RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/23/2010 5:23:11 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I thought you did pretty well.

The problem with the generalization thing is that most sensible people know that they aren't worth much. Sure, the fantasy thing is going on out there. Thank goodness that it is for the porn industry's sake. Just think how difficult it would be to market a product by saying that everybody's different.

I think what happens often is, there are a group of folks, on both sides of the kneel, that are still finding their way. They have these generalizations to go on because they don't have the reality just yet. In the meantime, the generalizations are hot. It fuels the fire, the cravings, and the desires about what they hope this is going to be.

These things don't especially fade away in the course of casual encounters or even short term dynamics. There's still a time investment that has to happen for us kinky folks, just like there is for the non kinky folks. Has anybody out there ever dated someone for six months or so, and then suddenly find out that he has some bad habit or another that you had no clue about? I sure have.

The difference in this is that, in order to create intimacy, you have to do so with another living, breathing, unique individual. That's a process that two people have to make happen and there is a time influence involved. You can imagine this stuff all you want, but as soon as you throw that other person into the mix, there's another influence going on as well. The point of it is, that's really the part that makes it so much better.

Lady Pact, thank You for this ... i read it several times ... and in it ... i see great insight and sage wisdom.

Moreover, like a prism ... there are many dimensions to it ... <smiles>

And i am sure that as the days pass ... new colors will be revealed ... <chuckles>

Yet thank You, it is quite moving to me.

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Post #: 61

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/23/2010 7:12:41 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

I happen to agree with the no pedestal thing. If somebody puts Me up there, I can promise that I'm not perfect and I'm going to fall off.

I do agree with the no pedestal thing on the long term for the same reasons you state. I think when in comes in moments, it is endearing however.

I had a boy who would tell me that he only would put me on a pedestal to look up my skirt. ;-)

- LA

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Post #: 62

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/24/2010 2:07:23 AM

Vendaval

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#1 Do you think that being a dominant woman has made you more in touch with and active about your sexuality?

Definitely. I am much more conscious, aware and controlling now.

#2 So what to you are some of the misconceptions you encounter regularly about dominant women and their sexuality?

That we perform on demand, are only interested in money and will cater to any fetish.

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Post #: 63

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/24/2010 8:17:47 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
"The only other generalization i can make is that Dominant Women like it when a man puts Them on a pedestal, and allows Them to take control."

Even with the corrected grammar, this one doesn't personally ring true for me. Other people's mileage may vary, but I find a pedestal a very uncomfy and useless place to be stuck on. I am alpha wolf to my pack, so I run with them and hunt with them. I kick ass when ass needs kicking. I'm even better at getting down and dirty in the mud and blood and guts than they are. That's why I'm the alpha in the first place. There is not much room in that meme for a pedestal, or for the idea of a pampered object that is not good for anything but looking at and admiring. Alpha wolves make very bad pedestal decorations.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I happen to agree with the no pedestal thing. If somebody puts Me up there, I can promise that I'm not perfect and I'm going to fall off.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I do agree with the no pedestal thing on the long term for the same reasons you state. I think when in comes in moments, it is endearing however.

I had a boy who would tell me that he only would put me on a pedestal to look up my skirt. ;-)

- LA

Like i should be surprised! LOL.

Okay, pedestal is clearly the wrong choice of word. And obviously i do need to be a more precise wordsmith.

Yet what i am trying to suggest is, i sense there is a something You are similar in, not the same, but similar. And i mean beyond the simple words "You are Dominant Women".

What i am trying to say is ... in vanilla life, i have a tendency to be compassionate and helpful to Women, more than i am to men. <chuckles>

And i have found, in vanilla life, that there are women who tend to dislike/look down on, a man who does not project a John Wayne type attitude toward them.

Truthfully, i get this response much, much less frequently when i am dealing with Dominant Women.

So i sense something is different and am trying to get a handle on the right way to describe this observation of mine.

Do You have any thoughts on this ? Do You think that there are some words that describe traits or attitude or appreciation or something, in a way that is more universally common to Dominant Women?

i am open to listening to Your thoughts ...

