Predatory lust - or femdom laziness?

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Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/16/2010 6:27:10 PM

AAkasha

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I like new partners. I like the thrill of the hunt and the ability to be predatory and unpredictable. At the very core of my sadistic lusts, I have a large need to see vulnerability, fear, nervousness.

I wonder if my desire for new partners to explore this just comes down to a form of laziness. I mean I get this kind of fear, vulnerability, desperation and nervousness from my primary partner - but he's my soulmate. He reads me like a book. I get a different kind of fulfillment from him - deeper, richer, more intimate. If I crave good, old fashioned, authentic, "oh my god, what is this woman going to do to me?" in a good way, it's a lot easier to solicit from someone new to me than someone who knows me to the core.

I can't expose the trembling newbies to what I put my primary partner through. At the same time, he can't manufacture the pure, authentic fear I get from someone who doesn't know me that well.

Akasha

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/16/2010 6:38:05 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I wouldn't consider that laziness unless you stop trying to bring that reaction from your primary partner because you find it too difficult.

Quite honestly, I think it takes a lot of effort to engage with more than one person - I find that FAR from lazy.

I too enjoy that "holy shit batman, wtf did I get myself into" look from a person who is new to me. It's very different from the "I love you darling, you have free reign even if that is new - when did you learn that?" look from a valued life partner.

Both are gratifying but for obviously different reasons. They speak to different parts of our lust, our cravings. I wouldn't say one is better than the other, but they do extract different feelings within.

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/16/2010 6:44:58 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

I wouldn't consider that laziness unless you stop trying to bring that reaction from your primary partner because you find it too difficult.

Quite honestly, I think it takes a lot of effort to engage with more than one person - I find that FAR from lazy.

I too enjoy that "holy shit batman, wtf did I get myself into" look from a person who is new to me. It's very different from the "I love you darling, you have free reign even if that is new - when did you learn that?" look from a valued life partner.

Both are gratifying but for obviously different reasons. They speak to different parts of our lust, our cravings. I wouldn't say one is better than the other, but they do extract different feelings within.

I guess laziness isn't the right word. With someone new, I don't have to work so hard to get them where I want them to be (usually). It's like -- candy. Quicker, easier, sweet.

With my primary, it's more of a production, but I am able to get way more crazy. However, I tend to like to do that kind of thing with a lot of prep, a lot of build up, and a lot more logistics. Or it requires a lot more emotional and physical endurance on MY end. It equates to a richer, deeper reward, but definitely requires more energy. Sometimes that's energy that I can't manufacture at the moment when I need "my femdom fix."

It's all a bit half scrambled in my brain right now, but it's something I'm pondering.

Akasha

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/16/2010 6:56:14 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I'm curious AAkasha, are there areas of BDSM play that you are curious about but have yet to explore? If so, perhaps you can focus on some new tricks with your main squeeze so that you are able to recapture some of that 'fresh blood' sensation while playing with him.

I fully understand about the longer duration and it sometimes exerting more energy than you wish to expend. I still wouldn't deem that laziness unless you were never willing to expend that energy again.

Quick simple fixes can be very fun. Hell, one time, I got the reaction I wanted just by grabbing someone's hair, and telling them, I said "NO". No energy exertion whatsoever...but the look, that 'oh shit, she means business' look followed by the humbled mannerisms when interacting with me, was priceless. Simple, pleasurable for me, no energy involved at all...lol.

I think most of us have times where we want the slow buildup, and the marathon event, while other times we simply want 'a fix' for lack of a better word. If I haven't had 'a fix', I get in a odd frame of mind, my focus becomes cluttered rather than clear. Quite simply, there isn't always enough time to devote to the marathon, but we still need our cravings satisfied.

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/16/2010 7:21:37 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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The first image that came to mind for me was cookies. Yes, really, because I'm weird like that.

To me, this topic is a little like asking is it lazy to buy cookies at the store instead of baking them from scratch. Store-bought cookies are quick, easy, and come in a wide variety of flavors. Want ginger snaps today and oatmeal raisin tomorrow? No problem. No fuss, no muss (unless you count sweeping up crumbs), and no waiting. On the other hand, baking cookies from scratch has it's own rewards. Measuring and mixing the ingredients while the oven preheats, popping a few chocolate chips in your mouth while you're working, and then sampling a spoonful of the batter can be pure heaven. The smell of warm, fresh cookies filling the house is one of the most homey, comforting smells in the world.

That's sort of how I see the new partner vs. old partner dichotomy. The first is fun, adds variety, and for the purposes of getting the "OMGWTF is she going to do to me" look, quicker and easier. On the other hand, your established partner is warm, safe, and comforting. I doubt you'd want to give any of that up for a "quick fix." Fortunately, you don't have to quit baking just because you decide to buy a package of cookies every now and then.

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/17/2010 4:28:21 AM

MsStarlett

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I like new partners. I like the thrill of the hunt and the ability to be predatory and unpredictable. At the very core of my sadistic lusts, I have a large need to see vulnerability, fear, nervousness.

Ditto. It's just yummy, isn't it?

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/17/2010 7:12:17 AM

LadyPact

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I have to say I can certainly identify with what both Domin8ting and Sylvere said. (Nice analogy, btw.) It's one of the very reasons that I don't foresee Myself giving up casual play. Of course, playing with clip, I get to go to deeper levels of sadism, but it is more of an investment to scare him. It is also about variety. The things that I do that don't result in that reaction from him, I can definitely get with somebody who doesn't know Me as well.

