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tigreetsa -> RE: The Perils of Being Yourself (5/4/2010 4:25:23 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: brainiacsub
I don't want to make excuses for any bad behavior, but this issue of "tolerance" is a big red herring.
No it isn't. People talk about 'the lifestyle' as if it's some sort of alternative to the Catholic Church. It isn't.
Go through the profiles and you will find people from all walks of life.
People are individuals and BDSM and D/s whether you like it or not is all about interacting and relating to other people. It certainly isn't about people fitting in with how you expect society or other people to be.
quote:
ORIGINAL: brainiacsub
The fact is, there is alot of mental health, personality disorders and just plain stupidity masquerading as kink or "lifestyle" in these forums.
Exactly and there's an awful lot of people who just don't give a damn about relating to other people because they're so focussed on massaging their own egos and they think BDSM is where they can escape the reality of having a proper relationship and where they can get away with doing just that - massaging their egos.
You see this on both sides of the kneel, the doms who think 'this is all about me' or 'because you are submissive I'm perfectly entitled to treat you like shit' or the submissives who think this is really all about kink and sex or that 'submission is a gift'
quote:
ORIGINAL: brainiacsub
Where does one draw the line between tolerating and enabling?
I don't even get that far. I draw the line between those I can form a decent mutually beneficial relationship or friendship with and those with whom it isn't possible.
If you have contact with other people and live in what we all know as 'society' you're going to end up with a certain amount of emotional baggage which you either have to deal with or carry with you through life.
There's people here from all walks of life, and that to me includes the weak and the strong, the intelligent and stupid, the sane and the insane. I have no wish to play 'armchair psychologist' because I openly admit that some of the stupidity and mistakes I see others making right now I have made in the past and I remember that.
I have spent a few years on these boards and simultaneously I have been working with homeless people here in London. I wouldn't like to say who has the most issues overall but I tell you this much, for me the homeless people have the edge because they are more likely to openly admit that they have the issues, whereas I have come across quite a few people on this website who have the issues, they project them and you can see it a mile off. Only they just don't see it.
quote:
ORIGINAL: brainiacsub
It's a tough call so most of us just ignore or dismiss it for the sake of tolerance.
Well if it isn't affecting you directly, what difference does it make?
quote:
ORIGINAL: brainiacsub
But these guys will unapologetically call people on their bullshit. Love them or hate them, despise their methods, but without them alot of people would be drinking the koolaid.
And you really think that other people can solve these issues of mental illness, emotional disturbances and emotional baggage just like that? And you really believe that they have some sort of insight or understanding? From a profile or postings on a message board?
And who are you to believe that you have never drank the koolaid of self-deception and delusion in your past or relationships?
quote:
ORIGINAL: brainiacsub
This kind of honesty is needed, especially on a site like this. I see people reinforce each others delusions daily in the name of tolerance.
This part I do agree with. Some people do actually learn from mistakes made by other people. Something said by someone might just cause people to stop and think about what they are doing, what they think about others and what attitudes they have.
But you know generally nothing generally changes until these people themselves actually work out what is wrong and want to implement changes in their lives.
This honesty has been on the Internet ever since it began. And yet people still make the same stupid mistakes, still get involved in the same delusions, still have the same issues, and still have the same issues with dealing with other people.
The other thing is while you are so quick to judge people who have issues through what they are projecting online, how can you be so sure that there aren't other people reading what you put out on the Internet who are judging you for what they perceive to be your issues?
We are all human and therefore individual and imperfect. Each and everyone of us have people who love us, people who like us, and people who don't. This is the reality.
This community is no different from society, there are people you accept and people you don't.
However the difference is is that unlike society, you come here of your own free will and your own choice. Nobody forces you to be involved with BDSM and WIITWD.
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