PS: i don't believe this is a thread hijack ... i feel the questions enhance and contribute to the topic. Again because i feel sexuality has real mental aspects to it.

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Post #: 64

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/24/2010 8:36:44 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
What i am trying to say is ... in vanilla life, i have a tendency to be compassionate and helpful to Women, more than i am to men. <chuckles>

And honestly, that would annoy me, to the point that you and I wouldn't be compatible. Other people's mileage may vary, but for me, someone who treats the genders that differently probably has a whole slew of attitudes and beliefs about gender that I personally feel is toxic and unhealthful for me to be around. When I am in a relationship with a human being, I want us to think of each other first and foremost as people. Specifically, as people who can relate to one another with the same honesty, clarity, ease and respect as you could relate to your same-gender best friend. No social dancing around, no bullshit, no games, no artifice on either side. I do not want there to be a deep and unhealable, uncrossable gulf between us because he thinks of himself as one kind of creature and me as another.

quote:

And i have found, in vanilla life, that there are women who tend to dislike/look down on, a man who does not project a John Wayne type attitude toward them.

Some women do indeed prefer to relate to members of the opposite sex in a scripted, artificial way that is set up by mainstream social expectations. That's fine for them. As I said, I personally find it toxic and unhealthful to be around, so I avoid both men and women who relate by role and artifice rather than normally as human beings.

quote:

So i sense something is different and am trying to get a handle on the right way to describe this observation of mine.

You're not going to be able to pigeonhole what dominant women want any more than you're going to be able to pigeonhole what women want. People are people, and that means we all have different wiring. Attempting to stereotype or predict "all women" or "all dominant women" is part and parcel of that same attitude that men and women are such fundamentally different beings that there can never be relations between them that aren't scripted, unnatural, manipulated, performed, artificial, fake, dishonest, misleading, etc.

quote:

Do You have any thoughts on this ? Do You think that there are some words that describe traits or attitude or appreciation or something, in a way that is more universally common to Dominant Women?

No, there are not. I honestly believe they do not exist, and that looking for them at all is a sign that you're not ready to relate to any dominant woman as a human being and an individual person, and just be a normal person with her. I don't think that bodes well for the health and success of any relationship that goes beyond shallow interactions in the short term.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 2/24/2010 8:38:36 AM >

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/24/2010 9:04:39 AM

LadyPact

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I think this is going to be a perfect example right here. I agree with LNT that it isn't a thread hijack at all. That was the only part where she and I saw what you wrote, seeking, that we saw in the same way.

Based on her response, she and I had a completely different interpretation to what you wrote. When I read it, I saw you describing yourself as more of a gentleman, perhaps more likely to behave in a chivalrous manner towards females than you are towards males. Not particularly in a relationship context, but maybe more likely to extend random acts of kindness if the receiver happened to be a woman.

I'm actually going to correct Myself here without editing. This actually leads to LNT and I agreeing on something else she said. That being, "You're not going to be able to pigeonhole what dominant women want any more than you're going to be able to pigeonhole what women want. People are people, and that means we all have different wiring." That is exactly what happened here. She and I both had the same passage to go on, but interpreted it in completely different ways. If My interpretation was correct, this would actually make Me more attracted to a submissive male for relationship material, because within the context of a D/s dynamic, I do expect to be treated better than anybody else. We both read the same thing, but came up with two different ways of seeing it. I base this on our individualitites.

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Post #: 66

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/24/2010 1:43:03 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

I think this is going to be a perfect example right here.

Well Lady’s, i am thinking there is one thing W/we can agree on …

That each person is a unique individual … no two the same … and that it applies equally to Women, Men, Dominant, Submissive ….

Perhaps this reminds U/us … that diversity of opinion is a value to be cherished!

<smiles>

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Post #: 67

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/24/2010 3:52:11 PM

MissDita

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Joined: 4/13/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Okay, pedestal is clearly the wrong choice of word. And obviously i do need to be a more precise wordsmith.

