RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship?

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RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:44:52 AM

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

She got personal,and made up things about me that had no base in reality to do it.

I see this sort of behavior all the time here-it's beyond annoying.

I read that post, and yes, I would say that she jumped the shark with all her conclusions based upon little or no reality...

But you just make her look like she picked a scab when you get that upset over it. When I read that post I just thought it was full of assumptions that had no basis in reality... like how does she know who you have met here, or what happened if you did meet someone...

You just gave her assumptions credibility by getting upset. Instead just consider the source. If someone posted that sort of reply to me I would find it amusing, because it has no basis in reality.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:47:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

She got personal,and made up things about me that had no base in reality to do it.

I see this sort of behavior all the time here-it's beyond annoying.

It is annoying. For lack of a better expression, I call it projection through unfounded deduction.

To all who don't understand Smutmonger's reaction, I ask you to look at the use of "it seems as though". This time it was much more subtle than usual. But this is her modus operandi.

She takes someone's opinion and then from it makes unfounded deductions about that person, of course which are always insulting. This time it was quite subtle, but she's done it to me over a half-dozen times and it was not so subtle. She writes:

quote:

It seems as though you have recently had an experience that left a sour taste in your mouth. As though you had met and begun "playing" with someone and she mistook it to be leading to something more, and since you didn't, she left and you are pissed. How close might that be?

How close might what be? How on earth did she jump to such conclusions? Maybe he just formulated an OP from a certain position and had something else in mind. Instead of asking for clarification, she jumps to conclusions. In my experience, that to me is a sign of someone who has massive trust issues and always expects the worse from people, never giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.

The unfortunate thing is that she usually has some great points, but this form of projection through unfounded deduction on someone is not only irritating but it makes for a very week argument. Unfortunately, many people start nodding in agreement with her deductions because she is so well spoken, think that her deduction is legit and jump on her bandwagon.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 3/7/2010 7:49:25 AM >

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RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:48:45 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
You just gave her assumptions credibility by getting upset. Instead just consider the source. If someone posted that sort of reply to me I would find it amusing, because it has no basis in reality.

Or maybe, like me, he's had enough of this lame form of response. I do agree, however, that it is best ignored.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 3/7/2010 7:49:41 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:49:48 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

many people start nodding in agreement with her deductions because she is so well spoken, think that her deduction is legit and jump on her bandwagon.

It only sharpens the perception when people get REALLY upset over it...

It isn't worth getting upset over

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:52:52 AM

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When I begin topics like these-I try to stick to abstracts.

Unfortunately-people often come along and decide "I feel offended by this-let's attack the op!"

And then proceed to make assumptions,unfounded suppositions,guesses..etc....In an attempt to derail it and make into a cluster fuck. When this happens,I usually decide that the individual in question has thier head up thier ass-and are not worth debating.

They just don't like being called out on it in public-it spoils the fun when their ploys are exposed.

So I call it,and then I end it.

Can we please get back to the discussion now? Feel free to play in another thread if you feel offended!

< Message edited by Smutmonger -- 3/7/2010 7:54:58 AM >

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RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:53:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

many people start nodding in agreement with her deductions because she is so well spoken, think that her deduction is legit and jump on her bandwagon.

It only sharpens the perception when people get REALLY upset over it...

It isn't worth getting upset over

I agree with this point, 100%. I don't think Smutmoger got upset. I think he simply pointed out that she was off-base and did so harshly. Unfortunately, this back fired as he came off as mean while her insults went by unnoticed. That is why it is truly best to ignore it. I've learned that arguing with those that it is impossible to have a real discussion with people who make projections through unfounded deductions.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:53:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

many people start nodding in agreement with her deductions because she is so well spoken, think that her deduction is legit and jump on her bandwagon.

It only sharpens the perception when people get REALLY upset over it...

It isn't worth getting upset over

I'm not upset-I just don't like having my time wasted-or topics derailed any more than they already are.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:55:56 AM

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quote:

Can we please get back to the discussion now?

I agree. You know what I'd appreciate, if you would indulge me, is perhaps another formulation of you OP based on how ideas have formed in your head based on this deduction. I do this often when I start a thread with abstract ideas and I find it helps.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 7:59:54 AM

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I'm going to leave it as is. I have to go to work soon-perhaps we can do another on unfounded suppositions later.

It seems to be an endemic problem here,and only serves to encourage a lot of trollish behavior by not drawing the right sort of attention to it. If I came off as harsh-no apologies. Some people need a clue by four to pay attention. I'm generally pretty polite-but if you tell lies about me-you are liable to catch one upside the head-no matter who you are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Can we please get back to the discussion now?

I agree. You know what I'd appreciate, if you would indulge me, is perhaps another formulation of you OP based on how ideas have formed in your head based on this deduction. I do this often when I start a thread with abstract ideas and I find it helps.

- LA

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 8:18:14 AM

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Fine. Well then unless another angle is brought to the OP, I've pretty much said what I've had to say on it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 8:45:38 AM

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I look at a post like a classic psychological test, one of projection. Therapists don't do it as much anymore but the classic Rosarch test is one where people are shown meaningless ink blots and asked to describe them. One can sometimes gain a great deal of insight into how one describes them, there are now more sophisticated and easier to use tests but the concept is the same.

Looking past the mere words for the meanings and reasons for choosing them.

