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Andalusite -> RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? (5/9/2010 3:30:00 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: delicatelydirty
quote:
ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
He only asks me to do things because what he is asking for is important to him, not because he "can".
He never makes me jump through hoops just to emphasize his domliness.
That's a huge thing right there.... and I think the point I was trying to make, if the guy is an ass who wanted me to do that.... we would never get to Master/ slave scenario anyways.
My former Dominant of 3 years occasionally had me do something (or did something to me) because he thought it was amusing, and my Master does so once in a while, too. For example, my former Dominant once had me make different noises for having each nipple pinched and each breast slapped, then used that to have me make noises to the tune of various songs. Sure, it was jumping through hoops, and it didn't turn him on extremely, but he liked that he had the power to make me do it, and I didn't mind or find it degrading. *shrugs* It made me feel used in a good way, and we both had a good chuckle over it afterward.
jb, I really haven't run into problems with this in my former D/s relationships or current M/s relationship, but I did turn down a few possible dominants because they wanted me to feel humiliated or objectified by things that didn't inspire those reactions in me. It was even more of a problem for me with possible submissive men, since the whole forced feminisation thing felt extremely sexist in motivation to me. I wouldn't have minded dressing them up as women, but their feeling humiliated by it irked me.
I sometimes enjoy doing things to my playpartner because I like watching her reactions, or I think it's fun/amusing/interesting to play with particular mindsets or words. For example, at the next playparty where there are enough people, I'm going to "forcibly feminise" her by having her show up wearing a baseball cap, men's underwear/socks, and a men's button-up shirt and jeans, then wrestling her out of them into a cocktail gown, heels, a garter belt with stockings, and a thong. [:D] I got fed up with all the male submissives who wanted me to forcibly feminise them, so I find the idea of taking it so literally hilarious - and she thinks it sounds like fun, too!
Level, your comment about the submissive wanting a particular mindset, not just an activity, really spoke to me because of that. I even had a couple of men demand that I orgasm solely from watching them parade around in panties - it was *not* realistic at all!
Kyra, I agree, I want to understand more about his motivations so I can understand and please him better, not because he has to justify his reasoning in order for me to obey! I do like discussing it with him, but I try to do so when we're in the car or have some time free to chitchat, not when he has just told me to do something. That would just feel like inappropriate timing.
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