Yet what i am trying to suggest is, i sense there is a something You are similar in, not the same, but similar. And i mean beyond the simple words "You are Dominant Women".

What i am trying to say is ... in vanilla life, i have a tendency to be compassionate and helpful to Women, more than i am to men. <chuckles>

And i have found, in vanilla life, that there are women who tend to dislike/look down on, a man who does not project a John Wayne type attitude toward them.

Truthfully, i get this response much, much less frequently when i am dealing with Dominant Women.

So i sense something is different and am trying to get a handle on the right way to describe this observation of mine.

Do You have any thoughts on this ? Do You think that there are some words that describe traits or attitude or appreciation or something, in a way that is more universally common to Dominant Women?

i am open to listening to Your thoughts ...

PS: i don't believe this is a thread hijack ... i feel the questions enhance and contribute to the topic. Again because i feel sexuality has real mental aspects to it.

The pedestral was ok for Me. I know what you meant with it.

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Post #: 68

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/24/2010 3:57:18 PM

MissDita

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Joined: 4/13/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Okay, pedestal is clearly the wrong choice of word. And obviously i do need to be a more precise wordsmith.

Yet what i am trying to suggest is, i sense there is a something You are similar in, not the same, but similar. And i mean beyond the simple words "You are Dominant Women".

What i am trying to say is ... in vanilla life, i have a tendency to be compassionate and helpful to Women, more than i am to men. <chuckles>

And i have found, in vanilla life, that there are women who tend to dislike/look down on, a man who does not project a John Wayne type attitude toward them.

Truthfully, i get this response much, much less frequently when i am dealing with Dominant Women.

So i sense something is different and am trying to get a handle on the right way to describe this observation of mine.

Do You have any thoughts on this ? Do You think that there are some words that describe traits or attitude or appreciation or something, in a way that is more universally common to Dominant Women?

i am open to listening to Your thoughts ...

PS: i don't believe this is a thread hijack ... i feel the questions enhance and contribute to the topic. Again because i feel sexuality has real mental aspects to it.

I happen to like the pedestral, just put Me back on when I fall off

It's true that we are all individuals and I'm sure you will never find a general description that fits all of Us.

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Post #: 69

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/25/2010 1:07:53 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDita

It's true that we are all individuals and I'm sure you will never find a general description that fits all of Us.

Yes, i was quite aware, before i posted, that i would never find a common description ...

But i value ideas and opinions ... and sometimes ... it is difficult to get a clear idea of peoples thinking ... without discussion.

That said, i always hate to have to throw red meat out ... but i am finding ... that with a little application of the Socratic method ... people do respond on the boards.

Because when one tosses out a hard opinion here ... there is seldom an intelligent exchange.

The last exchange, on this post ... proved to be quite intellectually pleasing to me. In ways only those involved know.

And frankly, i would not have bothered to reply to LadyNTrainer and Lady Pact ... unless i respected what they said.

Now, when i say respect, i do not mean i agree with them per se ... i mean i give them credit as thinking, intelligent, human beings.

Those i agree with know i do ... from other venues ... and they know why.

But i do hope, all the guys who were literally begged by the Op's repeated cookie offers to join in, and didn't ... take notice when they cruise by and don't post .....

i spotted a number of them around here crusing ... and not saying a word ...

So i do respect those who joined in this conversation. Regardless of their opinion, postion and beliefs ....

Because gaps only can be bridged ... by debate, understanding, and compromise.

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Post #: 70

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/25/2010 2:13:59 AM

seekingOwnertoo

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Miss Dita ...

Rethought this ... sorry

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 2/25/2010 2:40:24 AM >

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Post #: 71

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/25/2010 4:22:23 PM

rocket689

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it's great if a Domme want to do it. After all it should be an act for her pleasure - so what if there is something in it for us.

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Post #: 72

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/26/2010 4:58:27 AM

rocket689

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it seems like a lot of males view penetration as demeaning to the Domme. i think the fact of the matter is if She enjoys it then it's the right thing to do.

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Post #: 73

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/26/2010 5:09:13 AM

dreamerdreaming