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A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 5:14:18 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		So I've been thinking... and we all know how dangerous that can be ;-)

Back when I was discovering WIITWD, I "played the submissive" in order to learn from dominants. I wasn't 100% aware of what all this back (about 12 years ago) then or why I was doing what I did, all I knew is a) I liked the dynamics that power exchange provided and b) I had strong enough maso tendencies and a high enough sex drive to pull it off. My goal was to learn about Dominants, but what I learned was that batting my eyelashes, being manipulative or trading off something they liked for something I didn't want to do always worked. I had the Doms I was involved with wrapped around my little finger. I also during that period of time had one submissive male play partner who I would go back to in between these relationships. For the record, there was never any overlap.

Now of course, I'm not saying I could wrap any Dom I ever met around my little finger: that would be preposterous and I know many who are strong-willed who would never stand for that. Even back then, many that I talked to told me I was a brat and we didn't get along at all. But then I actually met a Dom/sadist that I became quite fond of about 8 years ago and that was the end of me "playing the submissive". He didn't let me manipulate him at all: I had met my match. As he got to know me more and more, he helped me uncover my inner Domme (I used to call her miniDomme). He actually ended up mentoring me as a Domme (I actually wrote about this a while back here).

There were a lot of barriers in the way of me becoming a Domme. When I saw Domme/male sub images, I didn't really identify with them. Also, the submissive men that I witnessed back then were the typical worm/doormat image that we commonly know. I was under the impression that Dommes didn't have intercourse with submissive men! That isn't what I wanted. I wanted a strong man. Also, I had a hard time controlling my sadistic urges and understanding them in contrast with my nurturing side.

Now, of course, today I know better. I am aware there are men that fit the criteria that I want. I know I can be sadistic, dominant, feminine, nuturing, loving, sensual and sexual all at once. And as time goes by, the sadist in me gets stronger and the masochist in me weaker.

I also will say that I believe I benefited from a very strong mentor who helped me figure a lot of really important stuff early on. I actually feel that my style of dominance and sadism is very similar to his, which I like a lot.

So here are my questions:

Has anyone else gone down/or is going down a similar path? What have you learned/gained from it?

Do you think with more and more online forums such as these ones, younger women will most likely skip a lot of this?

Also, if you are a submissive who seems to be always getting her way, do you think you may have an inner Domme?

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove
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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 6:30:21 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		If they gave in to you, then they were doing what they wanted. Or they'd not have done it. Maybe they got off on you thinking that you'd manipulated them, when really you were playing right into their hands.

If I accede to my slaveboy's wishes, that is still my decision. He may suggest all he wants, if I let him. The outcome is still in my control. 

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 6:54:08 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

If they gave in to you, then they were doing what they wanted. Or they'd not have done it. Maybe they got off on you thinking that you'd manipulated them, when really you were playing right into their hands.

If I accede to my slaveboy's wishes, that is still my decision. He may suggest all he wants, if I let him. The outcome is still in my control. 

Perhaps. But I definitely did a lot of topping from the bottom nonetheless.

But that wasn't really the point of my OP. It was about how I came to be a Domme and was wondering if it was a rare or common path.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 7:34:26 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		From the way you wrote your post, it sounds as though you always knew you were a domme and wanted to be such, but manipulated and deceived men in order to learn how to become what you ultimately wanted to be.

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 7:36:06 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

From the way you wrote your post, it sounds as though you always knew you were a domme and wanted to be such, but manipulated and deceived men in order to learn how to become what you ultimately wanted to be.


Oh wow, that was a lovely bit of projection and a whole lot of assumption! So let's see, now experimentation and growth is manipulation and deceipt. Duly noted ;-)

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:05:45 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Has anyone else gone down/or is going down a similar path? What have you learned/gained from it?

.......Also, if you are a submissive who seems to be always getting her way, do you think you may have an inner Domme?



You made your question quite gender specific, but may i add a male sub's perspective to the question.  Like you, i have played both sides of the fence.  Early on in my BDSM life, i was a Dom.  In fact, many (most?) Dommes that i meet to this day think that i am a Dom and not a sub. 

i started off as a Dom because that's what most people assumed that i was.  As you know, i managed a very large division of a Fortune 25 corporation.  i had tons of subordinates, and people always jumped when i told them to.  So being dominant was very comfortable for me.  So when i started out in BDSM, being a Dom seemed like the natural path.

Because i was a powerful executive who was very well known in my town, women always expected me to be the stereotypical dominant, powerful alpha male.  But in truth, i didn't enjoy that very much (although i had a very easy time getting people to submit to me).  As i went through my journey of self-exploration, i finally realized that i preferred total power exchange with a dominant female.  i later learned that that is a very common profile; powerful men who prefer to submit in their private life.

So i guess that i was the opposite of your thread title.  i was a sub in Dom's clothing.

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:09:53 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:


Back when I was discovering WIITWD, I "played the submissive" in order to learn from dominants. I wasn't 100% aware of what all this back (about 12 years ago) then or why I was doing what I did, all I knew is a) I liked the dynamics that power exchange provided and b) I had strong enough maso tendencies and a high enough sex drive to pull it off. My goal was to learn about Dominants, but what I learned was that batting my eyelashes, being manipulative or trading off something they liked for something I didn't want to do always worked.


There is no projecting on my part. Simply reading exactly what you wrote. You "played" at being submissive. You "manipulated" to get what you wanted. Those are your words, not mine. It isn't an assumption on my part. It is using your words and making a statement based on what you said.

Sorry, but yes I find it quite ironic that you will post that you intentionally manipulated others for your "growth" but take the position of how horrible it is for someone else to do it. I guess when you are the one doing it for your own personal reasons it is ok, but when other people do it, it is perfectly ok for you to take the position that it is horribly wrong and deceitful to the point that you come across as being far too ethical to ever partake in such activities.

