than reality.

Seriously, TapedCookie, I strongly recommend you start meeting as many people (nonsexually) as possible in real life. There are munches in Des Moines, Ames, and several other places throughout the state. There's nothing like reality to help ground all this stuff. Don't put too much stock in anybody's posts on the internet.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to agirl)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:29:28 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i for one do not try to pass myself off as Dr. Phil. i do not have a degree and i am not a therapist therefore, all i am qualified to do and all that i should be doing is wishing the Op well and hope for the best for her.

For those of you who have never made a bad mistake in a relationship or otherwise, please step aside so that us mere flawed mortals have more room to support each other.

Yes you did, when you analysed the posts that you felt were uncaring etc.
Not one person has claimed to have never made a mistake, let alone a bad one. Your condecending attitude strides forward. There is no way I would advise the OP not to read your posts, based on my disagreement with you because she obviously wants that support you can offer, and that is ultra cool. But just because someone else using a different form of expression, does not make them uncaring and that is what you determined of others with your 'DrP' impersonation. These people that you have only a glancing knowledge of from reading a few forum posts which have no facial movements, no hand gestures, no vocal inflections, you judged negative.

I have yet to see you post anything other than gravy. The people you are condecending have been serving meat and potatoes on the forum for a long time and I would trust their receipes to feed and nurture anytime, if a person has the stomache to digest it.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:31:43 PM

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

In my humble opinion, the most important thing to take from this experience, Taped, is that you are free of this situation now. And you have the power to not let it happen again. You've lived a bit, it hurt, and now is the time to learn from it. Vanilla versus Dom has nothing to do with it. My Master is more kind and respectful of me than the vanilla guys who raped, choked, and hit me in my younger days.

I do offer my support and comfort, because it is always difficult to go through something like that. But remember that ultimately, it is your responsibility to ensure you are safe in the future. Don't let anyone else have that power. Take your time, heal, and grow from this. Then you'll be better prepared to not let it happen again. It will only happen again if you allow it.

Was it your fault this happened? That is a very complex question. I would say both yes and no. You had warning signs that you ignored. But hope for something better isn't necessarily bad, either. We all fuck up. You just need to learn how to respect yourself, and have clear boundaries you will not compromise on. It's terribly cliched, but you do need to love/trust yourself before you can really love/trust someone else. That way, when you DO give trust to someone in the future? It will be with the knowledge and self-love that will protect you from obvious harmful situations. I have personally learned that when you learn to respect yourself? Those who are worth it will respect you too. The rest can fall by the wayside with their abusive ways and it really doesn't matter. Because you're better than that.

(in reply to jstkrs)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:31:55 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

I have yet to see you post anything other than gravy. The people you are condecending have been serving meat and potatoes on the forum for a long time and I would trust their receipes to feed and nurture anytime, if a person has the stomache to digest it.

the.dark.

I have to say, its this kinda thing that makes me want to give you the biggest cuddle in the world, to use your phrasing you totally rock Ms.Darkness

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:33:06 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Seriously, TapedCookie, I strongly recommend you start meeting as many people (nonsexually) as possible in real life. There are munches in Des Moines, Ames, and several other places throughout the state. There's nothing like reality to help ground all this stuff. Don't put too much stock in anybody's posts on the internet.

Not to want to sound facisious but...
You can't advise her to go meet people non sexually in real life on one hand and then tell her not to put much stock in what anyone posts on the net...

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:35:10 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Seriously, TapedCookie, I strongly recommend you start meeting as many people (nonsexually) as possible in real life. There are munches in Des Moines, Ames, and several other places throughout the state. There's nothing like reality to help ground all this stuff. Don't put too much stock in anybody's posts on the internet.

Not to want to sound facisious but...
You can't advise her to go meet people non sexually in real life on one hand and then tell her not to put much stock in what anyone posts on the net...

the.dark.

"facetious"

I don't think she'll take my advice, to be honest. I'm in "talk to other people who might be reading the thread too" mode at this point.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:38:08 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TapedxCookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i for one do not try to pass myself off as Dr. Phil. i do not have a degree and i am not a therapist therefore, all i am qualified to do and all that i should be doing is wishing the Op well and hope for the best for her.

