Would you apprentice a fledling male dom?

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Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 12:43:30 AM

DrkDemonMaster

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Im still very new to the scene. Most of my doming experience has been just things in the bedroom occasionally. Recently though I decided I was interested in pursuing it further, to see if I really did enjoy the lifestyle.

Ive joined the site here, researched groups in my area and if all goes well will attend my first munch in a few weeks (if I dont chicken out).
I have been thinking about it though, and realized that if I got the opportunity and met a sub that I got on well with, and actually got to the point that I was dominating her, be it sexually or just in general, I would be unsure of myself. If she was also new I would be afraid of going down a wrong path or that I would end up mistreating her, I realize that if inexperienced it could become very easy to take advantage without even knowing it. If she was experienced I would be even more intimidated. I believe this is generally a natural worry whenever getting into something new, but it still persists.

So I decided that if the munches went well I got along with the people there that I would try to ask a fellow dominant for help, maybe ask them to "apprentice" me. After a bit I realized I would be alot more comfortable if it was a female dom. Im not sure of all the reasons, but in many ways Ive always gotten on better with women. With a male I have a feeling I may feel a bit competitive, atleast until I got more comfortable. There are other things I cant quite put my finger on as well.
Im curious what you wonderful women out there think about this. If I were to approach you (after having met and gotten along decently) and ask you to be your "apprentice dom" how would you react? What do you think would be a good way to approach the question? And if you did accept it how would you go about it? Im honestly not sure what I would expect. Ive pictured having the domme having a female sub to learn with. Maybe she would sub to me in a sort of roleplay. And would you expect something in return? I dont think I would be comfortable with straight out paying for it, but I wouldnt mind paying for food or taking her out in appreciation. Would you want to/expect me to sub to you for the duration of the "apprenticeship"?

I may be getting ahead of myself with this all, but it was on my mind so I figured there was no harm in asking. Having an idea of what to expect would make me more confident when I do eventually approach the subject. Any answers would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to give any other advice you may have, or ask any questions youd like. Im eager to learn and will take anything I can get.

Thanks All :)
-DDM

< Message edited by DrkDemonMaster -- 2/28/2010 12:49:27 AM >

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 2:09:40 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I think it's good you are considering a munch - don't chicken out, there really isn't anything to fear. You may be nervous meeting a new group of people, but, they are just people, most likely in a public location, and in vanilla attire.

Now, if a male who wanted to become a dom, approached me after getting to know him, and asked me if I would take him on as an apprentice, I would give him the following response:

"I'd be happy to show you some techniques and discuss things that you are curious about."

No, I would not 'sub' to you, nor would I bring a female sub for you to experiment upon - I'm straight. I MIGHT let you practice some things on my male sub (if I had one) if I trusted you were capable of not injuring him, and not exceeding any limits I had in place. I would not expect you to 'sub' to me, unless you discovered you were submissive, and we liked each other in that way. I would likely suggest you practice certain things on yourself, on pillows, view demos, or read books. I may even suggest demos and/or books for you.

In otherwords, I would expect to be treated as a friend who has information you wanted to learn. I would treat you as a friend, who wished to learn, and would share that information if I thought you were ready to learn it.

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 2:28:57 AM

JohnWarren

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You don't need to apprentice. Just listen and learn. Watch how people interact at the munch. Scene people generally love to explain and it's been my experience that the more they know the more they like it. You can learn from all orientations and they are all ready to offer casual advice.

Think of it from a vanilla approach. A casual golf acquaintance is generally willing to offer hints but if you started talking about apprenticing you couldn't blame him (and in particular her) for shying away.

Particularly don't approach dominant women with this sort of offer. They get it all the time from stealth submissive men.

There are some excellent nonfiction BDSM books out there. Get one or two of them and read them cover to cover. It's not rocket science but there are some common and easily avoided pitfalls.

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 5:55:21 AM

DarkSteven

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First off, go to the munch. It's nothing more than a way for you to meet people. Unlike a bar, people are sober, and meeting others is not their primary aim. So no pressure.

If you do meet a woman there, great! (But honestly, do not count on it.) Just be as open and honest with her as you've been with us. If she does like you,. she'll be happy to learn with you. I know from experience that it's far easier for a new male Dom with a female sub to get accepted by the community and mentored than it is for a solo Dom.