I'm almost making Myself blush at the term, but I'm also something of a cherry picker. I absolutely LOVE the fear/excitement/anticipation of someone bottoming to their first experience with activity X. Oh, so you've always wanted to try needles/fire/electricity/wax/whatever? Step right up to the plate. I'm sure we can help with that. LOL.

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/17/2010 8:11:14 AM

PeonForHer

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FR,

But all this does depend on the woman having the guts to be predatory and stuff, doesn't it . . . ?

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/17/2010 8:23:17 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

I'm curious AAkasha, are there areas of BDSM play that you are curious about but have yet to explore? If so, perhaps you can focus on some new tricks with your main squeeze so that you are able to recapture some of that 'fresh blood' sensation while playing with him.

I fully understand about the longer duration and it sometimes exerting more energy than you wish to expend. I still wouldn't deem that laziness unless you were never willing to expend that energy again.

Quick simple fixes can be very fun. Hell, one time, I got the reaction I wanted just by grabbing someone's hair, and telling them, I said "NO". No energy exertion whatsoever...but the look, that 'oh shit, she means business' look followed by the humbled mannerisms when interacting with me, was priceless. Simple, pleasurable for me, no energy involved at all...lol.

I think most of us have times where we want the slow buildup, and the marathon event, while other times we simply want 'a fix' for lack of a better word. If I haven't had 'a fix', I get in a odd frame of mind, my focus becomes cluttered rather than clear. Quite simply, there isn't always enough time to devote to the marathon, but we still need our cravings satisfied.

You are right on the money when you say "quick simple fixes can be very fun." The hair pulling example you gave is great. I am so 'over the moon' about hair pulling that you could give me an entire hockey team, for example, and if *all* I got to do is pull their hair (my way), to test their reaction or see how they handled it, I would consider that better than -- well, better than anything. Worth the price of admission. This kind of thing is even better, though, when a man has some sort of relationship with me that he's made a bit vulnerable by the whole thing and not just like, "Whatever, that's cool" (granted, if he's "Whatever, that's cool...HEY WAIT OUCH, That REALLY hurt, I wasn't expecting that!" then I admit I kind of enjoy that).

Yes, I save the bigger stuff for my primary - I think that's kind of my line of thinking here. Sometimes I am emotionally and physically not "up" for *what it takes* to make him feel vulnerable; he's seen my full bag of tricks. It takes quite a mind fuck. On top of that, I generally know how he is going to react. It's much harder for him to *surprise me.*

The very first time I make a man truly feel vulnerable for me, I don't know how he's going to process that emotion. Is he going to be afraid to look at me? What is his first authentic whimper going to sound like? The list goes on. The fact that I can explore all these things - fairly simply, fairly non-sexually even, with someone I maybe am even just "sort of" attracted to - or hell, just *met*, makes it very attractive as a quick fix.

In fact, I can sometimes get a guy to "satisfy me" in this manner and he doesn't even KNOW he is doing it. That's a story for another thread though.

Akasha

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/17/2010 8:25:56 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR,

But all this does depend on the woman having the guts to be predatory and stuff, doesn't it . . . ?

It doesn't take that much work, really. I mean I guess with some men they don't really want to appear nervous, but if you (the femdom "you") are dealing with a submissive or someone kink-curious, they are going to have (at the very least) butterflies and could be intensely nervous or unsure.

For me personally, I don't get very attracted to men who are overly self indulgent about their submission or bottoming. Those types may make me "not feel predatory" but it has nothing to do with guts, just lack of chemistry.

Akasha

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/17/2010 7:02:38 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR,

But all this does depend on the woman having the guts to be predatory and stuff, doesn't it . . . ?

It doesn't take that much work, really. I mean I guess with some men they don't really want to appear nervous, but if you (the femdom "you") are dealing with a submissive or someone kink-curious, they are going to have (at the very least) butterflies and could be intensely nervous or unsure.

For me personally, I don't get very attracted to men who are overly self indulgent about their submission or bottoming. Those types may make me "not feel predatory" but it has nothing to do with guts, just lack of chemistry.

Akasha

I agree with Akasha. When it's something that is natural to us, it doesn't take much work or much guts. It's a primal instinct.

In regards to the OP, Akasha, one of the reasons that I don't like rushing into relationships is to take my time to peel back the layers one by one and make that feeling last as long as possible. And yes, while starting over with a new partner has it's downside to me, the idea of discovering a new mind does bring a massive grin to my face.

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/17/2010 7:37:57 PM

Rockbound

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AAkasha, what do you mean by:

quote:

overly self indulgent about their submission or bottoming.

I'm not quite getting the picture.

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/18/2010 3:42:24 AM

azjojoba

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I definitely know what you are talking about. To us guys, there is a dangerous and erotic thrill anticipating what might happen to us when we submit to a new woman.

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RE: Predatory lust - or femdom laziness? - 3/18/2010 4:37:38 AM

allthatjaz

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I get no thrill from the chase and I don't particularly get a great deal with sceneing with someone for the first time.
I love to know a person, understand their vulnerabilities and toy with them.
I used to scene with new people a lot, especially as a DM but I can only think of a tiny number that drove me and with those people I have stayed in touch with. One of them I was with on Saturday night and I can remember that very first session I did with her. It was like a big '''BANG''' connection and it continues to be a big '''BANG''' connection every time we go back to that place.

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