For those of you who have never made a bad mistake in a relationship or otherwise, please step aside so that us mere flawed mortals have more room to support each other.

What the fuck???

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i for one do not try to pass myself off as Dr. Phil. i do not have a degree and i am not a therapist therefore, all i am qualified to do and all that i should be doing is wishing the Op well and hope for the best for her.

Then wish her well and shut the fuck up. Why did you then feel the need to continue on with this little diddy?...

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned
For those of you who have never made a bad mistake in a relationship or otherwise, please step aside so that us mere flawed mortals have more room to support each other.

You are right you are no Dr. Phil.

It would be appreciated by damn near everyone on this site if you would keep all of your opinions in the future strictly to yourself.

Step aside. Few have time for your parade of horribly flawed and redundant posts.

domiguy... was that really necessary? just becuase she's not giving "your" kind of help, doesnt mean she's wrong or flawed. Infact, I appreciate her posts, they are comforting and do more for me than you telling me that my future holds more of what I went through already.

Taped? Seriously?

I wrote you early on in the thread and then later intelligent and experienced posters backed up exactly what I said.

Domiguy's post was fucking right. Why? Because whatever happens to us, unless it is say, cancer, is our own fault. We are talking relationships here. We ALL have made huge mistakes, I stayed FAR too long in something that was not right for me, and yeah, this was someone I loved and loved me for years and he stopped listening to safewords too.

Domiguy is also correct about the posters who think we are being so MEAN to you. The only mean people are delusional about things like this. You can get sympathy, which you did on your first thread and you were warned about this.

You did not listen, now this happened. It sucks, but you justified his behavior. I used to do that all the time with my guy. It is easier to do that than to look at why you stay or what you think you need from that relationship.

So I will not go on since everything has been said, but please try and pay attention to the tougher posts and not the hearts and flowers routine. I liked when my friends would kick my ass when I would tell them the shit I was dealing with.

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:38:18 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Seriously, TapedCookie, I strongly recommend you start meeting as many people (nonsexually) as possible in real life. There are munches in Des Moines, Ames, and several other places throughout the state. There's nothing like reality to help ground all this stuff. Don't put too much stock in anybody's posts on the internet.

Not to want to sound facisious but...
You can't advise her to go meet people non sexually in real life on one hand and then tell her not to put much stock in what anyone posts on the net...

the.dark.

"facetious"

I don't think she'll take my advice, to be honest. I'm in "talk to other people who might be reading the thread too" mode at this point.

Awwww feck... is my dyslexia showing *checks petticote*...

I believe it's always groovy to offer personal thoughts like you have with the intention that it's going to be read by the masses, and not just the OP.
love and light

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:41:25 PM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

People will always treat you the way you allow them to.

Amen!

It does not matter what label you wanna attach to yourself. An asshole is an asshole, no matter whether they call themselves a dom or a submissive or a vanilla bean...

The most tender man I have ever been with is a daddy dom... Nothing hard assed about him. I won't be with hard assed individuals... Dom does not equal "strict" or "merciless"

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:42:13 PM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

I have yet to see you post anything other than gravy. The people you are condecending have been serving meat and potatoes on the forum for a long time and I would trust their receipes to feed and nurture anytime, if a person has the stomache to digest it.

the.dark.

I have to say, its this kinda thing that makes me want to give you the biggest cuddle in the world, to use your phrasing you totally rock Ms.Darkness

That indeed was one of the rockingest metaphors yet. .dark, very cool.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:42:50 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

I have yet to see you post anything other than gravy. The people you are condecending have been serving meat and potatoes on the forum for a long time and I would trust their receipes to feed and nurture anytime, if a person has the stomache to digest it.

the.dark.

I have to say, its this kinda thing that makes me want to give you the biggest cuddle in the world, to use your phrasing you totally rock Ms.Darkness

*Never refuses cuddles*

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:43:43 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

FR

Ok OP, sometimes we do stupid things, we admit it accept it and learn from it, I think that is the gist of what people are saying. You came here for advice which you didn't take (Ive done that too) and in the end the advice was right (yup that too)

It reminds me of a song "be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth."