Finally, ease up on the pressure you're feeling. Everyone screws up occasionally, and you will too. Just make sure that you're not doing high risk activities (fire play, breath play, etc.) with no training.

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 6:01:21 AM

LadyAngelika

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I don't like munches. More people than you think don't like them. I see their usefulness, but they are not my cup of tea.

Listening and learning is a good strategy, but that being said, so is mentorship. Different people learn in different ways. One-on-one mentorship worked best for me.

I would say that if you find a dominant that you hit it off with, why not. My mentor happened to be a man, because like you, I felt more comfortable with someone of the opposite gender.

Best of luck in your discoveries!

- LA

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 8:15:48 AM

LadyPact

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Definitely don't chicken out on the munch idea. There's nothing to be afraid of. It really just boils down to having dinner with folks and getting a chance to know them.

As you do get to know them, and they have a chance to get to know you, it's very possible that you might find some folks that you do want to learn from. That could be anything from how their dynamic works, to topping skills, or just about anything else that you can think of. There are a lot of different ways to do this thing and as you see how various people go about it, you'll find things that you'd like to implement for yourself. You really can't 'train' someone for personal relationships, but you can certainly find those things that other people do that will work for you.

The way you have it outlined here, no, I wouldn't be interested in the offer. I don't 'play' sub for anyone for someone to learn on. What I have done is taught other tops various skills and I've also had one switch that I was teaching who was submissive to Me, but was Dominant in his relationship with his girl. Usually, when I teach topping skills in one on one situations, I have a byob policy. It means bring your own bottom. I'm very reluctant to have inexperienced folks 'practice' topping on My sub. Don't get discouraged by that because, depending on who is teaching you, I think you might be surprised just how many volunteers are willing to fill that spot for you.

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 8:22:40 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

I don't 'play' sub for anyone for someone to learn on.

I don't think he is looking for a Domme to play sub to him. At least I didn't get that from the OP.

- LA

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 9:02:53 AM

LadyPact

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It was this phrase that made Me think so:

Maybe she would sub to me in a sort of roleplay.

Either it was reference that the female Dominant would be the sub for the role play or it would be the sub of the Dominant that he was learning from. I'd be even more put off if it was the latter.

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 9:07:26 AM

LadyAngelika

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How did I miss that. Ok. Nevermind!

- LA

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 11:18:27 AM

DrkDemonMaster

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I wa not suggesting or requesting that a Dom sub to me or share their sub. It was more of a musing on the different ways on might teach. Not saying "this is how I want to be taught" more of a "these are ways that I imagined one might teach" If I respected someone enough to ask for thier help, I would respect anyway they felt was right to teach me.
Mentor is the perfect word for what I want. Thank you LadyAngel. I just couldn't find it last night. Someone who I had developed a friendship with and whom I respect as a Dom.
Thank you all for your advice and for responding! As for the munch I will probably go if everything allows. I realized though that one of my big fears is there being a large age gap. I maybe wrong and generalizing and if I am then I apologize. But it sems like the majority of people active in the lifestyle are in their 30s and up. I'm only 20. I wouldt let this stop me, I can get along with people of many ages, but it is a fear that I'll be the youngest by a large amount.

I apologize for any typos or grammar that might plague this post, doing it via phone.

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 12:51:12 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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If your biggest fear is that you will be the youngest member, try searching out TNG (the next generation) groups. They are for the younger set with no one older than 35.

Good luck.

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 2/28/2010 2:43:04 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Mentor is the perfect word for what I want. Thank you LadyAngel. I just couldn't find it last night. Someone who I had developed a friendship with and whom I respect as a Dom.

Well we each come across this in different ways. In my personal experience, my mentor was also my lover and I bottomed to him. I found that this gave me valuable insight. Others have taken other paths. There is no one right way to learn.

- LA

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RE: Would you apprentice a fledling male dom? - 3/2/2010 8:16:45 AM

thetammyjo

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I have male and female mentors who allowed me the opportunity to learn from them. I apprenticed to learn particular technical skills like flogging and knife play for example but mentors were there for the entire emotional and psychological journey.

My best advice is to seek out a top or dominant group and join that if there is one in your area after you are known for a few months via regular munches or workshops or other such meetings. There you may find that those in the top roles open up more than they will in mixed settings. That may help you find a few good mentors. You should find a few of them since we all have different skills and experiences.

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