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The number one reason given for the wording is that the person was getting too much wank mail when they tried to say things politely.

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I agree WyldHrt, but then saying things rudely doesn't cut down on the wank mail, it just makes one look rude in their profile.

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ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

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I agree WyldHrt, but then saying things rudely doesn't cut down on the wank mail, it just makes one look rude in their profile.

I agree with you. My post was merely intended to point out that sometimes harsh wording isn't the result of a sense of entitlement, but rather the result of bad experiences.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Would you have felt better if the terminology had been different?  Such as 'prefer' long term or 'only interested in' long term?  If someone is 'only willing to participate' in long term, I think that is something that should be stated up front.

Not to be splitting hairs LP, but if I were to state that I was only willing to participate in long term relationships, that would definitely be putting the cart before the horse. That to me would signify locking the relationship in for a set time.

I think, because we have no idea what the future can bring, and because it really takes a long time to know someone fully (that is, if we ever really do), the best we can do if a long term relationship is our goal is to be as honest as to who we are, what we want and act in a relationship-minded way. that is, when we find someone we meet, to stop dating others, focus on the one that interests us, etc. We also need to find people who are willing to act in a relationship-minded way.

When I look back at my last relationship, I know that we shared a really deep bond and love with one another. Had I listened properly to the cues he was giving me in the beginning however, I would have realised that circumstances made it that at that time in his life, he would not be capable of committing and that he could not be relationship-minded; he had far too many personal transitions to go through. I learned from this and now, I am careful when interacting with someone that appeals to me that he is in the right headspace to be engage in a relationship. Because all the love and lust in the world will not weather the inability, for whatever reason, to make an honest and solid commitment.

- LA

I think it depends on perspective.  I'm thinking of it more from the angle that there are just plain some folks out there who are NOT interested in BDSM unless it is within the confines of a long term relationship.  For some, there is no casual play, no play before commitment, etc.  Some people have no interest in it until a relationship is established.

Putting something to that effect into a person's profile may establish that from the beginning, and perhaps help them to eliminate situations where the partners just aren't in the position to commit.  While some people might be interested in enjoying each other for the moment, others don't want to spend the time on someone who, for whatever reasons, aren't good relationship material.

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ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

No worries. A good number of them will eventually find the forums and post a thread about why they can't find their perfect partner 

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ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I find this a bit odd when I run across it.
It's not always the case but when I see writing like this it denotes to me that the person may be snubbing their nose at a particular idea.

Do you think this weeds out "players"? This seems like an okay thing to ask..It's an hoinest question I believe in my mind. It shows curiousity about the subject matter without pushing a personal issue. It could however be seen as a negative based on some of his past posts.

Does it put the cart before the horse? Same goes for this one..Could be seen as an honest attempt to engage in a positive discussion..It could also be seen as the opposite depending on how you look at it.

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It is very interesting to note that Icarys made the same assumption as me, yet no one seemed to notice. I have little doubts as to why that is, and the more intelligent around here I'm sure can figure that out as well.

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I just had to wonder at this mindset. And how many issues THEY must have to be so absolute.

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ORIGINAL: WyldHrt



I completely agree with you on the fantasy thing, we get the same deal on our side of the kneel. On our side, it's usually "I need a sub. When can you move here?" or some piece of Castlerhelmesque copy/paste swiped off the web saying how we will be kept naked/ chained 24/7.

Those get an eyeroll and quickstep to the delete button, lol.

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I think I'm going to toss my cookies the next time I see that same old tired Anais Nin quote they all rip off from each other. It has all the origionality and thought that one commonly puts into taking a crap.

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ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I think I'm going to toss my cookies the next time I see that same old tired Anais Nin quote they all rip off from each other. It has all the origionality and thought that one commonly puts into taking a crap.

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ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

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ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

I think I'm going to toss my cookies the next time I see that same old tired Anais Nin quote they all rip off from each other. It has all the origionality and thought that one commonly puts into taking a crap.

Just remember: the more judgmental you get, the more cynical you'll feel. I have a friend who thought New York was too negative, so she moved to Hawaii. Then she decided the Hawaiians were negative too, so she moved back to her home state of Colorado, where the people were apparently super negative. The only thing these places had in common was her.

How does it have anything to do with you if people are having Disney-like fantasy lives? And lots of people look at the Anais Nin quote and think, "oh, that's really lovely, and I relate to it," which is why they use it. They're not using it to piss you off. Readjust the lens through which you view CM and you'll find there are as many great, original, interesting people as you allow there to be.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I agree WyldHrt, but then saying things rudely doesn't cut down on the wank mail, it just makes one look rude in their profile.

When I see that kind of rudeness in a profile, it turns me off. A profile is an image of ourselves. While my goal is to have mine be as accurate and realistic as possible, I also want it to have a positive tone.

I used to have a line that said something along the lines of "Please address me as LadyAngelika and nothing else. And don't come across as a little dog humping my leg." I removed that because I realised that the kind of man I'm attracted to doesn't need this reminder.

Bottom line, while wankers will solicit you regardless if your profile is sweet or harsh, the good catch might get turned off by the harshness.

- LA