artistofdesire
Posts: 3
Joined: 2/14/2010
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If he does what he's told and does his homework, you are already so far ahead of the game, compared to what I was dealing with when my son was 11.
Here's the thing, persons with Asperger's, of at least modern intelligence, are generally more well equipped to deal with society than other people, in the right situations. Like, working as IT guys, for instance, where not really "getting" that you are working for rude bastards, just focusing on the task at hand, and going on your way are all pluses!
In a way, it's like any other "learning disability" in that it just takes them a bit longer to learn something than it does other people. For some people, it's math and reading and all that; for Asperger's it's social cues and self motivation.
From everything that I have read, since his diagnosis, my parents could have been diagnosed too, and so could have I. Except, you know, back then, people were not labels, so long as they functioned well enough to just be people. Now, my dad has not done the best at keeping himself out of debt and all, but, he managed to marry the right sort of wife who is very good at keeping herself out of debt, and he's always worked, up until he was 65 and a bit beyond. He says inappropriate things, he runs on with stories. It used to seem weird to people, but, he was charming and intelligent, so they didn't mind, and now he sounds like every other old man.
My Mom focuses a lot on television and will run on about that. Drives people crazy. She goes nutsy about checking her bank accounts. Drives people crazy. However, she also has a very good sense of her finances as a result and so it is that particularly obsessive-compulsive Aspergery tendency that ensures her survival and that of her husband.
Me, I didn't do so well as them, but, here I am, 41 and still alive. I learned to actually write and pay attention to my own checklists from time to time as it saves a lot of time and frustration. And, here is where we get to the advice.
Now, "constant prompting and reminders" have to go! If you have the sort of school where they are helpful, go and talk to his principal and teachers, and explain to them that you are trying to teach him to use his checklist without being reminded, then sit him down and tell him that it is his responsibility to remember to do them. Or, if that scares you too much, start with the ones for the weekend, or set him certain tasks that lead up to a certain reward that he really wants, give him the list of what needs to be done to earn the reward - and you can put "following morning checklist without supervision three times or more" as one of the tasks to accomplish - and totally leave it up to him to have to pay attention, keep track of the list, and earn the reward. Just make sure that if he does it, he gets the reward. Or, some facsimile thereof. As in, if his reward is wanting to go to a concert, and he doesn't get it done on time, but, he does get it done, then he'll have learned something about how to be prompt -then it's like, well, the concert was $25, and that's out the window, but, you can choose to go to pizza with your friends, or get a new toy of some sort, or anything else that costs the same.
Because that's the only way he's going to learn to do things for himself, is by the adults forcing it upon him, in some manner. At 11 years old, he is definitely old enough. And, if he fails to follow his checklist and ends up going to school smelling funny or being dressed oddly, or whatever happens, it will not kill him. It might embarrass him, but, embarrassment, earned, is a tool for learning how to get along in society. You want him to learn to do it, stop doing it for him!
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RE: Another Asperger Syndrome Thread - 
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