RE: Doormats

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Doormats

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Doormats

Page: << < prev 5 6 [7] 8 9 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 6:36:03 AM

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i wish my computer would let me quote - but heartfeltsub, what you said about becoming that all encompassing sub (some might call a doormat) and then being walked all over as they leave for the next one is part of what i find 'wrong' about the whole doormat argument.

in the end you the sub were doing what comes naturally, if by some stroke of bad luck you end up with a serial subizer (as apposed to womanizer) then thats their bad, not youres. filtering what you will and wont give for fear of becoming that doormat, that 'thing; that no longer provides challenge, interest or scope to break/train etcetera is possibly going to make the process of submission for you circumspect and never totally fulfilled. you might be holding youreself back, even when you trust and are happy in submission the fear of being a 'doormat' supercedes youre desire to give all.

thats whats damaging about the whole 'doormat' philosophy.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 2/24/2010 6:37:21 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 6:57:27 AM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

That has less to do with the philosophy and more to do with personal issues but it's valid point. One to be wary of.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to lally2)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:26:11 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

nm

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/24/2010 7:27:51 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:32:17 AM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i wish my computer would let me quote - but heartfeltsub, what you said about becoming that all encompassing sub (some might call a doormat) and then being walked all over as they leave for the next one is part of what i find 'wrong' about the whole doormat argument.

in the end you the sub were doing what comes naturally, if by some stroke of bad luck you end up with a serial subizer (as apposed to womanizer) then thats their bad, not youres. filtering what you will and wont give for fear of becoming that doormat, that 'thing; that no longer provides challenge, interest or scope to break/train etcetera is possibly going to make the process of submission for you circumspect and never totally fulfilled. you might be holding youreself back, even when you trust and are happy in submission the fear of being a 'doormat' supercedes youre desire to give all.

thats whats damaging about the whole 'doormat' philosophy.

at what point do you decide the serial nutcase has to hit the curb and you walk out the door, lally?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to lally2)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:33:30 AM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: antinomy

Doormats have no choice as to who owns them, have no say in where they will be put into service, who steps on them or in what way. Doormats are not capable of being selective.

Really? For me it was totally movable object meets irresistible force when my partner came along. I don't know that I could have ever NOT wound up being his. Some people affect us that way.

I don't see submissive reactions as a choice, although if someone I reacted to that way seemed a really bad fit for me, I could decide *not* to act on it, however tempting it was.

I haven't used "doormat" as an insult, but I do tend to think poorly of the submissives who present themselves as completely indiscriminate. I haven't really run into this much with female submissives. Back when I was looking, I had a lot of men contact me, who tried to express their desire to be owned by *somebody,* *anybody*, in their profile or in their first e-mail. It made me feel objectified, like they weren't interested in submitting to me in particular, but just as a symbol of Generic Womankind.

(in reply to lovingpet)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:33:40 AM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

Why does someone feel the need to post a comment about not having anything to say?(waits for the smartarse sarcastic answers to an obvious illogical action)

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:36:00 AM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

someone says something and then thinking the better of it........

well, the moving finger having writ and all that.

Or was your post some form of rhetorical introspection?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:38:34 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

It's obvious to me that even though we have healthy prime examples of people living this way..some will never be able to get over their own prejudices with the word.

Here is the thing...

The word literally means something you set in front of your door to wipe your feet on.... That is what the word literally means. In the colloquial sense in the larger culture it means all the things that RS listed. Now some people have taken this word and self applied it and take pride in it... by the very action of doing that, they are no longer doormats, because doormats have no pride...

You know, you want partners that will stay where you put them when you sit them down, never speak out when someone metaphorically wipes the dog shit off their shoes onto them, never complains when they are left outside to get wet and tattered up... well dude, I respect your choices, but stop chastising those of us who aren't that way as if we are "intolerant" for wanting a little more in life than that...

What utter horseshit.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:41:20 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

~ Fast Wipe ~

It's threads and debates like this one that point to a contradiction in the belief that 'lifestyle' people are more intelligent than 'vanillas'. Perhaps it is something else. The precursor debate of distinguishing slave v. submissive; seems to have been played out and is now considered unworthy of comment for all but 'newbies' and those who enjoy mocking them. Is it the product of group insecurity displayed primarily in this thread by females afraid to be associated with the perception of negativity associated with a word? It's a word!