For people who lack any self awareness, they cannot understand how someone might be able to take their short post and pull rather vast amounts of knowledge about them from it. There are posters here who have the experience, the self awareness, and the raw skill/art to do this well.

Smutmonger's posts says far more than he realizes...as do mine and most people here. At the same time, those are snapshots of someone and there are details and whole areas of someone that they do not speak to. However, when people get all up in arms that someone has read something into their post that they didn't want revealed always amuses me.

Princsexx is a classic example...but so is this thread.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 8:55:26 AM

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quote:

There are posters here who have the experience, the self awareness, and the raw skill/art to do this well.

I've seen instances, yes. And then there are those who think they can and do it oh-so-wrong.

I personally ask questions before jumping to conclusions. Then again, so many academic research methods classes have conditioned me to do so.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 8:59:03 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I look at a post like a classic psychological test, one of projection. Therapists don't do it as much anymore but the classic Rosarch test is one where people are shown meaningless ink blots and asked to describe them. One can sometimes gain a great deal of insight into how one describes them, there are now more sophisticated and easier to use tests but the concept is the same.

Looking past the mere words for the meanings and reasons for choosing them.

For people who lack any self awareness, they cannot understand how someone might be able to take their short post and pull rather vast amounts of knowledge about them from it. There are posters here who have the experience, the self awareness, and the raw skill/art to do this well.

Smutmonger's posts says far more than he realizes...as do mine and most people here. At the same time, those are snapshots of someone and there are details and whole areas of someone that they do not speak to. However, when people get all up in arms that someone has read something into their post that they didn't want revealed always amuses me.

Princsexx is a classic example...but so is this thread.

I would say that this works both ways... someone can read nonexistent ideas and concepts where none exist, and then there are those who overreact to others making assumptions about them.. the ink blots work in both directions on this thread. LL saw what she saw in the minimal amount of info provided too... the OP being an inkblot.

My impression from the OP was one of those people who reads profiles and gets frustrated by what they read, not some huge real life scenario where he is actually seeing someone, led them on, and then they left him because of that.. I mean that IS kinda reaching, isn't it?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 9:01:57 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

There are posters here who have the experience, the self awareness, and the raw skill/art to do this well.

I've seen instances, yes. And then there are those who think they can and do it oh-so-wrong.

I personally ask questions before jumping to conclusions. Then again, so many academic research methods classes have conditioned me to do so.

- LA

When one studies human beings it is easy to read things that do not exist and also to overlook what is really there.. fraught with problems, people watching, especially when someone publishes (posts) their conclusions. This is why self reflection on one's personal biases is necessary before going off and making any type of deduction based on very little.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 9:03:32 AM

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I look at a post like a classic psychological test, one of projection. Therapists don't do it as much anymore but the classic Rosarch test is one where people are shown meaningless ink blots and asked to describe them. One can sometimes gain a great deal of insight into how one describes them, there are now more sophisticated and easier to use tests but the concept is the same.

Looking past the mere words for the meanings and reasons for choosing them.

For people who lack any self awareness, they cannot understand how someone might be able to take their short post and pull rather vast amounts of knowledge about them from it. There are posters here who have the experience, the self awareness, and the raw skill/art to do this well.

Smutmonger's posts says far more than he realizes...as do mine and most people here. At the same time, those are snapshots of someone and there are details and whole areas of someone that they do not speak to. However, when people get all up in arms that someone has read something into their post that they didn't want revealed always amuses me.

Princsexx is a classic example...but so is this thread.

Most people don't like a flashlight shined onto their blindspots. I never made the connection between posting and rorsarch tests before, but the question still remains, how much can correctly be read into a "snapshot."

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 9:08:26 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

There are posters here who have the experience, the self awareness, and the raw skill/art to do this well.

I've seen instances, yes. And then there are those who think they can and do it oh-so-wrong.

I personally ask questions before jumping to conclusions. Then again, so many academic research methods classes have conditioned me to do so.

- LA

When one studies human beings it is easy to read things that do not exist and also to overlook what is really there.. fraught with problems, people watching, especially when someone publishes (posts) their conclusions. This is why self reflection on one's personal biases is necessary before going off and making any type of deduction based on very little.

Indeed. I remember the one and only date I had with this psychologist ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 9:09:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I mean that IS kinda reaching, isn't it?

And how does asking that make you feel? LOL

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 9:10:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I mean that IS kinda reaching, isn't it?

And how does asking that make you feel? LOL

Be careful Julia, he's trying to get you on a couch... ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 9:18:18 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I mean that IS kinda reaching, isn't it?

And how does asking that make you feel? LOL

It doesn't make me feel anything....

It is interesting to me from an academic view, Michael.

I am picking the brains of people and watching what they do and then drawing conclusions based upon that. Because this is what I do I have to read volumes of material on theories regarding human behavior, philosophy, ethical issues, and post modernism to shore up the idea that there is no "truth" out there...

So "feeling" isn't really a part of it, more of thinking about how this thread is showing me how precarious it is to jump to conclusions...self reflection... its a bitch

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: "Expecting" a long term D/s relationship? - 3/7/2010 9:20:39 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I mean that IS kinda reaching, isn't it?

And how does asking that make you feel? LOL

Be careful Julia, he's trying to get you on a couch... ;-)

- LA

I have just finally gotten over being sick on the couch.... an entire month of sick... not getting back on that thing!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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