The fact of the matter is, with your own words, you admit to the same "crimes" as others, but for some reason, when you do it, it isn't quite as bad. Honestly, I see absolutely nothing really wrong with what you did 12 years ago, but I saw nothing really wrong with what someone else did just recently. However, it doesn't change the fact that the position you took in the other situation, coupled with the fact that you admitted you did the same thing, and then what you admit to here makes you quite the hypocrite. The bottom line is you seem to find nothing wrong with vehemently condemning others for things you openly admit you do, and you find nothing wrong with your behavior when it is very similar.

You are certainly free to behave in any way you choose, but if you are going to make as big of an issue as you did when someone else did it, you really should not be engagin in the same behavior and expect it to be above reproach.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:14:52 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I'm so happy you shared that Rochsub. I did make it gender specific but I'm so glad you saw fit to flip it around (pun intended!). While I was writing it I actually wondered if the opposite (your situation) was a common occurence as well.

There are a things that come out of this for me. One is that it seems we were both attracted to the idea of BDSM and defaulted to the predominant societal gender role, or the role people expected us to take. The other thing is that you and I are the same age. BDSM became more popular in the media but very few resources were available to explore. Do you think this had any effect on you?

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:15:39 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Cat fight!!!....Now this is more like it.

God, please let them wear teddies!!!...Please let them wear teddies!!!

I think Lafayette lady's teat just fell out.  This is great!!!

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:19:03 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Sorry to dissapoint Domiguy, there is not going to be a cat fight as I'm not going to let her engage me. She can think what she likes. No skin off my ass ;-)

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:23:01 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

There are a things that come out of this for me. One is that it seems we were both attracted to the idea of BDSM and defaulted to the predominant societal gender role, or the role people expected us to take. The other thing is that you and I are the same age. BDSM became more popular in the media but very few resources were available to explore. Do you think this had any effect on you?



Definitely.  i hate to admit it, but much of my early exploration was through bad dominatrix porn.  Back then, websites like this one and Fetlife didn't exist.  So porn was the best source for educational material (if you can call it that).

It really didn't help that it was so easy for me to dominate people.  That seemed to prove that i was a "Dom".  But i couldn't shake the fantasy of being dominated by my secretary.  As i explored that concept, i found it to be far more arousing than being a Dom was.

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:23:13 PM   
ourmsbetty


Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I got talked into trying the "other side" back some years ago.

Once.

Ah, it did not go well.  (Anyone have a picture of a train wreck handy?)

I should have known better. It's a good day if my boss can tell me what to do.

I did learn that I do not respond well to male authority.


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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:25:03 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

No skin off my ass.



And a mighty fine ass it is, too. 

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:27:16 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I did learn that I do not respond well to male authority.


See that's what was confusing to me. I actually wanted to try to be. I thought that it could be hot if a guy actually could dominate me. But the fact of the matter is that I was always getting my way. I pushed, and pushed and they never really dominated me. It's strange how here I was, a relatively smart woman, the answer right in front of my nose and I couldn't figure it out.

But yes, like Rochsub said, the bad Dominatrix porn wasn't making turning to the other side all that appealing neither!

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:28:32 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

No skin off my ass.



And a mighty fine ass it is, too. 



Oh you flirt ;-)

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:40:52 PM   
ourmsbetty


Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

I did learn that I do not respond well to male authority.


See that's what was confusing to me. I actually wanted to try to be. I thought that it could be hot if a guy actually could dominate me. But the fact of the matter is that I was always getting my way. I pushed, and pushed and they never really dominated me. It's strange how here I was, a relatively smart woman, the answer right in front of my nose and I couldn't figure it out.

But yes, like Rochsub said, the bad Dominatrix porn wasn't making turning to the other side all that appealing neither!

- LA


It was a little different for me. I'd always seen myself as Dominant but tried it because I could see the logic in the argument that it might be beneficial to know what it felt like.

I really tried as well, but it just did not work. I also felt I was calling the shots and I was out and out bored.

I didn't feel they knew me or got inside me at all.

But we are unaimous that bad porn did not help.

On another note, yes the reverse rochsub mentions is fairly common.  I've er um *cough* uh...re-oriented? a few men who made that same assumption.






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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:53:37 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ourmsbetty

yes the reverse rochsub mentions is fairly common.  I've er um *cough* uh...re-oriented? a few men who made that same assumption.



i think i'd like to volunteer for one of your re-orientation sessions. 

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 8:56:38 PM   
ourmsbetty


Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Now that could be fun.

I think a lot of us start out assuming the roles society dictates cross over into power exchange. It takes awhile to figure out we're on the other side of the looking glass, as it were.



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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 9:02:27 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I think a lot of us start out assuming the roles society dictates cross over into power exchange. It takes awhile to figure out we're on the other side of the looking glass, as it were.


I agree with this 100%.

And it looks like our little Rochsub has his pants of fire tonight being a little mr flirty pants with all the Ladies! ;-)

- LA

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RE: A Domme in sub's clothing - 2/8/2010 9:11:50 PM   
Reform


Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
So here are my questions:

Has anyone else gone down/or is going down a similar path? What have you learned/gained from it?

Do you think with more and more online forums such as these ones, younger women will most likely skip a lot of this?

- LA


Me! Though I'm a submissive in domme's clothing. I first identified as a sub, and still consider myself to be one even though I now switch. I made the decision to corrupt my vanilla bf into being my sub, and I think it's been going wonderfully. I have learned more about my myself then I thought I would. The best thing I've learned is that I do have a sadistic side, and it was there the whole time without my noticing.

Younger women will skip what? Experimenting? Nope. Forums like this one are part of the reason I decided to try switching sides to begin with.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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