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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

Why does someone feel the need to post a comment about not having anything to say?(waits for the smartarse sarcastic answers to an obvious illogical action)

Actually I missed a post from NZ last night because I was tired, then I saw it this morning when reviewing the thread, and then I realized I indirectly answered the question in my response to someone else...

But you know..  I can be the biggest smart ass in the world to people who need it, NZ isn't someone I am likely to be a smart ass to, but I am starting to think you are

Works for me.

People who can't debate me usually prefer that, true

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

~ Fast Wipe ~

It's threads and debates like this one that point to a contradiction in the belief that 'lifestyle' people are more intelligent than 'vanillas'. Perhaps it is something else. The precursor debate of distinguishing slave v. submissive; seems to have been played out and is now considered unworthy of comment for all but 'newbies' and those who enjoy mocking them. Is it the product of group insecurity displayed primarily in this thread by females afraid to be associated with the perception of negativity associated with a word? It's a word!

The power of it as a word doesn't come from the person saying it or even labeling you with it. The power derives from the recipient, or those afraid of being labeled by a word they feel denigrates them and what they do in the context of their relationship. It's a word. Whether as debate fodder, from ignorance, or out of jealousy; if it hurts or affects you the problem is with you.

Particularly amusing is when I see people assigning their personal aversion to a specific act to distinguish themselves from the doormat label. It's like the Meatloaf song; "I would do anything for love"!"; but I won't to THAT! Well hell then, okay in that case you're NOT a doormat!
Does that really help or change anything about whatever it is you do, or how you perceive yourself? If so - you need confidence more than you need a definitive word definition.

Really, what's the purpose or goal in coming to a common reference? What would happen if all other dictionary definitions and web references were reduced to one? Based upon the posts the only purpose it would serve would be to let people point to it as a benchmark to say what they are not. Defining what you are is a much more productive exercise. However, you have to be confident enough to not care what words, and which definition or reference they have in mind, when someone else uses them to try to describe you. That seems to be the disconnect and problem I'm observing regarding the word "doormat".

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You don't know the first thing about what I want. Stop pretending you do..

What I want is someone who has a heart of gold..who doesn't mind getting dirty from time to time sure and your right..somebody who doesn't have a chip on their shoulders in life about their position in it..someone who isn't such a smartarse know it all with a bad attitude about such a position.


I've loved a few women just like what a majority of you point your fingers in disgust at...They had grace and class in their submission..If I'm going to be honest..I don't see any grace in a whole lot of submissives anymore. Your so worried over the fear of what might happen or have the notion that what you have is god's gift to someone that it hinders a deeper connection...I personally think that's where most of the problem is to begin with.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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You don't know the first thing about what I want. Stop pretending you do..

What I want is someone who has a heart of gold..who doesn't mind getting dirty from time to time sure and your right..somebody who doesn't have a chip on their shoulders in life about their position in it..someone who isn't such a smartarse know it all with a bad attitude about such a position.


I've loved a few women just like what a majority of you point your fingers in disgust at...They had grace and class in their submission..If I'm going to be honest..I don't see any grace in a whole lot of submissives anymore. Your so worried over the fear of what might happen or have the notion that what you have is god's gift to someone that it hinders a deeper connection...I personally think that's where most of the problem is to begin with.

I could care less what you find attractive in a female. I have a partner and he loves every smartassed hair on my head, and when I am a smart ass to him it is to make him laugh, and we laugh a lot. I am completely accepted for the debate driven, opinionated tall glass of lemonade that I am. He can actually talk to me, which is a major portion of the service that he requires of me.... He wanted a brainy submissive that studies anthropology...

First of all, this is not about your partners, it is about starting a thread because some submissives do not like being termed doormats and somehow you took this to be a sign of disrespect to all those who you think of as doormats... Some people wouldn't call their doms "daddy", and they think it is creepy that I do... should I proclaim all doms are "daddys", even though most wouldn't like it?

My sigline says  Once you Label me you negate me... why not allow people to label themselves and have tolerance for their self applied labels instead of getting bent out of shape that they do not subscribe to yours?