The power of it as a word doesn't come from the person saying it or even labeling you with it. The power derives from the recipient, or those afraid of being labeled by a word they feel denigrates them and what they do in the context of their relationship. It's a word. Whether as debate fodder, from ignorance, or out of jealousy; if it hurts or affects you the problem is with you.

Particularly amusing is when I see people assigning their personal aversion to a specific act to distinguish themselves from the doormat label. It's like the Meatloaf song; "I would do anything for love"!"; but I won't to THAT! Well hell then, okay in that case you're NOT a doormat!
Does that really help or change anything about whatever it is you do, or how you perceive yourself? If so - you need confidence more than you need a definitive word definition.

Really, what's the purpose or goal in coming to a common reference? What would happen if all other dictionary definitions and web references were reduced to one? Based upon the posts the only purpose it would serve would be to let people point to it as a benchmark to say what they are not. Defining what you are is a much more productive exercise. However, you have to be confident enough to not care what words, and which definition or reference they have in mind, when someone else uses them to try to describe you. That seems to be the disconnect and problem I'm observing regarding the word "doormat".

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 2/24/2010 7:44:37 AM >

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:42:33 AM

Posts: 2298
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

Anybody?

Any thoughts regarding how Doormat applies to the Dominant orientation, in the context of White Knights or Doormat Daddy Doms?

Where the Dominant is caught up being in charge of everybody else's problems? or where the Dominant frequently ends up setting aside thier own interests for the interests of thier submissive partner?

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:42:34 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Why does someone feel the need to post a comment about not having anything to say?(waits for the smartarse sarcastic answers to an obvious illogical action)

Actually I missed a post from NZ last night because I was tired, then I saw it this morning when reviewing the thread, and then I realized I indirectly answered the question in my response to someone else...

But you know.. I can be the biggest smart ass in the world to people who need it, NZ isn't someone I am likely to be a smart ass to, but I am starting to think you are

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:42:47 AM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

DG is my friend and hop-bonded brother.

Our relationship is based upon mental attraction, We have common interests and right now we are really working on total orgasm denial.

So, you guys play hop-scotch together?

BTW, you do realise that "total orgasm denial" means that you don't have orgasms at all, even from masturbation, or sex with other people, right?

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:43:02 AM

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Its called an edit. a retraction of what she posted.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:49:43 AM

Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

When you have a bunch of people who are "refusing any sort of label-because I am too speshul to be defined"......These disagreements are myriad and chaotic.

The conversations soon become a bit like watching a room full of drugged cats doing backflips.

Lots of sound and fury-amusing in the extreme-but no sense whatsoever.

I'm using your post to respond to, because of your reference to the word "speshul", it's what got me thinking...

Now, after considering this for a while, I started thinking about labels in general. Doormat does seem to have negative connotations for some people- and obviously, not so much for others. The people that's don't see it as a big deal think, hey, a submissive does things that in the world at large could be construed as doormatish. Being the one doing the submitting, the sub or slave MIGHT do some things that a vanilla partner would find offensive or refuse to do (again, might, as every relationship is different). But...because of this...it comes down to some people having the feeling that if it's looks like a duck (doormat), walks like a duck (doormat), and quacks like a duck (doormat)- it's a duck (doormat). Except...

How many people here have commented on osf's avatar? Told him what a cute little duck he has? I, for one, did. I was quickly corrected. It's not a duck, it's a gosling. Looks like a duck to me. But, I took it on osf's authority as owner of the critter that it's a gosling. Why did he correct me in the first place? Was it because his duck is "speshul", and takes offense at being called a duck? No, he corrected me because I labelled it wrong; and it was important enough to him to point it out to me. Now, if he feels that way about a pet- why is it so hard to understand that submissives who do not associate with the term doormat take offense at it? Not because they are "speshul" and are trying to avoid being labelled, but because they don't want to be labelled incorrectly. If we can afford a gosling that courtesy, should it not extend to human beings as well?

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:50:41 AM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

someone says something and then thinking the better of it........

well, the moving finger having writ and all that.

Or was your post some form of rhetorical introspection?

It was a bit rhetorical..If you've gotten that far ya might as well say somethin.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:52:39 AM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Why does someone feel the need to post a comment about not having anything to say?(waits for the smartarse sarcastic answers to an obvious illogical action)

Actually I missed a post from NZ last night because I was tired, then I saw it this morning when reviewing the thread, and then I realized I indirectly answered the question in my response to someone else...