We all get frustrated when people don't take our advice because we can all remember how we felt when we went through the same thing, but a lesson is best learned when experienced.

It will get easier hun, what you are going through sucks, don't waste it though.

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 2/8/2010 2:45:47 PM >

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:44:39 PM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlineFunForYou

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlineFunForYou

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Sweet. Good luck in finding your next 'nilla abuser. It is bound to happen.

It sucks when folks get involved in relationships just because they might feel that it is better than being alone.

I usually lean to the contrary.

Whatever. You are probably doomed.

Never listen to this guy.

I fully agree with you, Christina.

But why?

the.dark.

Because one doesn't help the OP by suggesting that what happened to her, will happen over and over again to her.

Rather, like most posters do here, she needs advice and encouragement to avoid this happening again to her.

Actually, unless she heals herself and finds out what made her accept any less than what she deserves, she WILL repeat it. I know that which I speak of....been there and have the tshirt, and I am glad I outgrew it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to OnlineFunForYou)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:47:20 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Seriously, TapedCookie, I strongly recommend you start meeting as many people (nonsexually) as possible in real life. There are munches in Des Moines, Ames, and several other places throughout the state. There's nothing like reality to help ground all this stuff. Don't put too much stock in anybody's posts on the internet.

Not to want to sound facisious but...
You can't advise her to go meet people non sexually in real life on one hand and then tell her not to put much stock in what anyone posts on the net...

the.dark.

"facetious"

I don't think she'll take my advice, to be honest. I'm in "talk to other people who might be reading the thread too" mode at this point.

People are odd. She did a weird *come on* and then rejected a rather nice offer. I'd certainly understand it sans the intial *come on*.

agirl

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:52:21 PM

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

OP - you need to google the definition of "co-dependent". And yes, if you are indeed co-dependent,then you are doomed to repeat your pattern until you learn to change it. It took me three years of therapy to break the cycle and find a man who I could love and who would love me in a nonabusive way.

I hate that this happened to you, and hope you can learn from it - you need to change your way of thinking. And i am not sure you can do it by yourself.

and my therapy degree is from the school of hard knocks

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 2:55:50 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
I hate that this happened to you, and hope you can learn from it - you need to change your way of thinking. And i am not sure you can do it by yourself.

If you recognise it you can, thats the hard part

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 3:08:09 PM

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc
I have yet to see you post anything other than gravy. The people you are condecending have been serving meat and potatoes on the forum for a long time and I would trust their receipes to feed and nurture anytime, if a person has the stomache to digest it.

the.dark.

mmmmmmmmmmm... Pot Roast..........

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 3:14:23 PM

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
I hate that this happened to you, and hope you can learn from it - you need to change your way of thinking. And i am not sure you can do it by yourself.

If you recognise it you can, thats the hard part

I respectfully disagree - i knew i picked the wrong men, but didn't know why, and had no clue why the wrong men were the ones i was attracted to. It took therapy to clue me in and change my patterns. I could no more have done the changing by myself than fly to the moon. And i knew there was something wrong with my man-picking skills.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 3:22:40 PM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

There are a few people that manage to solve their relationship issues without professional help.

My youngest sister used to be just like my mother. My sister recognized her shit and managed to change. My mother, not so much so.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: Well, you all were right about him... - 2/8/2010 3:25:10 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I respectfully disagree - i knew i picked the wrong men, but didn't know why, and had no clue why the wrong men were the ones i was attracted to. It took therapy to clue me in and change my patterns. I could no more have done the changing by myself than fly to the moon. And i knew there was something wrong with my man-picking skills.

I respectfully clarify, I meant recognising what the patterns are not simply that we have a pattern. Once we know what it is we are doing wrong we can change it, just knowing we are doing something wrong isn't enough, and sometimes people can do that without a therapist. I am not going to chuck loads of cultural generalisations out there but there isn't much of a therapy thing in the UK, not really sure why but there isn't but we are just as likely to have shitty patterns that we need to knock ourselves out of. I can imagine a therapist would help, but there are other ways, just anything to get outside of yourself and open you mind up to it, a journal, a friend whatever,

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to kiwisub12)

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