It doesn't make me intolerant that I do not self identify as a doormat and that I have a negative view of the term.

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The first part is true..The second part isn't..You are in fact intolerant as far as I can tell...

For the record I'm glad he thinks as highly of you as you do yourself....

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

~ Fast Wipe ~

Really, what's the purpose or goal in coming to a common reference? What would happen if all other dictionary definitions and web references were reduced to one? Based upon the posts the only purpose it would serve would be to let people point to it as a benchmark to say what they are not. Defining what you are is a much more productive exercise. However, you have to be confident enough to not care what words, and which definition or reference they have in mind, when someone else uses them to try to describe you. That seems to be the disconnect and problem I'm observing regarding the word "doormat".

I agree absolutely..It's completely a personal issue...My only problem with any of it is the seemingly impossible ability of others to except that there are people who are a positive side of that word and that they have a right to be here just like everyone else..Whatcha gonna do *shurgs

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I agree absolutely..It's completely a personal issue...My only problem with any of it is the seemingly impossible ability of others to except that there are people who are a positive side of that word and that they have a right to be here just like everyone else..Whatcha gonna do *shurgs

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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The first part is true..The second part isn't..You are in fact intolerant as far as I can tell...

For the record I'm glad he thinks as highly of you as you do yourself....

I am glad too, self esteem is a good thing in this world, it keeps one from being treated in ways they don't wanna be treated... I want everyone in this world to have a high opinion of themselves and to be treated in a way that feels good to them.

I think that people who have relationships in which person A cedes control over everything to person B to be intriguing and I think that it has a certain beauty to me. I do not care what they call themselves or their relationship.. as long as everyone is happy in it, I am happy for them.. the labels don't mean jack squat to me, other than don't call a rose a piece of shit and then proclaim it smells the same even though you renamed it...  The people you describe loving are roses in my eyes, not doormats.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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The first part is true..The second part isn't..You are in fact intolerant as far as I can tell...

For the record I'm glad he thinks as highly of you as you do yourself....

I am glad too, self esteem is a good thing in this world, it keeps one from being treated in ways they don't wanna be treated... I want everyone in this world to have a high opinion of themselves and to be treated in a way that feels good to them.

I think that people who have relationships in which person A cedes control over everything to person B to be intriguing and I think that it has a certain beauty to me. I do not care what they call themselves or their relationship.. as long as everyone is happy in it, I am happy for them.. the labels don't mean jack squat to me, other than don't call a rose a piece of shit and then proclaim it smells the same even though you renamed it...  The people you describe loving are roses in my eyes, not doormats.

Self esteem is a great thing but over inflated sense of it is just as bad as anything it mirrors.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

We dont always like the commands we receive. There are days when we dont wish to obey. But we do to please, its natural for a submissive to want to please on some level. When that level becomes harmful to one, then its entering doormat territority.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

A healthy adult seeks out someone special to give them orders

A doormat seeks out anyone to give them special orders

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

at what point do you decide the serial nutcase has to hit the curb and you walk out the door, lally?

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Merc...I can totally understand the difference between the conditional-and the passion you can feel for one with a 100% commitment to you. I see nothing wrong with subs who have a lot of conditions and limits.....but I do find them rather frustrating, and they tend to shut down my interest and desire after a while.

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ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

I would expect any sub/slave to be able to adhere to a set of boundaries that their Dominant partner establishes. (i.e. No Drinking without permission) and to not be a doormat when interacting with other people and be assertive about it. (i.e. No thank you I'm not drinking tonight, or let me make a phone call first). This would require Discipline.

A sub/slave lacking Discipline, just might give in to the pressure of social influence of friends, family, neighbors or whoever and end up breaking boundaries because of her Doormatted Submissive Nature.

All of which has nothing to do with the concept of being a Doormat that lends itself to abuse. Because she is letting other people walk all over her and the boundaries set forth by her Dom/Master/Owner.

Intially I was not looking at Doormat being applied in this context, but rather with regards to abuse.