But you know.. I can be the biggest smart ass in the world to people who need it, NZ isn't someone I am likely to be a smart ass to, but I am starting to think you are

Works for me.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:54:05 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antinomy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

When you have a bunch of people who are "refusing any sort of label-because I am too speshul to be defined"......These disagreements are myriad and chaotic.

The conversations soon become a bit like watching a room full of drugged cats doing backflips.

Lots of sound and fury-amusing in the extreme-but no sense whatsoever.

I'm using your post to respond to, because of your reference to the word "speshul", it's what got me thinking...

Now, after considering this for a while, I started thinking about labels in general. Doormat does seem to have negative connotations for some people- and obviously, not so much for others. The people that's don't see it as a big deal think, hey, a submissive does things that in the world at large could be construed as doormatish. Being the one doing the submitting, the sub or slave MIGHT do some things that a vanilla partner would find offensive or refuse to do (again, might, as every relationship is different). But...because of this...it comes down to some people having the feeling that if it's looks like a duck (doormat), walks like a duck (doormat), and quacks like a duck (doormat)- it's a duck (doormat). Except...

How many people here have commented on osf's avatar? Told him what a cute little duck he has? I, for one, did. I was quickly corrected. It's not a duck, it's a gosling. Looks like a duck to me. But, I took it on osf's authority as owner of the critter that it's a gosling. Why did he correct me in the first place? Was it because his duck is "speshul", and takes offense at being called a duck? No, he corrected me because I labelled it wrong; and it was important enough to him to point it out to me. Now, if he feels that way about a pet- why is it so hard to understand that submissives who do not associate with the term doormat take offense at it? Not because they are "speshul" and are trying to avoid being labelled, but because they don't want to be labelled incorrectly. If we can afford a gosling that courtesy, should it not extend to human beings as well?

I loved this entire post, because it is true from my perspective...

One thing you highlighted, some in the Vanilla world would call submissives doormats, I wanted to mention they would also call dominants abusers... so instead of dom, master, sir, daddy... we could just call all submissives doormats, and all dominants abusers... doesn't matter what the words really mean...right?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to antinomy)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 7:56:37 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Why does someone feel the need to post a comment about not having anything to say?(waits for the smartarse sarcastic answers to an obvious illogical action)

Actually I missed a post from NZ last night because I was tired, then I saw it this morning when reviewing the thread, and then I realized I indirectly answered the question in my response to someone else...

But you know.. I can be the biggest smart ass in the world to people who need it, NZ isn't someone I am likely to be a smart ass to, but I am starting to think you are

Works for me.

People who can't debate me usually prefer that, true

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 8:01:45 AM

Posts: 2298
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

Doormats - The universal objectfication of all submissives by the Dominati (it's really a conspiracy)

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to lally2)

RE: Doormats - 2/24/2010 8:03:44 AM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

It's obvious to me that even though we have healthy prime examples of people living this way..some will never be able to get over their own prejudices with the word.

Here is the thing...

The word literally means something you set in front of your door to wipe your feet on.... That is what the word literally means. In the colloquial sense in the larger culture it means all the things that RS listed. Now some people have taken this word and self applied it and take pride in it... by the very action of doing that, they are no longer doormats, because doormats have no pride...

You know, you want partners that will stay where you put them when you sit them down, never speak out when someone metaphorically wipes the dog shit off their shoes onto them, never complains when they are left outside to get wet and tattered up... well dude, I respect your choices, but stop chastising those of us who aren't that way as if we are "intolerant" for wanting a little more in life than that...

What utter horseshit.

You don't know the first thing about what I want. Stop pretending you do..

What I want is someone who has a heart of gold..who doesn't mind getting dirty from time to time sure and your right..somebody who doesn't have a chip on their shoulders in life about their position in it..someone who isn't such a smartarse know it all with a bad attitude about such a position.

I've loved a few women just like what a majority of you point your fingers in disgust at...They had grace and class in their submission..If I'm going to be honest..I don't see any grace in a whole lot of submissives anymore. Your so worried over the fear of what might happen or have the notion that what you have is god's gift to someone that it hinders a deeper connection...I personally think that's where most of the problem is to begin with.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Page: << < prev 5 6 [7] 8 9 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Doormats

Page: << < prev 5 6 [7] 8 9 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.105